Insults for Charity

[Star]

Unlike Striker, he'd found a drink.

On stage. Ron. White. Style. Was it empty already? He waved for another, then realized he was Up.

"So, uh, funny thing? Bruce and I actually know each other. Not in the biblical sense, apparently that's reserved for that hottie he's with. Seriously, look at her. Give the man a hand."

Low. Hanging. Fruit.

"Honestly? I'll be pretty embarrassed if I lose this, because Bruce -- well, he isn't the brightest bulb on the marquee. Rumor has it, he was a boxer once? This guy is so stupid, when they told him Boxing was unarmed combat..."

He tipped over the glass, sucking an ice cube down.

"My bad. That's not true. I'll tell you something that's true, though. Last time I saw Bruce, we played Frisbee in the park. Hand to the man, no lie, he has the worst hand. Guy can't catch a frisbee to save his life. And it's not like you can yell 'Use Both Hands!"

He waved, and went to pass the mic, pausing and pump faking a throw before handing it over.

[Josephine Sterling]

"Mmm, yes, I'm sure Allison here is no stranger to fucks, rich or otherwise," Josephine replied dryly, stepping forward to shake hands with the other woman. She froze, however, right before they made contact, her body going rigid. There was something dark and hungry behind the other woman's eyes. Something evil. It was like looking into a blackened mirror, and hate poured over Josephine like a tide of burning oil. She had to remain still, lest she leap upon the other Damned corpse and attempt to bite her eyes out.

The Lady recovered, eventually, composing herself and withdrawing her hand. "I would shake, but who knows which bodily fluids our Red Cross missionary has already tried to extract tonight," she said, attempting to cover the lapse, and any animosity that might have flared up in her eyes or jaw.

  init=14

Date		Action		Roll		Result
2014-10-14 19:25:49		Josephine rolls 1 die for initiative		8

[Brownlee]

Falstaff nurses the hand print on his face. "Eric Marks! That's what I said. With the Make a Wish Foundation." He smiles, betraying any hope of selling the lie. Not that he ever imagined not getting caught--that's the best part.

Ermie would really be having fun now. He has such a big huge brain he's sure to draw the eyes of the pretty Mage ladies Falstaff had seen in the crowd.

It's not fair--all the men without quality who earn ladies' interest. And here is Ermac, a golden soul, with no fan-girl entourage. Sometimes, shy people just need a gentle nudge forward. And then the world will see their quality.

Despite the throbbing of his cheek, Falstaff rests assured he's doing well. He'd said he'd make some money to support the other Libertines, and he had. Now his bestie approaches his inevitable fame. Saint Falstaff . . . He tries the sound out in his head. Reverb. Mae. Fluke. Crank. They'll all have to see how valuable he is now.

[Teeramus]

Damn Star had a way with words. Striker was still smiling from the compliment before he realised it was a pun at his expense.

He knew what to expect but the jabs at his missing arm still got on his nerves.

As Striker took the mic he made a show of briefly trying to look at Jack from behind. Satisfied he nodded and began "So it is you. Mate, I didn't recognise you when you weren't running away scared." Turning back to the audience he addresed them, "But this bloke can run. Real fast too. He's like lightning." He said enthusiastically. "Only instead of thunder. You get squeaks."

He paused then looked back at Jack. "Ya know what? I think you're just jealous of me mate. 'Cause I can do things with one hand that you can't even do with two. Like, let's see, something complicated... Keepin' ya shoelaces tied." He lifted a boot to emphasise his point and nodded at Jack's freshly retied shoe.

He turned back to the crowd. "Don't worry though folks. He's not a complete liar. We were in a park with a frisbee, and I did not catch a single bloody one he threw. It's true. It's true." He admitted, his voice was quieter and his pace slowed. "Such a shame." He dropped his head and shook it slowly in dissappointment. "Such a shame that we were this close." He said, his tone picking up it's usual enthusiasm again as he motioned to the distance between them on stage. "And none of his throws could even make the distance." He looked at Jack mimicking expecting a throw then at the floor between them disappointed. He took a few steps and bent over to pick up the imaginary Frisbee then handed the microphone back to his competitor with a grin.

[Star]

"Dude. Of course I ran," he answered, taking back the mic.

"You're Australian. And, Australia, as everyone knows, is entirely peopled by criminals."

Shout out to the Bride-ies.

"But, seriously? Let's talk about this Australia thing," he continued, holding up a finger. "Because, seriously, you got the distance all wrong. Is that a crazy Whatever Measurement System you use thing?" That's right. Sprinkle in some nationalism. For La Raza.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have a witness," pointing to Asp, then to Faye. "Unfortunately for you, miss, that's probably not the only size discrepancy which Bruce claims that a woman can refute. God bless you, Bruce, you found a woman that doesn't care that you're not handy around the house, don't know an inch from a millimeter, and I'm guessing doesn't mind doing all the driving."

His head shook, and he snapped his fingers.

"You must make a hell of a vegemite sandwich."

[Teeramus]

He'd seen the movie. Looong time ago now. There was a big hype about it for some reason, he didn't know why, but he racked his brain trying to remember something else from the movie. Finally his eyes locked on Jack's empty glass.

"You've made your decision then?" he asked after taking the microphone back. Not a good line, didn't flow well. Whatever.

Pause. Regroup.

"Metric system. It's called the metric system. The rest of the world's usin' it I don't know why you Yanks are so outta date. Ya making it bloody hard for the rest of us with ya heads up your imperial arses. But look mate, you keep talkin' about my girl." Eyes flick for a second to Faye "But I don't think that's fair. In fact I think this whole thing is unfair." He had a serious look as he paused.
"I mean you've got no girl. No obvious battle scars." He shrugged his left shoulder "No tattoos." He stretched his neck to show off the redback. "No accent, MATE. You've haven't travelled half way round the world from a dangerous and exotic place." He looked at Jack with pity. "Is there anything interesting about ya that I can make fun of?" he asked with a slight grin on his face. He paused. "Except for that mop on your head you probably call hair, that's hilarious." the grin widened to split his face as he passed the microphone back.

[Allison Black]

A smirk hung playfully on Allison's lips, though her stomach was in knots. Something that was playful and comical held a new unseen layer and Allison wasn't sure if how this all would play out in the long run. The smirk never left her face, even as she was left high and dry and a handshake. In the end...

Fuck the consequences...

Allison gave an approving nod to her opponent, even lifting her drink up in a unspoken toast. There was no pause for Allison to gather her words, she just went with it...

"Look, I am sorry but I didn't mean anything at the bar earlier." Allison gave a playful shrug. "It is just that I bat for the other team...and besides your girl..." Allison motioned to Abigene, "...Looks like she can do some serious damage." Allison cast a playful glance to the hostess before looking out across the crowd.

"How does that work anyways? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot?" Allison looked back to Josephine for a moment, and did not skip a beat. "Second thought... don't want to know...definitely crossing that TMI line."

Allison looked back to the audience. "Sorry... Probably a mental image that even a bullet wouldn't get out of your mind..."

"I am guessing safe sex for you two consists of making sure she got her Big Macs in..." Allison gave another tip of her cup.

  Init 12

Date		Action		Roll		Result
2014-10-15 13:30:03		Allison Black rolls 1 die for initiative		7

[Star]

Eyebrows bobbed.

Pro tip? Telling a room full of Americans the metric system is right and they're Doing It Wrong is not a crowd pleaser. Ladies and gentlemen: the Adamantine Arrow. Lay the crumbs. Honestly? It was terrifying.

On a side note? Jack was Not An Interesting Guy. True Fact, yo. Because Smiley's People.

"Well, Bruce, thank you. I'm sure we'll all go directly from here to pick up 'The Rest of the World's Measurements for Dummies'."

Arms splaying in an expressive shrug. Yeah, right.

"On a side note, that's my time. I'll use the rest of it to, uh, thank Bruce. I've said some, you know, mean things. Truth? I do know this guy. We met at a race. Now he's got a girl, and under a spotlight. If I was him, well. I'd probably be at home, on the couch, eating ice cream feeling sorry for myself. So, with all, ummm, seriousness, man, hat's off to you. You may be using the wrong measurement system, but, you, sir, are a brave and tenacious man. So, seriously, everyone. You all give it up for him."

He sketched a genuine bow and passed the mic back over.