Teatime

[Cassandra Reeding]

Cassandra sniffles and looks down, trying to get a hold of herself. The last thing she wants to do is begin sobbing. "Yeah. Sucked is definitely a way of putting it."

She pulls her knees up to her chest, her dress long enough to cover her, though she wouldn't have cared if it didn't. "Thanks. Sometimes I'm afraid to. Like you won't understand at all." For once, she was being fully truthful - not holding anything in or back. "I'm always worried that like, in the back of your mind, you look at me differently when I say things. Or maybe that's just my anxiety eating at me. I don't know and that scares me."


She lets out a sigh, "It's so easy for the mind to distort everything. I'm always afraid of not being understood." Her colors shift a little more calmly now, well, perhaps calmly. One is never sure with the way her mood affects her prismatic skin and eyes. "I'm really sorry if my weakness is what caused our oath to break. You don't have to forgive me, I just wanted to say it out loud. Everyone deserves that much." Even though in the back of her mind, she wonders if something else did it.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit waited a few beats before saying anything. Hadn't he always listened to everything she had to say? And just because he wasn't as ready to be as dramatic sharing it was his fault for playing second fiddle next to John? Did he have to copy Seraphina and her sickly sweet Spring? Maybe Sonnie's simpleminded demeanor would do? He recognized this bitterness, this downward spiral. Did they come from the feeling of disappointment he hadn't dealt with properly? Was it the curse? Did the Wyrd give them a push in their worst directions as a payback for broken alliance?

He took a deep breath, trying his hardest not to make it sound like a sigh. "I'm sorry if it feels that way. I'm just.. the way I am. Big emotions aren't really my thing, but that doesn't mean that I don't care." Because he did, didn't he? There were lots of people he didn't care about. "What could I do to help you lose that feeling?"

As she continued the Ogre watched the shifting colors of her skin. What came first? Not being understood or making it harder for people to understand her? He looked down on his own hands, curled to loose fists when Cassandra brought up the Pledge. "We don't know what ultimately caused the Pledge to be broken." Well, in his mind it was pretty clear that it wasn't because of him. Would the Fairest take the opportunity to blame the absent John? Or was John to blame anyway?

[Cassandra Reeding]

She didn't mean to make him feel like he has to change, but then... did she always feel this way about him? No. In the beginning, things were different. She might have been shy at first, but Gerrit was always safe to share things to. But then things changed. What changed? She wasn't entirely sure. The only thing that has been a dramatic change is her relationship with John.


But what would help that feeling go away? That's another question she couldn't quite answer. At least, not right away. She takes a long pause before saying, "I don't know... but, is there something coming between us that's made things different than from a year and a half ago?" She watches him, trying to get a sense of what he's thinking.

Read Gerrit - Dramatic Failure

2 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2022-07-29 10:28:53	Cassandra Reeding rolls 5 to Read Gerrit (Wits+Empathy) (10 Again)	3, 8, 8, 4, 4	2 successes

He's not wrong that they can't know for sure, or at least, they don't know for sure right now. "I get that, but..." She sighs and shakes her head. She wishes John were here right now too so they could all just talk about it. "I don't know."

[Gerrit]

A low rumble came from Gerrit's throat. Like a sigh got stuck in there. "We've already talked about that. Things have happened that changed the way I look at things. That doesn't mean I value you any less." Did people have to be bubbly like Seraphina or rip puns like Circe to convey loyalty?

But the way Gerrit shielded his emotions, the way he kept himself busy with cleaning up instead of connecting to her.. did Gerrit have feelings for Cassandra? The timelines would add up and this topic has always been something that had been on the Ogre's mind. She could be wrong but they way he carried himself definitely has changed ever since she got together with John, right?

"You are important to me. But finding myself and staying true to me is also important." He got up and held out a hand to help the Artist up. Speculating would get them nowhere, not without having the full picture. "Do you want to sit somewhere more comfortable?"

Second paragraph is for your dramatic failure, btw. Just a way to read Gerrit's body language, she doesn't have to believe that.

[Cassandra Reeding]

Things have happened that change the way you think? What? Because of what's her face leaving? Because John and I are together? Things happened, but he never wants to talk about what it is. What is hurting you so badly that you don't want to talk about it with people you consider to be your close friends? And then a weird thought hits her. What if it's because he likes her? That sticks in her mind for a good while and it makes her feel weird in a kind of way that she can't explain.

"I know you've said that. I guess I'm just struggling to understand-" She cuts herself off and shakes her head. He's never going to let you in, not like that and certainly not right now. "I just hope you know you're important to me too and I care about your feelings and what is affecting you." I just wish you would share what it actually is.


She takes his hand gently and stands herself up, "Let's go sit in the living room. Would you like me to make you another cup of tea? Or something else?" She brushes her skirt with her hands and sighs a little bit. She wonders whether she should say something about it or not. No, that would cause things to get far worse. What good could come of that? Absolutely nothing.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit frowned ever so slightly. "You're tying to understand what? Would it change anything if I told you reasons or the exact thought process and pain I went through?" He kept his voice steady and patient, at least he tried to. The times he opened up about things - with Vivien, with Colonel Worm - were times of weakness. And although he knew that them leaving afterwards was probably just a coincidence, it was enough to give him any ideas of oversharing anyway. "If you care about me and trust me my word that it's not about you should be enough. Because if it wasn't, what would keep me from lying about any reasons?"
There was of course the possibility that she just wanted him in a warm and fuzzy mood, but he was done bending over backwards to appease anyone.

"I'm good on the tea, thank you." He followed Cassandra into the living room and sat down carefully. "So do you know where John is? And how he is?" It was a touchy subject - both because he just opened the door for her to gush about their happy life and because he possibly got hurt in some way. But she would have told Gerrit about this, right?

[Cassandra Reeding]

"I-" She blinks. How does she really feel about that? It hurts her that he won't just tell her what's going on and what he's been through, but it also isn't her place to push for it. He's got to do it on his own and it's possible he never will open up to her. That might just have to be fine. She lets out a breath and nods. "I'm not going to push you into sharing anything." She'll try to leave it at that, even though it's hard.


Gerrit asks about John and she purses her lips. "He's traveled back to Seattle for a little bit. Some debts and favors were being called in, but I don't know much else besides that. It's been empty in here for a little while." Her voice sounds odd as she's saying all of it, like she's been having a hard time dealing with it. Just another case of dealing with people not giving her full stories.


"Maybe that's what I'm having a hard time understanding. How I have close friends but none of them will tell me what's actually going on. Maybe that's why I didn't say anything, because I'm feeling like it doesn't matter anyway." Everything is broken.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit practiced what he preached and didn't push further. She hasn't answered what telling her the things he dealt with on his own would change, but he was ready to accept it just the way it was. "Thank you."


Debts and favours, huh? Were they important enough to break the Motley Pledge? "I'm.. sorry, I didn't know you didn't know." When Cassandra explained that pattern Gerrit frowned. Something clicked and he realized how frustrating all of this had to be for her. It wasn't about him disclosing his weaknesses and failures, it was about her not feeling included or trusted. A raspy sigh escaped the Stonebone's throat. "You know what happened whenever I opened up to anybody? They left. Sooner or later, no matter how close things seemed - once I talked about what was bothering me I found myself alone again. Vivian, Ram, Colonel Worm." He stopped for a moment. To assume a correlation between those things was ridiculous, but then again: they were part Fae, so who knew where coincidence ended and a twisted fate began? "I did not want to lose you too." It didn't seem like Gerrit was aware of the irony of that reasoning.

[Cassandra Reeding]

Cassandra listens and it all finally clicks. The transient nature of this town, the way people just suddenly up and leave sometimes. Often without a single notion of where they're going and if they'll ever return. It's heartbreaking and traumatizing. This is what Gerrit has gone through. It's what she's going through with John, worrying he'll never come back. How would that make her feel? Betrayed, lost, depressed beyond belief. She never thought she'd love again and now that she has, she's terrified of losing him.

Was it worth it, my little songbird?

"I'm not going anywhere. This is my home, where I finally feel safe and at peace. I'm sorry the others left and in turn left you feeling the way you do. I know losing Vivian must have been devastating." Losing love. No wonder he's been so cold lately. "Losing anyone you care about is devastating and it changes us little by little, or more quickly than others can imagine depending on the hurt." She leans back against her chair and purses her lips for a moment before speaking again, "When Phillip left me, I... I couldn't function. I lost who I was. I couldn't get out of bed, I just cried all the time. Now I'm afraid I'm losing John too. I guess I'm trying to say that I get it. It feels like cruel fate, something that is supposed to happen in our stories as Fae. As we become closer to what we are. Or maybe it's as we experience these loses, it brings us closer to our fairytale. Whatever it might be."And that terrifies her. What if she was made to be a Cassandra. She rejected her Keeper like Cassandra rejected Apollo. What if she's never to be believed of her visions. That would make the loses all the more terrifying, if they could have been prevented.

[Gerrit]

A lot of what Cassandra was talking about sounded familiar. The heavy burden of Sorrow, the ever present pain of loss. And it seemed like Cassandra's fairy-tale with John was not faring any better than Gerrit's own. Although he really didn't want to, he couldn't help but feel a tang of satisfaction. They weren't better after all.

"It's in the past now. I have taken the experience and used it to grow." And he had the scars to prove it. "I'm glad that you consider this your home and I hope you still consider me a friend. Even though my way to deal with Sorrow seems alien to you." Because this was what it boiled down to, right? They suffered similarly, but while the Fairest was apparently still trying to keep it all together, to claw for help and allies Gerrit had learned to fend for himself. And by caring for himself he might be able to care for those close to him as well.

He had barely moved until now but what he wanted to tell her was important, so he turned to directly face Cassandra. "A while ago I talked to R'lyeh about Sorrow. In that discussion I realized that those experiences can help us survive in the long run." He paused for a moment, searching for words. "You say you don't understand why I've changed. All I've done is to try and grow a protective skin for me. Emotionally. It doesn't mean I don't care." Maybe he was arguing in circles, maybe he misunderstood her or didn't give the Artist what she needed from a friend right now. Could he blame the curse for this? Was it the Wyrd that made him miss the point - or was he actually making sense and was just doubting himself because everything else seemed so.. unclear lately?