Dream As If You'll Live Forever

[Avis]

"Yeah, I think you should. I mean, I think they're normally private, but I don't have anything to hide from you. Even if I write something that seem totally crazy, all you have to do is ask and I can show you whatever I meant. You know, without words getting in the way. Not that you have to agree with it," she added quickly, reaching up to brush errant strands of lank hair behind her ear, "but just to give you a better picture. I think putting it down in words first, recording it, I think that's an important part to, though. Like, once I put it down it becomes separate from me, so even if I think it means a thing, and can show you that, what I wrote might still mean other things, and you can show me that. If you want to," Avis explained, then paused, and gave his hand a squeeze.

"But, um, either way, I want you to share the journal when I die. Like, let that be the record if I do get whacked by a pack of angry bears. Maybe throw it at them, too, and let em choke on it."

[Star]

Sharing is caring.

And, apparently, a potential oxygen blocker. Nobody's being funny. If bears whacked her? Someone might get choked with a book, legit.

"That's a cool idea. All of it. And it it separate, you could go back and see what you thought of something before, and how it changed." It happens. Change. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. "Maybe, even. Hmmmmm. Like what we were talking about before? Maybe even writing it down would be how we could see."

"You know, really, the more I think about it, the cooler it gets. I don't know if I could, mostly, because I'm not a writer? I dunno, it just never clicked." Fingers returned the squeeze, and eyes drifted away. "You think it's just writing? Maybe everything we do, or create... is like you said. Becomes separate. Like, I'm wondering if I could tell the same thing with my trees? How I cut them? I think I like working with my hands. Just maybe not writing."

A genuine smile flickered.

"Sorry. Total tangent. It's a cool idea and that... means a lot. Letting me read it? I've, ummm. I've never had that. This. Being so, uh, open. Just in case I'm not, like, super good at it. That's why. I try. With you." Really tried. The Deal is The Deal.

"But, ummm. What did you dream? Or are you going to write it down?"

[Avis]

"No, that's fine, I'll tell you," Avis replied, head ducking momentarily. "I just, ah...I don't know. I probably should write it down. I think that might help me process it, and, ya know, learn more from it. It wasn't what I expected. I had imagined it would be...a lot more free. It felt like I was wandering through a maze with tight hallways, even if I couldn't always see the walls. Well, actually, there was a part of it that was exactly that, wandering through tight hallways, but even in the other--ya know--environments it still felt the same."

She trailed off, collecting the impressions left in her memory.

"Basically, it started with me coming out of the trance in a field. Like, a big sunny field with grass and a single tree. A metal tree. It had this sign on it, all kid like and shitty, saying 'no girls allowed'" Avis shared with a brief sneer, framing air quotes around her description of the caption.

"I didn't wanna deal with that kind of shit so I tried to avoid it, but there wasn't anything else in that field. No matter how far away I walked, the tree was always in the same place. Like, the same distance from me, so essentially I had no choice. I climbed up the tree and, well, that's when I was in the hallways. I was...back in Louisiana. In the Asylum. It was a long hallway with cell doors, and each room held a memory. The drugs, the straps, the orderlies...Everything that I hate about that place. I kept moving, though, and eventually I found myself in front of the door to the directors office. I always used to feel insignificant around him. Just, I don't know, bug-like, almost, but that was before I Woke Up. Hell, that was when I was still drugged up, so I just focused on how that feeling was all just grounded in an illusion. On how, in reality, I'm not small. So, when I entered the room, it was like I was a giant. I mean, the room was the same size, but all the furniture was tiny. So I broke the directors stupid ass desk and then I moved through a picture-doorway to a forest.

"It wasn't like the forests I grew up near. It was like the one near Chicago where I spent some time training to be a Talon. Big trees, tall, wide, blocking out the sky. Making things seem dimmer. The soil was strange too. It wasn't really soil, it was like gravel, but not all of the rocks looked like rocks. Some were shaped like bones. And, in the center of a clearing in the forest was this big building made of metal and glass. I could tell something was inside it, but I didn't see any doors or anything like that so I figured I had to break my way in. I threw a rock and, well, that's when everything collapsed and we woke up.

"In a way, we did find each other," she finished with a shrug, head ducking again."

[Star]

"Yeah. We did."

There's soft laughter, more a huffing of air than anything from the gut or throat. Eyes crinkled, and the mop shook slightly.

"That's weird, though, right? That we had to deal with all, ummm. I dunno. Baggage? Personal stuff? First." There's the other question, too. Pop Quiz: Why throw the rock? Answer: the same reason a shot glass got thrown. No one ever is to blame. "And it took, like, forever. Can we, ummm. I don't know. Do something about that? Speed up time? Since it's in our heads. I mean, assuming... well, assuming we try again?"

Greenish eyes glanced up. They're shy orbs, tentative. It's a legit question. Scary places are scary. They're even more scary when you're not sure if you want someone else to See.

"That sucks you had to go back. I don't get the tree, though. The metal tree? I feel kind of jerk-y like I'm trying to psycho-analize you, but, it's just that I get the asylum. Just not really the field and tree and sign."

Eyes remained, but brows furrowed.

"I'd feel weird, I think. About you seeing my stuff. I don't.... I don't know why. Or, maybe, maybe I do. It's like you, ummmm." Nobody's blushing. It's just a little warm. Right? "That you accept me, but, it's like after seeing that stuff, it's a little scary like you've seen.... the good parts? But those were some bad parts. I mean, it's not like I want to hide stuff from you, it's just not, ummm, I don't know. Stuff you volunteer. But. The other half is, like, I... want you to."

"I guess what I'm saying, in a super bad rambly way is, I want to. I want to go back. But, like, together."

[Avis]

"Well, whatever the tree was, it definitely taught me a lot about how the, uh, geography of the astral realms works. Or, at least gave me an outline. And I guess it might seem obvious, but basically it's that our minds are what create the space. Like, we're just in head-space, so what's important is the context of the space rather than the space itself. With the field and the tree, the tree is important because it's, like, a link to the past," Avis pondered.

"So, that said, I'm pretty sure I can create an imago that'll, ya know, give you a piece of my context. Like, bring you to me, cause I'm aligning your context with mine. Then I could use you to create a pathway to your context and we could travel to that together...Should be easier than trying to find each other in the mental landscape of the fucking planet, but that's about all I think I can do."

Why she had ever thought that it was a good idea to pick the middle of the wilderness as the meeting place, she couldn't fathom. Well, no, that's not true. She could easily fathom that: it was a test. What she couldn't fathom was why she thought it would be a test she would pass on the first try.

"I definitely want to try again, too. But, like you said, together. Maybe after we fight the bears again."

[Star]

"Okay. That's A Plan."

A pocket of air bounced from cheek to cheek behind pursed lips. Contextual Imagos? Sounded like Year Two at Wizard School. For someone used to dealing with solids, that's definitely Year Three. Sometimes, you just jump on the train. Don't fall off, yo.

"After the bears, for sure. Also. I'm owed. You owe me." This? Totally. Serious. Face. "Let's see. One, I've been waiting on a dare forever. Or the hat. Two. You totally owe me a date. A legit date. Not a stakeout or Arrows beating up on each other deal." The solemn declaration comes with a solemn nod. "Maybe we'll go rob a train or something."

It's the little things. Sometimes, it's the big things. Bears. Caballeros leaving. Caballeros arriving. Sailing. Consilium Wars. Next thing you know? It's been a while since anyone had a good laugh.

"I'll bring the dip, you bring the Dostoevsky."

[Avis]

"Ya know...I don't think the hat would work that well with the bears, so guess it'll have to be a dare." The hint of a smile appeared at the corners of the Warlock's lips.

"How about this: the next citizen of the Consilium that we talk to, together, you have to make dog noises for the entire conversation. When we're not dealing with bears, I mean. And just be thankful I didn't say cat noises." Eyes narrowed in mock threat. "Or, like, make you wear a tie. Though I might make you do that for the date. Depends...I'll have to check around town."

The train idea did sound kind of fun, but it was his idea, just like the first date (both official and unofficial) date had been, and she wanted to add something to the relationship, too. Star was obviously someone that liked variety, that liked approaching things in new directions, and that was something that she could bring to the table...Or she'd try to, anyway. Even if it was a failure, at least he wouldn't be able to say that she'd been lazy about it. No, she'd figure something out...

[Star]

"Woof."

Turn down for what? Look who's turning it up. Look who should have kept their Big Mouth shut. It's all good. Embrace it. Embarrassment is good for the Soul.

"All right." Nod. "I'm down. You know what they say about payback, though. I'm not saying you should get on YouTube to see what kinds of sounds aardvarks make for your dare, I'm just saying." That straight face? It's slipping. ...and gone. Some people hint at a grin. Others give it their goofy all.

"Think I'm gonna grab a drink and maybe a run?"

Knees creaked as he stood. Coming with? Here's a hand for help up.

"And when I say run? I'll try not to, like, chase cars and mailmen."

Woof.

[Avis]

"I don't know, chasing cars sounds like good cardio," Avis snerked, accepting the hand rising to her feet. Joints creaked and popped, but her mind no longer felt trapped. Her body was not just a cage, it was also a way to connect, even if that connection was just through the vector of sharing an experience...

Avis bent down, fingers reaching for her toes, getting a few more cracks out of the way, and then she straightened and punched star in the arm.

"Tag," she called, her feet beginning to carry her away...

End Scene