John couldn't remember how long he'd been here how long ago the changes had occurred. Their time was together but apart, her in the material world and him in the world of shadows. It had been so long since he'd been apart of anything else. It was always doing things for her, never for himself. She showered him with affection and praise so why wasn't that enough? He loved her, she loved him but there was something missing, this empty hole that only kept growing.


It kept growing and was replaced with dissatisfaction and the urge for freedom. To do something that was just for him and him alone. To have some time to himself. Haven't we had enough time to ourselves. I don't know, can you tell me what day it is? It's uh, it's uh. It's the evening of Court, that's what day it is. You know how I can tell, look. There were others like him and not scrambling around the crystal palace to get things in order so her Majesty could receive her guests.


As that dissatisfaction grew so did his awareness. He once was blind but now he could see, her love not having the effect it once did. He saw the burden all his fellow, he didn't even know what to call them, detainees? Saw the weight that they all carried, how they carried it. He could see the abuse, especially when he did what he was supposed to. He was the court snitch, he'd been put into that position without realizing it. Saw the scars HE caused, saw their pain. It was too much, too much for him to bear.


But he would have to bear more, many more would be hurt tonight. Sacrifices James, would they do any different? Do you know any other way? The truth was he didn't, he didn't know any way but what she taught him. Threats, coercion, deceit. That's what his life was, he was her spy out in plain sight. Others came to test her, to test themselves, and to dance. Everyone that had tried had failed so far, their spies not as good as the empath. Yet his own lies are what had blinded him, he'd been unable to see the truth in himself.


This is exactly what you wanted. But not like this, the price is too high. My happiness comes at the cost of others suffering, I can't pay that price anymore. It was a long time coming, it took a lot of planning all while under her nose. But she lived in her world and he lived in Shadow. There were places light could not tread and that's what he was for, he was her emissary to that world. He knew everything about everyone in her Court. That was his job.


Threats. Like threatening to reveal to her Grace that the chieurgeon had been helping others on the sly. She might not have noticed, as it was beneath her, but James did. He'd known the flame elementals that were the lighting for Court were planning a revolt and that they'd been working with one of her rivals agents to see it done. Blackmail to get them to do what he needed. Even if it cost them their lives. What other choice did they have, the other option was worse, they were damned either way.


It was about timing and precision, there were a lot of moving pieces and a lot that could go wrong but his only other choice was to stay here forever. That wasn't an option anymore. Guests had begun to file in, The Stag Lord, Gretchen the Gluttonous, Cyclopean King, the usual list of enemies to her Grace. He heard her soft whisper as she spoke to only him.


"You still remember the steps, right?" He could hear the feigned humour in her voice. Humour he'd always taken as genuine and now heard the tinge of threat there and the emptiness. It was someone pretending to mimic something they'd never felt before. He felt his heart tug and gut churn as it knit itself to knots.


"You know I hate this part." A smirk playing at his lips. Deceit, just like she'd taught him. "It's fine, it'll be over soon and then it will be just the two of us again." That, that right there. That sounded genuine to him but he didn't know if he could trust himself with that anymore. She was his blind spot so much as he was hers.


As her hand went out to reach her partners his clasped their shadow agents as well. Eyes locked as the first notes stretched across the ballroom light carrying sound that shifted with speed and pitch as it bounced from crystal to crystal creating one of the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. At least the first time he'd seen it. Now, now it was common place. It was a beautiful cage, but it was still a cage.


He remembered when she taught him to Waltz and what it meant. His mind shifting back to the past as his body kept time, following the motions he'd grown used to. The dance growing old.


"Now remember it's not just about the dance. It's more than a dance, it's a symbol. I lead at the center, my guests assembled around me because I am the heart of the dance and everyone wants to get closer. It's where they gossip, boast, trade secrets. Those I wish to keep the closest eye on will be closest. Now, it wouldn't be any fun if told you who, you're going to have to dance on your own there.


"Now remember the timing and steps. Step with me now." She chuckled at that as she took the first step and he followed. He didn't have much of a choice as her shadow, where she went he went as well. The problem was he still had to dance, it would be unbecoming for her shadow to be out of time. So she taught him the meter, then the steps. The first time had went well enough and she'd thrown him an easy pitch deciding to dance with the biggest Pretender in her court.


Now wasn't much different, another dance with an enemy and their shadow. James knew he had one chance at this, he could have brought that shadow with him. All the shadows with him but...but if they were like you they'd turn you in. Yea, that. The music swelled and then cut short. The Flame Elementals revolt came a little early as the room was plunged into darkness.


Light turned to darkness and he was free. His being, himself, becoming detached from her for the first time since they'd been sewn together. Information provided to him by the Cheirogen. And he was off, running, he didn't know to where he just knew he had to get away. Each step becoming heavier as he became more and more solid the further he got through the hedges. The first tear was the one he remembered the most, it wasn't like a cut as much as it was a burn except it burned all the way through.


"That was the last time we danced." He gave a half smirk to his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He stood there in Sera's perfect suit, clearing his throat as he tried to prepare his speech looking at his face for points of inflection since his words would have to do all the work with his face buried under a mask. "Action James, Action and consequences." He took a deep breath and frowned, red pushing at the edges of his eyes.


One hand gripped the edge of his sink, white knuckles turning black as blood was pushed away from the surface. The other reached up to touch his chest. That hole was still there and there was nothing to fill it. Now it had teeth though, eating away at the edges of who he was and consuming him. "Nothing will be the same, I'll show you." His voice pitched an octave higher with a feminine lilt as the first tears pushed down his cheeks, his body shaking as he started sobbing. "And you'll never be alone again." Wracking sobs turning to manic laughter as his chest heaved and froze, his stomach threatening to empty its contents.


It took him a couple minutes to compose himself, sobs turning to silent tears as his face dipped back up to the mirror looking at himself in it. Eyes swollen and puffy, clear streaks running down his cheeks. "Guess we were both wrong. I was always alone, even when we were together I was alone. I shouldn't have ever thought differently." He cleared his throat before hawking something up into the sink.


"At least I'll always have duty." Voice growing cold as his breath pushed out and fogged up the mirror with how cold it had gotten. His mantle wasn't the only thing that had grown cold, puffy red eyes starred forward intently as his expression melted, hands moving up to fix his tie. "Maybe you were right about me." His hand reaching out, knuckles tapping twice on the mirror before he turned and walked out.