What's a third date?

[Crystal]

Crystal just shrugged. Maybe he was overestimating Sacramento's Guardians' capabilities, but he felt incredibly vulnerable - almost naked - while sharing all this. "I mean, there is a reality - it's just not something most people can see. It's.." a sigh "complicated. As for how I deal with it?" There was a strong impulse to just be snarky or fatalistically cynical. He could just show Tiny his drawer of drugs or just down his glass of wine. Instead he doubled down on the vulnerability. When he answered his voice sounded earnest and somber. "It's difficult. Frankly, I don't think I handle it very well a lot of the time. All of this is something I'm still in the process of coming to terms with myself." If felt strangely good to say that out loud, but there was still a part of him that was ashamed about all this. But hey, why not go all out while they were in a sharing mood?!

When Tiny transformed Crystal was thrown back to that night at the Nexus. Sure, his Awakened Soul might anchor his mind well enough to prevent him from flying into a full-blown panic. Still, he felt his mouth go dry as he witnessed the small lawyer transform into a wolf. Stranger yet: in half a wolf. He had to remind himself that there was no monster sitting across him, that this was Matthew - a nice guy whom Crystal shared several great evenings with. This helped, although he couldn't help but sit a bit stiffer, more aware.
Truth be told, he was a bit relieved when Tiny transformed back. "That. Fuck." He made a visible effort to relax again, although there was something he had to get off his mind. "Do you have control while.. you know?" He remembered Tiny talking about being a storm and about his temper - could he lose himself in the animal?

Once the first shock was somewhat processed, a careful curiosity took over. "How did you become like this? I mean, I assume the movies are wrong about this being contagious?"
He didn't follow up Matthew's story about getting physical in court - he heard it, but currently there was a much bigger elephant in the room.

[Tiny]

Tiny listens as Chris shows some vulnerability, it stirs something protective in him. He wants to help the wizard, to help him process that mind-fuck.
"Difficult. I think you are underestimating yourself. Most people would not be able to cook a risoto understanding that. Most people would struggle to get out of bed. I'm not sure what I would do were I to understand that."
Tiny tries to understand from what Chris says, but he probably is lacking something to help him make that connection. Complicated is right.


"So how do you get that skill? For us, its genetic. Sometimes it skips generations, sometimes it doesn't. You can't get it from a bite or a gypsy curse or" His face sours, and he pauses, "We consider wolves to be like extended family, so even suggesting skinning wolves and wearing their skins is a more than a bit taboo, but if I don't explain it, you might wonder why I skipped it. Not only doesn't it work, but we have people who find those people. And to answer your other question, we are in control of ourselves, just like any other person. But we have a greater capacity for all emotions, notably anger, and so when a human's rage boils over and they beat someone with a baseball bat, we call it aweful. When our rage boils over we get a little more aggressive than a baseball bat. But I can sit around as a wolf for hours and bask in some sunlight. Its really quite relaxing."

[Crystal]

"The notion is appreciated." It was, but on the other hand.. well, fuck - there was a loot of room for improvement there and frankly he didn't know where to begin. The newest thing was to take things one step at a time, but who knew how long the motivation for that would last.
Crystal wasn't the most empathetic guy - if Tiny needed some more clarification then he'd certainly have to ask for it. Didn't particularly help that Crystal couldn't grasp all of that fully himself. "I guess the Spirits influencing this version of reality comes close to it - just because the cause of the deprivation is something invisible and not explainable with modern science the effects aren't any less real. Anyway, there are some of us who try to learn how all of this really works. Most of them are just in it for themselves though, no matter what they claim." He looked at Matthew for a beat, really took the man in with the new information presented. "So you are some kind of peacekeeper for the world's balance?" That sounded like a lot. In comparison all the ego-trips and petty politics of the Awakened seemed like pure Hubris.

When Tiny talked about skinning wolves Crystal pursed his lips in surprise. "Oh, I must have missed that pop-cultural origin. With us it's hotly debated. There seems to be this consensus that every Human has the potential to unlock these abilities. Like this bullshit saying that you're only using 10% of your brain at the time? Same thing with your soul. Once your eyes are open there is no going back. Some people call it Awakening. The exact circumstances vary from person to person, there seems to be some kind of cataclysmic event kickstarting it though." Sharing this felt.. weird, but frankly it was also great to talk to someone without preconceived opinions on the matter. Crystal almost forgot how taboo all of this was.
On the other hand: if the Guardians had him bugged in some way he was already done for.

"So.. genetic, huh? I take it your mother was overbearing in more ways than just one?" The words were out before he could really apply a filter to them. Fuck. That's what he got for getting too comfortable. Also, this usually didn't happen to him. To diffuse any possible tension, Crystal got up and cleared away the dishes while telling himself the heat he felt in his face was because of the wine. He might as well change the topic again while putting the dishes in the dishwasher - that way he could maybe skirt over the awkwardness.
"Anyway, you are already an ideal man to cuddle with. I guess your idea of comfortable has some weight to it." Ignoring the fact that there was something 'inhuman' about the whole thing. But considering the.. intimate way they already knew each other the idea got easier to stomach by the minute. Okay, by the hour.

[Tiny]

"People are people, whether they are People or people or wizards." Tiny shrugs, and drinks more of his wine. "Knowledge for its own sake is quite noble. But so is seeking power to bring justice. But so is serving others from humility. But so is taking pleasure in cooking a good meal. The four paths each have their own nobility."

He nods at Chris' statement. "It's a fair summation. I try to keep things stable. Spirits on the spirit side, humans on the human side. Problems to a minimum. As you can tell by the state of the world, i'm doing a fantastic job." He laughs.

"My mother is a determined leader and more powerful than you can imagine. Speaking ill of her is a very ballsy move. The table has a spirit." Tiny smiles, knocking on the table just hard enough for the glass to rattle. "Fortunately, few are interested in the goings on of tables. But she had blocked any path to leadership and success for me, forever would I be in her shadow. Were I less ambitious, that would be enough. I am, so I am here. And she would be msot displeased with me were I somewhere else. What about you, any family?"
And Tiny felt a small bit of sweat come down his neck. This was dangerously close to his oath. Careful.

[Crystal]

Crystal raised an eyebrow. "A rose is a rose is a rose?" He couldn't share that optimistic outlook on the world or people. Some people were just trash, plain and simple. Jesus, he frankly knew very few people who weren't. "But yeah, there are some lofty goals to follow. Though I wouldn't say I'm pursuing nobility - I think it just starts with everybody trying their best to not hurt other people." And was that just rich coming from the Warlock?

"Hear, hear. To the keeper of what makes life good and comfortable for the rest of us." The way that toast sounded could very well be taken as mockery, but Crystal was careful to sound sincere enough. He had some difficulties imagining Tiny fighting those fights, although that had more to do with his inexperience concerning all things spirit than with his image of the lawyer/Werewolf.
"All right, I take it back. I know better than to cross impressive women." He made a point to speak at the table. How easy was it for Werewolves to summon any random spirit from across the country? Also, was he making fun of Tiny's reality with his levity? Ugh, this is why he usually wasn't that into oversharing. "Anyway, I'm glad you're heeding the call of your ambition - may you rise to the occasion and reach your goals." A stray thought: was Crystal still one of those goals? He never worried about that, partly because he usually didn't care about his dates, partly because he usually kind of expected to make a good impression on other men.

That doubt kind of fed into Matthew's question about Crystal's family. Were it anyone else, he would just blow them off and give some stock answer, change the topic. Although wasn't opening up about his past because it was expected or the 'right move' just as fake or manipulative? His family was nothing he thought about often. Why start now?

The pause before his answer was way shorter than earlier, it probably passed as giving the question some polite thought. "Eh, they probably think they're just as important and powerful. Dad's some big-shot CEO of a pharma con, my mother's 70% trophy wife-30% socialite." He shrugged. "They haven't been a big part of my life, mostly they're making sure my bank account is full enough for me not to bother them." Which was fine and totally made up for leaving him totally left to his own devices for as long as he can remember, thank you very much. "I'd be lying if I said I'm not enjoying the fruits of their labour, but that's also why I don't value luxury all that much. I mean, earning more and more money just because isn't really on my list of priorities." Crystal really forced himself to keep looking at Tiny, to not look around and bring the big hypocrisy that was his apartment to attention. That's what he'd get from sharing, all right. He could give all of this a spin - he apparently was comfortable enough with Matthew to move past the pageant answers.

Yay.

[Tiny]

"True." Tiny nods, catching some of the sarcasm in that raised eyebrow, and ignoring it.
"A hippocratic oath then. To help, or at least, to do no harm." Tiny nods, "Service then." He muses.


Tiny accepts the toast, the genuine-ness of it making him worry that Chris hadn't followed the joke, but he wasn't going to insult a man in his home.


He nods as Chris very wisely retracts his disparagement. His mother wouldn't probably care enough, but someone might think a severed tongue of one who spoke ill might be a good gift.


He listens as Chris recounts his upbringing, and much of the man starts making clear sense. The distant parents, the financial, but not emotional support explained much of the distance the man kept from him.
"Thank you for telling me. You seem to have become a man more focused on helping others, regardless of their intents." Distant parents were something Tiny could understand, but it seemed Chris had replicated that distance, not fought against it. His disdain for their lifestyle was clear, and while Tiny could understand, the social circle he described had its own values and contributions to make too. It wasn't something he understood as well, so he let his probably inflammatory comment slide. Tiny drinks more wine, and returns to the question that still swirls through his mind, "So beyond doing no harm, what do you intend to do with your life? To prevent harm is a good start, but by seducing me you are already reducing harm in some respects. So what next?"

[Crystal]

Any other night his mind would have gone places again when he heard Tiny talk about 'servicing' people. He was versatile, after all.
But no, for the weirdest turn of events, he wasn't in the mood tonight.

"If college dropouts are allowed to take that oath, then yeah. Although I gotta ask: how do you decide who threatens the balance and who needs to be stopped." Or eaten. "Is it up to your own judgement or is there a clear cut way of telling?" He thought of the Lex Magica - a dense clusterfuck that only waited for someone to slip up on some technicality. Awakened business aside, maybe hearing Tiny's take on such things could help Crystal working on getting his shit together. Although he'd need not only a lawyer, but also a volumetric shit compressor for that.

He heard Matthew's praise and shrugged. Maybe he should start believing this assessment - he's heard that from several people by now. "Thanks, but I guess you're not far behind when it comes to being altruistic." Maybe his cool facade was too ingrained, but Crystal couldn't react all that well to compliments concerning his character. Or heck, maybe he just had enough reason to believe otherwise.
Then Tiny asked that dreaded question again, only this time they hadn't agreed on free passes. He was about to open his mouth and jump onto the very easy distraction he was provided with: there were just too many ways to take that coquetry and flirt right back!

Instead he sighed and closed his mouth again. Looked at his guest. Frowned for a moment. "You know, I have no idea. So many Magi act like Awakening provided them with a purpose on a silver platter. Or they'll just bury themselves in their studies and commit their life to this. Hey, basically unbound power is a pretty good sales pitch for that I suppose." A sip of wine. The music started playing again from the beginning of the album, but Crystal was too distracted to notice. "For me it only showed me that I was not doing anything with my life as is. And I guess in a way I was happier that way. Ignorance really is bliss, huh?"
"I guess what it boils down to is: the next step is finding something to be passionate about."

He felt like he just overshared way too much. Better break the tension real quick. "Any suggestions?"

[Tiny]

"I assure you, Hippocrates never finished high school, let alone college. You would be in good company. Like medicine, our work is full of subjectivity and guesswork. We know of some spirits who make things worse just by their nature. And some human sins make things worse. But otherwise its up to us. Clear cut good and bad guys are disappointingly few in number from where I sit. Which I think is a good thing. If someone only sees clear cut good and bad, they tend to be the type who punishes first and asks for nuance never. Those kind of people piss me off." He knew of more than a few wolves, and several human judges, who just didn't get that.


"Altruistic? Me?" He snorts, "I see the good in most people, but I certainly don't try to be good to everyone. I have a business to run, a pack to keep safe, and enough problems to keep me busy for a lifetime. Optimistic? certainly."
Altruism? Tiny smiled again.


Listening to Chris discuss his plans, or lack of them, Tiny lets out a sigh. In reality, he isn't surprised, but he is disappointed. The man has so much potential, but well, not yet at least.
"Ignorance is bliss indeed. However, as the spirit said to the werewolf, 'Most humans think that if they ignore the spirits, the spirits will ignore them.'
'Oh? Does that work?' asked the werewolf
'Only as long as the spirits want to.'"


"Suggestions? For you? Be yourself, believe in yourself, do what makes you happy, blah blah blah." Tiny waves his wine glass around and then finishes it. He looks chris dead in the eyes, the force of his stare palpable, "Real advice. You are motivated by service. Don't worry about the passion, that comes later. But start doing something, now. Find a cause to support, a group to help. You don't have to love it, you just have to not hate them. And then you are moving. Ennui is inertia, so break the inertia, and you'll find that you don't like that group, but a different, related group, perhaps even the opposing group is more your style. Just start moving. Don't let your wand get in the way of your heart."
There were so many ways to interpret that, but Tiny wasn't going to let Chris shrug it off. Asking a Judge for advice got you advice. "And I don't mean your penis."

[Crystal]

Crystal was reminded of some of the top dogs in San Francisco's Consilium and nodded. "Yeah, life is about the greys." Frankly, he felt like wallowing way too much in self-pity right now, which was what was pissing him off a bit. He wasn't here for the validation of some almost-stranger, was he? "Okay, so what are the parameters you judge situations or people by? The amount of unbalance or harm they bring? By what they can do for your or your 'pack'?" A tiniest hint of hesitation for the word - it made sense, but he might need some more time to adjust to the idea as is.

Matthew's sigh showed Crystal that he wasn't the only one done with the pity. When has a low confidence ever been sexy? "Yeah, I figured that wouldn't hold up in the long run. But hey, maybe every one needs a spirit to kick them into gear every now and then." Things certainly weren't easier when you were able look beyond all the distractions of the Lie. That didn't mean that there was a more clear-cut direction for him to go in. Who said life was as easy as having an expanded talk with an intelligent man?
"Gotcha. You had me at 'blah'." He gave Tiny a big smile but tried to make sure that he had been listening to the advice. There wasn't much need to delve deeper into the topic - he wasn't sure why he started an impromptu therapy session with his date anyway. Who would care about things like this after only a few nights of fun? "I'll try to see where that gets me, maybe I'll have something to report on soon."

"But now that you mention it, what are your thoughts on dessert?" Because while they weren't going over the most sexy topics, they might as well end the evening on a high note? Inertia may be ennui, so this Warlock was very happy about any kind of movement - even if it only was a distraction.

[Tiny]

"Are you familiar with the three body problem? In short, when you have three things acting on each other, they become unpredictable. If we were to judge another spirit or human against balance, we have to also include ourselves in the scales. And by our inclusion, we start tipping the scales, which changes the balance, and so we have to adjust the balance, which then is further adjusted based on our changing of the scales. So if your question is are we angels who cannot impact the balance and so can judge with perfect judgement, or if we are but filthy flesh who also consider our own needs and cares, well, I don't think the answer can be anything but grey."


He listens to Chris' comment on the spirit needing to kick them into gear. He considers this, and listens further as Chris pledges to work on improving himself and on finding himself.
And tiny wonders what he wants from the relationship. He knows his long term plans, but would staying be such a burden? They were compatible sexually, but was this what he wanted emotionally? Was Chris, with his effort and desire enough to get Tiny to the place of surety and security that would allow him to relax?
The wizard could certainly be powerful. He would love to see the Pure ambush a lowly human and end up with a fireball, or whatever equivalent Chris would have. Regardless, he would not be a weakness.


But at the same time, strength alone was not enough.


"My thoughts on dessert, as delicious as it is, are disappointing." He pauses, its never a fun discussion.


"We are certainly sexually compatible, but I think our ages are showing too much difference between us. You are still looking for who you are and what to do, and I think that's wonderful. I like spending time with you. But I don't feel like a partner. I feel like a friend, a supportive friend, but not your partner."