Aegis Sanctum

[Kaze]

"Phoenyx." Kaze says softly but firmly. "If you're not running...then why are you avoiding me?" he asks. "I'm sorry, Sergeant, but your duty to the Order, and the Consilium is to be fit for action."

He moves up beside Phoenyx and touches her, and without any ceremony casts Healing Heart on her. His emotions betray him, and paradox rises up, but he takes it on himself and completes the spell, healing Phoenyx!

"Phoenyx. We...when you're ready. We need to talk. I have been thinking about it, and...without meaning to, I think I told you a lie before." Kaze says in a regretful tone.

Subtracting the Dox, three suxx. I think that heals all of the remaining, lethal? If you're okay with it even happening, that is.
[roll=1 success]82075[/roll

  3 successes

Date		Action		Roll		Result
2019-08-15 21:57:19		Kaze rolls 8 to rote Healing Heart (Life 3 + Composure 3 + Medicine 2 + Adamantine Arrow Rote Specialty 1 - Paradox 1 sux)) (10 Again)		3, 3, 8, 9, 5, 3, 9, 5		3 successes

[Phoenyx]

Phoenyx tries to swat the hand away, and groans.
"Now... your telling me... what my duty is..." she winces, staggering away from Kaze. I'm NOT running!" she whirls around, snapping defensively and wincing again."Why don't you just run the Arrows instead if you're so great?! You already beat me! You didn't care when you broke my ribs! You didn't want to see if I was okay! Why does it matter now?"

She collapses heavily against the wall, gasping in pain. The Arrow looks... well, she looks like she's about to cry. Kaze will have never seen this before. She just looks like a shell of the person she was before everyone left. "Talk about what...?" She mutters darkly.

Phoenyx is trying to avoid the spell, but she's in no condition to fend off a conserted effort. Kaze would have to more or less corner her, but he can do it.

[Kaze]

After Kaze heals her, he says softly, “You just don’t see...you are ten times the Arrow I am. Nobody is the best at everything. Alastor didn’t know any Life. You are a leader, Phoenyx. I’m a follower. Honestly, I have so much respect for you. When you were lying there..I checked you out to make sure you weren’t bleeding internally. I just...respect you too much to offer help or say I was sorry or hold back in sparring. It was my fault though; I am still learning what Life can do and didn’t realize how strong it was in the situation. Alastor only used things in sparring after he mastered them alone.”

Kaze pauses and says, “I only just realized how much I respect and follow your lead without even questioning it. Phoenyx, back when I was going to leave the Arrows, and I stayed and said it wasn’t just to be with you... I believe I was fooling myself. It was always about you.”

[Phoenyx]

As her ribs heal and the pain in her ribcage subsides, the Obrimos shuffles uncertainly. "I.... don't like this," she mumbles quietly. "People... leaving. Everything changed. I wanted more time to learn."

"About....me?" She asks, confused. There was a surge of something warm in her chest. What does it all mean?

It's too much. Phoenyx hunches over and emits something like a hiccup and a sob. Slowly she walks up to Kaze curls up against his chest. She's trembling. "You make me feel things. I don't know what it means. You always came to talk to me and when you didn't his time I didn't like it. It felt... cold. I don't want to feel that way." It may have never struck Kaze just how emotionally stunted Phoenyx really is. Being direct, Standoffish, holding even him at arms length? She literally didn't know any other way to behave.

[Kaze]

"Oh." Kaze says, looking surprised. "Oh wow, Phoenyx." he moves to her and holds her, gently but firmly his strength currently enhanced from his workout in the pool, still damp.

"You...your passion is always part of you; it makes you always fight to be the best and never quit and always go all in whatever you do! That's emotion. Your emotions are part of you always, maybe the most powerful part! You are absolutely the most passionate woman I have ever met!" he says.

Kaze looks down into her eyes. "The emotion, the passion in you is so bright, like a fire. It made me want to try harder to be the best Arrow I could be. I didn't realize that I was just being drawn to you. I have been messing up as your boyfriend, because I felt like you needed me to be an Arrow more. That's why I stayed away. But...Phoenyx. I- I'm sorry, it's just not me. I have to admit it. I really was wrong to stay in the Arrows, but I didn't want to lose you. I still don't want to lose you. But I have to leave the Arrows. I realized before, it's just not who I really am, but I fooled myself into staying to be with you. Now I can see how that's actually coming between us. I will always want to be with you and back you up, but as your boyfriend, not as an Arrow."

[Phoenyx]

Emotions are the most powerful part? God, that's even worse!

"You don't understand!" Phoenyx looks up at him, desperately. "Emotions cloud judgement! They stop us being objective! I have to keep them under... under control..." Her eyes are welling up again and she hides her head back into Kaze's chest.

Then the bombshell. She tears herself away and stares. She's not even angry - at least, not yet. The little Arrow looks stunned... and betrayed.

"N-No. No you're not. You can't be." He voice quavers with uncertainty. It;s a strange sound coming from her.

[Kaze]

Kaze holds Phoenyx gently, as long as she will let him. "I will never leave you, Phoenyx. Never." he says.

"I am sorry...I tried to be an Arrow. I really, really tried. I thought I was doing it for me, but I was really doing it for you. Phoenyx, it's just not me. You were born to be an Arrow. You are awesome as an Arrow. You fit perfectly. I...just don't. I can fake it, but deep down inside, it's just not me. I can't do it anymore. I want to be part of your life though. I mean, I am expecting you to have to think about it, figure out how you...feel. I remember what you said, about how we came here together, roomed together and trained together from the beginning. I tried so hard not to do this, not to hurt you. I will always be there for you, however much you will let me. Just...not as an Arrow anymore."

[Phoenyx]

"Never leave?! You are leaving me you... you asshole!" Phoenyx snaps.

"Ever since Alastor gave me this responsibility people have left. First Him, then Galatea, and now you! What kind of leader has everyone just walk out on her? You said you'd have my back! HOW THE HELL IS THIS HAVING MY BACK?! Normally so controlled, it's like the dam is finally breaking, and all Phoenyx's confused and poorly understood emotions are flooding forth as a torrent.

"Do you have any idea how bad this makes me look? Everyone has walked out. EVERYONE. And the one person who promised to stand by me is now telling me his word, his oath, means NOTHING." The Firebird is in full flow, the huge wings of her Nimbus twitching aggressively.

"We talked about this! About how being an Arrow leaves you free to change, about how I'd break your damned arm if you tried this crap again?! You break one set of fucking ribs in training and you think that means you have to leave? Do you have ANY idea what it's like to have a Thyrsus as a teacher? How many times my bones were broken in training just because he could snap his fingers and fix them? How often he didn't? do that to teach me control over my own damned body?" The edge in her voice is aggressive, almost manic. "This isnt about that! You spent your time learning about Life, when you should have learned about what being an Arrow means with your new motivations. I thought that was obvious! And all this shows is you haven't begun to try and figure that out yet!" Because blaming others was obviously what was wrong. Not failing to teach them the right lesson.

[Kaze]

Kaze lets Phoenyx say all the things she wills to express everything that she can. He looks calm even serene. He continues to hold her throughout in a grip she can break if she wants, despite his magically enhanced strength.

When she stops talking for a moment, he waits to make sure and then says, “Galatea and Alastor left Sacramento. I am not going anywhere. I am not taking orders anymore. I resign. From now on, where I am and what I do is my own choice. No more excuses. I choose you. I choose Sacramento. My choice, not because of being in an organization or following an oath. I am free to choose for myself now. My mistakes are my own and not anyone else’s anymore. You are not responsible for me any more in any way except by what you choose. I am making my free choice to love you and be myself and be free to love you without any rules. You can choose to figure out what you feel, how much of what you feel for me is based on being responsible for me as a fellow Arrow, and how much is for just me.” Kaze says softly.

”Nobody is going to order me to leave. I am staying in Sacramento. There’s time. I’m not going anywhere, and I will wait for you until you know what your strongest feelings are and what you are going to do.”

[Phoenyx]

Phoenyx continues to stand a few feet away, watching him.

"You can't resign. I don't accept it. So you're still an Arrow." It sounds childish, but Phoenyx is too wound up to care. "Nothing made you choose me, or this, or controlled your mistakes! And I'm still responsible because if I was better you wouldn't be doing this whole thing! I never taught you what it meant, I..."

He loves me...?

I... I can't do this.

Phoenyx watches him for several seconds. As if the words finally register, the fire goes out.

I don't know what happens now.

The Obrimos balls her fists, and meets his gaze with a steely, hollow look. "Fine. I'm... I'm done. With this. It's too hard. I just can't any more." She shakes her head, the voice is barely above a whisper. "The wards are failing. The Arrows will move back to the Circle to protect it. I guess you'll do what you like."

She turns and walks out of the room with her head held high. Once he can't see her face, she feels the tears in her eyes.

I guess that's it?

It feels a good place to leave things to me - I know it's actually really ambiguous but that actually really fits for me with how scattered Phoenyx is right now.

What do you think?