Blush

[Conner Wells]

JC's question prompts a brief hesitance in Conner; brief, but present. How much could he trust this Wolf? Standing on the same threshold where Quinn had left him last Court, his Beast was slaking on bitterness and paranoia. But still, an answer was due. "I was Embraced because I failed someone close to me in life. A pattern it seems. "I was scrambling for answers and vengeance in a world I thought was chaotic and uncaring. Through the Sanctum I learned that there was a higher justice in the world, and that I could be an extension of it. That a life of undeath could still have hope." There is a muted pain in his eyes, but the scholarly interest from earlier returns. "You mentioned the concept of original sin before: that Man is spiritually dead. And yet, God provides both common grace for Man to experience and display good as well as the possibility of salvation. We Kindred didn't invent the sins we carry with the Beast, and even with it Kindred are still capable of good. It is rare, it is hard, but it is precious." Even in Sacramento. "Through the Sanctum I learned that I could walk in undeath and perhaps even be a better person than I was in life."

JC reproaches him, and Conner inwardly snarls. Who is this lone mutt who thinks he can talk down to me? What game is he playing? He should die now and let the fools who valued him mourn whatever dust is left!
​But the threshold of Elysium had other lessons stored in his memory, particularly the one that carried him through his last court: power through surrender.
Conner nods somberly. "You have a point. I apologize for the harshness of my words." Time to practice what he preached. "I will admit I have a great bias towards how other Covenants operate." Some more than others. "If nothing else, I would hope to convey that not all 'fulfillments' are good." Some simply caused more pain than good. "Especially amongst the Sanctum, the potential for abuse is great amongst our kind."

So, Mr. Smith's interest wasn't purely academic? Conner gave the Savage a once over, trying to imagine him in Sanctum garb and reading through the Testament under a lamp, taking notes. It was a stretch; but no more than some others he could imagine. "Your interest is welcome. And really..." Conner gives a rueful smile. "Nobody's 'religious' just on their own. What comes first is commitment." He nods. ​"Yes, the Second Estate has carved a powerful legacy amongst Kindred, much like how Christianity has expanded throughout the world. In many Domains it holds the same sway as the Invictus could." But certainly not here, and perhaps not with him at the helm. At least not yet.

His expression softens a bit, and he holds JC's gaze to make sure the Savage doesn't mistake him. "I understand my position here is precarious. But I want to learn; and I want to stay. And for as long as I'm here, I'll gladly do my best to answer your questions about the Lancea Sanctum. As far as looking for a Covenant to join..." There were a lot of variables to consider, but Conner only had one he wanted to hit at the moment. "If you were to join me in the Sanctum, I would want you to join because you believed it to be the right thing, and not because someone else told you to or if it seemed the quickest way to gain social power." As sincere as his statement was, there was an undercurrent of a motive: he didn't want someone using him as a proxy to get at his Clan. Whatever his mistakes, whatever his weaknesses or accomplishments, they would be his and his alone.

[JC Smith]

JC listened closely. He could definitely see Wells’ point of view. Searching for answers after the Embrace plunged you into the night and the dark. Similar to how adversity could increase religiosity. Using faith to regain a sense of meaning and control. Purpose and hope. Definitely things that could help someone during a tough time.

“It sounds like the Lancea Sanctum helped you find your footing and come to terms with becoming Kindred, would you say that's accurate,” he observed. Though JC wasn’t sure of the dogma (at least s Conner explained it) appealed to him.

“Does the covenant have secularists or atheists among its ranks?” He asked with a mild smile as a follow to the comment that nobody’s ‘religious’ first comes commitment comment. It was an interesting way to put things. He wondered if he was interpreting it correctly.

His final statement was interesting though. “I can assure you, I am looking for more than just quick social power in my choice of covenant.” He could have joined at least two so far much more powerful than the local church if that were the case.

[Conner Wells]

JC's question is oddly cathartic to Conner; one he'd never really been asked outside of the Sanctum's vows where the answers were set in ritual and ink and blood. Again, refreshingly genuine interest. Maybe even Elysium has room for miracles? "Yes, I think that sums it up quite well. It was good to have that knowledge and that reassurance early on indeed." The experience had been painful, of course. But the reassurance of there being a purpose beyond "death" was honestly what had kept Conner sane in those first few weeks of Requiem. Even if his humanity still anchored him to the world just beyond the sunlight.

A raised eyebrow. Not judging, just intrigued by the question. "It's more common than you'd think. Most join the Sanctum out of a desire to be a part of the community the Covenant offers, and simply go through the motions of services and the like. But only those who accept the Testament and fully convert are given access to positions in the Covenant." That had been a part of his journey; the initial begrudging service followed by the Sanctum's words slowly working their way into his cold but still hungry heart and soul.

JC's answer to his last question is equally refreshing and blunt. Say what you will about the Gangrel, they'll certainly say what they mean.
"I'm glad to hear that. Turnover in any Covenant can be debilitating, and having people who are there because they want to certainly helps prevent that." Though the Bestial paranoia within him demanded satisfaction, the Man was beginning to cautiously appreciate having an actual conversation partner.
"You mentioned having little experience with the Lancea; and you seem to have a broad strokes grasp of Christianity. If you don't mind me asking, what is your faith background like, Mr Smith?" A little more give and take, now more from a personal interest than a Covenant one.

[JC Smith]

It was good that it had helped him. At least some what. Conner had made some other mistakes. Some rather worrying ones. JC wondered if having found ‘the truth’ if Conner had stopped learning how to actually survive the danse on more than faith and a prayer. ‘Growing up’ in the Lancea had certainly given him the view that it was ‘the’ answer at least.

But he was right. Community, ritual, regularity. There was an appeal and it was interesting to hear a certain amount of acceptance. At least publicly.

JC’s could feel his thoughts trying to turn paranoid again. He was silent a few seconds before asking. “And as head of the Lancea Sanctum, what are your plans to create community?” It was a good selling point, except for the lack of members.

The quiet descended again for a few moments with the second question before he answered.

“I was part of a Christian church before the Embrace but left it before I graduated high school. However, I worked with church organizations, out reach programs, and members throughout my time working as a therapist.”

[Conner Wells]

And there it was...the question of how he would lead. The question he'd spent many long nights pondering over book and prayer. The silence before the question was a bit unnerving, but maybe that was just JC himself and not any malicious thought process?

At any rate, Conner decides to continue trusting in JC's interest, and dares an answer. "Honestly, I would..." 'Would'? The word of potentials and could-bes. The question of him leading the Lancea Sanctum in Sacramento was no longer an "if" or "when"; it wasn't even a question. "Apologies; I guess I'm still getting used to the idea of being a leader by default." And not by merit or choice. "But to reiterate: in all honesty, I would want to build a Lancea Sanctum in the Domain that would be open to discussion. Kind of an open study sort of thing. Obviously there would be formal services, but I want to have more moments like what we're having now." Minus the screw-ups. "Discussion of faith or Covenant outside of a confessional." He feels a bit guilty about scathing the other Covenants earlier, even if his biases of the Circle were more personal than Covenant. "I understand this would take a while to bring about, especially with no other active members. But what is the purpose of the Lancea if not to share their faith? That's where I'm trying to challenge myself: reaching out and learning with others and not against them." And learning was a rocky process.

He takes in the Gangrel's history with a respectful nod. "I can relate to that; the responsibilities of growing up can tend to put personal faith on the back burner." What surprised him the most was JC's background as a therapist. But then again, should it have? His articulate questions and interest in motive and fulfillment now appeared more fleshed out. "That is a difficult line of work. I sat under a therapist after a terrible loss as a human, and I know he did help process some of the pain." If not all of it. "Do you continue these services amongst the Kindred of the Domain?" God knew living with the Beast, however supernatural it was, would certainly make such a discipline valuable if not essential.

[JC Smith]

JC nodded. In that he was ‘lucky’. His Priscus was Prince so there wasn’t much chance of her abandoning the city but he’d seen it happen to Quinn. He wasn’t part of a covenant but he had seen Dirt Nap become leader of the Order. Which had then caused other problems that went beyond this conversation.

“It’s a lot of responsibility,” he agreed, especially for one who seemed so inexperienced.

“What would these discussions of faith look like?” His dismissal of the Circle, the only other prominent source of faith in the Kindred community, didn’t let JC immediately imagine it as open one. Conner’s desire to ‘share’ his faith seemed to JC to be the main motivation. But that was reading things into words that hadn’t been stated.

Finally, JC was surprised to learn that Wells would admit to sitting under a therapist. It could be taken as weakness in the more traditional Kindred society. The question of continued practice, JC shook his head slightly in consideration.

“I try to offer advise where I can. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of research on mental health specific to the Kindred condition, so much lies outside my expertise.” And it required an amount of openness and trust that didn’t come easily for Kindred. And could be broken quickly.

[Conner Wells]

Conner's excitement was really beginning to outpace his Bestial hunger now. The ideas he'd been rolling around in his mind finally articulated. Focus. Nothing is set in stone yet. Just take one thing at a time and...Here there was an inner grumble...be open to criticism.

"Looking at the Testament and how it applies to us as we live now. So much of faith can be shrouded in ritual and jargon, but how do we live it? What impact does it have on the Requiems of today? Or those of us who didn't come from a faith background as a human? Or those who are part of other Covenants? Or other supernatural communities? What should make the Lancea Sanctum unique among the other Covenants is that it should be accessible without compromising its integrity." His eyes are bright with the possibilities; the terrifying, far-flung possibilities. This was what he'd sunk himself into during his training, what had distracted him from the gnawing pangs of his mortal loss. "Again, I don't expect that to happen overnight, but I see the Sanctum having the opportunity for a clean slate in Sacramento. Maybe a better start."

He ponders JC's statement on Kindred mental health and his own background. Gears visibly turning in his mind. "That is unfortunate. It is good that you're in a position to offer that kind of counsel." Even if few would look for it or want it. "Perhaps that is something that could change in the future? Too often mental health is seen as purely spiritual or physical, when it should be a reflection of both. I've been looking for a new focus in my Testament studies, perhaps there's something that we could both learn from." Even as his Beast snarled in protest, Conner is hopeful that even if he couldn't gain a convert to the Sanctum, he could gain a partner in study. Someone to sharpen iron against iron with.

[JC Smith]

“Other supernatural communities?” JC asked. He knew about the Nexus, and of course there was the Jackal. He knew they were out there but it sounded like… “You want to proselytize to those outside Kindred society?” That sounded very close to breaching the masquerade if that’s what was meant. Maybe JC shouldn’t have asked, in case Conner used the opportunity to confess he wanted to commit the crime of breaking a tradition, but it was too late.

JC felt the need to argue that it was physical. Old training that his current state proved wrong. Couldn’t blame neurotransmitters when you were brain dead. “I feel like it would need a lot of research to begin to scratch the surface of things like frenzy and the Beast. Or how even mundane mental health continues to persist after the Embrace. But yes. Perhaps that could change in the future.” Till then (possibly never) he'd have to use the methods and practices he'd been taught as a lenses to view the impossible minds of vampires.

[Conner Wells]

3 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-07-15 23:55:33	Conner Wells rolls 6 to Read Reaction (Wits + Empathy) (10 Again)	8, 2, 8, 8, 6, 2	3 successes

Perhaps Conner had gotten a little overexcited in his motive rant...JC looked like he'd just suggested that breaking the First Law of the Domain was part of his agenda. Interest is clouded with frustration; did he really think Conner was THAT reckless?
"Not quite to that extent. Other races would have no reason to subscribe to the Lancea faith simply because the Testament as it stands has no place for them. There will always be a degree of separation between Kindred and other races, similar to Kindred and Humans. But ever since it was discovered that we weren't the only group on Earth that existed outside of humanity, there have been questions of what our place is in the Created Order. If it was God's will that Kindred would be brought about as a part of His plan, then other races must be a part of that plan as well. If nothing else, the Sanctum must be prepared for the possibility that other beings may consider themselves worthy of worship as gods, and therefore a potential threat." Men had enough delusions of godhood without the possibility of beings running around with the power to back up those claims. "Again, merely a broad, experimental topic. In practice the Masquerade is the primary concern." Easy boy; down boy.

But perhaps he hadn't lost the Gangrel just yet. Though his assessment was dour, it wasn't without hope. "I would hope so. There are too few Kindred who wouldn't consider those questions worth consideration." He nods. "I do appreciate your openness on the matter. I'll be thinking on that myself." Perhaps the night had drawn on long enough; he didn't want the conversation to turn stale. Better to turn words into action. "And I thank you, JC, for your time. Not to belabor the point, but I do realize that I have much to learn on the subtleties of the Requiem. You've given me much to consider that I think will be useful in the long run." Not to give the Gangrel any ideas; he wasn't wanting to use anything he learned against him...at least unless it was necessary. "I would certainly look forward to future conversations, perhaps in a less exposed venue." And there came the first step of Courage: admitting the need for improvement. ​"And as always, should you truly be willing to consider the Lancea Sanctum your home, I would be honored."

[JC Smith]

As far as Conner can tell- yeah, JC thinks he might be that reckless. Though the reassurance that that is not the case seems to be of some comfort.

The rest of his words however... talk of 'races' was a potential red flag. More by implication of word choice than anything else. Of course, not exactly out of place considering how Kindred as a whole saw humanity. More concerning was talk of other beings acting as gods. First because, if JC was honest with himself, he couldn't discount that actual godlike beings might be out there. Despite Conner's antipathy to the Circle and saying their gods were dead, he hadn't denied their existence. A stark contrast to normal Christian ideas. Seeing other gods or god equivalents as threats though... if he joined would it be as a foot soldier in battles against such beings that didn't fit the church's idea of the 'Created Order'? JC didn't actually ask. He didn't need Conner saying there was a mission to kill gods. The Circle may be small in the domain but he doubted even Mable would take kindly to such declarations. And if Wells said no, JC wasn't sure he could trust that answer.

Flex, relax. His anxiety was working itself up again. Luckily perhaps, it sounded like the night was coming to a close.

"Thank you for taking the time to answer some of my questions. You've given me a lot to think about." Just needed to parse it all out rather than thinking about it all at once. He nodded at the offer of talking later elsewhere. "I'd enjoy that. And please let me know when you start up one those meetings you are hoping to create."

Are you wanting to close? I'm good if you are.