I was never what you’d call a normal child, I wasn’t a problem child either I just never quite fit in. I always felt detached from my peers, detached from everything that was going on around me, like I was an outside observer. For the most part I was, the older I got the less I was involved too. Birthday parties happened less frequently, I went to the occasional party but for the most part I sat there, drank a little beer, smoked a little weed and didn’t really do much. I think people forgot I was even there which is even how I kept getting invites.

It was always interesting watching everyone else, watching how people reacted after a win or loss, watching the drama of interconnected relationships and watching them dissolve and how that affected the people only tangentially related to the group. But that was me, that’s who I was.

Distant.

I went my entire life just feeling this gap between me and everyone else. I wasn’t without emotion or empathy, the opposite in fact, I just hard problems relating with people. I was reactive, passive, I didn’t really put a lot of thought or effort into my life. When I was told to go to college that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t know what for, never decided but I had time right?

That’s when I had met her. I’d just been sitting at a bench adjacent to the quad on campus, it was a beautiful spring day so people had been picnicking, playing Frisbee, tossing a football back and forth. I was eating half of my sub as I was watching a couple, unable to make out what they were saying but trying to get a bead on the situation when she took a seat next to me and stole half of my sub.

She’d had what dark hair worn in a pixie cut, hair skin, and the deepest green eyes I’d ever seen . Luckily I hadn’t had any food in my mouth as my jaw dropped aghast as she’d just sat down and stolen half of my sub. I didn’t even get a chance to protest when she started talking to me.

“So do you think they’re fucking yet?”

Just right out with it, I couldn’t even believe it, she scooted closer to me her elbow resting on my shoulder as she turned to the couple.

“They’re definitely fucking, you can see it right?”

“Well, yea. But look at him, his look at how he’s sitting. He’s only half facing her and his attention keeps getting pulled away. He was totally just checking out that girl in the short shorts. See. The one right there. Look. He’s totally watching her. So sure, they’re fucking but he’s keeping his options open.”

“Poor girl, can’t even tell.”

“Not even a clue.”

We laughed together, I didn’t laugh all that often. There was something about her that just made me feel at ease. I didn’t even care she’d stolen half my sub anymore, that could have been her plan all along but it didn’t matter anymore.

“Gina.”

“James.”

We’d spent the entire afternoon like that, just sitting there dishing on everyone around us. It had been the closest I ever got with anyone before, someone that felt like an outsider looking in with me. Hours had passed and it was well into evening once the last people had cleared out and it was just the two of us.

“Hey you wanna walk me back home, I don’t really want to walk back alone.”

“Yea I can do that, lead the way.”

I got up and offered her my arm, partially in jest, but she’d taken it anyway her body leaning into mine as we cut across campus and she left me through the park. A shortcut I was told. But when the underbrush grew untamed I started getting worried as I looked around and it was like we were lost in the forest. I’d stopped and she’d kept walking for a few feet before looking back on me.

Where was that light coming from…

“What’s wrong?”

Were the last words I heard before the ground opened and I was swallowed whole. I don’t know how long I fell for I don’t even remember landing. I just remember losing consciousness and waking up later. Gina was gone and replaced was a being of effervescent light was in front of me. She was pure light and it hurt to look at her, she was bright, perfect, and dangerous.

And utterly solid as she brought a hand down to stroke my cheek.

“You’ll be with me forever, don’t worry.”

And from that proximity I screamed as my retinas burned through shut lids. The eyes were the first thing I lost, flesh burned off next and I was made less than. Light became shadow, right side up became upside down. It was like standing on the surface of the water but under the water.

Every Shadow had a role and a function in her court and I was there to be her eyes and ears. Apparently I had passed her test, proven myself worthy to be her Shadow, to be her representative in the world of shadows. Not that there was much to interact with there. My usual company was the chair, the chandelier, the pillars. It was a treat when we got guests.

It took a long time to get free, clever planning, moving parts and in the end everything needed to be reverse. Light to Dark, Dark to light. I had to go through that pain all over again but every second was worth it to be free. I don’t even know what I was going to do with that freedom but I had it.

The worst part was they had still been the only person I had ever gotten close to.

All I have left is…distance.

And Memories.