The Crossroads

Of course, this question had to be asked sooner rather than later: why in God's name Mhairi reacted the way she did? Alex hoped and searched for a rational explanation since he stormed out of the Maze, but every time he thought he was close to an answer there was a dead end or a factor that rendered the entire theory useless. Only recently did it occur to him that, as a rule, people don't react in a fully rational way.

"Do you remember, when we first spoke at the Note, how I told you that the signature emotions of our Seasons are tools for us to use, and not things to control us? It is my belief that Mhairi, like any would-be dictator, is a person controlled by Fear. She is terrified by the idea that not everyone will agree with her, that there might be other points of view or walks of life. Such a person considers disagreement dangerous, discontent is treason to her. We've disagreed on multiple issues and she saw me as a threat, leashing out like a cornered animal" Well, it might be getting one step too far. The Darkling's voice is bitter and only a little less dark than his thoughts. Despite the outward appearance of all this, that an overly-ambitious man is trying to use his friend (or even more than that) for political gain, he despises the fact that it has come to this "I saw it that day at the Maze. I hoped it can be fixed along the way, that if I make it abundantly clear I wish her no harm, we could work together" But it didn't work, and there's little solace in the realization he could do nothing more "But I was wrong. Even if it can be fixed, we don't have the time to cross our fingers and pray it's settled before a major crisis hits us. Many people reached the borders of this Freehold seeking safety." He stopped, and the bitter taste of his tongue grows stronger still "We must deliver, do what is necessary, or accept that when people get hurt we will look at this moment and tell ourselves: if I had acted then, none of this would have happened"

There appear to be cracks in Sasha's belief that a meeting will solve their problems and he can only hope what he ust said will shatter any illusion that may possibly linger in her mind. It's not that he's opposed to making deals or negotiating: he simply sees the whole affair as trying to bring down a wall by hitting it with one's own head.

"What kind of agreement could we reach? What more can I possibly offer than I already did? I tried to avoid a war, and paid the price. I won't make the same mistake again. I'm sorry" He was, truly was. Why the fuck did all of this happen?

It made sense, it truly made sense. Mhairi was her friend, and she really needed to mention that Fear seemed to rule her, and it wasn't a tool. "Yes, I remember. This was a great example of that. I think before I didn't quite piece it together. Even though I knew what you meant, seeing it in action was a wake up call."

"I don't live my life in sorrow. Sure, I have had my 'woe is me' moments, but nothing that could effect anyone but me. There was a time I was so pitiful I nearly threw myself off the back of someone's bike..." Realizing she was actually thinking aloud, Sasha stopped abruptly.

"I guess I am uncertain as to the agreement that could be reached." Her shoulders rolled a little, but she truly was at a loss. "I am the type that wants to fix squabbles, as I'm sure you have figured out by now. I don't like that this is happening. I don't like that people I call friends are acting like this... but I have to face reality and for the good of everyone else it seems."

Sasha didn't want to adult today. Passing up the coffee shop on the way was a huge mistake.

"Precisely!" Alexander exclaimed "You harnessed your sorrow and it made you stronger. You don't deny it's there, but neither do you allow it to be what defines you" He follows up on what the Onyx Monarch said, but it felt more like she was trying to explain herself rather than make a point. There's a moment, when she mentions having suicidal thoughts, that he desperately searched for a way to comfort her, to do or say something that will make her feel better. Ultimately, however, he decided against it. Despite her soft appearance, Sasha had a strong spine and managed to go on without him for years. He has no right to make it look like she needs him to be well.

Still, maybe due to overthinking this or some other cosmic factor, a stray thought "God, I love you so much" covered itself with words and made its way into the open as "God, I love you so much". He can only be thankful that it was little more than a whisper, enough for the Dancer to hear but definitely not enough for anyone else. When he fully realized the situation pleading ignorance could do no good, but maybe another approach... "Did I really say that out loud?" Asks the Darkling, the question mark only there for pretense, and the question itself sounding like surrender.

"It is no petty squabble. It's a matter of life and death, quite literally" There's a comfort of the known in returning to the matter this meeting was supposed to be mostly about "I don't like this any more than you do, but" Maybe he could put his pride aside if there was a single reason, however minor, for Mhairi not to trust him, but the way she went about it means she poses a danger to everything and everyone he holds dear here "like you said, we have to face reality. I just hope that eventually even Mhairi will see that it is for the best"

There is, however, another thing over which he lost some sleep recently.

"Back at the Maze you said you were asked for a wish, but it wasn't fulfilled. What was it about?"

Watching him, his every move. Trying to watch his facial expressions was difficult. She needed to rely on body language and his voice to discern her perception. "There are so many things that make up who I am. But, some can't see past the surface." The Dancer was keen to subtleties, she'd spent years studying them. There was something going on behind his blank showcase of a face, but what it was she may never know.

Or... it would suddenly fly out without warning. Her violet's widened; surprised, overjoyed, speechless. The Fairest was certain she'd stopped breathing a moment. "You did..." Sasha was hardly able to spit out that as her face was frozen looking at his. Her lips parted, wanting to say more but then he thankfully kept talking.

She couldn't even think about Mhairi right now. It was the farthest thing from her mind. Her violets were vivid and the light round her just a little brighter than any daylight that was touching her being.

Oh god, this isn't the time for him to know about that wish. The Dancer didn't think it would ever be thought of again.

"I wanted something that was lost to be found."

That was vague enough. The Fairest shrugged softly as if it were nothing. It wasn't nothing though. It had framed her current existence.

Alexander smiled "Well, i can imagine the problems they might have. Not many'd want to see past this surface" His imaginary wingman groans audibly, as if to wordlessly convey Yeah, man, you've told her she's beautiful for like the hundredth time now. Can you please think of something more original and not make both of us look like idiots? "If only they'd know..." He leaves the sentence hanging. he's not going to claim he knows everything there is to know. Hell, might be he's just scratching the surface and getting to know this phenomenal woman is a lifelong task. Every time he sees her, he's more and more convinced that's the case.

It seems him spilling his beans had no overtly negative effect on the Fairest, for which he was immensely glad, and his newly raised barriers had a difficult time stopping a sigh of relief. "I guess it wasn't much of a secret anyway at this point. Damn, I'm supposed to be the poker faced professional but with you? Like this?" He picked up this place because it's isolated and allows you to see without beeing seen. He picked up this place because it's isolated and allows you to see without beeing seen. He kept telling himself that, and it was true... but maybe some part of his mind he wasn't aware existed had other plans? "It's like high school all over again. I haven't felt this way since..." He was going to say "forever" but something stopped him from that. Especially since he's there, yapping about himself (as always) and Sasha, despite all the telltale signs of appreciating his sudden outburst sounded...off. His normally blank face twists and turns until an expression of a newly realized possibility is formed "Am I scaring you?"

Plenty of time for her responses and silence after them follows. Then she explains her wish to him, and he is not disappointed by the answer. Even if he didn't know everything about her, he knew enough to know that she's not the one to divulge details about personal affairs on the first go.

"Aren't you full of mystery Miss Collins" He says playfully, trying to coax some mellowing, secretly wishing for her words to slip out just like his did a moment ago "But to find it, I'm going to need some more details than that" A grin blooms on his face, but underneath it his brain works like a giant steam machine, with cogs, levers and conveyor belts working non-stop to analyze the possibilities.

There's no doubt in his mind that he'll be able to track this thing down. Even if he'll need to turn the entire city upside down.

There were those women who only said being beautiful was painful and difficult. They did it for more attention. The Fairest, however had felt it so many times. It had made her shy and uneasy around people in the past. Yet, it also gave her great gifts to help the less fortunate, when looking like she was heaven sent. Slowly, she softly stepped toward Alex. It was for those reasons, Sasha wasn't always attracted to the gorgeous guys. She wanted depth and some men were severely shallow. "But... I want to know, what's inside of you." Her hand lifting to his face and softly touching his cheek. She could feel the warmth before she even touched him.

Shaking her head, the Dancer had a warm glowing grin that looked back at him. "A little bit of a secret. Although, I didn't realize the depths it had taken." Her hand hadn't left the Darkling's face just yet. She wanted to fill in his sentence with 'since my wife', but didn't want to ruin the moment. "I know how you feel. And no, you're not scaring me. I just didn't think I would have the opportunity again." There had been too many 'maybes' between John and now other than her standard fling or Rick for that matter. That seemed more of convenience than anything.

Her head shook, her hand caressed from his face, down his neck and rested on the Mirrorskin's chest. "Its only something I need closure on is all." Her violets looked up at him, not wanting to think about the unfulfilled wish or anything outside of the gazebo. "But, it can wait."

She breathed in softly, her eyes closed for a moment. "I didn't think I would fall in love again, Alex." Reopening them, they sparkled and shined. Everything seemed a little scrambled, including her thought train. The Dancer could hardly concentrate on words with the Summer in close proximity.

The touch comes as a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. If there's any adverse effect, it is the severe case of tunnel vision he gets. The Dancer's words come to him delayed and... distorted? As if spoken from far away or in an echo chamber. The world is fracturing, but this is not the time for bliss.

I put a spell on you because you're mine
You better stop the things that you do

"What's inside of me?" He begins, the words acting as a glue for the pieces of their surroundings he has to pick up "You are not the first to ask me that. But you'll be the first to get an honest answer since I got out of the woods." He's not really sure what Sasha is supposed to do with that statement "I am a creature of vision that drives me and ambition that helps me make it reality. I make plans and arrange pieces until they're all perfect" The word seems to fly around a lot when the two are together "But it seems there are things beyond my control" Like how he feels about that woman across the table. He drowns in her eyes, still feeling the snowflake of a touch on his cheek "And what amazes me, what terrifies me is that I don't mind at all"

I ain't lyin', no I ain't lyin'

All of a sudden, the rational part of his mind kicks in. She doesn't ask out of idle curiosity, of course. She has a reason, she wants to know if he's worth her time. So let's find out, shall we? "If there's going to be any 'us', then we'll have to be honest with each other. So here's me being honest" His words are accompanied by his right hand, sliding towards Sasha with a palm up "If you take my hand now, then I promise you that you will never be bored. I promise you a path of challenge and freedom" His eyes don't leave hers for even the tiniest moment, studying her face like a painting, the move of every muscle, the twitching of every eyelash "But if that's not what you want, if you'd rather be worshipped or coddled then, for your sake, please don't, because I'd only cause you pain and I couldn't live with myself if I did"

Her hands moves slowly downwards and Alexander almost gasps as it rests on his chest. It seems, however, that his playfulness took some root after all, as Sasha returns a grin "Very well. It'll wait. But if you ever feel like closing that chapter, just say the word and it'll happen"

She closes her eyes, and he can only guess as to what happens right now in her mind. The answer comes at him like a nuclear bomb, sweeping him off his feet with the blast, burning him with fire and leaving him speechless. And it's the best feeling in the world.

I just can't stand it, the way you always put me down
I put a spell on you because you're mine

As the Summer spoke, she held her breath a moment when he said perfect. It was how Sasha ended up in the Hedge. The perfectionist in her made her attractive to Them. "I know how that feels. I can relate to wanting everything in order, and grueling hours to make sure it's exactly the way you want it." At least the Dancer could understand where Alexander was coming from.

"The unknowing is terrifying." She said with a soft smile. "Yet, I'm enjoying those moments with you." There were times the unknowing truly frightened her, but it shouldn't with this.

Alexander's next words she was entirely attentive. Her eyes didn't leave the place where his belonged. This was something she wanted, something that wasn't easy but moving toward the same goal. In the past, she'd dealt with stubborn men, those that sat and put themselves down which turned into a 'project'. With the Darkling, it wasn't the same type of obstacles, but, the same goal in mind.

Her hand moved down his chest, and then turned to the Mirrorskin's arm. Her hand slipped inside of his. "Challenging and freedom sound wonderful. I don't want to be worshiped, I've had far too much of that. Although, I do appreciate some chivalry." A sweet giggle left her throat.

She breathed in. If they were being honest, then, she'd better get something out of the way. "Well, the reason you don't need to search for it is because it was my ex. We left for a little while, then he went on sabbatical, I returned to Sacramento in the meantime, and I haven't seen him in at least two years." It may have been longer than that since the last time she saw John.

"So, that's why. I'd like closure of course. Not truly necessary though."

Her eyes never left his face. Watching, waiting to see if something would change his demeanor.

"Yeah, I figured you'd understand - if nothing else, the Note has that kind of vibe. And the dancing - that requires its own kind of perfection, too, right?" This is not a question, not really. Honestly, the Onyx Monarch has an entire aura of professionalism about her. And people say it's the opposites that attract each other...

"Moments?" He appears more amused than surprised "Is that what we're doing? Makes me feel almost like a weird booty call" This time he manages to keep the laugh to himself, but a wide, inviting smile blooms on his pale face nonetheless. It's a joke, of course. He's intentionally picking holes he knows full well aren't there in what she says, curious as to how she would react.

"Don't we all?" He replies, savoring her giggle, when she mentions chivalry. Sasha's hand is pelasantly cold, like drinking from a spring at the top of a mountain. In an instant, Alex's voice changes tone to faux-formal, like you'd normally expect at a fancy restaurant or a five-star hotel "I think we can accomodate, ma'am"

An ex, then? Well, that was unexpected - but at the same time explained a lot about why she was so reluctant to come clean about it.

"Two years is a very long time for a trail to go cold. Still, I wouldn't call it hopeless. If you forgive the analogy, people like Whitey Bulger went into hiding for a lot longer and were still caught. It's like I told you before - there's no such thing as a hole deep enough for you to hide forever. Meaning that if you ever feel like it, give me what you have on him and I'll see what I can do" Although it is a little disquiteing to not get over it by now, even if the wish itself was made much closer to the man's actual departure.

Still, a sabbatical? What kind of lame excuse is that, even if it's true? Especially if it's true? Although, it doesn't matter. What matters is that this whole affair means two things: one, that Sasha takes her relationships seriously, which is good, and two, that although there were more past boyfriends in her life (he remembers two or three, and those were just the ones she told him about), but she specifically requested this John character to be found, it means he was special to her, for more reasons than one. That kind of attachement can mean many things for them, most of them problematic.

"In the meantime, out of curiosity..." He begins slowly, cautiously "Let's suppose he's found and delivered right to your door. What'd you do?" There's a small chance she'd simply rip his heart out for spurning her, in which case Alex'd have nothing to worry about. But in any event a question like that is an important first step to figuring out what is it, exactly, that's going on between the two of them. Truth be told, he might've given off the infinitely wrong impression that he's living a dream of returning to his old family. But what if that's the case the other way around? What if it's him that is the placebo, the thing you settle for in the absence of an original?

Dark clouds invade his mind, and he's not entirely sure some of that sour didn't make it to his face.

Is this real life? Is this just fantasy?

"Yes, moments. It's the little things, Alexander. Because not treasuring the right here and right now would be sad if something happened." Even Sasha still had doubts. Everyone seemed to leave her and she only longed for someone to stay. "Besides, you're not a booty call. There hasn't been any of that.... yet." She chuckled and blushed at the same time.

Her soft smile continued as he sounded like some phony maitre d'. "Why thank you, sir, I would really love that." As much as the Fairest wished this moment could be captured forever, it was quickly called back to reality.

She stopped thinking, breathing, blinking; nearly everything for a minute, probably not as long as she it seemed. The look on the Darkling's face wasn't helping. He seemed to be a little worried, or regretting asking her the question. But, the Fairest really hadn't thought of what if he was found. What if he returned. That former attachment wasn't really there anymore. She'd moved on with her heart. "I'd ask him where he went. Why he left without a trace. Particularly because it was right around the time of the giant serpent. And then, after asking how he was and caught up, I'd probably tell him how upset and angry I was that he left without even a message. How it's given me a complex for so long. Then, I'd say my goodbyes and send him on whatever way he was going next."

The Dancer hadn't rattled off her mind-speak that quickly in so long, she didn't realize that all those thoughts and feelings were there the whole time, she just couldn't quite admit that she was really over him, but just wanted to know if he was safe one last time.