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"Well...I would say that the sameness is evident amongst the differences, but, sure, I suppose in order for my argument to make sense sameness and difference should be spoken of differently," Avis agreed with a small smile.
"And I'm assuming you having something in mind? Something you'd like us to revisit?" A spark of humor danced among the fens, though it was joined not long after by a mote of pain.
"Is it the wake we never held?"
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"Ah, no."
Sad smiles say so much.
"I know those are supposed to be, ummm, cathartic. But I think it would just make it worse. More real." Maybe she saw it in the flames too. Or maybe potential energy was just an Angel thing. "Does that make me a bad person? It's not like it isn't real, I mean, sometimes I think about it enough that... I can, like... picture her." It was never a Him. Always a Her. Why? Long fingers wafted up. "Don't get me wrong. It's not like I sit around moping. Just, some things trigger the thoughts. And also, it's kind of weird, but I feel like if we did that, or really got into, hmmmm, talking about it a lot, then I'd wish things were different. More. Until it was like A Big Deal. Not that what we did isn't, but what we Could do."
There's a shrug. It is what it is.
"But, no, I was kind of thinking about what you were saying, and my own, uh." Baggage? It's really hard to be all My Baggage when your wife got dealt Bruce Wayne and The Joker's hands together. "Stuff. History."
Speaking of?
"And, also, maybe more importantly," the mop canted down and gave her A Totally Semi-Serious Look, "We never did find an Acanthus for you."
Because this conversation just got sent Back to the Future.
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"Didn't we?" Avis returned, giving Star a pointed look, then casting her gaze in the direction of July's room.
"But I'm not that worried about that anymore," she said, turning back to Star. "I've found peace with the idea. But, you're right, that's not a reason to stay ignorant. We'll have to ask him soon. But later. I want to hear more about the stuff. The history. I'm too much about me. If nothing else, that was one thing the ritual showed me. So, go on. Tell me. Tell me more about what you want to revisit. To gain clarity."
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Pointed Look, meet Skeptical Look.
Seriously? July? We need a Vision, not a Murder Death Kill. Pop Quiz: Has anyone actually ever seen the guy Do Magic? Okay, so that's a little harsh. But some things require finesse, and there's no 'J' in 'finesse'. True story. But okay.
"How am I doing? I'm trying to keep a straight face. I mean, I like July, as in actually like not just saying like, but..." The Eyebrows of Doubt. "Sure. We can ask. I'm still curious, like, legit curious."
And kind of Committed, now.
"Ummm." Lips pursed, brows knit, hands fluttered. Changing gears, no, grinding gears. Watch the light catch on the quicksilver on one finger. "This is, uh. So, this is a little awkward? Maybe, I dunno, it just never came up?"
Eyes drifted to ashes. That's what's left, when you burn something. Ashes.
"Before, well, okay, there were a couple of years after I Woke up but before I hooked up with the Guardians. It was kind of a weird time. Boom, hello, welcome to doing actual magic, by the way your career as a stage magician is in the toilet and you're bussing tables to pay the bills." But she probably knew. Probably understood better than most. "So I was doing a little grifting here and there, nothing major and I ran into this guy."
Just the facts, Jack. You know the feeling, when you want to pepper every other word with an excuse? Take a breath. Take a few. Exhale, inhale.
"Long story short, he used to pay me, uh. Wow. Okay. He used to pay me to, ummm, tell him who Glowed."
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The pointed look turned into a hard stare, any thought of July evaporating in the wake of this new revelation.
"I think you cut that story a little too short," the Warlock stated. Her gaze remained harsh, fen water that promised something scaled lay beneath, until a huff escaped her and she scooted around so that she could lean against him, shoulder to shoulder. A message of support, rather than judgement.
"Seriously, though," she added, softer, "I have trouble buying you didn't get curious. That you didn't, I don't know, learn anything about this guy. I mean, shit," she scoffed, "what kind of punk ass Banisher wouldn't know how to spot a mage? Or seer, for that matter? He obviously must have caught you using a spell to con someone, so...I don't know, there's a lot of pieces there that don't seem to fit. So tell me more. At least, how did that arrangement end?"
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Well, that's about the expected reaction.
Green eyes fell, then looked up with curious surprise at the re-sitching and shoulder.
"Maybe? I... can't remember if I was curious. Things were, like, messed up back then. I just didn't care. About a lot." It happens. Had it ever happened to her? That haze where every day bled into the next. Of course she did. Before. "I also didn't know a lot, then. I just kind of knew what I could do, and kind of assumed everyone was the same. I didn't even know about the other Towers."
It's hard to remember being so ignorant. Selfish.
"I mean, it was money. And a lot easier and, uh, less risky, than picking pockets."
Long fingers turned over the metal they'd cut themselves with, a fingertip running over a blackened edge.
"But. Yeah. I think I knew. Deep down? That it wasn't to pass out Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes winnings. I dunno. For a long time I pretended like it didn't happen, but now." Thin shoulders shrugged, rubbing against Avis'. "And one day my guy never showed. Someone else did. And we did the deal."
Brows furrowed.
"And that guy, he was the Guardian that, like, I guess brought me in."
Because out in the cold.
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"Huh," Avis replied after a while, relaxing further into Star's mass.
"I guess that makes more sense. Anyone that would want to know who glittered would be able to do tell themselves. It musta been a test. Some kind of trial. I had some pretty stupid ones, myself, when I joined the Arrow. Though I guess I understood the point of them before they started. Made it a lot easier to complete them, at least compared to one you didn't even know was happening."
She paused for another minute, then squirmed so that she could look at him.
"I guess my question is, if you later learned that it was some sort of test, why does it bother you?"
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Pretty sure the tests came later.
"No," the mop shivered with the head shake. "I don't think that was it. It doesn't... feel right. I'm pretty sure, at least, it feels a lot more right, but, I think the last guy..." Eyes drifted upward, searching for answers.
"I think he killed that other guy. I think he killed him," the card slowly bounced through the air like a karaoke guide, "Then took his place to follow the trail and kill me? Until he realized I wasn't, whatever, whatever the other guy was."
That Bear. Or Lion.
"But I think you were right, the first time. When you were all, rawr, yeah. It wasn't good, what I was doing. But maybe they handled it already. The Guardians? But I don't know what happened to those people."
The Glitter Marks.
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The Warlock was silent for a moment, then shifted back so that they were both staring into the distance beyond the far concrete wall.
"Well," she said finally, "the diary we found from the Frat President. He made it sound like there might be, sort of, proto-Banishers. People still blinded by the Lie, but somehow aware of the Awakened. Aware, and hostile. I suppose the man who paid you might have been one of them. Though...I would think their prejudice would normally make them too volatile for that kind of arrangement. So, really, I guess I should be glad the Guardian's found you not just because of what they taught you, but because you might not even be alive otherwise."
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Teeth bared in the hint of a snarl.
Precept of Secrecy aside? Revealing The Truth isn't cool. Nobody needs a supernal Val Valentino. Everyone knew Sleepers got recruited, used even, but always behind the Veil.
Everyone needs Illusions.
"Yeah." It's true, but not as important. Well. Okay. More important, but too far removed to seem that way. Bears exposing the Mysteries? Not cool, not cool at all. "Maybe you're right, maybe they're connected. I dunno, it's just a thought that kind of like floated up."
Like a corpse in a river, weighted down but then escaping it's bonds.
"So, Akasha." Two fingers held up the pseudo-card.
"Next big Consilium? Every time you have to refer to a path, use a fruit. For Order, use a vegetable."
An exploratory smile was on the face that turned to look. Because We are still us, right?
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