I honestly can't think of anything to say to this, besides: excellent job, Benji.
http://nwod.org/forum/showpost.php?p=5830&postcount=25
I love the shift from third to second person--it really helped bring me in as a reader. I also loved the paragraph near the end, the thought association that ended up showing a bit of envy, perhaps, for the Daeva.
Beautiful.