The cool night air cuts through the long-sleeved shirt she had on, but she didn’t really feel it. Legs dangle over the edge of the roof, eyes looking at the city scape, but not seeing it. Her mind was racing with various topics, everything from love, to magic to what she wanted to do with her life. Her hand curling around the glass of vodka.

‘Another sun sets down behind me
Another day comes crashing in
There's a whispering wind that's blowing
There's a storm that's closing in’

She had lived her life without any real purpose for more years than she cared to count. Just existing and going through the motions that everyone expected from her. But after years upon years of moving around, finally settling down, trying to open up, what did she have?

Nothing.

And that brought a bitter laugh to her lips.

So many years spent keeping everyone at arm’s length to protect herself, only to end up alone and afraid. She didn’t want that anymore, being alone. There was a desire to let others in, a drive to open herself up. But when she had done that in the past, it bit her in ass and she regretted it.

‘Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away (Runs away)
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place (Falls in place)
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun’

Could she get herself past it? Past the hurt from her past? Letting people get close to you was important. Or, so she’s heard and told others. When would she start to listen to the advice, she others like Phoenyx? She deserved to be happy as well.

Right, she deserved to be happy?

Right?

A laugh, bitter and hollow, then a shake of her head as she took a pull off the vodka.

‘All the ghosts that live inside me
Always waiting in the wind (Wind)
I can see through my reflection
What I've become and what I've been (Been)
You see, your Heaven doesn't want me
And your Hell won't let me in (In)
It's like I'm holding all the aces
But that I know I'll never win (Win)’

Who was she? Her identity had been pulled from her, physically ripped from her very being. Though she had strived as a Shaman, it wasn’t who she originally was. Could this be why she was having the problems now? Seeing herself as Shaman in the mirror, but her mind and heart at war. Which was supposed to be her?! Why couldn’t see get past this? Why couldn’t she be open about the struggle to those around her?

With a final bitter laugh, she finishes her drink. If there was one thing she was, it was a fighter. And she was not going to give into this self-pity. She was better then that. She was a Master of Life. She had a bit of Fame, she brewed some damn good beer.

No. She’d push through this.

Eyes bright with new found determination look at the night sky.

Lyrics: Darkness Settles in Five Finger Death Punch