Waking up is hard to do

[Alice Hart]

"You can turn into a wolf and I have no eyeballs. There's a lot about us that isn't exactly 'normal'" the way Alice twists in her restraints isn't so much as wanting to get out, as it was wanting to use air quotes. But she needed her hands for both, and it might look bad even if the intent wasn't.

Alice smiles, it's plastic and fake and oh so real.

"We did promise each other to be brutally honest with each other." Alice nods, her jerking nod, "And It's nice. Awesome, wonderful even, that you think I can do that and get anything out of it. But, Ale....I don't have eyeballs. I can look 'em in the eye, as it were, but they'd just get a load of my eye sockets." Alice give her best attempt at a smirk, but she's sure it looks wrong, because it will always look wrong.

"I was good!" well, until she frenzied and everything sorta turned into a flashes of sensation. "They're not getting the best of me! I'm going to prove to them that I'm -- you want to teach me Protean?!" a yelp escapes the Doll. "Why?" Ale had already given her reasoning but still, Alice was fresh from Torpor, caused because of frenzying during her punishment and Ale wanted to give away Clan secrets to her.

It takes Alice longer then she'd like to wrap her mind around the thought that Ale would do this for her, that she trusted her this much.

"I promise. I swear, on Astraeus' embrace and Eos' light. I will keep this secret, keep it safely between us."

"You do." Alice nod once more, and as firmly as she can. "You've been kinder to me then anyone else would have been. I can imagine some leaving me to the nightmares. Or to the sun, you did neither, and you're here. Hand feeding me. Making sure I'm not a threat to myself or others. You care enough to make sure, I'm...I'm not a frenzied thing on waking. I could have easily been. And someone with lesser integrity would have used that to justify ending me. So. Yes. Alessandra Antinori. Thank you."

[Alessandra]

Smiling, “And normal is overrated anyways.” And what was normal? Who decided those things? If Ale was worried about Alice twisting in her restraints, she didn’t say anything. In fact, it gave her a good idea of if they were holding. Not that it would really matter if she frenzied, that’d be a whole new level of strength.

Damn. It was easy for her to forget about Alice not having her eyes, “I’m sorry, that was insensitive.” And she did feel bad.

“Why?” she wasn’t surprised by the question, she expected it. “I promised you that I would think about it, and I did. I take responsibility for what happened in the warehouse, I should have expected an attack. In the state you were in, hungry, I shouldn’t have put you in that position. Even though I know that you would have insisted on being there. And this isn’t out of guilt, so lets just forget that. But as Seneschal, and as my friend, you need to be armed and able to defend yourself at a seconds notice. I won’t always be around if someone attacks you. Not that I don’t think you can protect yourself, but I worry. Protean, when you learn the right level of it, will have you always armed. Plus, even when you frenzied, you didn’t attack us. That took great restraint.” She trusted Alice.

“I’ve seen Kindred frenzy upon awakening, it’s not a pretty sight. I didn’t want that for you. Don’t get me wrong, I was fully prepared in case you did frenzy. Hence the restraints and mentally preparing myself to have to fight you.” She wouldn’t have wanted to, and it would have killed part of her to have to end Alice. “Perhaps my kindness comes from seeing cruelty first hand. And that’s not me, I’m not cruel, even though I can be, there was zero reason to be in this situation. And I have no reason to want you to meet Final Death. You’ve helped me become ok with the softer side of myself, not rejected or laughed at me for showing you that side. To me, you’re a very important part in my Danse. You’ve seen past the mistakes and stumbles I’ve made and helped me work through them.”

[Alice Hart]

To that, Alice simply nods. There wasn't more she could say.

"I'm not offend." Alice tells her coterie mate, she was quite the opposite. How many people now would be able to look past her gaping sockets and just see the girl beneath. "Really?"

Protean. One thing that brought to mind mist and bats, something, because of her blood was out of her reach - or it had been.

"Thank you." Alice says softly, "I mean. Really. Thank you...I-" her mouth opens and closes, Alice can't articulate how much this meant to her. Not the shape-shifting that first came to mind, but the simple things. The ability to meld with the soil, to be free to forget about when and where, and just be. "I was trying really hard, but. I..." she trails off, at a complete loss for words. "Thank you," she says again. "For everything."

How many in this world would ever see this side of the Italian Savage? "I expected the restraints. Anyone who wouldn't have used them....then can't say anything kind about their intelligent or their survival instincts."

A smile, unnatural, wide and fake."Being hard, and tough all the time isn't healthy. Even in our unlives. I know that showing a-a 'weakness'" the same twitch of her arms, "Can be fatal, but I'm glad that you trusted me enough to show that side of yourself."

Then after a moment or two, "And, you're important to my Requiem too."

[Alessandra]

Alice had held it together for nearly all the months of her punishment. The fight with the Brood was unexpected, and she couldn’t be blamed for what happened.

“We can work on it when you’re feeling more like yourself. Take a few nights to readjust and call me.” The sooner they got started, the better.

Snorting, “That’s for sure. The last time I awoke from being under, I was restrained, so I understood how useful it was.” And she hadn’t been able to escape them.

“It’s hard to shift from being that hard, tough woman to something else. I’ve had to be tough my whole life, being a woman in my field wasn’t heard of. Nor was it easy. But as I’ve come to settle here, and get to know those around me, I’m learning to let those walls down that I had built up. So now I’m trying to find that balance between the two. You’ve been easy for me to trust. The way you cut to the chase and don’t sugar coat things is something I appreciate. You don’t put up a front, which is rare.” Maybe it was how young Alice was, and that the Danse hadn’t hardened or jaded her views.

“That’s,” she begins, pausing, not sure what to say, “Uh, wow…a first.” Maybe it was a first because she had been such a loner for so long. Or maybe the natural defenses she had were too good at keeping other away.

[Alice Hart]

"I-I will." Alice says with another jerking nod. "I might not need a few nights...I think, I just need," blood. "to feel the wind on my face. Make sure I'm not still...dreaming. I think I need to put my mind to something...productive." Alice offers up, having been down for so long - though short considering others time spent in torpor - she needed to feel like she hadn't just wasted away, that she could still be useful, even if it was just learning the enticing secrets of Protean from her friend.

A nod, it made sense, but - "What happened? To have you in torpor? I don't think I've ever asked...or known? I'm not sure." everything was sort of fuzzy.

"Balance....that's always the hardest part of doing something like this. I've found - or I think I've found - that I put up my cold court mask in Court, and save the softer side of me for in private, with those that I know and trust...and-" no, that was private. The animal side of her that wanted to roll in the dirt and call at the moon and stars and feel the flood slipping from her fingers, "and-uh, it should work out. I think, I think you've been doing great." In the months that Alice had been down, Ale wasn't ash, so she must be doing something right.

A delighted, fake, hollow laugh, "You're one of the first who said that to me too." Robert hadn't come out and said it, but the implication was there.

[Alessandra]

Even though Alice can’t see it, Ale nods, “Well, I’m sure you’ll be busy with your Family for a night or two. But in any case, just let me know.” The Haunt still needed to get her barrings about her.

“My own experience wasn’t pleasant, though I’m not sure how anyone could have a pleasant torpor. It was last year or even longer than that. A few of us were looking into something and it was the first time I didn’t go fully armed and fell into torpor cause of wounds. Awoke in some type of room, strapped to a chair. Oh, and the fuel I was soaked in didn’t help.” There was a snort, “If I remember right, they awoke me with some type of potion, one I wish I had gotten the recipe for cause that would be very useful to have. But not many knew, I didn’t talk about it. My slumber wasn’t something I want to remember, the emotions and things I saw are still painful and haunt me.” Her voice had grown softer, strained, as she spoke. “Which was why I feel as guilty as I do about putting you in that situation, I didn’t want you to go through the dreams I did, no one should have to.” Especially Alice. Giving her upbringing and the pain she had to endure.

“Balance.” The word was repeated, thought about. “I believe you and Vivian are the only ones who have seen a softer side of me. In my previous life, being soft was weakness and could very easily get you killed. So in some ways it feels wrong, like I am setting myself for Final Death. But in others, it’s nice. Nice to just let the mask fall for even an hour or two.” It was an interesting mix of feelings, ones she was still struggling with.

“I’m just amazed that after what happened, what you went through in torpor, that you still compliment me. I sincerely hope it wasn’t as painful and horrific for you as it was for me, I never wanted that for you.” There was honesty in her voice. She had no reason to lie to Alice, if she had wanted Alice to suffer, she could have.

Laughing quietly, “Hey, guess there has to be a silver lining to this right?” even if Alice’s laugh was a mixture of delight, fake and hollow, it was still a laugh. And she’d take it. "I missed this, talking with you, hearing you."

[Alice Hart]

"You're probably right." comes Alice's hollow voice, she knows she'll have to see how her Family have fared since she went down, check on Longstreet, see if his own stunt in torpor had ended....and see Robert. She probably wouldn't be parted from him for nights. Being alone in the white with nothing but terror, and the Wraith....she knew she wouldn't enjoy the quiet moments alone for a long while, if ever.

"You were covered in fuel?!" Alice yelps out, her mind failing as she tried to picture Ale awakening as she described it. No wonder she wanted something pleasant for the Haunt. "I'm glad...I'm glad that it didn't go as horribly as it could have been." if a single spark touched that fuel, if-if-if - Alice might have never gotten to know Ale, and wouldn't have even realized what she was missing.

"It's...it's not okay. There are the nightmares, the....you know. But, we both knew something had to be done, and this, this makes up for a lot. You could have, well. We've been over that." Alice leaves it at that, anything more would seem like beating a dead horse.

"To some...being soft is still a weakness, and it could lead to Final Death, but on the other hand...being hard can do that same." everything was truly about balance, "So, I'm happy that you can trust me and...Vivian," the English Daeva. Coterie mate, Invictus. "To lower your guard."

A slow, but jerking nod, "I feel fuzzy, distant, like I'm wrapped in cloth. Everything's slow. Different....it's helping. I just, offered a lot of alternatives...some of which could have lead to my death....and you could have woke me up, and not had blood on hand...that wouldn't have netting a happy Alice at all."

"If you look, you'll find a silver lining in everything, with forever, you need to look, because death and horrible shit follow us around. It's nice to be able to find the good even among all the not good." a typical Alice smile, paired with an aborted laugh, "I wish I could return the sentiment, but...to me. Time stopped for a while. But in the wh-when I was down, I missed having someone to talk too."

Then finally, finally there was a soft knock on the door.

[Alessandra]

The memories flash briefly, the smell, the feel and knowing what could have been.

“I was, and it wasn’t something I want to relive. It was a mess, Twist and Kenneth were there, but thankfully the flare was never set off and we all walked away. Wait, no, I think Kenneth went down, but we woke him.” That happened, right? “Something like that. I’ve tried to forget the whole thing. But yeah, was a rude way to wake up.” A fucking mess.

But did it have to be done? Could she have acted differently and followed what Asa had said? So many questions still played in her head. And Alice was right, they had been over it. But Ale was still replaying things over and over. Would their friendship, if that was what this was, be the same? Only time would tell.

Topic shift.

“Thank you for allowing me to explore that side. And for letting me know it’s ok to be soft. I’ll find the balance, it’ll take trial and error, probably a lot of error, but we all have to fall before we rise.” But would the Domain, and Alice’s family be as understanding as the Haunt was?

To wake a torpored vampire and not have blood on hand was just plain stupid. You were asking for a frenzy and a breach. She’d made enough mistakes and causing a Breach was not about to be one of them. “That would have been wanting to cause a Breach, and I’m not about to do that.” Nope, not this Savage.

The soft knock snapped Ale back to their surroundings. Alice’s office, Alice in restraints, Alice still hungry.

Moving quickly, she opens the door slightly, enough to see who was there, but not enough to allow a view of the room.

Relief floods her face as she spies Lyssa, “Thank you Lyssa. I hope you understand that I cannot allow you to see Alice just yet. We still have to make sure she is feeling ok first. But if you wish to wait in my office, or the commons area, we’ll get you as soon as she is able.” If the Ghoul has nothing to add, or doesn’t protest, Ale will take whatever the blood is in and close the door.

Approaching Alice and kneeling in front of her once again, “I didn’t want to let her see you yet, I hope that’s ok.” She says, moving the blood into the glass and holding it up to Alice’s lips.

[Alice Hart]

"No kidding." Alice says faintly, there had been a flare....Alice shakes her head, it's a slow jerking movement, knowing how close Ale had been to death....knowing that the Doll almost never discovered the depth to the Savage....it was painful to think about. Added that Gilroy had also been there, had gone down too....Alice had been very close to loosing many who became important markers in her Requiem.

"No problem." Alice says, "And...and you've been teaching me too. How to be strong." Alice says because it felt like it needed to be said.

"Of course you didn't, others might have. Others might have used that to prove a point. A kindred causing a Breach...free to stake them. End them." Alice says, feeling like she's said this before, or maybe it was an echo of an echo. "But you're not like other people."

Alice straightens, as Ale reacts to the person on the other side of the door. Her mind humming with the thought of human blood. She was to drink in the Nox. Proof that her punishment was over.

Ale acquires the blood with no protest, the ghoul wishes to see her Alice as soon as she, to know why her lady had been gone for so long, but if see needed the life's blood of the sisters, then she must have been injured, hurt like she had been in that house, where her lady didn't want to have herself seen, it must be something like that. So Lyssa simply nods, hands off the blood and turns to leave, waits for the door to close, and hovers, not quite outside of the door, but she doesn't drift to the Reeve's office, nor to the more common area. She stands, waiting in the hallway.

"It's okay." says Alice, "I'd rather her not see me yet either."

The blood isn't held, isn't used to taunt the haunt, it's simply there, ready and waiting for the Doll to drink. She does, and as she does she moves the rat's blood already in her system to begin the arduous healing process.

[Alessandra]

She wished Alice knew that she had always been strong, she had just needed to open her eyes to it.

“Perhaps if you had caused a Breach and broken the Laws, things would have been different.”
Things would have most certainly been different. Very different.

“And thank you for saying that. It’s hard for people not to see past me being a Savage and past my outer appearance. You’ve shown me that not everyone is judgmental and wanting to cast assumptions of my intelligence.” It had been nice, to be seen for who she was instead of what she was. A welcome change, one that was shifting her outlook.

“You’re not like others either you know.” There was a whole list of things, but felt she had already explained them earlier. She would go into again if asked, but wanted to focus on getting Alice feed and up and about.

The Savage remains quiet as Alice drinks. She won’t move the cup except to refill it if needed, giving Alice the time she needs.