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Bert mapquested the address to Dr. Jack's office and waited till the next day to drive there. It took him about twenty minutes to find the place. Once he got out he checked the address to make sure he was at the right place and then entered the doors, looking for someone at the front desk to check in with.
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Doctor Jack greets Bert as he walks into the tastefully decorated reception area.
As they speak, he escorts the Ogre into the equally well-appointed interior office and gestures toward a comfortable chair.
"Hey Bert, glad you made it. You're my last appointment of the day, so I sent Tiffany home early. It's just us, so feel free to speak openly. Please, make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink before we get started?"
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Bert follows Jack into the office and sits in the chair, feeling some anxiety as he realizes he's in the "chair", thinking back to Tony Soprano in Dr. Melfi's chair. Only he wasn't a mobster, he was an Ogre...was there much of a difference? "Uh, I'm okay for now, how's your dog problem?" he asks.
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Taking a seat himself, Jack smiles at Bert's question.
"Still a work in progress."
The Wizened asks Bert about his physical health, known allergies, and family history, ticking off the Ogre's answers on the pad in his lap. After a few minutes of the usual intake questions, Doctor Jack get straight to the point.
"So, what would you like to talk about?"
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Bert takes a big breath as he tries to figure out where to start. It's not that he doesnt' trust Jack, it's more he's not comfortable talking about it. He figures it best just to start with one thing and go from there. "It started for me on St. Patty's day, I went to this club called the Reverence and..it had this one show, it was..BDSM and I dunno, it sort of stuck in my head and I can't seem to not think about it. It sort of has to do with..my..past and I'm not talking about my childhood if you know what I mean. I tried going to that one club, the Asylum, but I kinda didn't feel comfortable being in there so I left. I've been trying to move on after escaping but..seeing that show at the Reverence brought it all back and I thought by seeing it again I'd, sort of...I dunno numb myself to it so I wouldn't get weirded out." he looks to Jack "Was that the right idea?"
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"Honestly, Bert... I can't tell you what is right or wrong... My job is to tell you what I think may be healthy or unheathly behavior... But you will always make your own choices... based... or in spite of... my advice. Now, I hope you know that you can speak openly here... Maybe you should tell me a little more about your Durance."
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Bert takes a long sigh as he slumps in his chair and thinks back to that awful time. He zones out almost and as if set to play, he begins.
"I was doing a show and I met this audience member after the show and offered to buy me a drink. It happens all the time, that's half the benefit to doing comedy is the free drinks you get. So I followed him and it's not until I'm 20 minutes away from the club that I realize...it's too late." he says, his face beginning to get a little red.
"Turns out this fucking guy is huge, he makes me look small. Teeth that are like fuckin jagged rocks you'd find at the bottom of a mountain. He tells me to make him laugh and then slaps me so hard I fly halfway across the room. So I tried doing that, but I realized, what made him laugh was the songs I wrote. I didn't have that when I followed him and he didn't understand my regular act. So..the guy just gets kicks out of hitting me. He throws me across the room, he tosses things at me. He's got others captured too. He doesn't really feed us much and..I'm a huge guy so..it takes a bit more to feed me." His own large teeth are bared as the rage can be seen on his face when this next memory comes. "And I stupidly ask for more food. So you know what he makes me do?..he, takes one of the prisoners who's been dead for a while, and...makes..he makes me eat them. I couldn't help it, I was so tired and starving I fucking couldn't resist and I ate them." his fist comes down hard on the armchair and then he buries his head in his hands. It's a noticably long time before he speaks again, when he does he lifts his head and slumps back in the chair. "You know when I escaped, I found out my fetch had come and started doing standup. But he stole other comedian's jokes...so he got me blacklisted in like every club in America, on top of taking my family. That's why I had to change names. I used to be angry about it but sometimes...after what I did, sometimes I think I deserve it."
Deserving, it's a word they queus another epiphany in him and he sits up as it dawns on him. "You think that might be why I wasn't exaclty turned away from the idea of someone wailing on me again at the Asylum?"
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Doctor Jack nods as Bert begins his tale. He scratches an occasional note as he listens to every detail. As he speaks, the Ogre might notice that the good doctor's blood-encrusted nails start to glisten with fresh blood as the Wizened listens to his confession of cannibalism. Jack's face, however, shows nothing but compassion as he looks into Bert's eyes. He uses the secrets of the Moon to search those eyes for any signs of madness that might lurk within the Ogre. Once the horrible tale is recounted, Doctor Jack sets his pad and pen down and gives Bert a frank look as he speaks.
"Could be... you might be seeking some form of catharsis as a way of dealing with your guilt."
Doctor Jack is quiet for a moment. The faint music of his Mantle is momentarily harsh and discordant as he thinks of the victims of all of the atrocities he committed in One Eye's realm. The men and women with slit throats... gouged eyes... multiple stab wounds... Sometimes, Jack still sees their anguished faces in his dreams.
"Bert, what you've done in the past... especially in That Place... doesn't define who you are. You did what you had to do out of necessity... to survive. Your Keeper put you in an impossible situation and forced you to endure something incredibly traumatic, and it has changed you... but it wasn't your fault. You aren't the Bad Guy. You aren't a victim either... you're a survivor. You could have given in and stayed... but you escaped... you fought your way back. Your feelings of guilt are understandable, but you shouldn't punish yourself."
Lunatic's Knowing Glance
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Carthasis? How the helll was he going to find that? And how do you not do it without some form of hard work? Nodding he says "I guess I thought my reaction to the BDSM thing was fascination and thought that was going to be my catharsis. Standup hasn't really picked up like I hoped again. I'm trying to get back in but I've only managed to land one booked gig since then. In a way I feel somewhat obsolete regarding standup and if there was going to be a chance for catharsis I would've thought it would've been there. But, how else am i going to find it?"
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"Bert, first of all, I'm not saying that you shouldn't push boundaries, or explore new sensations. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a little Thank-you-Master-may-I-have-another? It's healthy. My concern is that you are seeking this out alone with the mindset to test or punish yourself, rather than to enjoy a good little slap-and-tickle. You might find a cathartic experience at a fetish club, but I'm afraid it will only be momentary. Catharsis is better left to Greek tragedy... and your morning coffee. It's a dramatic feeling, but rarely signifies any deep, lasting change. I'd prefer you concentrated on seeking closure instead. It's a long, boring, and sometimes frustrating process, but in the end, you'll be able to recognize the underlying behavior patterns that are causing your anxiety, and deal with them directly. We'll discuss your symptoms, talk about what might be the underlying causes of them, and eventually, yes, we'll confront situations that evoke strong emotional responses. We can do this in the real world, and in your dreams. Most importantly, I'll be here to help you every step of the way."
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