"Hello my name is Carl..."


"Hi Carl..."


"...it's been a week since my last drink."


There was a scattering of applause from the assembled crowd. There were meetings like this all over the city, different times, different locations but they were all pretty much the same. Everyone coming in with a struggle, everyone fighting their own personal demons.


This one happened to be in the Elk Grove Congregational Church in the evening. John wasn't a therapist technically but the meetings were easy enough to run. AA and NA had a structure and an order that they followed, the twelve steps. They were the framework that John followed but not to a T.


In the end it was going to help about half those gathered, the other half would relapse; relapse and then recover if they were lucky. He was doing all he could to help them, Carl here had three DUIs to his name, license was suspended, lost his job, now he's afraid of being homeless.


It'd been a week since his last drink, he was making progress but all it was going to take was one bad day and he'd fall back off the wagon and that day was most likely coming, not everyone got to make it out, that was the unfortunate truth of the world. Even in his durance, he got out but how many were still there? How many slave to the Bright Queen.


John would still try though. He couldn't help him find a job, that was the occupational counselors job, if he was his therapist he could help him develop more healthy coping mechanism, get him refocused on a healthier addiction . Structure and order to occupy his time.


But he was here, he was present, there to be a rock for those gathered.


"Thank you Carl, you're doing great work. Keep it up. Tell me how's the first week been?"


Everyone was different but one day, two, a month, a year, all of it was a struggle and a struggle they would bear with them the rest of their lives. In this John felt kinship, felt reconnected with who he had been, what he used to be before he was taken. With these people it was like he'd just been through any other tragedy. Here they could all grieve together, all suffer together.


Here there sorrow filled the room near to bursting. There was so much pain, so much suffering here that he couldn't even hope to take it all. Take it he did, he fed on their sorrows with no remorse. He was helping them, helping them try to correct their lives. He didn't have to do anything else.


He didn't know if it was a secret, but you didn't have to do anything. You didn't have to cause sorrow. Sorrow was everywhere if you knew where to look or were sensitive to it. Walking around the streets of Sacramento you'd never know it, he was sure Carl seemed like anyone else as you walked by him. You'd never know he'd been suffering so.


Sorrow was a poison. It was good to let it out. It was OK to not be happy, it was OK to suffer. The goal was to not let it control you.


The meeting adjourned, people milling about breaking into clusters to talk. Most went out to smoke, some grabbed day old donuts and terrible coffee. John was in the coffee and donut crowd, pouring his coffee as he noticed Carl hadn't moved an inch, his head cast down to the floor.


John frowned, grabbing a second donut and balancing a plate on top of each Styrofoam cup as he took a seat next to the man.


"Hang in there Carl. One day at a time isn't just a saying. It's all any of us can do, you have to keep on walking forward. Always forward, remember that. Sometimes when the walls feel like they're closing in all you can do is push through.


"I know it's not easy but it is worth it. Watch the sunrise, go out to the bay and watch the sunrise. Most people forget how beautiful it is, forget that it happens. We all get caught up, wound up in our lives and forget to take in the little beauties in the world around us.


"There's still a lot of beauty out there if you know where to look. This place, this place is beautiful too. Look around. Everyone has to start from somewhere, you get to rebuild, reshape your life and who you are. YOU get to choose that. YOU get to choose the destination. YOU get to choose your rebirth.


"What's more beautiful than that?"


His eyes shimmered in the light, the hint of fresh tears brewing as he set the plate down and patted Carl on the back a small smile on his face. He couldn't force Carl to see it, he couldn't even push too hard or he'd break. Carl was the most fragile he'd ever been in his life and he had to put himself back together.


All he could do was lend his support.


That was John's evening and after that he was full up on Glamour and a reminder of the beauty in the world, of why he was here.