Death and the Maiden

[Aurora]

Her eyes seem to focus on nothing, yet she was remembering something,

“I,” she began, “I don’t believe there was another way.” Thinking back on the day, it seemed like the best solution.

“Seer’s. We were outmatched, four of them. Then something just,” a pause, a thought, “came over me. All the anger I had built up for them, what they’d done to everyone. Those they had murdered along the way, the very time line they changed. And I snapped.” Her voice distant as she pictured the moment in her head. “Phoenyx says I saved their lives.” The voice quieter now, “But I wonder if there was another way.” Maybe there was. But Time and Fate were not hers to control anymore.

“The price?” an absent nod, “I felt that price on my soul, digging its claw in, taking a bit with it.” Truth be told, it was more comforting then the screams.

Finally, troubled eyes look to him, “What can I do?”

[Campanella]

"Seers?"

Campenella harumphed and his eyes flashed.

A pause.

"Your conscience does you much credit. We are... were at war. Remember that. And if you still have doubts, know that Phoenyx is not a person to lie or argue around the truth. If an Arrow says you saved their lives, then I would believe it and take comfort from that. There might not have been any other alternatives; you may haven have chosen the best of all possible outcomes and ensured your friends and allies survived the encounter."

He matched her troubled gaze.

"There is a means to process these feelings. To explore them from a more advantageous position and without the need of... another's assistance. Papilio, if he were here, might say the same; he might even have some means to help beyond what I can do..."

Campanella spoke carefully.

"The trite answer to your question is... Meditation. And lucid dreaming. I am sure there is plenty of well meaning Sleeper literature on this. And... maybe that may be of some assistance. But for we Awakened there is something else we can do - we can dive deeper and view ourselves from within."

He paused a little for some effect.

"You must be aware of Astral journeys, yes? Why not undertake such a journey? Travel to your inner self, your Oneiros. If you have such troubling thoughts, you could find them there and purge them - not that I am suggesting such a thing for that smacks of a certain hubris! But you could find those thoughts and feelings, and seek a resolution far deeper than anything Sleeper therapy can offer. Or achieve."

He spread his hands a little.

"It wont be easy. And the preparation will be difficult. But it is a far better option than allowing these feelings to own you."

[Aurora]

As she listens, her hands rub her eyes, “And yet, I cannot find comfort in that. But what is strange? I would do it again in a heartbeat to save them. It’s this tug of war between my head knowing I did what I had to, and my heart and soul in pain for ending lives.” It sucked.

“That’s why I left. I needed to get it figured out, get all the feelings sorted, get my head on straight.” Then a slump, “I also didn’t know what anyone would think of what happened.” Well, one opinion mainly. But that was kept to herself. “But when I learned I was just running from myself and my memories, I realized I needed help with it.” What that help was, she wasn’t sure yet.

The Shaman looked curious as she listened, wondering what else there was to do.

“Astral journeys? Yeah.” What Awakened hadn’t? “I,” a pause, “never thought of that option. It’s something I’ve never personally done, but I’ve heard stories of others who have. Is it something you’ve done?” maybe he had more knowledge on it then she did.

“And you’re right, it won’t be easy, but at this stage, I’m willing to try anything. At this point, I think the risks are worth it.”

[Campanella]

"Unfortunately, no." Campanella gestured again.

"The focus of my studies led me in a different direction. Part of those studies exposed me to the idea of using the Astral Journey as a means to exploring one's own soul - perhaps even drawing out or cleansing negative thoughts, guilts, or unconscious desires that get in the way of attaining Wisdom. It is why I bought it up just now."

He let his hands go limp.

"There is a problem, however. You would need to have access to a powerful Hallow* or a Demesne^. Last I checked, we don't have any such thing readily available. Not in Sacramento, at least. We... There is the Temotic Obelisk you recovered but my own investigations suggest that it is keyed to the Temenos - the Astral Sea."

"If you were truly desirous of this course of action, I might suggest meditating by the Guardian Stones deep under the Circle. Again, I caution. I have no idea if they will work as a substitute for a Demesne, even if they are powerful relics. Plus there is the added danger of actually getting there. The underground reaches of the Circle are... treacherous. Winter is one of the few who have explored that area in person. I have only collated some old notes and documents that were laying around the Circle."

* A ●●●●● Hallow.
^ An area aspected to one of the Supernal Realms, powered by a Soul Stone.

[Aurora]

“It never occurred to me that one could use an Astral Journey in such a way. I’ve heard stories, but nothing really concrete as I’ve never spoken with someone who has undergone one. Though maybe because it’s more of a personal thing.” Not something you bring up over dinner or getting to know someone. “Think it might be something you’ll pursue later on? If your studies allow of course.” Perhaps it was time to focus her attention on a study. But what?

“That is a problem. And if we had such a Hallow, I believe we’d have more issues on our hands then my personal demons. Not exactly the easiest thing to keep under wraps.” It could probably be done, but not without more Awakened. “I was wondering what you were able to learn about the Obelisk.” She didn’t stick around to see what the thing was.

“Truly desirous of it? Cannot comment either way on that. I’m just at a point where if something is present that is a viable way to help overcome whatever this is, I’m willing to try it.”

Under the circle? Oh. “Winter had actually mentioned under the Circle to me before. There wasn’t a whole lot of detail shared, public location and all, but he mentioned me helping look into something. I haven’t really been able to talk with him since I got back, so not sure if there was still something to look into. But I can reach out to him, see about venturing under the Circle.”

[Campanella]

Campanella nodded quietly as Aurora spoke.

"The obelisk you found... I believe it is keyed to a point somewhere in the Astral Space. Deep in the Temenos - the astral sea, place of dreams... I am not sure where though. Or what is waiting on the other side."

He moved to scratch at this chin.

"Perhaps I will explore my Oneiros at some point. I suspect it is something we should all attempt at least once."

[Aurora]

A slight shrug, “I wasn’t the only one to find it, I just grabbed it to bring back.” Looking at her hands, she had been a mess after that. Mentally and physically. “Though it does make you wonder what is there. What they wanted with it, what they were using it for. Maybe something worth exploring at a later date.” She’d be willing to take a look.

“Have you known anyone who has undergone one? It’s not something you really hear anyone talking about, being a personal experience and all.” But it might be nice to know what one could expect.

Fidgeting with the edge of her jacket, “Do you think, honestly of course, that what happened, what I did, will make me an outcast? Not that I intend on sharing it with anyone, but,” a heavy sigh, a shrug, “I just wonder how I would be judged.”

[Campanella]

Campanella shook his head.

"I have not heard of anyone in Sacramento taking an Astral voyage."

He looked silently at the Thyrsus.

"No. Not an outcast. Why would you think that? The Consilium was at war. You penetrated a Seer sanctum. As you say, you would have been outmanned - possibly outgunned - had you not acted. Could that act be a root from which hubris can grow? Yes... But the way you talk of that act shows your integrity. You are not the monster you think you are, Aurora."

He paused.

"You are a Master of Life. Which you demonstrated."

[Aurora]

A thoughtful look, “Interesting. I wonder if that’s for multiple personal reasons, for just the area. It certainly has proven to be a unique one.” Not like other Concilium’s she had been in.

Shrugging, “I don’t know. I’ve always been the quiet one not really entering into a fight. I’ve helped in the past, but I’ve never steeping forward the way I did.” She wasn’t sure, “It’s hard to really explain. And I’ve never been the most eloquent with those things.”

The Shaman blinks a few times, looks like she was about to say something, but thought better of it. “I’m not?” unsure, “I’ve been taught not to use magic when angry, not to step over that line that would end another. I understand circumstances play a huge part in everything, but,” a heavy sigh, “I don’t know.” A hand rubs her forehead, “Maybe I’m just overthinking it all.” But it wasn’t easy to just turn that off.

“I am. But even a Master should know that murder isn’t the always the right path.” Shaking her head with a small chuckle, “No one really prepares you for what comes with being a Master, the added responsibility you feel.” It was like a weight.

[Campanella]

"And that is why you are Wise," Campanella smiled wanly.

"And yes, Mastery does bring... Perspective."

The Moros added, raising his hand so two fingers could rub at this temple.

"There is nothing wrong with overthinking this. It shows you are still human and not lost to hubris."

He sighed, looked away, smiled sadly again.

"I should be calling upon you for advice."