Above the Temple

[Avis]

Teeth flashed in the candlelight, a smile blooming as Avis watched Star eat her offering, and she smiled as she leaned forward, ready to take the piece he offered between her teeth and take it into herself. It was perfect. Not because of how she'd cooked it, although she'd certainly improved since the breakfast, but because of this moment, and because of who she was sharing it with. She chewed slowly, and swallowed, and smiled again.

"I'm glad. There were times, looking back, where it felt like I'd already been chewing on your heart, but I'm glad we're moving forward," she said, reaching across the table to grasp one of Star's hands in hers. A gesture that proved how far she'd come, at least in part.

"And I'll be happy to show you what wives do when they wear dresses like this, but later. For now, there was, well, this wasn't that important, but I think now's a good time. I... I wanted to ask you about taking on an apprentice."

Avis paused for a moment, to let what she'd said absorb.

"I was thinking, after what happened at the Nexus," the Warlock continued, eyes flicking down to the seasoned, filleted, and fire-touched piece of meat before they rose to meet Star's again. "I was thinking that, maybe, it was time that I helped someone else grow. And, as the person who's helped me grow the most, I wondered what you thought about it. Do you think I'm ready?"

[Star]

It's gonna be that guy, isn't it. Maybe it was the fading light that made his eyes look more green than blue, or the shade of his lashes that lowered to look at their hands. His fingers twined with hers in slow strokes.

Gonna have to let that go, yo. One of these days. That Swayze-looking Pinkman isn't Animus. Enough similarities that one is probably a product of the other. Of course, maybe it's not Pinkman. No, it's totally Pinkman. Can't he have just this one thing he's irrational about? If you gotta ask... But how about just the one thing? Got that thump-thump-thumping like looking over a ledge.

"I think..."

If someone asked, he'd say he'd never thought about it out of reflex. Truth was, Tuesday could have been. If things hadn't gotten... weird. It's a threshold: that point where a person sees someone else and thinks: I could help. Not just for a moment, but be a part of shaping who they'll become.

Spoiler alert: Pinkman's going to end up falling in love with his Intervallutrix.

"I think you'd do a great job of giving him some focus. Teaching him to give a damn."

Not thrilled about it? But not gonna lie about it, either. Because the deal's the deal.

[Avis]

"What? What are you talking about, him?" Avis replied, her eyes narrowing in suspicion, confusion, maybe a little hurt. She didn't have the right to feel hurt, of course, since she'd frayed the trust that was between them, but she'd caught what was in his tone. The resignation that he was going to go through all of this again. Because it didn't take long for her to realize who he meant.

"No, Cut -- Star, I haven't chosen anyone yet," Avis promised, reaching across the table with her other hand to grasp his between hers.

"I mean, you're right, that's where I got the idea. Him, and Pixel. Like, if Pixel had had a good mentor, do you think he would have ended up like he did?"

She trailed off, her eyes dropping briefly down to her plate before rising to meet his gaze again.

"Maybe. He was definitely arrogant. Full of Hubris. But, maybe his path could have been changed. Not that I think I'd want to tackle someone that misguided as my first apprentice. I don't want to be responsible for a shit show. I've created too many catastrophes of my own."

Remember the baskets? Of course he did. Or how about that time with Einstein? Her smile said it all. A little sheepish, a little self-deprecating, a little gleeful in spite of it all.

"So, no, I'm not going to offer Mr. Ganjapreneur the chance to be my apprentice. I was thinking, maybe, the Arrow that's been in town. Or another Warlock. Something like that."

She gave his hand a double squeeze, and then pulled back, picking up her knife and fork again. She was hungry, after all.

"But, maybe you should tell me more about what I've missed. What've you been doing in Sacro since I've been gone?"

[Star]

"It's okay."

He watched her second hand join the first with a wry smile.

"If it is? It's okay. I know it's a 'me' thing and not a 'you' thing." This particular rabbit hole. "And it's not even a..." Eyebrows dipped, rose. A shrug. Jealousy thing? Varyx thing? Sex thing? All of the above? Something like that. She'll get it. "I mean... not really." Fine, fine. Maybe 10% is about that whole 'stronk buff Thyrsus' thing. Ten percent isn't a crime. "I, uh, I... just don't want to get stuck being treated like a piece of shit you accidentally stepped in and is stuck to your shoe. Again."

Yeah, it's mostly an Animus thing. Maybe things would have been different if they'd actually had a real confrontation. A Duel? Who knows. Or maybe if she'd seen what he saw. A broken, broken soul being revered. All thrones are false. Maybe if Animus hadn't been such a dick to him all the time.

I am Jack's Hypocrisy.

"And, uh," his eyes moved back up, "Either way? I probably owe Pinkman..." snrrrrrrrrk "Uh, Ganjapreneur, nice one, an apology."

Because hadn't he done the exact same thing to the stoner he'd just whined that Animus had done to him? Yeeeeaaaaaaaaah.

"Pixel was a Councilor? Yeah, yeah, that says more about, like, the number of Blueberries in town than anything else, but." Catastrophes? She can't have all the credit. It takes two to weave a basket. But Einstein totally comes to mind. Hoo-wee. It's a mad, mad, mad world. The discomfort of self-examination was fading with bright eyes and his own grin coaxed out by hers. And the topic being served up. "So would he? I don't know. Part of me thinks, hmmm, maybe he was just messing with Camper? Since Mystagogue? Seeing if he'd flip out. Oh, uh. Yeah. Speaking of? Camper? And things I've been doing. Well he was Hierarch, but asked him to step down or Duel over little technicality. And this other Guardian cheated in a Duel before that, and Tyche and I turned him in. Aaaaaaand..." Feels like something is missing. "Hmmm. The usual? Dumb Secrecy slips. Spider lady in a creepy house. Got a Soulstone from some Abyssal jabberwockys. I think I'm forgetting something, buuuut. Don't remember."

He shrugged and returned the squeeze(s) before turning his attention back to his own meal.

[Avis]

Avis' silverware stilled atop that piece of heart, the tines of her fork embedded in the cooked flesh, the blade of the knife frozen mid cut.

Maybe the words had been harsher than he'd intended. Or maybe a bit of truth had spilled through, like a trace of blood seeping out of an internal wound. Or...maybe she had too much pity for herself, even though she'd caused that wound. She'd known it couldn't be healed in one night. Known that one symbolic act couldn't heal all. And maybe it shouldn't. They were growing towards something stronger, weren't they? And growth didn't come with pain. Healing didn't come without struggle.

The knife began to cut again, though she had to fight not to dip her head, to hide her face. He was owed a chance to vent his anger, and she owed him the opportunity to do it to her face.

"I'm sorry," she said simply, not trusting whatever else she might say to sound like anything but an excuse.

But, the thing was, there was more than just hurt there. She'd seen him return the grin, seen shared memories spinning behind his eyes, the reminder of so much more than pain, and slowly, it coaxed her smile back out again.

Avis chewed thoughtfully as she listened to the summary of all the things that had happened since she'd returned to town.

"Sounds like the Consilium is just as fun as I remember it," she said with a soft snort. "Honestly, in a way it's comforting. Ya know, to know that it wasn't just a shit show when I was there. When I still gave a shit. About Consilium, I mean. I'm just going to be on the sidelines. I'd rather focus on the cabal, and the Arrow, and the apprentice, I guess.

"But, um, anyways, I'm glad you're ok. A soulstone means Mastery, and I don't even want to think about what that looks like with the abyss. You remember the house? With the bear? I still have nightmares about that."

[Star]

Did she need to be?

"For what? Animus being a jerk wasn't your fault."

Sure, it had hurt his feel-bads a little. Hurt them in that unreasonable way where it feels like someone is complicit but the Truth is otherwise. He'd known it back then, too. Revered Maser alum of the Consilium, big-shot Arrow. Why wouldn't she gravitate into that orbit? Or be expected to leave it? Never come up since, has it? That's the problem with some people dying. Makes it hard to unpack your luggage without dumping on their memory. Five years seems like a fair number.

"I'm sorry, too." Eyes flickered away from the blade slicing flesh to look at he again. "I just, really, was trying to say it was okay. Not... tangent. You said a thing, did this," he waved the knife carefully, "And I'm not... using it as an excuse? You know, the way someone apologizes and the other person takes is as permission to unload? I'm not." The first rule of not making something into a thing is don't make it into a thing. Because now he's derailing her thing. Does that need an apology or explanation? It's a rabbit hole. It's an illusion that words are enough. And in that deception are all the unintentional lies of understanding. He put his fork down and reached out for her hand with more fervency than tenderness or a caress. "Look at me."

He'd let her, too, dispelling the artful lattice of Mana that suffused his resonance and disguised it like a masterful forgery over the original. There's plenty of time for talk of Consilium and soul stones and bears oh my! after. There's all the shades of the lighter blues like a tropical beach's waves catching the golds and yellows of the sun. They're lapping up over and washing away small streaks of earthier tones while deep ruby fireflies flt about over them.

[Avis]

For a second time, the fork and knife stopped moving, though the reason why couldn't have been more different. Avis met his eyes again, though her gaze lost focus as she really looked, looked without looking, saw without her eyes, saw the beautiful revelation flickering around him, more beautiful than anything she'd ever seen before. More breathtaking than half dome, more entrancing than the dancing rivers above the Nexus, and more spectacular than even the artifact embedded in the Circle.

Why hadn't she looked before? The revelation had been there this whole time, waiting for her. It would have been so easy, as simple as just following her nature, and yet, the reason why was just as simple. She'd been afraid. Afraid of what the truth was, afraid of how painful it would be to see what she'd thought would be there. No, afraid of what she thought should be there. What she deserved.

Tears leaked down her cheeks, and a half sob, half laugh echoed up out of her throat and the silverware clattered to her plate, falling from her fingers as she grasped at his hand again and brought it to her lips.

"I'm sorry," she said again, softly, her lips brushing his skin. "I just, I thought I deserved it. So I assumed. I didn't realize how much I wanted you until I'd been away, and I realized that if I was hurting that badly, it must be even worse for you, and so I thought I deserved it. And I was afraid. I don't know how you can forgive me, and you don't need to explain, I just, I love you. And I'm sorry."

Her lips brushed his skin again as she kissed his fingers again.

"I wish I'd brought the couch," she said with another tear filled laugh, as she let his hand go. "I hate this table being in the way."

Wasn't it ridiculous, how much she wanted to be close to him, in that moment? Ridiculous when all she needed to do was blend her mind with his to truly be close, and yet it was touch that she needed in that moment. Enlightenment, sometimes, felt impossibly far away, and yet, in that moment, she hardly cared.

1 success

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2020-06-07 23:15:12	Avis rolls 8 to Aura Perception (gnos+mind) (10 Again)	10, 3, 3, 6, 2, 3, 1, 4, 7	1 success

Avis casts Aura Perception, reading that aura.

[Star]

Maybe it was worse. He didn't know. There was still a scar, like a lightning strike, but just as grass would regrow over scorched earth the blues were were washing over and encroaching at the edges to deepen the hue. Paths had come together, diverged, then rejoined. That razed hurt could have been cultivated and tended to with bile and acid -- some had certainly been spilled here and there -- but he'd chosen to wait. For this.

"You didn't. You don't. You never...," he paused to tug at a lower lip with teeth, "You never did anything out of spite. To hurt me." Collateral damage. That's all it was. And it could have been more. Easily. Love isn't entirely blind. He's seen the flashes of anger and the times she has lashed out. Maybe it's not about being the only person that can make you laugh, or cry... but being the only person you'd forgive. "I know." Everything. All the things words try so, so hard to encompass. "But... this is true love. You think this happens every day?"

Long fingers brushed at her lips as he took a deep, shaky breath that scraped through a tight throat and came back out as the huff of a laugh. Yeah, a couch would have been nice.

"I'm pretty sure I can turn it into a couch," he winked. "But." It's not that hard: standing up, taking those couple of steps that would bring him close enough, then reaching down to hug her. Tight. Burying his face in her hair and feeling the warm pressure instead of the cool solitude of the wind for a few long moments.

"Also? Like. Don't worry. Consilium still doesn't care about you, either." He snickered. "And of course I remember the Arrow Bear. Somehow I ended up dragging it around playing Show and Tell with the other Guardians. Hi. I'm Star and this is my bear. But I got there after, so."

[Avis]

Avis couldn't help but laugh into his shoulder as they embraced again, though the urgency, the need to reassure herself that he was actually there had faded, if only slightly. She twined her fingers into his hair, pulling him close, her other arm wending its way beneath his jacket, luxuriating in the warmth that had been trapped there, at his back. She wasn't of that phrase, true love, but it didn't matter. Words were only words, an echo of understanding, an illusion as flawed as everything else the Exarchs had built. What mattered was how they felt, and she relaxed into him, just enjoying the warmth, and the closeness, and the feeling of loving, and being loved.

Though, all things came to an end, and as they pulled away, she smiled at him, eyes still shining, teeth flashing in the candlelight, like a reflection of who she could have been, or perhaps, who she would be.

"What do you think Zodiac would say if she could see us now?" she asked, her hands still lingering on his arms, a soft giggle escaping.

"Also, I was thinking I should move in with you. Into the same room, I mean. I don't think I need the space anymore. I mean, maybe I do, but that's part of growing. And yes, I'll start doing laundry, too."

[Star]

He's a believer. Maybe not in the fairy tale of 'true love', but in the singularity of it. Would he ever feel this way about someone else? Improbable. Maybe close to. Or just go through the motions. And even if he could? He couldn't. There'd always be a comparison. A shadow hanging over whatever came after. Even something as simple as this... he'd miss the keloid lattices that criss-crossed jagged waffles of pressure. Had he ever heard her sound like this? So... happy? Sometimes it seemed like she fought it like her own personal Jabberwocky. Understandable. Annoying at times, but understandable.

"Right now?" Brows furrowed and his eyes darted upward for a moment in consideration. "She'd say, 'You know the food is getting cold, right?'," he mimicked the other brunette's clipped acerbic tone. There's a hint of nostalgia in that smile. Oh, he missed her. For now, though, it's just his Warlock shining in the starlight from the shadows like some perfect reflection of all the unseen things. "Man," he whispered. "I should have proposed on a night like this."

It's her turn, though, isn't it? And she has. To change that brings them closer together.

"Sure. But. No way," he countered. "I'll end up with, like, pink khakis. Besides. You can't go all Stepford and take away all the things I can tease you about."