Studies done for the day, parting with Chunhua, still a bit confused over this strange feeling inside of her, what was this? Why did someone care? What did it mean when someone cared? What kind of obligations did that put on the one someone cared for? Her head in utter disdain, thoughts flowing wildly, what was this horror? It had been so much easier earlier, she had never truly cared about anyone besides her one friend but then again caring about someone that no longer walks this plane and someone still living are vastly different things.
A small child falling down in front of her, tears quickly coming, of course tears would come from a fall that was only natural, a child didn't handle pain the same as an adult and weren't as hardened.
A gentle hand stretching out and helping the child rise, the child hugging it's father, she had helped children up before that was nothing strange but why did this scene make her react so much? Is that how a parent should be? Bring comfort to the child? Was this really the world she lived in?
Placing her palms against her forehead, her fingers against her hair, violently shaking her head.
This surge inside of her wasn't normal, was it even natural? What was this?

Running, running aimlessly, everywhere small gentle glimpses of genuine affection, things that had been around her all her life, things that everyone is used to, nothing more than simple reality. A tender caress between lovers, picking up a small item that a stranger had dropped and then just walking on, hugs, genuine smiles on people when they viewed someone. She had seen it all before, she had been a part of it but never had she reacted to it before.
Emotions, feelings, love, care all of those were simply dreams, things she desired, things she wanted, things that existed in books and in movies, things that always seemed foreign, for the first time she could actually feel a small part of it, notice it all around her, overwhelming all her senses.
Conquering her mind, filling her with thoughts, memories, realizations, even if this were just the beginning and much more might come so what did this all mean?

Her heart pounding so loudly it was surprising that no one could hear it, her vision getting blurry as tears runs down her eyes, finding herself at home, not knowing how long time have passed. Curling up on her bed, shaking, confused, not understanding why this were something so good and why people desired it, or was she just to stunted? If this were natural then why had she liven in such a cruel world up to this point? Use, be used, that had always been her world, Arcadia may have been a nightmare but it ultimately served the same purpose, her keeper had used her for it's own twisted pleasure, her siblings and caretakers had used her for their own gains prior to that, classmates, people around her everyone had always did the same that was the norm. Everyone looked out for themselves, even if they hid behind other things, even if she really did want to genuinely care for people to spare them that reality to create what she had only read in books before to defy this world and create something better that it didn't only partially exist but that it was such a norm and such an abundance were to new for her mind.
Even love as she knew it were ultimately self serving in the end, what was this? What should she do?
Time being removed from her mind, the concept of reality itself losing it's grip, somewhere in the mess a package delivered and collected without her even understanding that she had left the bed, ultimately her mind going blank as her eyes close dragging her into the land of dreams, exhausted and torn in ways it never before had been.