Here he was again. On his back as the sun went down and the blood stirred his limbs. He knew they were dead and cold but he was having a hard time remembering what they felt like to be warm when he woke up. Or feeling like they were cold. As it was, they just… were.

He squeezed his eyes tighter shut, feeling the blood pull the muscles tight. He relaxed and felt the blood loosen. Was he even “moving” his muscles anymore or was he just a blood puppet?

The urge to hunt wasn’t as keen this evening. The prospects for hunting were surprisingly fertile near the Chapter House. It was still there though. Just… quieter. Enough that he felt comfortable staying in the bed longer than normal. Eyes closed, senses turned inwards. Examining.

He was tired. The nights at court drained him. The listening, the careful consideration, the fear, the hate. It all took it’s toll. And for what purpose? Survival? Was that enough? He let tried to let the clotted blood in his veins loosen. Trying something different. Why was he questioning his desire for survival? What purpose did it serve? To feel free. Free of the fear and thirst that had come to define his life. Free of the society of blood-drinking monsters he had become apart of since passing. Free of the guilt and the desires and the threats. Just… free of it all.

He understood that. But small steps. He wasn’t ready to give up and want to help himself keep going. What was something that could help him find that freedom? Something small and achievable that would help him deal with the feeling of being caged. Purpose could wait for now. What he do now.

He lay there for over an hour. Searching his mind. Tensing his muscles blood and letting it relax. Feeling the sensations of his body. The emotions of his mind. His thoughts wandered. Sometimes as was natural for the Kine. Sometimes drawn away by the instincts he had been cursed with. Yet all paths were eventually steered back to the task, the feeling, the emotion at hand. Rage.