(Hospital) Beat the Press

And there it was… remorse… and guilt mixed with it.

Whatever Daysha had originally intended was going terribly wrong. Fucking great. She only blinked as the ex Agent went on about demons on the White House lawn. All he had been saying stung like bees on her skin. Really she should have guessed that this would have been his reaction, and she felt horrible. Like she’d kicked a dog after it was run over.

“You’re right. I did jump to conclusions.” She said, breathing in as if sucking up her pride from the puddle she’d made of it on the floor. She even winced as he went on about her expectations of coming back in the room.

Leaning forward, her elbows on her knees she looked up to what may have only looked like a withered man, Daysha knew far better that his spark and drive weren’t withered. “Look, I’m sorry if I gave two shits about when you disappeared.” It wasn’t elegant, but it was real.

“I never thought for a minute you were dead.” Daysha’s generally cold eyes softened for a moment.

There was not one drop of sarcasm or contempt as she spoke. But through all the speaking she did, there was a mixture of feeling like an idiot, and a couple drops of guilt. “And I’m sorry I gave so much as a damn to visit you and had some fucking diluted reasoning that I could help. Which I’m clearly not doing right now.” There was a time and place for Daysha to be a cold hearted stubborn bitch, but this wasn’t one of them. Because when Derevko mentioned that case way back when with the urns, that hit home.

Daysha stood up, and grabbed her badge off the table. It felt cold from sitting in the room. More like icy, as it was a brutal reminder that she should never let the fact she’s a cop drop for a minute. She was also uncertain if she let her feelings get in the way and cloud her judgement. Yeah, she felt something for Derevko. What it was, Daysha was entirely unsure of. Brother, uncle, cousin... something. And what was once those unspoken things you never said to someone (especially when you just wanted to punch them some days), was now out in the open. Fucking stupid Daysha.

Then something struck her as she returned it to her pocket, but didn’t turn back to Derevko. “Wait, did you say candle?”

Derevko's hard blue eyes didn't move from Daysha as she got emotional and then grabbed up the badge. Did he particularly expect emotion? No. He didn't. He never expected anyone to like him, so it came as a surprise that occasionally, some people seemed to refuse to quit it. He was fucked if he knew why.

"You can't help me," the scarred Agent said bluntly. It was perfectly honest. How the Hell could she? If he told anyone what he was, it was a death warrant for both of them, and even then, it was a permanent, constant change. Something he'd been born to be. Fighting it was like fighting the tide. "There isn't any help left."

He swallowed back the sulphur taste, urging it to fade away before he exploded into conflagration. Another death warrant - losing control. Being dangerous.

"And yeah, I said candle. I ain't stupid. I know what you are."

“Well, what the hell can I do then?” It’s not like she was doing this for her health or some sort of damn award. Derevko, despite being a supreme asshat, was a good cop. Good man, maybe questionable.

Turning back to him, her arms folded one hand on each of her biceps. Not a stance of defensiveness, but just how Daysha stood here and there. “Many times you and I have both seen cops that are suddenly no longer cops go through post traumatic stress and it can get bad.” She didn’t need to go into detail about the pent up anger or other shit that went along with it. He knew it, he’d seen it. They’d both put members of the force in jail once or twice; or the ward.

“There’s gotta be something I can do for you?” She paused and figured she should probably add. “Other than get the fuck out of here and leave you alone.” Because she was pretty sure that was going to be his answer.

The Detective was frozen for a moment wondering if he just pieced it together right now. “Really, you know.” Then again, not many people reference it as the candle. “And just how long have you known?” Daysha’s hard brow crocked awaiting an answer. Did he know about Dad too?

Derevko shrugged his wasted shoulders as Daysha demanded to help him. There wasn't anything. It was just a fact. Unlike other burnt out retirees, he had considerably more shit to deal with. Like the fact that he was now on fire, inside. Literally, from the feel of it. Oh, and the fact that he was part demon. Oh, and the fact that there were monsters, and he had to go fight the forces of Hell, at the command of a woman who held some sort of bizarre sway over him.

Yeah. There was nothing she could do about that.

"I'll deal. It's about the only thing I'm good for any more. There's precisely jack shit you can do for me in regards to losing my job. If there was a way to get it back, I'd have done it. There ain't. Therefore there's nothing you can do."

Another shrug followed the first.

"You pretty much confirmed it on the spot just then."

He'd spotted things before, he'd just been content to ignore them as personality quirks. Being a cop got people something of a free pass from other cops.

Daysha wasn’t stupid. She also wasn’t ignorant. Something really burned her about how damn weird Derevko had been acting. Then again, trauma does strange shit to people.

“Well you already told myself and Jaeger earlier you’d tried everything, so no. What I said had nothing to do with your job.”

The Detective was really frustrated, whether it was herself for coming back in her or Agent J being a stubborn idiot she couldn’t decide.

“But, you’re the one who mentioned it. And by mentioning it, you must know something”

“Unless you want to talk about this after they release you…” If he’d even want to talk to me again. Daysha was pretty certain she was burning a bridge with the Agent. Which she was getting really pissed at herself for.

Oil and water.

"Then you'll just have to fucking trust me that I'm not gonna flip out an' eat my gun, Jackson," Derevko said irritably. "I don't need you to come hold my hand and tell me it's gonna be alright, because it's fucking not alright. I'll cope. It wasn't alright when Amy died, it wasn't alright when Grace and I divorced, and it wasn't fucking alright when I got shoved to DHS:Geo either. This is just another fucking shitty situation, but at least this time I didn't lose anything I really gave a fucking damn about."

Except possibly his humanity.

"About what you are? Yeah, I do. So... what? Does that change anything about the situation? Nope. It's barely even relevant to it. Might've noticed that it's not very easy to get a job murdering fictional creatures."

Daysha was still calm, surprisingly while they went back and forth. There wasn’t a need to yell, she usually saved that for criminals. Besides, they generally went back and forth like this from time to time. It was just never this deep. “I never fucking said it would be ‘fine’ or ‘everything will work out alright’. Stop putting words in my mouth Derevko.”

“What I meant by help is getting the bastards who did this to you.” From what Daysha knew of kidnappers they did it for several reasons; money, overpowering or blackmail. The Detective presumed it was blackmail.

Daysha’s hands went up in an open surrender type fashion. Still, she hadn’t raised her voice. “Fuck I am SOOOOOO sorry I give a damn.” I don’t think I even fought with my ex-husband like this – or my mother for that matter.

Her face wrinkled “Yeah, they’re a bitch to take down. Not so fictional anymore. And apparently irrelevant.”

Sighing and shrugging, knowing that this wasn’t going anywhere and she was probably pissing him off the more she talked but hey, that was her M.O. “Do you want me to fucking go?” Thumbing to the door. Although he hadn’t thrown her out, at least not yet.

Derevko shrugged at her suggestion.

"It's done now. Let the cops do what they want. Revenge doesn't get my fucking life back, so what does it even matter? Besides, they ain't gonna manage to catch 'em. Neither are you, Jaeger, or anyone else. The only reason I'm alive is 'cause they decided to let me out."

It was obvious he believed that, as well. He wasn't hiding a goddamn thing.

"And as far as we're talking? Yeah, they pretty much are. Jackson, right now, I'm trying to figure out if my unemployment is gonna cover my rent and food. No one's gonna make sure I have somewhere to sleep regardless of how many fictional creatures I shoot. Plus I can't afford bullets. Plus I don't have a licence to carry any more."

At the last point, his blue eyes narrowed.

"I never asked you to come," the Lucifuge Agent said bluntly. "You're here of your own accord. You wanna go, then go. I ain't got anything better to do, either way."

Fuck I feel like a smoke...

“Why did they decide to let you go?” Get annoyed with you or some shit? Daysha’d only seen in a few movies where the victim had irritated the hell out of the kidnappers that they set them free. A case of who was torturing whom. Although, that was a comedy, this wasn’t.

The detective rolled her eyes. “No one? No one is gonna make sure huh?” Breathing in slowly and sighing, like the obvious solution was right in front of him, especially with the look on her face of ‘are you daft’. Daysha let that stew for a moment before she went ahead and said her next peace on that subject.

“No, you didn’t and yes I did.” Daysha replied succinctly. Shrugging, she sat back down in the chair. Not kicking me out, fine, staring contest it is. She didn’t feel like leaving just yet. Yeah, he wasn’t going to kill himself, yeah, he said he’d be fine, but Daysha felt like she was waiting for…something she couldn’t put her finger on.

Derevko paused, remembering the Lady of Milan's breath against his ear as she spurred him to use the fire, and the reason she was letting him go. What he had to do now. The tasks ahead. A bunch of fucking tests, for a woman he'd probably never see again, and who had effortlessly grasped the strings of his loyalty.

Great.

"Because they wanted to," Derevko said bluntly. "Believe me, they were in control the whole fucking time. If they wanted me dead, I would be."

He raised an eyebrow at the half-offer, and sharply shook his head.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm not gonna be taking money from you. You got other considerations. A kid, for a start."