Orphan continues to lie awake in bed with Tam curled up against him, her head on his bicep, his arm around her waist. In no hurry to get up, he just studies her face, watching her sleep. Carefully, and with as light a touch as possible to avoid waking her, he uses his other hand to push back some stray hairs that have fallen over her face.

I little while ago, he'd thought back over the night before - the incredible sex, yes, but also what had led up to it... the talking, the sharing, the moments of emotional intimacy and playfulness and openness. Now, though - still feeling unusually centered, focusing entirely on each moment - he just studies the lines of her face, the color of her eyelashes, the rhythm of her breathing. Without consciously willing it so, he finds his own breathing falling in sync with hers.

Despite his efforts to let her sleep, the hairs on her face tickle ever so slightly, but enough to rouse her from her light morning slumber. Her eyes flutter open. It takes a few moments for her brain to catch up.

"You're still here," she says, her voice a little groggy. It is an observation, as if she had set aside expectations, good or bad, and this is just how she found it. Her sleepy smile reveals how content she is, and she closes her eyes and snuggles closer, putting her head on Orphan's chest.

"Yes, I am," he replies, smiling. He wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of Tam's head as she snuggles in. "There's no place I'd rather be."

"Since you bought dinner, does that mean I have to make breakfast?" Tam's voice is sleepy. "I could pour some cereal on you, then spill some milk."

She makes no effort to move from her spot.

"I'm not sure which was more exhausting, the sex or just being happy for hours on end."

"Hmmmm," Orphan says. "How about if we do an experiement? One day we'll just spend hours having sex, another we'll spend hours doing other fun things, and we see which is more exhausting."

"As to breakfast, we could make something together," he suggests. "Or warm up the leftovers from the restaurant last night. I'm pretty sure I put those in the fridge before we got busy last night. Or we can just stay here like we are until closer to lunchtime. Though I may have to get up for a couple minutes to use the bathroom if we do that."

Tam slowly sits up ... then pounces over Orphan and scrambles to the toilet.

From behind the closed door, she say, with a giggle, "Yeah, leftovers sounds good."

When she returns, still wearing nothing but a smile and bed-hair, she says, "all yours, mister. I'll start the microwave."

Orphan grabs Tam as she starts past and pulls her in for a kiss. Morning breath be damned.

He then gets up and heads to the bathroom. Not wanting to subject Tam to too much morning breath, he finds her toothpaste, squeezes a bit onto a fingertip and rubs it thoroughly over his teeth before rinsing and spitting.

A couple minutes later, he joins Tam in the kitchen, also nude. Other than a few scars and a lot of lean muscle, the thing that most stands out with him in this state of dress is a crudely-done, somewhat faded tattoo on his left bicep: A downward-pointing pentagram encased in a circle.

Tam smacks Orphan's butt and says, "Look who has a tramp stamp! Maybe I should get one, too."

*DING*

Tam opens the microwave and sniffs the food.

"mmmm" Still good the next day.

Orphan frowns at the comment about the tattoo. "I think it's only called a tramp stamp if it's located somewhere else. And you definitely don't need one like this one. The mark of misspent and stupid youth."

The smell of the food, and Tam's reaction to it, brings his smile back, though. He walks up behind her and holds her from behind, liking the feel of their bodies against each other and her state of undress.

"Don't frown. Youth is often spent unwisely. You survived it. You are here now. Tattoos can be removed."

Orphan is glad of her easy dismissal of the crappy tat he'd gotten during his youthful flirting with, of all things, Satanism, prior to his Awakening. He did want to get it removed someday, but that just hadn't been a priority, and he didn't expect that to change any time soon.

Tam picks up the plate of food and starts to shovel some into her mouth with her fingers.

"On the other hand, I don't know why you are getting all lovey. I warmed this food for me. You have to scrounge for cereal or something."

Her voice is giggley as she starts to step away from Orphan, keeping her back to him to hide her smile and keep the food at a competitive distance.

"Maybe I'm hungry for something other than Indian or cereal," Orphan says, pulling her back into his from-behind hug and nipping lightly at her earlobe.

"But I'm hungry!" She continues to shovel food into her mouth, chewing and swallowing, but her efforts to free herself are marginal at best. She let's loose a very girly "Teehee!" when her ears are nibbled.

"It's good to keep fed," Orphan says, teasingly. "You're going to need the energy." He then starts to tickle along her ribs with one hand, tightening his grasp with the other to keep her from slipping away.

"AAHHH!"

Tam barely has time to put the plate of food on the counter before she collapses at Orphan's feet, laughing and batting at his tickling hands.

Orphan follows ta, partway down and tickles her for a couple more seconds before taking mercy on her. He then helps her up, facing him, and gives her another hug.

"Do you have any juice?" he asks.

Tam catches her breath as Orphan hugs her. She rubs the tip of her nose against his chest, playfully.

"There is a little orange juice left, and half a carton of cranberry. The cups are above the microwave."

She steps back and leans against the counter, eyeing Orphan's physique, as Orphan grabs a cup, opens the fridge and pours himself some cranberry juice.

Yeah, definitely the warrior type.

Picking up her plate once more, she finds a fork in the drawer, then offers Orphan some leftovers.

"So, where do you want to look for this sanctum place? I was thinking by the river, near the train yards. There might be a small warehouse or something around there that isn't being used anymore. We might have to look at quite a few before we find something suitable. It would be nice if there was a trickle of mana nearby, but that isn't something they advertise in the local renters guide."

"Would you like some juice?" Orphan turns and asks Tam. "As to where to look, your idea sounds good. I can use a variety of time and fate spells - divinations and auguries of various sorts - to narrow down our options, either by asking questions about specific places, or by granting Fate free rein to guide us in the right direction."

"Giving Fate free reign might just lead us back to there," says Tam, nodding towards the bed. "Some research is in order."

Orphan grins. "I think what might lead us back into bed probably falls more under Life than Fate. But, research is fine."

Tam looked at the clock by her bed.

"I have work in a couple hours," she says with a sigh. She realized she would have to put some clothes on sometime today. "I need to look for a new job."

Orphan nibbles on the leftover Indian from the night before. "Work's important. We'll need our paychecks if we're going to get a place."

After a few moments, he says, simply, "Waking up here, with you, is a great way to start the morning."[

Tam's smile fades a little, but doesn't completely disappear. Her eyes wander across the floor, looking at nothing in particular. Then, she looks up at Orphan. She isn't really smiling, but she isn't unhappy, more just neutral.

"Orphan, I want to explain my whole 'thing' with the Asylum. I know you are all understanding and wonderful, but ... I would like to tell you anyway."

She pauses, nervously nibbling at her lower lip, something Orphan really hasn't seen her do before.

"Sure," Orphan says. "Let's go sit down while you tell me."

He takes Tam's hand and guides her to the bedside, then sits and turns to face her.

Tam follows, but doesn't sit.

"Just after I came to Sacramento, I took a tour of the Shadow Realm. By myself. Not the brightest thing, really. Normally, that is a dangerous thing to do. In fact, doing something similar got me in trouble with the east coast consilium and why I am here in the first place."

She pauses and takes three steps, as if starting to pace, then stops.

"Not important right now. The Shadow is barren, like dead, like post apocolyptic. There were only a few spirits present, and I only spoke with one. It was a pain spirit."

She inhales deeply a the memory.

"It answered my questions, but only because I submitted to the pain it inflicted. This wasn't like hitting your thumb with a hammer, or anything physical. It was the true essence of pain."

She hesitates as she waves away the memories with both hands.

"When I returned, there was a time when I was frustrated, both by my bungling of Order protocols and by the apparent lack of interest anyone had for the state of the Shadow. I was just as ignorant of other threats and mysteries as I thought the local mages were of the Shadow's predicament, but I my frustration was real."

Tam steps toward Orphan and knees right in front of him.

"There were a few times when I considered going to the Asylum, to relive the pain, but to achieve anything comparable, I probably would have had lasting scars or maybe even injuries. Nothing physical can equal the true essence of pain."

She doesn't look sad, but there is a hint of fright in her eyes.

"Part of me still wants to go, to relive the pain, to connect to the spirit in some way. And that frightens me. I'm not saying what the Asylum has to offer is bad, but my personal desires for it come from a bad place."

She shrugs, looking very vulnerable. She looks up into Orphan's eyes, once more nibbling at her lower lip. She attempts a smile, but only half of one shows.

"I have faith the 'Others' are doing what they can to fix the Shadow, so I don't feel so bad neglecting it in pursuit of other pressing problems, but whenever I get frustrated or anxious, I think of the Asylum. I just don't want to tempt myself."

Her eyes ask for approval and acceptance.

Orphan slides off the bed to kneel with Tam and hug her. He doesn't say anything for a time, simply holding her tight while he thinks over what she's said, trying to understand. When he finally pulls away from the hug, his expression is one of openness and acceptance, but also concern, and perhaps a bit of confusion.

"Thanks for telling me all that. It certainly helps me understand that reaction to that club. Is it okay if I ask a few questions, though, to try to understand why that interaction with the spirit affected you the way it did?"

Tam welcomes the hug, leaning into it while it lasts. She appears very relieved by Orphan's response.

"Please do ... It might help me understand, too."

Orphan nods and thinks for a few seconds.

"I've got a bunch of questions. I'm going to just put all the ideas I can think of right now out there. I want you to listen to the questions and respond to them when I'm done... if I hit the nail on the head, tell me that, if some are way off, tell me that... if some, you're not sure, that might give me some more ideas what to ask. Some of these might sound dumb... they will probably be dumb, because I don't know much about this sort of stuff. And some might seem weird, but I'm just trying to understand, and maybe help you figure this out. Alright?

"What the spirit did to you... did it just inflict pain on you, or did it change you in some way, to make you want pain, or... or like it or something?

"Or... is it more a matter of, because submitting to the pain resulted in you gaining knowledge, you have a linked memories of pain and knowledge, and you remember that when you feel frustrated or don't know something?

"Did the pain itself give you some sort of insight, or sense of release or... I don't know, excitement or something?"

Orphan pauses and shrugs. "Those are the ones that come to mind right now... well, no, wait... I have one more."

He pauses for a moment, and looks a little embarrassed. "This next question... there's no judgment implied, regardless what the answer is, okay? Just... trying to understand.

"You mention having this urge to go to Asylum. That place, it's not just about pain, it's a kink club. This drive you have, is it just to try to reexperience the pain itself, or is there some... some sex thing connected to that for you? A turn-on? Did this whole thing of submitting to the spirit, did that... I dunno, trip some trigger with you, or remind you of some fantasy or something?"

Tam listened and thought about each of the questions.

"It was just pain. Pure, unfiltered. Mind numbing, channeled directly into my spiritual self. It didn't change me, not in the way you are asking."

An idea hit her, and this is why she wanted to talk about it.

"I think it was a way of punishing myself. I always felt like I was a screw-up, because I could never navigate social politics without tripping over my own feet. The pain was ... it was cleansing, it was so pure. There was no fear of injury, no concerns that I would die, though, I sure felt like that was an easy way out. It was pain without purpose and without any physical consequences."

"It was never sexual. I think I wanted to find someone who could purify me, cleanse me of my guilt, get rid of the side of me that can't seem to get anything right."

A pleasant and contented smile brightens her face.

"I get it, now. I was afraid of the Asylum, not because of the temptations, but because of what it represents to me. I wanted to go there when I felt incompetent, but here I am, working with fellow mages, living in a healthy relationship with this really great guy. I didn't want to be reminded of the girl I hated. That girl is gone, though. Not just because of you, but because I can do this. I can be an adult. I can grow beyond my self-doubts."

Tam looks around her room and sees things she hadn't been seeing before. Academic books, Orphan's jockey shorts, her list of important things to do, all signs that she isn't hiding from the world.

"You know, I don't think I have ever had a serious conversation with a boyfriend before? It was always about parties, or rendezvous, or fights. I don't think you count at a boyfriend anymore. You are my manfriend. The rest? They were merely boys."

Tam settles into staring at Orphan with an emotional buzzed look about her.

Orphan listened, saying nothing, while Tam thinks through things and comes to some insight into the issues that had been concerning her. He smiles at her smiling as the pieces started to fit together for her, and smiles wider at her compliments.

"I'm still sorting out a lot of stuff, and I still feel like a kid a lot of the time," Orphan says. "But I think I can deal with 'manfriend,' and I definitely like the talks, and who you are, and seeing who you will be." He leans in, kisses her nose again, then leans back, smiling. "And I'm kinda glad I can skip buying a bullwhip."

He then grabs Tam, stands and topples them both onto the bed, side by side, face to face.

Tam closes her eyes when Orphan kisses her nose, giggling at the idea of Orphan, nude as he is now, but with a riding crop in his hands. When he picks her up, she didn't see it coming, so she squeals in surprise, and flails with much futility and glee as they topple onto the bed. Orphan kisses her, interrupting her laughter.

She still manages to get to work on time that morning, but its a close thing.