Purely Curious

[Brigit]

Brigit nodded to Allen's first two comments, indicating her understanding and agreement, especially where the Oath was concerned.

"Everybody judges, bud. I expect it. I was anathema to the path of Father Wolf," she says, "In some ways my spirit probably still is... but you're right. I am not blind to the value my time among the Pure might be for the pack. And I will do what I can to provide my perspective, even as I approach my inevitable end."

Fatalist? Absolutely. Brigit had never budged from her belief that her redemption could only be fully earned by death in the service of Luna. She wasn't about to start now.

"Ah, so you want me to assist your strategies?" she asked, intrigued and amused by the development, "I will try, but the Izidakh are as diverse as any tribe."

Then came a pause and a half-tired sigh.

"They do. Seeing what I had to go through to see the Truth, it is unlikely they will do the same," she admits. Then she turns and looks at Allen, her countenance becoming grim and serious.

"They would be mournful, but vengeful, Allen," she says, "At the end of the day they would seek my destruction. By becoming Urdaga, I have betrayed my blood. Uratha who were Forsaken first have a chance for conversion, those of us who have already betrayed the Pure can only expect death."

[Brigit]

"Fuck! Finally, someone acknowledges it," Brigit said, her voice one of genuine relief, "Some in the pack tend to shy away from the fact... but for me my death means more. The other Redeemed and I may be good in the eyes of our brethren in the Urdaga and accepted by the Firstborn who lead them. There is one who doesn't forgive us entirely though."

The final statement was accompanied with a gesture as Brigit pointed to the sky.

"I can't blame Mother Luna for not affording us a clean slate," she affirms, "We turned our backs on Her and our duty as Father Wolf's children. And we're stained in ways the other Urdaga have a hard time comprehending. For me, death isn't just inevitable. It's my one chance to show our Mother what I'm willing to give and their is no greater price than our lives and spirit."

Brigit's eyes remained on the sky as a slight smile hit her lips.

"When I go down, I'll go down fighting for Father Wolf's calling," she says, "And when I do, maybe I'll finally gain forgiveness in the eyes of Mother Luna. Even if I don't, at least I died in service of the truth rather than a lie."

Looking back to Allen her countenance would become more serious as she invests her time to listen to his words.

"You want to understand me? That's fine," she says, "But there are things you will not like. Hell, Emily knows me the best out of anyone in the Pack and even she doesn't know everything about me. I'm not exactly the type to talk about my problems over a pint of ice cream. I'm a soldier. I grin and bear it."

Brigit peaks an eyebrow as Allen pushes to learn more about her path to becoming Urdaga.

"Sure," she says, "I was saved by a nomadic pack, but only after they nearly killed me when my posse ran across them during a patrol. I was bleeding out and the Izidakh under my command fled, believing the Urdaga would finish me off. Spent the next several days in an RV as I recovered. They strapped me down on day two just to make sure I didn't go all out on them. Their Crescent sat with me every day and, eventually, I began to listen, though not as quickly as they might have liked."

Brigit would retrieve another burrito and unwrap it. Taking a bite, she'd then examine the contents before formulating the rest of her words.

"Eventually, I saw the truth and agreed to be taken to the Lodge," Brigit continued, pausing only to take a bite, "From there, I did my trials and eventually became Suthar Anzuth. It was a tough fight, but I've been training my whole life. Fenris-Ur was a natural fit and I feel blessed to be accepted. I joined the pack who saved me and came to find out they were told about the compound by Zeek."

[Brigit]

Brigit shrugged.

"No Uratha I've ever known, Pure or otherwise, has died from old age. I mean... I'm sure we can, but our lives aren't like the Herds. And thank Mother Above for that," Brigit said, her tone bereft of sarcasm. Clearly she didn't think much of how most of the Herd spent their lives, "I don't think they are like... deluded or anything. I just don't think they like to talk about it. As for me, I'd rather die with blood in my face and lit with Glory."

At his questioning of her presumption of Mother Luna's thoughts, Brigit actually laughs.

"I don't presume to know shit, Allen," she says, "but let me lay down some basic facts."

Brigit actually sit now, shifting her weight to face Allen partially. Her gaze resting firmly Allen's face, she raised a single finger.

"Your Auspice is granted to you by Mother Luna," she said, "It is a sign of Her favor and an identity for your purpose in the Hunts that are our duty. Only Mother Luna can provide it to you."

A second finger is raised.

"The Pure, whether formerly Urdaga or no, have no Auspice. Their rituals ensure Mother Luna turns Her back to them so that Her gaze is lifted from their path," Brigit continued.

A third.

"The Redeemed, like the Pure, also lack an Auspice, even though we have gained the acceptance of the Firstborn and proven ourselves adherent to the Oath of the Moon. No former Pure that I have met or heard tale of has regained their Auspice or, in the case of the born Pure like myself, gained one for the first time."

A fourth.

"Only Mother Luna can provide an Auspice. The Lunes have Her leave to grant Renown, but the Auspice remains Her gift alone."

And the fifth.

"Though some have sought to beseech Mother Luna on the behalf of their Once-Pure brethren in hopes of gaining them an Auspice, I have heard no tale of that working," Brigit concluded, "Furthermore, it is impure to think that we can presume the worth of our brothers and sister to a greater degree than Mother Luna Herself. We cannot claim to be honorable when we presume to understand the spirit of ourselves better than She does. Therefore, the decision to grant an Auspice must remain solely with Mother Luna herself. Should She believe that my merit warrants a complete redemption, She will make it so. Until then, my path and the path of all others who have been reclaimed from the Anshega remains clear: Life and Death in the service of the duty She granted to us after the Sundering of Pangaea. And, when we face death in service to truth, maybe then we will be granted purification of our stains in the eyes of our Mother."

Her point made, Brigit used the brief silence that followed to lay down on her back and place her hands behind her head as she gazed to the train car's roof and her legs dangled over the edge.

"Not squishy, huh?" she quipped, "I look forward to putting that to the test. The pack could do with some sparring."

She knew that's not what Allen meant, but whatever.

At his scoff, the Once-Pure offered a tsk. "There you go again, Iminir, but I'll remind you they think that we are every bit as brutal as we think they are," she said, "They were losing ground and felt my death inevitable. They would not be the first Uratha to abandon a packmate nor will they be the last. Urdaga and Anshega have both done this. Sometimes to preserve the pack, sometimes to preserve themselves. People on both sides of our war have given to cowardice and the Pure, much like the Forsaken, look poorly on such things. They were likely punished for it, probably more severely than they would have been if they were loyal to Luna."

Brigit glances over to the Storm Lord.

"Before or after I was saved?" she asked before deciding to answer in her own way, "I mean, there was a reason they kept me tied down initially. I wanted to rip them apart. After being saved, there was a lot of distrust, even after I was marked with silver brands. My pack was supportive, but I've received more than a few wary eyes and I can't blame them. Redemption hasn't given me a clean slate nor should it."

Then a pause.

"Right, you just got here and I suppose the Pack wouldn't have told you," she said in regard to her partner, "Zeek is... my husband? At least according to my identity among the Herd, but he's been known me much longer than that might suggest. We grew up together in the compound and were pretty close. In our adolesence we were... uh, paired? To be mated when we came of age? That day never came though. Zeek went missing on a patrol and I was told he had died. In truth, my grandfather decided he was too weak to be my mate and ordered the pack members accompanying the patrol to beat him and leave him for dead. He survived and limped out of the woodlands with barely any life left. The pack that saved me saved him all those years before they returned to finally see if they could coax me out at his behest."

She let that little info dump settle a bit.

"When the pack I ran with was due to return to Idaho to assist in a brewing war between some scattered local Forsaken and my grandfather's compound, they knew they couldn't bring me with them," she said, "So they pulled together some contacts to get me my new ID, complete with a marriage certificate to Zeek, and had him come get me. Seems sweet I'm sure, but I'm getting the feeling the pack's intent wasn't all that disimilar to the methodology of the Izidakh when they paired me with Zeek when we were younger."

[Brigit]

Brigit listened to the story. She did. She even understood where Allen was coming from. Kinda.

However, the Storm Lord was trying to equate his knowledge with Brigit's condition, which was frankly not something the Redeemed felt he could do. As inscrutable as Mother Luna could be, none could deny some of Her pleasure and displasure tends to be very clear. Brigit really didn't understand why it was so hard for the Clarion Call to understand the weight of her stains in the eyes of the Mother. Brigit's lacking of an auspice was not a sign of some grand plan, it was a punishment for turning her back from Luna. It really was that simple.

And she was tired of explaining it.

"Sure, Allen," she offered half-heartedly, "Whatever."

There was no response to his discussion on the Anshega. Brigit felt she had made her point clear enough and she wasn't about to let her story be used as propaganda by encouraging Allen's thoughts.

"Zeek is a strong man and a good husband," Brigit offered as the conversation turned to her husband, "but he is not a soldier. He never has been. I visited him during my integration into the Urdaga a few times. I did not meet with him for any significant length of time until he brought me to Sacramento. The decision to become his wife was not mine."

[Brigit]

Brigit sits up, sliding out of her spot as she got back to her feet and idly brushing the grime and dust from her pants.

"I know you think that's an interesting, philosophical question, but it ain't exactly that simple," she said as she righted herself and turning to look at the Storm Lord directly, "We Forsaken swore an Oath to uphold our duty and ensure the Hisil and the Herd's world remain in balance with one another. We do all of this knowing full well the dangers of our task and accepting that our death will come, likely long before any of us grow grey. Then there's the war with the Pure, who we fight because we must and because they defile the sanctity of Father Wolf's charge."

She let's her lead up settle in.

"When the People live a life solely based around the Great Hunt and warfare, what is the greatest resource either side has?" she offers, "Soldiers. Hunters. Successive generations to continue the fight when we are gone and uphold the legacy of our path while honoring the Oath we made before you and I ever became a mote in our fathers' eyes."

The Once-Pure would approach, her face bearing a serious countenance.

"You think I would refuse to do what I must to keep the Oath of the Moon alive?" Brigit asks, her tone relaying some offense, "This isn't about choice. It's not about what I want. This is about my duty. When the Clarion Call tames enough of the Hisil, I must offer to carry the next generation. And, when that time comes, Ezekiel is the best choice of a mate I can have. He is uragarum and versed enough in our way to understand how he must raise those fated to be nuzusul. When they are born, I will do my part as their mother, but I will not be able to remain. I will need to go to the outskirts and enter again only when the time has come."

The People age differently than the Herd. To remain would risk discovery.

"You may speak as you like, but do not presume to speak of that task as an option. It is a duty you cannot understand," she said. Allen, for all his intelligence, was still a man. His part in the growth of the Uratha was a simpler thing. Brigit would need to gestate a child to full term and, eventually, abandon it. It was clear that this reality was a sore point.

Taking a moment to calm herself, Brigit sighs. She would answer at least part of his question.

"I love him, Allen," she admits, "And he loves me. Regardless of the circumstances that brought us together, I am happy for it. And when my children are born surely I will love them also. Still, Zeek knows what must be done when I bear them. Our love must be one of distance. Nu Bath Githul."