Circling Around

[JC Smith]

The uber bumped along the dirt tree lined road. It's lights made it hard to see much of the farm beyond but JC knew what he'd see before the car pulled up and turned off.

JC paid the woman driving, promising a good review and turned to look at the small farm house as they drove away.

The small multi-colored building looked more intimidating than he would have thought as his anxiety started trying to mount. Worrying how this was a big step and he should take more time to consider. Trying to think what to do do and say if Mable actually said no. Planning for every contingency. What if he walked in and found her dead and got attacked by enemies?!

He thanked it for its vigilance and knocked on the door.

Mable

[Mable Wood]

Mable opened the door with a bright welcoming smile. She wore jean shorts and a strappy bohemian top.

His beast assaulted her. Her own chanted for blood. She held her smile and took in a slow breath hearing it flow she cleared her mind of the beast pushing it to a back quiet corner.

"Hi JC. How are you doing? Come on in and make yourself comfortable." She indicated a small comfortable seating area with a small over stuffed couch and chair. She hoped she was prepared for his questions. She had studied hard, prayed harder, and made up her mind that she could do this.

[JC Smith]

"Hi Mable," he greet his Gangrel cousin "I'm doing well." He gave a small smile and nod at the invitation, moving inside with her permission. The sitting area fitting perfectly with Mable's wholesome personality. A mean stray thought whispering that it was just an act and not to trust her. He took a moment to reassure himself as he sat down that he was doing the right thing.

"So, I think you know I've been looking into the different covenants in Sacramento?" He'd mentioned that before to her right? The curse made it hard to remember sometimes. "And, well, I've been thinking on it and of the covenants available and what I know about them, I wanted to talk seriously about joining the Circle. What I would need to do. What it would entail."

The damn spider was going wild with anxiety. Maybe he should have thought about this more. No! That's why he was here. To make sure this was the path for him. Thinking would just send him in circles.

[Mable Wood]

Mable nodded, she had known he was looking around. "I'm glad you looked at the options. That way you could plan a path that works for you. I had also looked around before realizing my fit was with the Circle."

She gave a little tilt to her head as she thought about what to say first, "In the Circle there are several factions. I believe strongly in following the path which is right for you. Therefore, I welcome all factions here."

He wanted to know what to do. "To start the process of joining the Circle, you just need to tell me you want to join and that you will dedicate yourself to the Circle. You would start out as an acolyte in what is called the chorus. It's just a starting point and you can advance in time. The other part is I will ask a lot of personal questions." She give a quick smile. "And then I will help guide you down your path."

"What drew you to the Circle?" She looked at him with interest.

[JC Smith]

"What are the factions?" he asked with curiosity and a little trepidation. He still knew relatively little of the Circle aside from what she'd talked about on the farm before.

He gave a breath of a laugh. Getting asked a lot of personal questions. Oh how the tables turned.

"No one thing in specific. I know spirituality can help to offer purpose and community, both of which I'd like to have more of in my life. I feel like the Circle offers a more personal and less dogmatic way of doing things that appeals to me. Having you as a member and defacto head also plays a bit of a part," he admitted with a small smile. "Liked what you said about celebrating life and finding power in creation."

[Mable Wood]

She listened, "Thank you for your kind words. You are correct, purpose and community are important. One of the tenants of the Crone is Tribulation Brings Enlightenment. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that."

"As for your question about the factions, as I said there are many. To name a few, there is the People of the Land, there is a special connection to the beast a kind of acceptance that we are all animals. As animals we cull the herd, we don't torture but hunt swift and kill quick all in honor of the Mother. The second decent, the belief is in ascending to the dark house to live out the afterlife. The Amanotsukai, worshipers of the sun goddess. Here the belief is that Vampires were made from impurities and must help drain the impurities from humans thus making the vampire impure. These are the simplified versions of these factions and there are several other factions. I can go into the myths behind each in time or even focus on one specifically for you. In general, all the spirituality is of a pagan nature. Mostly the gods worshiped are goddesses."

"The second tenant of Crone is Creation Is Power. This is expressed in many ways."

"I do private rituals and rites but I also believe in open celebrations for the whole domain to join in. I welcome visitors to the farm to share the gifts of the goddess. I personally believe we were created to help mother earth. By our unlife we are nearly immortal and are capable of seeing the results of our actions as well as others. The kine are terrible to the earth because they cannot see beyond their short existence." She gives a little shrug as she knows her thoughts sound strange to others who generally just want power and control just like they did as kine.

[JC Smith]

Tribulation brings enlightenment.

JC paused to consider for a while before answering.

“Several. Being able to reframe life’s difficulties as meaningful can help you overcome things in the future. Learning from mistakes and finding growth in hard times is important. The easy and quick path isn’t always the best. I certainly wouldn’t have learned as much as I did about the other covenants if I had just chosen one rather than seeking out opinions. However,” if she was wanting him to be honest “I can also see it as a dangerous attitude that could encourage abuse in the name of it ‘building character’. Excusing bad behavior as some sort of blessing in disguise, thus allowing it to continue and perpetuate. Or gaslighting you into being grateful for it or glorifying suffering without doing anything to fix the problem and skipping the actual Enlightenment part saying it will come later.”

He paused again.

“In its own way, a very Christian tenant. When was it adopted?” Bold? Maybe, but again, he needed to start from a place of honesty if he was joining.

He listened her explanation of the two factions. He could agree with the idea of being animals, not torturing. Culling though. “To what end?” Would they have an end?

The second descent… he didn’t quite understand. Drain impurities to become impure? He suspected it probably had more explanation within the myths.

“So with such diverse beliefs what unifies the covenant? And how do you settle on things like how you worship privately?”

[Mable Wood]

She listened and considered his answer. "I can see where it could be used as an abuse or excuse. I look at it as when I have a struggle or a setback I seek the lesson to be learned by the incident. For example, I was abandoned by people I was working with. They left me to die my final death. I didn't die but I did learn a valuable lesson about my own strength and purpose. I used the situation to refocus myself. When I have made a mistake in court, I have owned up to it and taken the punishment and learned from it. The learning to me is the enlightenment. We all make mistakes, we all have pasts. What do we learn from it?"

"To really understand this tenant is to go deeper then just the words. Tribulation isn't always making mistakes but may simply mean obstacles in the way. How do you view these obstacles? Do you look for the simple and quickest way around to get it over with? Or do you look at a deeper meaning of the obstacle and what it may stand for? As a Crone, you should look within yourself as to what you can gleen from the situation."

She pauses, "Which brings me to a personal question. The last I knew you were joining with the dragons. Living with them? I'm not asking you to betray confidences but what happened? I need to know a bit about it because I need to know you are serious about wanting to become a part of the Circle."

"As far as a Christian tenant? Well many Christian traditions and thoughts have come from pagan traditions. I would say it was taken from our traditions. Perhaps that is why I tend to be more tolerant of Christian religions then they are of Pagan? Because I know where their traditions started. Pagans don't persecute others like Christians do." It is a sad but true fact.

"Culling? to what end? Good question. Well animals in the wild kill the weakest prey. The current issue within the domain not withstanding," The jackle, "We don't kill our prey. I guess we are all more like the Amanotsukai and are drinking away impurities? Either way, we do hunt on the weak. The kine are weaker than we are in many ways. I guess more than culling the herd we have more of a coexistence with the kine. I know some kindred feels like a parasite or a monster, I feel more like we help each other survive and exist like so many other relationships in nature. We all have a purpose."

Holding the covenant together. He's full of good questions. "My past experience with the covenant has been of mutual respect for each persons path. We have helped each other on our journeys."

Another pause, "So the Lancea feel that kindred are cursed. Dragons try to relieve their vampireyness with science and biology. Invictus just, I don't know what they think because I struggle to get beyond the titles, politics, and caste levels." Her honesty seeps out, "Carthians, well they are the radical thinkers. I guess kinda the socialistic view point to the invictus's conservative one? And we are more accepting of what we are and our place in the world. As a covenant, we believe the myths and stories told through all ages. We believe because we are myths to the kine. Our tenants bring us together as a group as do our central beliefs. We allow for individual thoughts, feelings, and worship. We also worship together in many ways."

"As far as individual worship goes, the faction path you decide to follow will help dictate your worship. And your worship doesn't need to be a religious one. I realize I say blessings and look for spiritual guidance, but mainly I am asking for different goddesses to help me along my journey or to help protect me and those I care about. It's not all that different from someone saying god help me through this whatever situation the person got themselves into. However, I tend to use it more to steady my mind and help me keep the beast within under my control and not let it control me."

"Do you do anything special to help keep that control?"

Man, she didn't usually talk so much. It felt strange to actually be heard. "I hope some of this has answered your questions."

[JC Smith]

If looking for deeper meaning obstacles was what you did as a Crone, then JC would fit right in. So long as anxiety and therapy training counted when over analyzing a problem.

JC was quite for a short time. How did he answer this? “I was living with them.” Another, longer pause. “This is from my personal view, so I don’t want you to take it as the truth. Just mine. And to let you know going in that I don’t bear Dirt Nap any ill will.”

“I was invited by the previous Order leader to live at the House and I accepted. To learn about the covenant but also for the company. And the location made feeding easier as well. In any case, when they left, Dirt Nap allowed me to continue staying. However, it was with the understanding that I had hesitancy with actually join the Order because, to my understanding, it would require me to risk my life in more ways than one to learn the powers they offer.”

“A little while ago, Dirt Nap offered for me to join the Dragons but did it in a way that made me feel manipulated and with the expectation I wouldn’t say no even though he hadn’t talked to me about it beforehand. I probably didn’t handle it very well, but I left to calm down. I’m not sure if you heard our conversation in court but I did want to talk about it later. However, when we finally did talk, I realized I had misjudged… a lot of things. Quinn quit the dragons and he ended up asking that she and I leave before we even really talked about my concerns with joining the Dragons, especially with him now in charge.” He didn’t mention the whole hunting urges, that he felt was still in confidence, even if he wasn’t sure it was true now.

He listened to her explain her views, trying to keep in mind that some of it was probably just that. Her views. That there were probably differences across the covenant on some points. Which, he reminded himself was true of any of them. At least right now, Mable was in charge and established where the carthians had no history in the city.

“Meditation, walking, some parts therapy exercises,” though most of those took time “purposefully moving the blood in my muscles. Like flexing and relaxing.” He added.

[Mable Wood]

"Okay. Fair enough. Perhaps if you had been there as long as you had been, and still felt apprehensive that it really wasn't for you." She looked up at him.

"Are you joining the Circle? If so I will welcome you with open arms. If not well, I am always here to talk and will even be willing to get into history of the Circle, but no secrets." She gave a wink.

"Glad you have some ways of keeping calm. Perhaps we could work on other ideas as well. More tools in the tool box the better."