Fan Boy and Chum-Chum Meet the Dead Guy

[Max Heinz]

A cab stops for Max and his young friends and they clamber in, looking behind them at the sinister duo of Markos and Charlie.

"What's going on? Why are they chasing us?"

"Is this the Matrix?"

"Are you Morpheus?"

"Are you going to teach us kung fu through a simulator?"

"Am I Neo?"

"No, am I Neo?"

"You can't be Neo, you're too fat."

"Screw you, Llew! I can so be the Neo!"

"How are you gonna fly, huh? There's not enough RAM on the planet to lift your fat ass off the ground."

And that's when Llew and DJ start strangling each other.

It's gonna be a looooooong ride.

*Max pops them both in the back of the head, a noggin' fogger his father used to call them.* Gentlemen, please focus... *He gives the cabbie directions to drop them off a block or two away from the hotel; texting Clarke to clear the room. He didn't want anyone else in the room if this was to be believable. Once they get there, he steps out and pays the cabbie, ushering the boys through the alleyways towards the hotel. He stops the two, taking a moment to look over his shoulder. When he speaks it is rapidly, as if a collage lecture were being given by a coked up chipmunk.*

You have been very patient Gentlemen, and I think it's time to reveal just what is going on. No, I'm not Morpheus; this is quite real I can assure you. My name... well, my name is unimportant; you can call me Agent Green. The gentleman who stayed behind is my partner, Agent Blue. We are both operatives for the Bureau of Temporal Anomalies. Someone has been mucking around with the timeline, and you two have landed smack dab in the middle.

*He motions for them to follow, headed towards the hotel.* Approximately... *He glances down at his wrist watch for a moment to add to the tension the boys were filling* ten minutes ago, you two were going to be invited by a very drunk, mildly corpulent Sailor Venus up to her hotel room; ostensibly for what can only be assumed to be an awkward and half-hearted romantic encounter. You would never get the chance.

Stepping off the elevator, you would have encountered Mr Wilson, a middle aged business man in the last spastic throws of death; a knife plunged into his chest. He falls to your feet, and one of you two pulls the knife out in a desperate attempt to save him. Now, the important event is not the death of Mr Wilson, it's that you pull the knife out. Ten years from now, that knife is going to be used in another murder. Your DNA will still be on the hilt; drawing you into a series of events that will lead to the discovery of time travel and our bureau. At least, that is how things were supposed to happen.

Earlier today, someone murdered Mr Wilson 8 hours early; plunging a sword through his brain. Again, this isn't important. What IS important is you two would not have interacted with the murder weapon, thereby excluding you from the events ten years in the future. In short, someone is mucking with the timeline; and Agent Blue and myself were sent back to repair the damage. Agent Blue has waylaid the two men sent back to make sure you didn't make it to the hotel, so now all that is left is for one of you to pull out the sword.

*Max stops once again, turning around to face the boys.* It's a lot to take in, do you have any questions so far?

[Fractured]

The boys look at Max, their jaws hung open, their eyes full of wonder and excitement. If they were a pair of puppies, their tails would be thumping the floor. Llew and DJ always knew they were destined for great things.

The first thing DJ does is punch Llew in the arm. "See, I told you I didn't do anything!"

"Owww," Llew complains, and raises the other hand. "Mister Agent Green, I have a question, please. Does time travel use Terminator mechanics or Star Trek?"

"Do we get to join the Bureau of Temporal Anomalies?"

"Have you been to the Mesozoic era?"

"Oooh, yeah, you ever meet a dinosaur, Agent?"

"Do we get badges?"

"Do we get guns?"

"Do we get laser guns?"

Perhaps, opening the floor to questions wasn't such a great idea.

[Max Heinz]

Oy... *Max rubs his temples, perhaps he should have been more precise about what kind of questions they could ask.* I meant, do you have any questions about why you're here. Since it seems you can grasp the concept of time paradoxes, we'll move into the hotel. And before you start to complain, I can't answer any of those questions; if I did you might change your actions in the future, leading to another paradox. Then I'd have to come back and we'll have to do this all over again. So, let's get this over with as quickly as possible so everyone can get back to their proper place and time.

Thankfully the hard part, getting you two safely out of the convention, is already done. Now all we have to do is get your DNA on that sword. Agent Blue and I have already hidden the body here in the hotel; so you two are just going to follow me. Remember, you aren't supposed to be here. So don't talk to anyone, don't interact with anyone; we have to change the time line as little as possible. Once the sword is removed, I'll return you to the convention as quickly as possible so you can get back to your proper time line.

*Max is about to lead them through the back down when he stops in his tracks. He silent for a moment before he turns around, as if thinking. When he turns on his heel to face the boys, he looks a little embarrassed.* Ahh... one more thing. The details about who actually pulled the sword out are a bit... sketchy. We know it was one of you two, and that the pheromone levels indicated they had never had sex. So I have to know... have either of you been with a women? Or another man, can't discriminate after all.

*He looks both of them in the eye in turn.* And no false bravado; the fate of the future rests on a truthful answer...

[Fractured]

Llew and DJ look disappointed that 'Agent Green' can't answer their questions, but their enthusiasm to save the future is hardly dampened, nor do they question how the Time Police can't tell which of their sets of fingerprints had been used.

I mean, they're going to save the future here. Sooner or later, that's bound to get them badges and laser guns.

Then the question rolls around to sex, and they both look awkwardly at the floor.

"I touched Samantha Carpenter's boobs last summer," Llew offers.

"Shut up, you did not!"

"Yes, I did," Llew replies calmly.

"You never told me!"

"You never asked."

"Oh, yeah? Well." DJ grins at Llew like he's holding four aces. "I got lucky last summer, too. With your cousin, that weekend she visited. I mean, it was dark, but I'm pretty sure we did It, and It was awesome."

Llew looks confused. "My cousin?"

"Yeah. Tracy."

Llew looks at DJ like his fat head just exploded off his shoulders. "Tracy? My cousin Tracy? My cousin Tracy?"

"Yeah, dude. She was hot."

Llew erupts in laughter so intense, his knees buckle under him and he falls to the ground, renewing its intensity every time he looks up at DJ.

"What?" DJ growls, starting to get really annoyed. "What's so funny?"

"My cousin Tracy," he starts several times, each time cut off by his laughter, with DJ looking more annoyed every second. "My cousin Tracy is a guy, DJ!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"He stayed with us last summer while he was doing some drama class, dude."

"What?!?" DJ's eyes are wide as saucers.

"Yes, dude," Llew says in between giggles.

"Nooooo," DJ says quietly, as certain facts are reconsidered in a different light. "But-"

"Yes."

"Noooo."

"Yes."

DJ looks up at the cruel, cruel moon above, mocking him from a cruel, cruel sky in a cruel, cruel world, raises his pudgy little fists, and yells,

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Llew's laughter begins again and he rolls around on the sidewalk as though he's in the midst of the funniest seizure ever.

[Max Heinz]

*Sometimes, Max was infinitely thankful his undead nature gave him supierior control of his body. For instance, by keeping blood from his diaphragm, he was able to suppress the laughter bubbling up inside him. Otherwise, he would be with Llew on the alleyway floor, bawling his eyes out. Instead, he just smirks a little; though he can't resist a just loud enough to be heard* "That explains a few things." *escape his lips. Once Llew has had a few more moments of enjoying himself at DJ's expense, he clears his throat.*

In that case, you'll be handing the sword Llew. Hopefully it should come right out, otherwise we'll let DJ yank on it for a while and see what happens... *Gah, he had to stop. Clarke would have his ass if this all went South, and things were working better than expected. Max clears his throat again, this time to rein in his own humor.*

Now remember, no talking, no interacting with anyone. We have to do this as quickly and quietly as possible. *He stares Llew down, as if daring him to make a wise crack.*

[Regina Pia]

Regina sits on the bed, staring at the small painting of a flwer that was hung on the opposite wall. It was a hibiscus, and regina's eyes traced every brush stroke as they brought the flower to life.
It was, however, still quite bland to her tastes. There wasn't enough depth, enough weight to the painting. She turned back to look at Arnold's body. Speaking of something that was lacking. For now, he was a lifeless corpse. What horrors he was witnessing in the dream must be truly aweful, with that foul blade thrust through his brain.

[Fractured]

DJ starts to pleads to Max to take him back to the past to fix this, but sees the look in Max's eyes and decides to wait until after they've fixed the timeline. Llew gets up and nods, wiping the tears from his eyes. I bet that's what Tracy said starts to escape his lips, but between Max's seriousness and DJ's torment, he lets it go, for now. They're prepared to follow him for the sake of the future.

[Max Heinz]

*Max makes his way quickly to the back door of the hotel, a hushed conversation with Gary allowing the three into the hotel. He leads the boys up the emergency stairs, avoiding the elevators. He holds his hand up to stop the boy, opening the door to where they're keeping Arnold slowly. He'd texted ahead, telling them to clear the room; but he wasn't taking any chances. He pokes his head in, glancing around.*

[Regina Pia]

Regina stiffens as the door opens, then relaxes as she sees the deputy.

"Deputy." She says, rising and giving a polite nod of the head.

[Fractured]

Even DJ perks up at the word 'Deputy.' This guy really was a Time Cop. Soooo awesome.