An Auspicious Discussion

[Brigit]

At the request to try and help, Brigit's expression adopted a look of pity for the young Crescent. So hopeful and, though she wish he could remain that way, Brigit knew she had to level him with some truth.

"It does," she answers when the young pup asks about whether or not things had to be as they were. This time though, the Redeemed's tone was bereft of her usual shortness.

"Sometimes it's best to recognize when certain truths don't waver," she continues, "That's near important a lesson as rituals and rites. You are not the first to want to make a once-Pure whole in the eyes of Mother Luna. None have succeeded."

Brigit lets the pup rise and gather a second drink for himself without interruption, eyes fixing on him as he seemed hesitant to continue. The Redeemed's gaze lacked judgement. She had told her story many times. She knew the effect it could have on those unprepared.

"I changed during a hunt," she said, "The previous day, a small patrol had come across a small group of Hunters. Wolfbloods. Associated with some Urdaga in a nearby territory. Knowing the wolfbloods could sense one of the pack, I was dispatched to scout for them and, when I found them, radio in their location in order to mountain a lightning assault."

Leaning forward, Brigit's eyes did not leave Nathaniel's.

"However, once I reached their camp, I felt the Rage boil inside as I heard them speak of a coming attack on one of our checkpoints," she said, "When I came to, the walls of their camper was painted red. I had ripped them apart and what was left was twisted and near unrecognizable, save one body."

Despite the gory visual, Brigit's tone remains flat and even, evidencing a humanity tattered by the actions of the past. There is no real remorse, just a quiet acceptance for what had come to pass.

"My entry to the pack was pretty smooth thereafter," Brigit admitted, "I had already received the proper rite before my Change, as I was nuzusul. When the Change came, Mother Luna's gaze was already forced away. What followed was a relative continuation of the life I already had. We worshipped, fought, and trained for the war to come. The war to tear down the Gauntlet and rouse the slumbering soul of Father Wolf through ritualistic conversion and sacrifice. The only difference was that I was now among the Blessed."

"After a couple of years, I was leading my own little posse in the pack, being favored to succeed my grandfather as Alpha in the event of his death. I ran patrols and supply runs with my crew and, during one fateful night, some of our contacts told us of a nomadic pack of Urdaga nearing our territory. In my arrogance, I pursued them, believing my group to be more than sufficient to deal with them. I was wrong."

Another drink.

"I had assumed the pack was young and inexperienced, hence their nomadic nature, but these were People with a lot of years between them," she said, "They ravaged us to the point that I fell during the battle. My fellow packmates abandoned me, believing the Forsaken would kill me for having wounded many of their own. They did not. I was out for a while, but when I came too I found myself too weak to flee and they took the opportunity to speak the truth and make me see. They took me to the Lodge and, from there, I was redeemed in the eyes of Luna, if not wholly forgiven."

"Once the Lodge determined I was ready to join the Urdaga formally I was introduced to local tribal representatives. The Talons selected me and I succeeded in their initiation," Brigit says, "Following that it was an issue of establishing myself away from my family, but they had a plan for that too. Ezekiel wanted to see me again."

Realizing she had waxed over that little detail, Brigit felt the desire to explain their association more clearly.

"Ezekiel and I were raised together in the compound, but, more than that, we were selected to mate," she explained, "He left the compound a few years prior after being beaten and left to die by my grandfather when he decided Ezekiel was no longer worthy of my companionship. The pack that saved him was the same that showed me mercy and he had told them of the compound - and me. When I was deemed saved, going to him was the most natural choice and so I was granted a new identity as his wife. They say it is also the easiest, but I know all to well that they're after the same thing my grandfather's pack was. Wars need soldiers... Luckily for them, I've gotten close to Zeek, I even love him, but I'm not ready. Not yet."

"I came to Sacramento because this is where Zeek already lived, I was largely unaware of the city's history until I met Em and the others," the Once-Pure concludes as she leans back, offering a slight shrug, "Then I met them and the rest you know."

[Nathaniel Dormur]

Nathaniel's eyes cast downwards at Brigit's denying the prospect of hope. It was something he encountered all too often in a Family that constantly faced Death and Destruction, and fought a war that seemed unending. Still, the effect on the pup was about what you'd expect. "I see..." his hands clenched a bit tighter around the bottle- not quite willing to let the issue go for good, but also not wanting to make this more uncomfortable than it was. He could always look into this himself later, and as she'd said- he wasn't the first, and he definitely wasn't yet capable. Besides, he'd come here to try and bond....

...Of course, hearing her confirm more and more gruesome tales of the Pure, over and over again, also didn't help. He knew full well of those Pure that sought to rend the Gauntlet to pieces (he need only look around the city for proof of that), but to hear it again from someone reformed still made the Crescent pale. And when she spoke of rituals and sacrifice, the pup was all too aware of what exactly those might entail- and grew a shade lighter once more imagining such horrendous acts.

The murder wasn't taken with much reaction- it was an inevitability, it seemed, even if they wished to avoid it at times. Young as he was, even he recognized that. But overall the effect of the tale was rather harrowing to the pup- it wasn't at all like his old teacher spouting horror stories under the moonlight- this felt more personal.

Add on to that pile the idea of arranged mating (something Nathaniel knew the Firstborn themselves were guilty of participating in at times, but that he saw as incredibly outdated), and he was clinging to keep his composure- though the pup actually showed a modicum of comfort upon hearing that she had managed to start a relatively normal life. It was perhaps the one silver lining to a terrible tale.

Then the end came, and there was a slight pause as Nathaniel waited to ensure the story was over. "I Understand." That was all he really felt he could say at the end. Given what she'd gone through to get where she was, she'd probably heard every line an exhausting number of times. At least now, though, he felt he could understand her better.

The pup finished his second drink and set it down, rubbing his forehead slightly. "Thank you, for telling me. Your upbringing seemed a lot more um... Traditional, than mine, and I'm glad you trust me enough to share. Is there anything you wanted to know while I was here? Or anything you wanted in general?" Though the Crescent was unsure what, if anything, she might desire. He also wished to discuss her breaking Luna's Laws in the future- but given that she'd poured her life's story (even if she seemed quite numb to it), the pup decided to put a pin in that, at least for now.

[Brigit]

Brigit would watch Nathaniel's reaction, the concern never fully leaving her features as the pup struggled with the denial she had granted him.

The truth regarding her lack of Auspice was a difficult one, she understood that all too well. Once upon a time, she struggled with it to, but serving Luna meant she had to accept her place among the Mother's faithful was forever tarnished. Perhaps, following her eventual death, Mother Luna would grant her something more.

With the story concluded, Brigit rose, retrieving the empty bottles that she and Nate had polished off. When Nate said he understood, the Redeemed granted a nod before moving to the kitchen and dispensing the bottles in a trash bin as he offered his final statement regarding her uprbringing. Returning to the seating, Brigit simply shook her head.

"Traditional for the Anshega maybe," she said, "but it was far from how the Urdaga are raised and, in truth, they are likely better for it. I saw things no little girl should ever bear witness too, kid. Even the more hardened Urdaga shield their children from the truth until they know they can handle it. I was robbed of that blessing, but there is little I can do about that now. Save for ensuring that my children do not suffer the same fate, that is... but Zeek and I are still working out the logistics on that."

Standing before Nate a head tilts at the offer to share his tale.

"I won't hold your tongue or force it, Ithaeur," she says, "That ain't my place. Your tale is yours just as mine is mine. Before you decide to share anything though, stand up. There is something we must do."

[Nathaniel Dormur]

In truth Nathaniel only had stories to know what was "traditional," and his had been anything but. Blame the folks for that- or, the distinct lack of them. Brigit seemed to have grown up with stronger pack ties... And a background more steeped in the lifestyle than most. It helped to explain certain dispositions. "R-Right. Sorry, I didn't mean to make light of that. I wasn't taught as much on daily life for the Pure, just mostly that they do... A lot of bad things." Things he was terrified to have reiterated once again. It was also clear his education on the matter hadn't come with much practical experience- which, given what he had just been told, he secretly took as a small blessing.

She mentioned having children once again, and at this Nathaniel did speak up, thinking it might help. "There are um... Fetishes that can help with protecting Kin. I'm studying them more and more, and there's probably a ritual to help with it too..." Rituals and Spirits just seemed to come naturally to the crescent, and while he didn't know of every potential application his Mentor had ensured he knew those that were popular and simple. All it was now was a matter of practice.

As she stood before him he was a tad uncomfortable, looking down once more, going a bit wide-eyed when she mentioned something to do. He got up, though a bit hesitantly- still looking away slightly. "O..Oh? What's that?" What did Brigit want to do now?

[Brigit]

A small smile hit the Redeemed's lips as Nathaniel tried to correct what he felt was a mistake, but no sense of offense was present in Brigit's features.

Then he offered to help in the best way he knew how. His offer recieved a curt nod. "I'm pleased to hear it," she offers, the smile remaining, "When the call comes to mate it is my hope the whole pack will come together to ensure the safety of my children, but we have work to do yet so don't delve too deep on my account."

Then the Crescent got nervous once more. It was understandable, as he had not been exposed to Brigit much. He knew her as a warrior first, so she wagered he thought that she wanted to test his mettle. Alas, that was not the case.

Instead, the Redeemed's arms spread and she moved to embrace the Bone Shadow tightly, giving him a good squeeze. She'd hold it for a moment if Nate did not struggle. Then she'd let him go and clasp a hand roughly on his shoulder.

"Felt like you needed that," she explained. It was a simple truth, Nathaniel getting worked up on her condition was readily apparent, "Before we speak of anything else, are you okay?"

[Nathaniel Dormur]

Another slight nod- it was just a suggestion, but the only one he felt qualified to make at the time.

And then the squeeze. The hug? It wasn't the most familiar gesture to Nathaniel, and coming from Brigit elicited a flinch and a noise of surprise at first. He didn't reciprocate- and did attempt to wiggle away just a tad once he felt the gesture had been held too long.

The pup cleared his throat to make the point clear, if it wasn't already. "Right. Sure. I under..stand? Thanks." That was the one response he could muster, everything somewhat jumbled. He took a bit to sit back down before registering the question she'd asked.

"Yeah- I'm fine. Not really. But I'm getting there." A deep breath and an attempt to smile. "I've been looking at the um... Colleges in the area, and submitted applications- I'd already managed to take some application tests before Change. I just never got to follow up. My grades in school were excellent too so..." So he'd probably get in no problem. "So yeah. There's that." But having to dedicate time to regular classes, as well as pack duties, might make things complicated. The implication here was that the crescent might very well be considering to pause one altogether.

[Brigit]

The reaction of the Crescent surprised Brigit and that was written plainly on her face.

"You aren't used to being close to more of the People are you?" she asks plainly. Given their difference in raising though, Brigit saved judgement, "Might help to get used to it. We have a closer bond than the Herd. Or so I was taught at least."

A faint nod.

"I won't pretend to understand the appeal of those places," she said, speaking of the colleges, "but I came from a different life. If you find it fulfilling, so be it. Just don't get... soft."

Returning to her recliner, the Redeemed would take a seat.

"Something deeper's tugging at you though," Brigit offers, leveling her gaze at the pup, "You've been out of sorts since you came in. Care to tell me what's rattling in that head of yours?"

[Nathaniel Dormur]

Nathaniel gave a nervous laughter as she poked into his discomfort. "Yeah.... Yeah. I'm getting there- like I said. Didn't exactly grow up with this stuff- and my mentor wasn't a very personable Uratha." Another laugh at the terrible pun there. Wherever his parents were, Nathaniel didn't know; even after the change, he still hadn't learned. And his Mentor had not been the chummiest of sorts.

On the topic of going to School. "It's a chance to learn, and A chance to catch up on things I missed out on. Thanks for being supportive- um." As for going soft...

...There were plenty of things tugging at his mind, causing bits of distress. But at the moment, Nathaniel chose to focus on the one. "Mother Above, and her laws. I know we have to follow them, and I know that gets hard sometimes. I know we have to fight, and..." A gulp there. I know sometimes things get heated- people go into rage." His mentor had taught him proper precautions of course. And accidents happen, no matter how you plan. Pure or People, or even friends. Family." Matt, Emily, and now Brigit- every werewolf he'd met had suffered that kind of loss, or inflicted it- even if accidentally. But he was dragging the point along quite a bit, stalling from having to admit it. "I feel that rage. That urge to hunt, even to kill. And I'm still not comfortable with it yet. I don't want to take a life, accidentally or otherwise..." Nathaniel had only taken down spirits and animals- he had not killed another human or werewolf. And he avoided the War-Form like the plague. Nathaniel wasn't blind to the fact that Luna's laws weren't perfect... And didn't entirely forgive Rage as an excuse. That grim realization showed on his face, as the crescent curled up just a tad.

"But when we talk about hunting them. I know it has to be done- I know they'll hurt people, and they'll hurt us. I know that when you suggest being used to deal the final blow you're being helpful, and honest... And practical. And I know that if they aren't crippled they'll come back- chasing them out will just cause them to return." And even if they didn't come back, they would cause trouble for other packs, eventually. Where was the Honor in letting others carry that burden? "So we'll likely have to kill them. Or hurt them so badly that they can't hurt anyone else. Maybe reform them but..." If that were possible. "It's unavoidable, isn't it? At some point I'm probably going to do it- no matter how many precautions I take. I'm going to kill. And you, Emily, Matt... My pack mates will take more lives. Either knowingly or blinded by rage." Which was worse to live with, he was still unsure. The pup shook lightly, remembering having to talk down Emily. It had been stupid- and Nathaniel doubted he could muster the Willpower to try it again.

"But I can't run. Won't- already made the choice to stay in Sacramento. What's been done to the Shadow here, the Gauntlet, what the Pure have caused, what our absence has led to. So I suppose that's what's tugging at me- since the last meeting. It's becoming more inevitable with each encounter- things are building up and I'm..." Scared, though he didn't say it outright. In that regard, she was likely leagues and bounds ahead of the pup. Nathaniel- while certainly aware of what had to be done- had not yet come to terms with everything. The crescent cleared his throat and straightened, giving a weak smile. "sorry for rambling there... Thanks for listening?" A laugh that carried a more dejected tone than anything else. Quirky, Hopeful, and Cheerful only hid so much it seemed. If the pup had looked uncomfortable before, he looked almost miserable now.

[Brigit]

Brigit leaned forward in her seat, investing her attention in Nathaniel as he spoke. She'd nod slowly as he spoke of his hesitance and fear. The boy didn't want to make others take that last breath and, even if her circumstances were different, Brigit understood. Killing was hard and the first few always took their toll, having once been Anshega Brigit knew this better than most, for the Pure cared far less about killing the Herd - or Uratha who disagreed with their ideals.

The Talon would not interrupt, allowing the flood of Nathan's words to flood without saying her piece. Part of what Nathan needed was for her to listen, he also needed her answers, but Brigit knew it could wait.

Finally, the time came. The young Crescent winded down his comments.

"No apologies needed," she said, "I asked. If I was unwilling to hear what you had to say, that fault is mine."

Brigit sighed, hands coming up to pull her long hair back, reflexively pushing some stray hairs behind her ears as she formulated her response.

"Nathan," she began, "First you gotta know, none of us is pushing you to kill. Might have been a time way back been that I would have, but those years are gone. You got a benefit I didn't have back then though. You're Urdaga and the Laws we follow tell us to work against those urges and, if any Forsaken is worth their salt, they'll support you to keep you as blood-free as possible. Still, I'm not going to say you're wrong. They're may well be a time you have to, whether by accident or forced by circumstance. You've heard me say it before, but we are at war and the Anshega want nothing more than our conversion and annihilation. There may come a time they might not give you a choice. The only thing any Urdaga would want is that you defend yourself in that scenario. If that means the Pure has to die, well... It's him or you."

She granted the Crescent a look of empathy, she wanted to lay it on gently and it was clear she understood his feeling.

"It'll hurt. Deeply," she said, "And it should. The moment a still body doesn't elicit much remorse means your headed down a dark path. I should know. And yes many of the pack will likely kill again. Matt and Bleeds are Rahu, to say that auspice burns hot is an understatement. Hector has the bearing of a warrior when it comes to fighting the Pure. Chris and I are Talons, many of our tribe fight. Glory demands it. And Emily? Emily is tied here far greater than others. Her roots run deep here and territory to defend. She'll give anything to keep it from becoming more defiled. You know all of this."

She left that bit at that.

"However, I'm living proof the Pure can change, kid," she said, "The pack that took me to the Lodge nearly killed me, but that was really the only way to get me to hear reason. If I hadn't been so injured that I couldn't get out of bed, our talks never would have happened. I never could have listened and my redemption would have been lost. They would have needed to kill me. In that way... you could say our violence was part of what saved me. Capturing would have proven difficult."

A small smile hit Brigit's lips as she attempted an expression of reassurance.

"Your thinking of your duty, that's good. Keeping the Gauntlet in balance is our task and we have a lot of work to do here. We must." Brigit said, confirming her own dedication, "but I won't say the task ahead is easy. It's okay to be scared, Nate. It's a sign part of you is still holding on to sanity and that you value our teachings."

[Nathaniel Dormur]

That she understood was a great comfort to the pup- she took it seriously, and didn't try to hide anything. She wasn't going to sugarcoat things to make him feel better.

"I know if it it come down to me and a Pure, I might have to kill. I know if they live and can't be reformed, they will bring harm. But if killing them means I live... Even if it haunts me, even if it means begging forgiveness to Mother Above for a lifetime, I will still be able to help. I know that- I just hope I remember that, when the choice comes..." Knowing might not mean much if a War Form charged his way.

Brigit cared, and recognized what he was going through. She offered a unique perspective, given her past- and she showed a desire for him to follow Luna's laws as well. It was a major relief; he hadn't doubted that of course-though now he did understand her own perspective on them at the Pack Meeting. How many lives she had probably taken- it was no wonder she thought total redemption beyond her.

"you can't prepare for that kind of pain, huh?... Then I'm glad I have a pack with you in it, and Emily, and Matt- everyone. I trust you all, and I know you'll help when it hits me hard. And I will do what I can as well to help the Uratha- including our lost brothers and sisters, if they can be." That last bit was said with a perhaps fair dose of caution. Given what the Pure had shown a willingness to do so far the pup was unsure if redemption was still possible. The spirit leading them would have to go first, and Nathaniel was already looking into ways to solve that problem. What came next... They'd have to roll with it.

But now wasn't the time for that. They could discuss matters of Battle as a pack. No, now Nathaniel could just be relieved at having a heavy weight momentarily lifted. It didn't remove the fear- but it waylaid the dread that had been building in his stomach, and that was enough. "I believe in Mother Above and Father Below- I've chosen this path. And I'll stick to it, throughout the hardships. Especially with a family like you all with me." A smile this time, and another breath of relief.

"Thanks, sis- for everything today. And I'm here for you, and I'll help however I can. We're family." That's all that mattered. He had a family that cared, and he would do what he could to protect them. No matter the scars they bore, or how Mother Above saw them.

Of course now the pup was just sitting awkwardly on the couch, unsure of what came next.