Can You Find It in Your Heart?

Aug 14th, 2019 09:32 AM

"If God cares nothing for anyone's devotion, if mortals by and large can't be saved, no matter what they do, why bother? What is Kindred's mission, if they are doomed to fail from the start?" Of course, the Second Estate's doctrine is a convenient cover for amassing riches, power and sick thrills from people cowering at your feet. There may be some decent souls in the Church, but the organization itself was the second largest bully disguised as servant of the public, right after the IRS.

"Neither of us is Damned. It implies we were judged, but how could we have been if many virtuous people are given the Embrace, while villains go their entire lives not only unaware of vampires, but also unpunished for their acts? Does the Judge who points to people at random deserve veneration?" Or respect? Or a second thought, really?

Not for one second does Thomas break Patience's stare, even when something appears to move in her hair. Hints of fascination shine through his attempt at scientific neutrality.

"I do not know if this is an honest question, but i'll humor you with an answer" says the Lord "The role of a Ventrue is to lead. To inspire others to do great deeds, master themselves. You don't require a throne to do that - they are all transient, anyway - but you have to understand one thing: the Kings are not the protagonists of their stories. They are antagonists in the stories of others. If the other is Beowulf, they are Grendel. If the other is Ahab, they are the Whale. If the other is Jonah, well... they must be God" He shrugs. Hopefully that metaphor will hit close to home "Creation is Power"

"Both the Lord and their subjects will endure pain, because pain is what pushes us forward. Without it, we can't evolve. If nobody ever knocks you down, you don't know the bliss of getting back up" And everyone falls, eventually. It's a matter of willpower to see if they rise "Tribulation is Enlightenment"

As for her question regarding the Necropolis, Thomas shrugs "I'd assume so. She's of the Invictus, so there'll be a price tag attached most likely, but there's no reason for her to keep that secret from you"

**Patience** · Aug 14th, 2019 08:50 PM

"Have you managed to save one of them yet, Thomas? Because I haven't." Her lips pull back into a hideous sneer.

"A man's salvation is between himself and God," Patience replies with cold finality. "Our purpose is to remind each of them of the Lord's judgement. What we bring them is just a taste of what is to come."

His fascination is apparent to her. It makes Patience angry. She leans even closer, until he can smell the filth on her, the fetid air pushed out by dead lungs as she speaks.

"We too are judged. We have been judged. And we will be judged again. The proof is before your eyes. It is in the hunger you feel even now. The screams of the Thing Inside. Look there and find proof of the Lord."

She can teach him. Whether he wants to learn or not. "What appears random is only an effect of our poor understanding."

Thomas's discourse on his Family is just as overblown as Patience would expect. "Is that all? I thought there was more to your kind." Her sarcasm, like everything else, comes out all wrong. "I'm afraid to ask what you make of me and mine."

Evolution? Evolution! How quaint. "I hate to tell you, Thomas. But you will not evolve. You will not change. Save to become worse." That is exactly what she means by damned. "And tribulation only brings pain. And pain is its own end."

She pauses: "But tell me anyway. What would you evolve into?"

Aug 15th, 2019 08:27 AM

"Not my job. What can I save anyone from, if I believe neither in Hell, nor in Heaven?" A head is shaken "There is only entropy waiting for us at the end of the road. Humans, vampires, empires and time itself - all will cease to exist eventually. It cannot be averted, only accepted" So many thought themselves invincible. All of them are now dust. Isn't that ironic?

In the meantime, the Haunt is taunting him, daring the Lord to persevere in the presence of ugliness so vulgar and apparent it was a weapon unto itself. And yet, Thomas remains relentless, not moving an inch. Because Patience has it all backwards. It is not despite her ugliness he is so fascinated by her, it is because of it, at least partly.

"Have you not felt hunger when you were alive? Have you had total control over your mind, in the days when you drew breath?" To Thomas, both the craving of blood and the thrashing Beast was simply more of the same. If fearful neonates allowed themselves to be convinced that an amplified instint is demonic in origin, that's on them "At the same time, the power of Vitae provides plenty of compensation. We have strengths and wekanesses, just like all predators, but it doesn't imply divine intervention" Speaking of Blood and how it affects their unlives...

"I know not what it is like to be a Nosferatu, and I try not to make uninformed judgements. Why don't you enlighten me?" He shrugs "But you personally? I find you fascinating" the Lord says matter-of-factly. However, he is curious about how will Patience take these news. Will it be with the same vitrilic manner she's been exhibiting so far, or can the Ventrue hope to catch her a bit off-guard?

"A god, obviously" He chuckles "We may be insignificant in the eyes of the universe, but to know it is to transcend it. There's strong evidence suggesting that most, if not all, mythical figures of gods and other supernaturals are vampires in disguise. The Russian Baba Yaga. Mesopotamian Lamashtu. Kali of India, biblical Lilith and many, many others. And what is the hallmark of a god? Change. He needs not want it. He needs not think about it. It just happens" Hence, god is a verb. Not a beardes sorcerer but an act of transmutation.

"That is what I will evolve into" He appears sure of that. Not boasting, boasting is for dilettantes, just reporting an achievable goal. Ravings of a madman to most, Thomas considers his philosophy to be the only worthwile endeavor in anyone's Requiem.

**Patience** · Aug 15th, 2019 10:21 PM

Yes, her lurid appearance is a weapon. Patience knows this. Almost without thinking about it, she uses it as best she can to unsettle her interlocutor. Or just teach him a lesson about staring too long.

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2019-08-15 22:01:15	Patience rolls 5 to Creep him Out Pres2 + Intim3 (10 Again)	4, 1, 8, 3, 1	1 success

1 success

While Thomas speaks, a series of small spasms seizes her face, rippling across her features. Seeming to afflict each muscle individually. It's like every piece of her visage has a grotesque life of its own.

"My life was ought but hunger. And pain. And no control over my mind or body." She served at the pleasure of her Father, and the Lord above. Or so she thought. There had been another one between her Father and the Lord. Her second Father. She only discovered that fact later. "And still I sinned. There are no compensations we can make, or be permitted, for our sins. Not even the Blood."

Could he know what it is like to be Twice Cursed? He could not even comprehend. No. Patience will make him a neat reply. Some little barb sunk into his flesh to irritate him throughout his nights.

"Humility. That is what my Blood teaches me. It humbles me. All of my Family, whether they accept it or not. Our bodies are humbled, marked in the flesh. Our minds as well. It grants us the ability to humble others. To teach humility." He did not need to state his interest in her. It is clear enough. "A cliff can also be fascinating. Sharp edge, sheer drop. It calls out to some who might approach. Against their better wishes." Perhaps this Lord desires to be humbled, without even knowing it.

His blasphemy is gross. Almost absurd. And it sets those little spasms to twitching her face again. Patience stays silent until Thomas finishes.

"Thomas," she says, rigidly. "Perhaps we should speak of other, more worldly things." A pause. "I do not despise you. I may have even enjoyed our conversation. As far as that goes. I would not want to hurt you now."

She clasps her hands before her. A sudden movement, jarring after her prolonged stillness.

Having said she wishes to move on, she moves on: "You have offered me some information concerning the Necropolis. And the Moore house. Other matters as well. I...appreciate that. Is there something you would know of me?" Patience does not like to remain in debt.

Aug 16th, 2019 02:54 AM

That kind of freakshow act may work on the fragile Ventrue aristocrats who barely ever leave a boardroom, but if anything Thomas finds it endearing. Still, the message regarding personal space was properly conveyed, and so the Lord leans back slowly in his chair, contentment rather than fear painted on his face.

3 successes

"A cliff, an interesting and apt metaphor. But we all need to jump, at one point or another. Take that leap of faith. It wouldn't speak well of our conviction if we never risked anything for it" A statement. A fact. Still, can Thomas honestly say that he will jump when the time comes? Can anybody? "My interest in you is not romantic. Or scientific. I do not seek cheap thrills. But it takes some resolve to use wrath and deformity like an armor, and yet maintain a gentle interior" Thomas is inclined to say 'heart' instead, but even without it it sounds like a naive psychoanalysis. And yet, it was true. At least to him.

"As you wish" Thomas knew very well that his deification plans are the worst of heresies to all Sanctified worth the name. Likewise, he recognized the courtesy Patience made by not responding with violence, so the change of subject comes smoothly.

"I told you all this, because I appreciate faith as a quality. Too many Kindred and kine have this 'indifferent cynic' attitude going on, it gets boring" If only they realized how foolish they looked, thinking themselves rebels by proclaiming secularism in a secular age "You owe me nothing. But since my curiosity is never depleted..."

If it ever was, could he still, in good conscience, call himself a scientist?

"You said you had no control over your mind and body. What did you mean by that?" He asks, after a moment, trying to give his voice some velvety quality to make the question go down easier.

For the sake of bookkeeping, this is the second WP point spent by Thomas in this Scene

**Patience** · Aug 20th, 2019 08:21 AM

"Am I gentle, Thomas? Are you?" There's a touch of disbelief to her voice. It's unclear if she's really asking a question. The way she tilts her head when considering his turn of phrase is distinctly alien.

"It means I have always been a servant of the Lord. I was born to serve. Raised to serve. And when the time came, I died in order to serve." She offers that grimacing smile again. Somehow it is always worse than before. "I was given no choice in the matter. And all the better for it."

Choice, as far as Patience can tell, is a poison. Albeit, one introduced by the Lord himself. Just as He sees fit to unleash plague after plague upon the living. Though choice has proven far more destructive than any disease.

"As a child, if I raised my eyes, I was beaten. As a woman, I learned when and where to raise them. Say, when killing a man." She brushes the hilt of the knife sheathed at her right side, almost unconsciously. "Or when caring for a child. Now, I do not ever avert my eyes, because I am already Damned."

She pauses, almost seems to take a nostalgic pleasure in what she's just said.

"Were you a man of...faith in life, Thomas?"

Aug 21st, 2019 04:36 AM

"I know for a fact we both have a gentle side. Indeed, I believe most Kindred do, they just deny it because it suits their whim or fits their simplified self-image" Or, more accurately, it fits the plans of the elder cynics out there, making their very own neonate shock troops. In death, as in life, the big manipulate the small.

"I can hardly imagine the hell you've been through" That's Thomas human side talking. If you look closely, there's something like... compassion, in his eyes "A convent? That's the place I think of when I hear of all these rules. But I cannot fathom why they'd require your death" Or maybe it was something wholly other? Certainly, Thomas is going to find out.

"I was. Not one I chose, though. I was born in Utah, in a secluded compound of a fringe Christian sect. Honestly, I hated it there, and they hated me right back. Still, I prayed and prayed, begging God to give me a sign. Is this a test, I asked?" For a moment, his eyes lose focus as the Ventrue submerges himself in memory "Then I got angry. 'I hate you, God!' I said "I hate you!'" His expression shifts to slight amusement, as he watches Patience and her reaction to his exclamations "Don't tell me you've never thought those words, I know you have. And then I realized. There's no one to hate. The universe doesn't have a plan for me, because there's no presence out there, caring for my existence one way or the other. What am I then going to do, whip the waves like Xerxes because they fail to meet my expectations? Insist on worshipping the darkness between the stars? No, I knew I was on my own"

Thomas pauses for a moment, reliving those days when he still drew breath. It was as if he viewed the photographs with someone else on them.

"The very next day I slipped out of mass, locked the doors and set the house on fire. Then I left"

**Patience** · Aug 22nd, 2019 06:13 AM

“Well, look at us. Lambs.” Patience laughs. Actually laughs. And it is a pretty sound. Which makes it all the more disturbing. She stops abruptly. “Thomas, you surprise me. I didn’t know your Circle sheltered such…sentimentality.”

A convent? “No. Not a convent. A camp. A site to resurrect the true meaning of the Church Militant. And to prepare for the Final Battle. I was born and raised there.” It was also a farm for the Dark Faith. A place to breed cattle. “I died there.”

She falls silent, listening to Thomas’s story with apparent interest. Patience enjoys this, listening to his testimony, his confession. At a certain point, she closes her eyes. For all the world, she looks like a badly wrought piece of statuary.

When he finishes, Patience opens her eyes again. “It seems we have much in common.” This fact is as surprising for her as it likely is for him. “But I never turned away. Not from Him.” A pause. “And I only brought the Lord’s judgement back to camp after I was Damned.” The implication being that Thomas was also a tool of the Lord, whether he knew it or not. She sounds like she almost admires Thomas’s act of arson.

It’s a shame about this one. He is so close. But perhaps there is still a chance? Only time will tell.

“How long after that did you die, Thomas?” Her voice is quiet, but urgent. Her bulging eyes press him to continue.

Aug 22nd, 2019 11:14 AM

"Not lambs" Thomas didn't know Patience was capable of conventionally pleasant sounds and gestures, and yet here they were "Vampires. The Embrace takes a very heavy toll on a sire, it is to be expected that we'd all be exceptional, multi-faceted individuals. Animal names don't quite capture that" There were dismissive sires out there, claiming they Embraced for 'no reason'. Liars. You don't chop your soul for no reason

"Our human, gentle side is a fact of life. We can't experiment on it if we don't understand it, and we can't understand it if we deny its existence. It's got nothing to do with sentimentality" But everything to do with science. The Lord shifts in his seat, sipping the interest from Patience's face, studying her closed eyelids.

"I don't understand" A tool of a higher power. Thomas got the implication the Haunt was getting at, even if he rejected it. It was something else that bothered him "This... camp, it sounds like a good resource of people as close to the Church's doctrine as mortals can get. Herds, ghouls, even new Embraces could be derived from there. Why kill them, then?" At least he thought Patience spoke of killing? With her, what else could it be?

"Not long" He smiles, more to himself than to his guest "I joined a roving gang of criminals. I needed them to get the things I wanted, they needed me to count past ten... Expectedly, we lasted less than a year. Although the police wasn't nearly as well equipped then as it is today, they cornered us in a highway motel. My soon-to-be sire was also there, on unrelated Circle business. If we didn't bump into one another, if we didn't talk and take interest... I'd be dead, like my ill-fated associates" What a waste that'd be, right?

"Many, many years have passed since then"

**Patience** · Aug 23rd, 2019 07:10 AM

“Not every Family embraces for the reasons your Blood does,” Patience replies. The Lord would be shocked to hear why Patience had been chosen. Not that she plans to share.

Her face is the color of curdled milk. Her eyes are loose in their sockets. She certainly does not look gentle. “I bore three children when I was a woman. The first could still be alive.” Hannah would be in her mid-fifties. Not that Patience ever thinks of her. Indeed, the haunt’s voice betrays no emotion at the mention of her offspring. It’s simply a fact. “The second was still born. So was the third.”

She tilts her head like some sort of predatory bird, unblinking eyes scouring Thomas’s face. “I knew pain from a young age. But childbirth? Nothing prepared me for that. The worst pain I’d ever felt. But I wanted the second one anyway. More than anything. And even after he was born dead. I wanted the third. Why?”

It’s a rhetorical question, and she only pauses for a moment.

“Because I forgot the pain. Because the Lord thought it right that I forget that pain. So that I may be fruitful. I believe what you call our ‘human side’ isn’t a memory of being alive. It’s a sign that we’ve forgotten what it was like to be human. Forgotten that humans are awful and being a human is awful. Just as giving birth is awful. Humans are not gentle. Or good. We forget that fact in order to hold on to the illusion that we somehow used to be either of those things. It is necessary, to slow our descent. So that we may serve His purpose. But not real.” Original sin is the sum of the human condition.

Of course he does not understand. How could he? “The mystery of my Faith is that the Lord gave his own son to die on the cross. And that Longinus thrust a spear in His side when He was already dying. For no reason. Other than his own Damnation, which the centurion could not know.” Patience smiles, it is perversely beatific. “If Christ deserved that torment, unto and beyond death, so do even the faithful.” It all seems rather obvious to Patience. “I am that spear. We are that spear. Stuck in their side.” She thrusts a hand forward and it hangs there.

“I did not burn them all as you did.” That would have been too easy. “I returned after death and took their Father from them.” Her Father. Her First Father. “I left them alone in this world. To suffer, persist or perish. Without their Prophet. Left them in the wilderness with no voice.” The lesson had been for her as much as the members of her former Fellowship. Her sire had seen to that. “The cattle have their uses. But, above all else, they must be made to remember the Lord’s purpose. And his wrath.”

She listens as Thomas continues to unfold his story. “And what did you need from them, that would have you among such company?” Tell me of your sin, Thomas.

Can You Find It in Your Heart?

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Date		Action		Roll		Result
2019-08-16 02:01:44		Thomas Boyle rolls 8 to We ain't scared of no Haunts (Wits + Res + WP) (10 Again, WillPower)		7, 4, 6, 8, 8, 9, 1, 4		3 successes