Dirt Nap and Mable at the Farm

[Mable Wood]

Herd? Hmmm. Mable wonders what is on his mind.

"I try to be everything for everyone. I think." She tilts her head. "I want to do everything correctly. Like when I misspoke and said my grace instead of your grace. I was trying so hard to do the correct thing and be respectful of the Prince that I ended up being disrespectful. And when I handed the Priscus to Garrett...I wanted to do what was best for the Clan, to give us a good social representative in court. I also wanted to help him advance himself and reach his dreams. But it wasn't seen as that and among most of the kindred here, what I try to do isn't looked favorably upon." Mable gave a little shrug.

She sat quietly for a few minutes thinking about things. "I don't know. Maybe I need to focus more on myself and my needs. Maybe that would help. I mean, my working hard to protect the domain and sacrificing things doesn't seem to get me anywhere." She didn't feel like she had answered his question but maybe he really just wanted her to think in a different direction.

"You work hard to keep a low profile in court and else where. Are you accomplishing the goals you set out for by doing that?"

[Dirt Nap]

Dirt Nap listens intently to Mable's words.

He is quiet for a while after she finishes speaking, even after her question to him.

"Well. I came in with a goal of making some Changes happen to myself, and not letting anything interfere with that. I guess I more or less pulled that off." Dirt Nap says slowly. "Now though, I think you and me maybe walked different trails coming to a middle in the same spot."

He pauses and then says, "I started off really only caring about my goal, for myself, and not looking to get involved with anything else. I aimed at doing little harm, not trying to do good so much, figuring I wasn't the best judge on what would do more good than harm."

"Now I hear you saying you been tryin to do all the good you can, and feeling like you been trying to hard to do too much."

Dirt Nap is still for a minute.

"It sounds like we both need to make some adjustments. I let our Priscus know, that if it suited her, I'd step up to it. I am ready to try to do some good, not just avoid doing harm." Dirt Nap says.

"If it works out that I am Priscus, I've a mind to make you whip. I figure, you haven't yet messed up in a fight or when call came to be scary." He nods slowly. "If you don't mind my asking, what're your feelings on that, Ma'am?"

[Mable Wood]

Mable nodded as he spoke. "I agree, I believe we are in the middle together. I have always greatly respected you and your trying to improve yourself. I have been willing to do what ever you needed to help you on your journey. I still am."

She paused a moment, "Part of your journey seems to be to now look outside of yourself. Mine seems to be to look into myself."

"When I first came to the domain, I hadn't been around people other then kine to feed. So it took some adjustment. Please excuse how I'm about to put this but I had the attitude that if I couldn't feed on it or fuck it, I'd fight it. Pretty much I would hit first ask questions later. Then after I frenzied, I over compensated and tried too much to not fight all the time. I need to find balance now. So I need to find where my balance line is."

Dirt Nap then brought up her being Whip. "You know, I think that being whip could suit me. And you are correct, As nice as I may be most of the time... I love being scary. And I am very good in a fight."

"I just realized something, One time I thought I messed up was in the fight with the brood. I didn't make it in time to save Alice. But I did keep her from the final death and the man who was supposed to be protecting her is the one who messed up, he left when things got scary. I jumped in and tore two hell hounds to shreds. Maybe I keep looking at things the wrong way. I like talking with you, I can get my thoughts straight. Thank you."

[Dirt Nap]

Dirt Nap nods. "It can be a gift to see ourself through someone else's eyes." He says. "I saw a little bit ago that my trying to avoid doing any harm came across selfish and not being willing or strong enough to stand up to anyone."

Dirt Nap chuckles then and says, "Of course when I did stand up for you, in that meeting, no one seemed to think more of me for it either, so I could be barking up the wrong tree."

He is quietly thoughtful. "Realizing that...I think I am ready to start letting my Beast get stronger, and let it show."

Dirt Nap looks at Mable. "I don't mean to put words in your mouth, Ma'am. Tell me if I am heading down a false trail, but it seems to me, you have been getting the idea that people see your trying so hard to be helpful as something...like a weakness or a foolishness. Something they do not respect." He suggests.

"So, if that ends up sounding right to you, if you think on it. You might be onto something, allowing yourself to be selfish, doing things because it's to get what you want, not for anyone else. If people see you have a plan, in your own best interest, that it's not just on the spur of a moment, that might help."

Dirt Nap is quiet. Then he says, "What do you want most, Ma'am? For yourself that is, if you don't mind my asking."

[Mable Wood]

"You standing up for me showed me what you are. And I more than appreciated it. It is that moment that has given me strength in many other moments."

She listened to him thoughtfully, "You are correct. People see my openness and honesty as a weakness. In some ways, I don't mind. I kinda like them all underestimating me. And perhaps that is why I do it." She chuckles, "Plus it tweaks so many others. They project their own selfish idiotic ways onto me and others, but I just confound them. That's the right word isn't it? Confound?"

"Anyway, there are some advantages to being me. But being underestimated is the greatest one. Though some are catching on who have seen me in action. They know better, but they forget sometimes."

"Hmm, what do I want. I can't say that I want to be kine again. Nope, too far into this new life now to go back. I do struggle with wanting to feel more like the old me sometimes, but I do truly believe I have ummm leveled up. That's video game talk. I have been learning about those. But with greater power there is greater responsibility. I now see my responsibility to help the earth. I think I want more time to work on that. Finding the Circle helps me because there are paths to enlightenment that I can explore."

[Dirt Nap]

Dirt Nap nods once, slowly as Mable explains her thinking.

"Bein' underestimated...suited me fine, too. Now though, I think I need to move a little bit more towards taking on the expectations more than I have before." He says perhaps a little cryptically.

He nods again. "I buried myself in studying and learning more inside my Covenant. I suppose you might want to do that too for a while. I've done it for night two years now, and I'm thinking I need to poke my head out a bit more than I have up to now."

[Mable Wood]

"I'll try to balance things a bit better. I do feel that I want to focus on the covenant a bit more. Maybe even take on a bit more of a leadership role. It helps sometimes having someone you trust to voice things out loud to."

"So... if you are able to get the Priscus, I will be your whip. I trust your guidance. One of the things I really appreciate in this domain is that the Prince does not advocate violence first. She tries to resolve things with words and logic. It has made me shift my hit first ask questions later policy. But when force is needed I am there and I will be for you also."

"What other goals are you trying to reach? How can I be of help?"

[Dirt Nap]

Dirt Nap nods. "Thank you Ma'am. I wonder about that, when someone disagreeing or mouthing off or screwing up turns into them getting a beating, or getting cut up a bit. I haven't had to work that line out before." He says thoughtfully.

"I do believe that sounds like a good plan, Ma'am. Working on your own goals for your Convenant."

"As to what you can help me with, what I'm working on...right now, I'm working out how I would be acting like I would if I were a Priscus. Talking with you, seeing what you think about things, and what kind of choices you see for yourself." Dirt Nap says.

"It sounds to me like the best way you could help me with what I'm trying to do now, is to take it slow, thinking about what you want and how to get it, and why people might not have the respect for you they should, and how to change that."

[Mable Wood]

"Well asking me what I need and want is a great step in being a Priscus. Caring about the clan and helping it towards success is very important. I really hope that the Prince hands it off to you."

"I agree. I will continue my patrols but I will also work on my covenant stuff. Maybe even go for hierophant."

[Dirt Nap]

Dirt Nap nods. "Thank you, Ma'am. I think another part of it is taking some responsibility for the respect for the Clan. I might not mind people underestimating me, but that doesn't show the Clan of Gangrel in the best light neither." He says slowly.

"I've been thinking on that."