Coffee and Conversation

[James Turner]

All those questions and more were running through his head, he always had a thousand and one questions. Had to have all the information, try to make the correct decision. But this? This was messy, this was well beyond his realm of experience. He'd only ever experienced second if not third hand. Then she spoke and gave him the only reason he needed to just forget it all now. He didn't speak his answer out loud, he just sat there like that with her. Enjoying every passing moment as it bled by the music playing until it wasn't then the soft sound of the needle running over the record filled the room.


Eventually the food would arrive, their moment of reveries disturbed by the vibrating of his phone. "They'll leave it there, just another minute." He sounded like he'd just woke up, his voice light and sleepy. He'd been so relaxed that it was just better than the sleep he normally got. He then sighed as they'd have to move to get the food, that shifting, shuffling, uncoupling so he could get the food. Not even bothering with pretense as he started pulling containers out to sit on the coffee table before grabbing silverware in case it was needed. What are we now? What are we going to do? This changes everything.

[Cassandra Reeding]

The moment they had to part was perhaps the most tragic thing her mind could conceive of, showing just how much she had disconnected from the reality beyond them. She felt sleepy, her body so relaxed that it took her a good moment after he'd gone to get the food to figure out how to sit up properly. Feeling him gone from her, her mind began back on those thoughts. What are we doing? What is this going to be? Is this going to keep being real tomorrow? The day after? Then her mind brought forth her own words from earlier: I can't expect you to know if I don't say it.

He has already taken out silverware and the containers from the bags and she spends a moment gazing at him. Again, impossible to read. Is he impossible to read? Directly, yes. Indirectly... no. No, she knows him. She sees him. He is just as confused as she is, right? That's why he's so quiet. Well, he's always been quiet, but this is a different quiet. This is a quiet she needs to break before more doubt sets in for the both of them. But with what? I can't expect you to know if I don't say it.

"I-I... don't want this to end after tonight." Her voice is quiet and sweet and perhaps even a bit pleading. She looks up at him from the futon, her lips pursed for a moment as she tries to put to words the next thought. "I want you. I want-I want more nights like this. I want dates and kisses and weird, coupley knowing glances. I want sickeningly sweet morning texts that would make others vomit. I want to argue and make up. I want to make plans and actually look forward to the future because you're in it." Didn't they finish crying? She realizes she is shaking and tears are streaming down her face again. Her heart is beating so fast she can hear it throbbing in her ears, her breaths heavy. "What do you want?" She's kicked it into his field. It's his turn to say it.

[James Turner]

He had a thousand thoughts about feelings, the strange spectrum of the human experience. He could feel the difference between a sorrow fueled by rage and vice versa. But when it came to this, to expressing himself on a meaningful level? That was a difficult task. He'd found a way to keep everyone on the outside for so long.


Once the containers were sorted he didn't hesitate to start eating. He needed the comfort from the food as much as the calories at that moment. Just something warm in his stomach, anything to reinvigorate his spirit. Her choice of openings had his chewing slowed immensely. Wait? Did she think that I thought that it was that? Is she just saying she wants to make sure it's for real and we're not just swept up in a moment. That one makes more sense.


Then she talks about what she wanted and her dreams of the future and he set his food down and focused on her. He thought that sounded lovely, what more could you ask for? It was a future he could envision, clearly, for once. Then she asked her question and he stopped, took a second to pause and sit up. He gave her a confused look. "I thought I already answered that." Lips curling up into a playful smile. You. Just you.

[Cassandra Reeding]

You. Just you. She takes a deep breath, letting it out very slowly, teary. She feels high again for just a moment and then tries to cool herself down, "I just..." she shakes her head, "I needed to make sure. I-" she lets out another breath, "I feel crazy. I'm sorry, I-" Tumbling over her words over and over again. She does feel crazy. And then she starts laughing, wiping away her tears.

"My brain just doesn't know how to stop doubting things. Like a little voice telling me I'm lying to myself. Or that you are, and that's ridiculous." She looks up at the ceiling for a moment, before looking back at him. She purses her lips and sighs again before scooching over and just resting her head on his shoulder for a moment. "Sometimes I feel like I just can't get it to shut up." Again, letting out another breath. Just breathe.

You're going to be a crazy girlfriend. Nope. ...girlfriend? She reaches over then to obtain her own food and shakes her head. She needs food. Maybe it's the need for calories getting to her head. She takes a moment to eat before asking then, "So then... do I get to call you my boyfriend now or do you want a waiting period?" There is a playful, flirtatiousness to her voice then. More level, confident. Maybe this is what she needed. Maybe. More clarity.

[James Turner]

There was a torrent of emotion, the passion and desire that filled the room, the sorrow that surrounded him, and the core of damage that made him who he’d been. It was all coming to a head around and inside him, twisting and churning leaving the empath more confused than he’d ever been. He looked inside to try and figure things out, but he was blind, always been blind to his own feelings, his own needs. He was stumbling through the dark now, not sure how to navigate this situation. He knew how he could help her though, as self-doubt rose to challenge her, he placed a hand on her shoulder. An anchor to hold onto, reassuring her that he was there. That she wasn’t crazy. Hoping this one gesture and a half a smile was enough.

He shook his head and sighed. “No, I know what you mean. I feel like a wave will come in any time and wash all of it away. Or I’ll wake up back there and it was all an elaborate trap. I’m here, I’m real, at least as real as I can be.” He knew the voices she spoke of all to well and he could hear his, he could hear her whispering that this was all as planned. Letting her head rest on his shoulder he brought an arm around her to give her a squeeze before brushing a few stray strands of hair away from her. “Sounds like we’ll have to keep reminding each other it’s real.”

Her getting food was the only permission he needed to start eating again. She asked her question mid-bite and he was lucky he didn’t choke. His mouth closed tight as he coughed, face turning gray once more as he swallowed hard so he wouldn’t risk choking again. “I’d like that.” What was Winter without a bit of formality. Though the smile on his face was anything but formal, or sad. “We’re going to have to figure out The Ice Law on this one though. I never really thought about it, never thought that this…” He took a deep, shaking breath pushing the sorrow out of him and into his mantle for once. “I always interpreted it so strictly because I didn’t think it would ever apply to me. Now? Now I understand that there’s nuance I think.”

[Cassandra Reeding]

His hand resting on her shoulder for that moment did give her just a little bit of the anchoring she needed. Something to just lean into for a moment to remind herself that he's real and this is real. Every touch is real. His arm around her shoulder, squeezing her tight is real. His words are real. And she continues to breathe. "You know, it could be better that way. Remind us more often why we got here." She met him back with a smile in return.

She'll admit that she finds his coughing fits after she surprises him with something adorable. Not the almost choking on food part of it half the time, maybe she should wait to get him in between bites. But even if he isn't eating, it is like the wind is taken out of him for a moment. It just continues to add to the many reasons she's so taken with him. It just makes her feel even brighter, and unknowingly look a little brighter, and she has to let out a slow breath to relax again. Why does she feel like a teenager in her first relationship?

"That's-" she couldn't even really put to words how that made her feel. But titles felt good. They felt secure. "Which means then, you can call me your girlfriend." And then he mentions the Ice Law. Yes. That. That was an easy one to deal with when you were with someone strong enough that you felt you had less to worry about, at least via the knowledge. It was easy, because you ignored it. This was not that. "I will admit that that portion is one I was never able to follow. Hiding your deepest loves and deepest hates, yes, that's a great idea, except not as people. Not always. It should be difficult to near impossible for someone to guess your full motives, your aspirations, how you feel about many topics that aren't related to our other necessary functions. But, when you are like that, it does make others question that legitimacy of your loves and hates for people, making it work out."

She pauses, her mind just reminding her exactly how she used to be. So two-faced that others were so positive for so long that she was with her ex as both a charity project and an information gathering project, at least, the others who knew. No one really knew how deep it was until it all came out. But she had gathered enough allies to make them still think she was the idiot in love trying to change someone horrible. It kept people liking her, talking to her, giving her what she needed. Who was more evil? The one doing the dirty work or the one with much of the information to make it all happen?

She purses her lips, trying to push those thoughts away. She's different now. She's not the same person she was then. "But I also don't want to... I don't want to fall back into that habit," She lets out a little huff and takes a few moments to eat a few more bites of her rice. "It's incredibly nuanced." Another sigh, because it feels like there really never will be a good answer to it. Why so many Winters choose never to love or hide it so well, you have to wonder how well those turned out. "But we know firsthand how love is so easily used against us by Them. Heck, we're using love against the Huntsman aren't we? Any yet, for once I just want to have one candid thing in my life. Which just makes it more dangerous." She looks back up at him, needing his thoughts. It's their problem to work out together.

[James Turner]

They were finally on somewhat stable, comfortable ground for him now. A chance to catch his breath, catch his balance and join her on more equal footing. This was a first for him, outside his Keeper of course, and that had been unusual. At least as far as he can recall, it was feelings, fleeting memories of moments that certainty when you know something to be true. But he could never detach what were his thoughts and feelings about that, they felt like they belonged to him.

He was glad they were there, just the two of them. This wouldn’t have gone well any way else, drained, raw, but hopeful for once. He wanted to put his arm around her shoulder after the squeeze, but space was still important as they worked through the situation and their feelings. He also needed to eat, or he’d get more faint than he’d already been. He needed energy after the sheer volume that poured out of him in tears earlier.

Girlfriend. That was nice, it felt nice, so much so he kept repeating it in his head, smile not fading after she uttered those words. She continued and he listened as he snuck bites while she laid out her experience with it. “I think the intent is to hide it from the Outside, not between the individuals. To make sure no one can use that weapon against you. I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me, because you’re with me.” It was a deep fear, terrified that his Keeper would come looking for her if word ever got back to her.

To have Anne send someone to take her, twist her, anything to weaken the Court in Sacramento. There was a thousand different ways it could go wrong. He didn’t have an answer, he thought about what he’d do if something happened to her and he only came to one conclusion. Fall apart. He had something precious to lose, the only thing he’d found worth living for, ACTUALLY living for. This was the first moment where he couldn’t simply go through the motions that accompanied life and duty. This was for him, for her, for them.

“I don’t think we could hide it forever, it’s impossible. We’ll slip up eventually or someone…” like me went unstated, “…will see through it. Then I don’t know how the Freehold would react. I assume Rhodes’ will call me out on it, Sera will congratulate us, Sonnie will eat snacks like she’s in the movies. I think Gerrit will be happy for us, but it’ll change the nature of the Court.” The Court was still important, but it seemed so small now when it was all that mattered to him before.

“I don’t know. I don’t have a good answer here.” He scratched at the back of his head, understanding what it meant to fall back into bad habits. He didn’t want that either, not for either of them. But it was going to be an uphill struggle for him. It was still hard for him to believe this was happening, only her presence there, her closeness quelled any doubts. And he looked at her with this thought and smiled. He didn’t think they were going to crack this one tonight, if ever. He wanted to make her happy, to express it openly and in public. But she was right, they both knew there was danger there.

[Cassandra Reeding]

From the Outside. Right. Because not every court was like Nevermore. Not every court had the kind of backstabbing politics that you wondered if you ever really escaped Arcadia or if it was really just another paradigm. Sacramento was different. She wondered if Anatole's previous Freehold had gotten to that point too. Was it something that just happened to large Freeholds?

"Depends on the type of individuals you have in your Freehold, but yes... this place is not there. That's not entirely a worry." Best worst secret was her previous Queen's 'relationship'. Well, that was the question. It was a clear 'something needs to happen, but isn't'. Except you never actually knew for sure. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. Brilliant, but she didn't want that.

I don't want anything to happen to you because of me, because your with me. And that just brought a wee panic to her mind. Her Keeper had done it once before. Her Keeper had poisoned her mind, threatened her for betrayal, touched... but then... What if it happened again? What if it isn't enough to get it out, make it go away? But then, she never truly believed it was more than a threat to terrify her. Keep her waiting in perpetual horror. Break her again. ...right? No. No. She left. This is why she left. She needed to be out of reach. It was a dangerous move, but that's why she wanted a smaller Freehold. Less attention. Less everything. Less likely to get caught. No ties. No attachment. And if she did get caught, no one else would go with her.

Then he talks about reactions and she just starts laughing. She needed to laugh then, get out of her head, "That is exactly how they'd all react. Anatole will be smug with the fact he was correct and I assume Titania would be in the same boat. I..." then she pauses, "I would be a little worried about Gerrit. He'll be happy, but he already feels a little bit isolated. Though, maybe there being something less to question would actually help more than we think."

"Oh, and Gerrit knows good and well about..." she blushes. "He knew before I was ready to actually admit it. Convinced me before we went to establish the Hollow that I needed to do something about it. I really didn't think that was going to happen today." I'm glad I was wrong. That this happened. And then she smiles at him with that hazy look again before letting out a little sigh, "We'll... decide on something. Figuring it out might imply we'll find a good answer. It might just end up being what it is. But, I'm okay with that as long as I have you."

[James Turner]

Not entirely a worry was still a worry to James, he wasn’t very good at letting go of things. That worry was likely to sit with him until it came to pass. His smile slipped a bit, stopping his eating as he took a breath and nodded. He just had to let it go, it wasn’t a problem that could be solved then and now, too many variables. He would have to trust her judgement as she knew better than he in this matter.

His keeper, from what he could remember, was highly petty and possessive. Worse so when it came to James, he wasn’t just hers he was also part of her. That’s how she expressed her love for him, turning him to her shadow so they’d never be apart. It would have been romantic if the reality wasn’t a living nightmare. Would he go back with her to save Cassandra? No. He knew she was damned either way with that choice, he’d rather stand, fight, and lose than hurt her like that. If her life was on the line though? They really needed to get cold iron.

Hearing her laughter made him smile, he was normally Captain Buzzkill so making someone smile let alone laugh was a nice change. He couldn’t disagree with her reactions; Titania was likely to remain cool and composed about it as well. He was confused when she said she wasn’t sure he was right about Gerrit then nodded his understanding. “We’ll have to change that then, I’ve been…distracted. I needed to get to know him better myself anyway. I don’t want him to feel like he’s on the Outside.” He didn’t want that for anyone if he could help it. He’d been there for far too long.

“Here he was doubting his poker face, see he’s a natural Winter after all.” He said with a small chuckle, the Court of Secrets couldn’t just hoard them it was about knowing which ones to keep and which ones to use and how. Part of the reason he was normally so honest, but now? “That makes two of us.” He smiled and slid his hand over to give hers a squeeze. “But I’m glad it did.” Hers was a non-answer as to how to proceed but for once he was ok not having a plan. “Only suggestion I have is to keep it contained internally as much as possible. If it leaks out to the freehold, fine. But when it moves outside that circle we might run into issues. But that’s a matter of when it gets out, not how. You’re right, in the end we’ll face it together.”

Together. It was such an odd thought but with it came a certain relief. Just knowing he didn’t have to face the troubles alone made it easier. First having her and Gerrit represent the Winter Court and now the change in their relationship. It was a lot for someone who expected nothing good to ever happen to him.

[Cassandra Reeding]

Together. There's that word again, making her heart skip and breath catch. Together. Again, she had to stop and reassess to make sure this was real. His hand holding hers, squeezing it, that was real. She laces her fingers with his and squeezes back. Yes. That was real. This is real. He isn't going to just disappear. There are other worries to have now, which is bittersweet, but those worries aren't dealt with alone anymore.

"Ah, so I'm going to have to make sure that every time you walk into a room with me, I don't immediately glow like a beacon," she chuckles. Though, in the back of her mind, it might actually be a slight worry. She knows how to control herself, but she's a Polychromatic; her mien does what it wants sometimes. Then that strikes her in a weird realization... she's bright and glowing at times and he is a shadow. His- No, it'll be fine. It isn't like she is a Bright One. If she were, she'd be worried. Then she decides to add on, "Or kiss you senseless in public, I suppose. That's a shame." She just wants to make him blush a beautiful gray again.

Another breath and her mind goes to the rest of the night. What else needed to be said? Done? Oh. The Lore. Did she want to get into that? It wasn't like it was a bad topic; it was interesting, but this was so much nicer. This continuous romantic back and forth. She wishes she could just stop time and just go on with these sweeter moments forever.

"Mm, before I get completely, wonderfully lost in you again, I did have one other thing to mention court wise. Something we are missing that we should be looking for. Not just signs of the Unbidden Lords, though, we should be watchful for those. But we are missing something in particular - The Lore. I don't know of what form it comes in, but it contains hedge maps, dream lore, secret trods if we have them unknowingly. I'm working on access to the Autumn library, but I'm thinking that we should also search harder in Funderland at some point. Just as a thought." She blushes a little bit then, "That was, uh, going to be my segway topic after I thought things could, uh, get awkward."