Killing Young

[Star]

The questions took him somewhere else.

Again, the hair. Color. Curls? Would Asp and Zoey be godparents? Would movie night turn into a Pixar festival every week? The theater was a big place to baby-proof.

She'd be a girl.

What?

Rewind. Replay. Still, talking. Fingers gripped tighter and tighter on the small hand under his, until the spasmed loose at the realization he was probably hurting Avis.

"What."

The hand tore free, joining it's partner splayed in the air.

"Are you kidding me. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. We're having, a, a, an abortion, and you want to talk about needing to ask ourselves if we're gonna use a coat hanger or a spell? WHO GIVES A FUCK!"

Was she insane?

"Goddamn, Asp, what the FUCK is wrong with you! That's all you can say? OKAY BUT I DON'T WANNA MAGIC. You didn't give a good golly goddamn flying fuck about using magic in a Duel to fight over some fucking Banner Warden title but now it's a big fucking deal to cast a fucking spell? That's all that matters? THAT ISN'T ALL THAT MATTERS. It's OKAY to use magic in some fucking GAMES to impress Arrows but you can't use magic to help us? Your fucking games are more important than our kid? Than us?"

When did he stand up? Or start yelling? Hands came up to cover his face, rubbing at it.

They'd talked about it.

Right?

[Avis]

Asp's words barely penetrated Avis' skull. The ridiculousness of Asp lecturing her about depression didn't even filtered through. Her mind was struggling to just form a coherent reply, a succinct phrase that would say what she wanted, leave no room for doubt, and just get it the fuck over with. For some reason, contact with Star's hand had brought snatches of disturbingly pleasant feminine humming and every blink brought faint impressions of soaring over sun-dappled grass, carried by two winged feet, with a glorious bow and arrow made of two sticks in her hands. It was so fucking hard to concentrate on anything but getting that fucking trash to go away, and it was so fucking hard to actually feel something, and do more than pretend she was fine. To do more than just sit in that damn chair, being gawked at, her hand groped at, and now suddenly crushed until bones ground together...

A sharp intake of breath spasmed into her after Star's hand clamped down, but she barely noticed. Her eyes were dragged toward the explosive motion of his body jerking to his feet and his voice thundered forth in waves she'd never seen before. Eyes wide, unmoving, one with the chair, she watched him rant. His words came down like a sonic slap, beating the drums of her ears, and this mingled with the protests of her hand into a powerful tonic. Even after Star's storm passed, and the Snake said her words, the blood kept moving in her veins and Avis turned with reborn determination towards Asp.

"Look," she said, voice haggard and quiet. "I grew up around Doctors. I've lived through what they call treatments. I've lived through people fucking with my brain chemistry. If you ever want to see a good example of hubris, look up some psychiatrists. They're some of the most fucked up people you'll find. Not all of them. But a lot are. And this, what we're doing here, I know it's no different. It's no different except that I trust you. You're my family Asp. I need your help here. We need your help. If you'll do it, then do it. Shit like depression...it's gonna happen. We're killing our child. It's not gonna be...something I'll get over. But I have to do it. I just need help."

[Star]

Ice water in the veins.

Funny, that. People say that about super cool as a cucumber people, right? Except that's what adrenaline feels like. Cold. Shaky. Walk it off.

Don't start throwing chairs.

He wasn't upset, okay, he was upset, but, it wasn't... Well. He wasn't Striker. Jerky footfalls paced. Walk it off.

"I'm sorry. That, uh, yeah. That wasn't cool."

Ever have that feeling that you're having A Moment? Not a Hallmark Moment. One of those moments you'll look back at and say 'That Was When'. That was when things changed. That was when something should have been done. That was when something should have been said.

That was when We grew up.

It's funny when you have something, but felt like you were losing it. Like things would change because someone couldn't Deal With It and made them change. There was still We. Nothing had changed. But everything had changed. Maybe deep down, everyone has that dream. That they'll eventually be a normal person. They'll find all those fake smiles and clean furniture arranged in catalogs or set into motion on television. They were all Lies. Beautiful, tempting Lies.

The worst Lie is always What Could Have Been.

Gristle popped dully at fingers wrenched and twisted at one another, popping knuckles. Feet shuffled forward apologetically, and he sat back down.

And just nodded.

There wasn't any more to say. They were family. They needed help.

[Avis]

Her flesh tingled, that cold rush dancing across the ridges of her spine again, but that was it. No pain. No nothing. It was just...Just her.

"I don't feel anythi-" Natures jaws snapped the end of her words off and her eyes widened in surprise rather than pain. There was something happening to her, something primal. Something beyond insistent. Something urgent. Something demanding to be obeyed.

Muscles contracted.

"Um, um," she babbled, bolting out of her chair, body curving forward in a hunch, the knowledge of what was happening pounding through her, magnifying everything she felt, a microphone over a whimper. Hesitantly, she stepped away from the table, legs almost too shy to move.

"I need -- I -- I don' know. Shit! I'll be-back."

The words just spilled out. She barely heard them, or felt them pronounced. Embarrassment over her word choice would always hang over her, but it would just be another kernel imbedded in her heart of shame. Of sorrow. For now, all that was on her mind was a dash to the bathroom as something was happening below.

The sound of her feet disappeared into the bathroom.

Minutes passed.

She didn't return.

  Sad, but not deranged

Date		Action		Roll		Result
2015-02-06 03:57:53		Avis rolls 3 to birthing death (wisdom six sin) (10 Again)		8, 10, 7, 7		2 successes

[Star]

Last chance.

Counterspells. They're totally a thing. Why? No good answer. Just that desperate feeling that something important is being lost. They'd talked. This was right because of who they were. But maybe this was how they could have changed. Would the change be better? Or worse? Or does it even matter because of what the price is? A palm made a sharp swipe at the hot liquid pooling in an eye.

Then it was done.

Shellshock. That silence, that void, after. Frozen while Avis dashed away.

"Ah."

Throat muscles convulsed, trying to get vocal chords working.

"Thank you. For everything. And. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Not, just, for the yelling. For this. For putting this on you. I'm so sorry."

He leaned over and gave Asp an awkward hug. This wasn't all about We. They'd dragged family into it. It was a brief hug, and then he, too, disappeared.

  Everybody Hurts

Date		Action		Roll		Result
2015-01-30 18:38:27		Star rolls 3 to Wisdom / Morality / Mechanics (10 Again)		7, 9, 7		1 success

omg great scene!