In Penitence and Faith

[Dillon Connery]

"Amen." Dillon echoes Sidor, probably making the mark of the Spear on his forearm in near perfect synchronization with the Bishop. "It has been seven months* since my last Confession, before both the Almighty and his Anointed."

His mind is already examining what he is about to say, and the details of his situation. Looking back over the past, he stops. That's too close to second-guessing himself. Too much analysis, at this point, will only hinder Sidor's efforts. What is required now, is simple, thoughtful honesty.

And Dillon is fairly good at that, for a vampire.

*

Cheating a little, since we've crept into month two :P

[Dillon Connery]

Dillon's instinctual understanding of the severity of Sidor's prompt is along the lines of his experience this night. Trial by fire. Throw the bird out of the nest and she'll fly or fall. The hard path. The path of difficulty.

Important for any Sanctified, yes. But the last member of a Parish that should crumple under pressure is the Priest.

"Instruct me in penitence, for I have sinned," Dillon begins, with only as short of a pause that could still be considered polite. His husky voice soldiers on with solid conviction.

"Wrath becomes me.

"I have not physically acted out against an undeserving Kindred, but during a Clan meeting I held recently, I lost my temper. I screamed in the faces of my fellow Gangrel, including a Regent and my Whip, who is another Deputy. All because the subject of my ire, Francesco Giovanni, was too cowardly to present himself."

Dillon pauses briefly, as though in examination. It made sense to him before, but now it is coming into words. "While it had the desired effect of rallying my Clan into action; unifying them against attitudes that undermine our usefulness, it was not done so out of calculation. I didn't roar at them with the express intention of galvanizing them into supporting one another. I did it because I wanted to twist Giovanni into splinters, bone by bone, and he wasn't there. If one of them had been immature enough to take offense, or challenge me openly, they would likely be Torpid now.

"I wanted one of them to. And I wanted it to be James Calloway."

There is a shake of his head, that he realizes Sidor can't see. "I had much better success in manipulating him toward the correct course of action with a more quiet, detached antagonism. Patience ruled the night. Ironically, he threw a tantrum at me, then. Probably since he saw I was no longer angry enough to destroy him.

"Nevertheless, the anger is only building. In the past, I have been adept in making it work for me. Especially in the line of work you and I have found ourselves in. When it is time for battle, I can focus my anger and frustrations into a white-hot point. Releasing it on those who deserve wrath. But lately, it is more difficult. My heart is angry and wild. The blood on my hands only makes me want to rationalize lashing out even more.

"I know that I was designed to be a creature of violence, but I fear I may be losing my grip on how to use it responsibly."

[Dillon Connery]

While Dillon well knows that wrath isn't always destructively sinful, especially not for a Sanctified. His point had been that he had not wielded it - that he let it fly out of control. But to learn that such blind rage may have its own purpose, that is epiphany.

To hear the ice-cold Bishop defend Dillon's loss of control feels as though he's been struck from his feet.

There is a time and a place for everything. I still have much to learn.

No pause can be heard in the Gangrel's voice, neither by hesitance or the common form of speech marking the term of respect. "Yes sir I do."

[Dillon Connery]

If the Deacon were as suspicious of the Bishop as he is of every other new face, and indeed, as he was of Sidor when Dillon first came to Sacramento, he might have thought that the Russian Haunt was attempting to groom him into some sort of semblance of himself. Brainwashing his congregation into lemmings, fit to do his bidding.

But such thoughts only enter the Gangrel's mind as prods from the eternally growling Beast, which Dillon merely observes with detachment. Suspicion and Paranoia are a sign of his age, but he has grown accustomed to it. Though he doesn't recoil from thoughts of mistrust in disgust, he doesn't entertain them, either.

Sidor has worked very hard to overcome that which sets vampires eternally apart from each other. Dillon trusts him, and Josephine. And they need no official or supernatural bonding to make it so.

"Father, we give thanks, that your wisdom may be passed to your Damned servants. That we may yet know Purpose befitting your Will, fallen as we are. Amen."

There is no hint of disagreement in Dillon's voice. Pursuit of the impossible defines his very existence.