With much <3 and affection for Djinn, who indulged my wacky idea and breathed life back into Zodiac one more time...

Continued from Shot You Both, Part One




“Avis asked if fucking other people was cool.”

His head dropped backward and he held up his hand. See? Ring. We got Even More Serious. Saying it hurt. He should have waited for the floaty-haze of THC to kick in. Get some distance.

“You know, I.... I mean, you know. Right. I didn’t even want to… uh. You know. Before I asked her out.” Okay now that was weird. Definitely still weird. Talking to Zoey about… sleeping with Zoey. “You know that day, at the park. I told you…that I didn’t.”

What? That he didn’t want to get intimate under false pretenses? That he was weirdly old-fashioned? Thoughts started floating, hard to grasp.

“You… you know, right. What I’m saying. I mean, you’re the only one, I guess. That might.”

That it hurt. That it changed everything. That he had no clue what to do.


She assumed that wasn’t some kind of joke regarding mind-reading, given his words and reaction. The assessment was swift, and despite the marijuana, her eyes had taken on a slightly more focused look. Things, once again, had changed.

“... I see. So this wasn’t a weird booty-call? I’m disappointed,” she offered him a little humour, his own medicine in hopes of helping him relax.

Regardless, she reached over to rest a hand on his arm gently. “People get involved. Those kinds of things happen. The more serious you get, though, the more these things are bound to crop up. Had she ever presented a hint at the idea that she was interested in pursuing others before? Or that she had any inkling of a desire towards a more open relationship-style? That’s… kind of an important thing to discuss. Like, up there with whether or not you want kids.” Her hand ran into her hair as she removed it from his arm, leaning back thoughtfully.

“... I’m assuming by your… everything… that the idea doesn’t sit well with you,” the blue-eyed woman wasn’t entirely surprised, though, and she could barely wrap her head around what to suggest. Naturally, that meant gathering more information. “... can I get you a drink? Whiskey?”


If she hadn’t made the booty call joke, he might have latched onto her hand for a hug. Not a Hi It’s Been Years Hug but a Catch Me The World Just Fell Out From Under Me hug. But the joke would totally make that weird. He still offered her a rictus masquerading as a grin for it, though.

“Well. Uh. If weird booty calls are a future option?” Well that sounded a lot funnier in his head. “But… no. No. Never. I thought… I guess I thought we were… the Same. We, uh, there was this thing. Here.” He shifted and plied a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “She wrote this. About, uh. Sex. Ummm. Well, never mind it kind of explains why she wrote it, in it.”

“I mean, okay, she actually, I guess, technially, asked if I wanted to have a three way with one of our caballies. But she said maybe with the others, too. So… it’s not like it was… a one off.” Was he totally dodging her comment about wanting kids? Yeah. At least that… they’d mostly agreed on. “Yeah, a drink, that would be great.”

And maybe a floor or couch to pass out on, later. He took another slow, small hit while she read.

“Look, I know maybe it’s not… uh, for everyone. And, yeah, okay, I've got some issues. Personal issues. But… no… it’s not cool. With me. I feel like… all the baggage stuff aside, that there’s stuff that, I dunno. Should be saved? Kept? That it’s… special because it’s, it’s... Just with. The, uh, person. You love. And doing it with other people...”

Oh, shit. No. Damnit. Fingers rubbed at eyes like a little Dutch boy sticking his finger in a dike. Okay. Just no more talking until he got it together.


She fell silent as she read the letter, and her body steadily became more and more tense as she read it, before a low growl slipped from her, leaving her to look away from the letter for a moment, clearly fuming. “... No. No, this…” A deep breath, before she stood rather quickly and made her way to the kitchen area to pour two glasses of Carlton Tower.

“... First, I should smack you good and proper, Star, you should have known better. A museum? Really?” There was frustration there that she took a sip of one of the glasses to help dissipate, before moving back and setting both glasses on the table. “I would’ve shot you both, goddamnit, if you’d done that at my work.” Still, she shook her head and tried to settle herself down.

“This exact kind of nonsense is precisely the reason I refused to back Avis’ bid for Councilor. I’m not sure she knows how to pull her head out of her ass long enough to keep herself out of trouble. A goddamned basket. I hope she feels good about such an idiotic comparison, as a single person weaving a basket is not prevented from socializing the way one has been invited to. And if both of you left the gathering, but not the gathering location, to go and fuck, then you essentially showed up at a friend’s house and ignored them. This whole thing is a load of bullshit.” She was ranting. Holy hell was she ranting. How was it that after all this time, Avis could get her blood boiling this way?

“And don’t mistake me, you know full well I’m no stranger to public escapades and the possibility of being caught, but… this logic has more holes than goddamn pumice…” And in a heartbeat she’d silenced herself, looking at Star and taking a deep breath before sitting beside him to wrap her arms around him.

“There’s nothing wrong with that… there’s nothing wrong with thinking it should be special, and wanting to keep it special, Star. There’s nothing wrong with investing yourself to the point of dedication, and she should be both respectful of that and honoured that you care enough about her for that kind of dedication.” And the blackmailing? Oh she’d get back to that. She would certainly get back to that. That would not be allowed to stand. For now, though… for now… “You tried to talk to her about it, didn’t you? I mean, your statements indicate that she’s interested in polyamory, not simply an open relationship, which means the dedication of emotions… naturally a difficult subject…”



“Yeah, she misses you, too.”

The ghost of a real smile escaped as Zoey started. Sure, the cabal had been nerve-wracking at times, like navigating a minefield in a giant hamster ball -- but so much more entertaining than listening to Ermac and July whine about Emrys. He took a long pull from the glass and raised it in a toast.

Here’s to Warlocks, may they always be Bitchy and Brunette.

He’d opened his mouth, almost, there. Almost at the One Misgiving he’d had about coming to see her -- that it might turn into an Avis Bashing session. Which, might be totally valid. Even cathartic. But it wasn’t Why. Thin, but thicker than she’d known, shoulders relaxed into her arms, and his head slipped down onto her shoulder.

“...”

He almost said, Fuck That Museum. Of the many views they might share, any sort of reverence for that kind of stuff? Nope. Items of Power? Sure. But only for their potential.

“No, I mean, yes. I mean… I tried to explain why I, uh, feel. Like I do.” Holy Chick Flicks, Whiskey Man. “And she tried to explain how she felt, or, ummm. Why she wanted to. This is nice. Thank you. I’m sorry, you know. For dumping all this on you. Please don’t, you know. We can’t fuck.”

It was definitely the marijuana. And alcohol. And respecting Avis’ lifestyle choices and being clean and sober, but he could feel it now, swimming and pulsing through his clean, clean veins like the DJ had just Dropped The Bass. Sure, he might have just wildly offended Zoey, but he was completely sure that right now he couldn’t tell what was joking and flirting.

“She said… she said it was just communication. And she needed to learn about, about physical, uh. Stuff. That she was all about The Mind,” he intoned deeply. Or at least, slurred. “And needed to, like, get past that. That people weren’t just Minds and that, that. That doing that… "

Here’s Why.

“Zoey. You’re a Warlock.” That’s a compliment, yo. There are totally Mastigos and then there are Warlocks. “Don’t. Don’t just say what I want to hear. Straight up. Is she right? Or, could she be right? Do I need to just, like, get over myself?”



“I’m a happily married woman, and, moreover, you’re friend. You’re clearly emotionally vulnerable. Some of us recognize that a rule doesn’t need to be outlined in ink and stone in order to be a rule that ought to be upheld. Taking advantage of someone is one of those.” She was hurt. She was also angry. Mostly with Avis. “And when you’ve come this far to talk about something, I’m going to take you seriously enough to be honest with you. So I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear - because there’s nothing that can be said about this situation that you’ll want to hear, Star."

“Avis is being selfish and hypocritical. She wants to try and educate people about the Lie and yet she consistently falls victim to it herself. Flesh is a Lie. The Body is a Lie. Eclipse and I both recognize that in the line of work, sometimes sex and sexuality can be used most effectively to accomplish a mission - we’ve discussed this. We respect that of each other. Our personal ways of showing our dedication to one another, however, are personal ways."

“Avis isn’t ready to commit. She wants to explore. She wants to be young, and make mistakes, and still be told she’s right. She doesn’t want to accept her faults. How one physically appears can be made so fluid that it’s irrelevant, to me, the state of perception of the form. Things begin to get too complicated - is it cheating if someone is using her form, and I sleep with them? If I know it’s not her, but someone else posing as her, is that what makes it wrong? That is what I find important to consider, more than anything else. As a Warlock, the material essence of a singular individual means little to nothing in the sense of emotional attachment, what matters is what goes on beyond that. There is no reason that she should not be able to learn from you, and from your body, much of what she needs to know. And the rest is easily learned through simple discussion.”

Air. She’d forgotten that she needed it for a moment, and she removed one of her arms from around him to reach for the whiskey, taking a deep breath and a couple long swigs. “... damnit, it’s complicated, though. Clearly, Avis and I do not think alike. That’s had us constantly at odds basically from day one, and in the interests of a fair assessment, it’s important to state that Avis herself clearly has her own thoughts and opinions, as every single individual has. But the most important part of this is to say, neither of you is wrong. Neither of you is right. This isn’t black and white. This is about two individuals who have different opinions about something that is important to them.”

Was she lecturing? Had she spent too much time mom-ing? Was she being condescending? She didn’t know. No matter how idiotic she felt Avis was - because, really, not having something written in law didn’t mean that it shouldn’t be listened to. Smoking wasn’t simply okay in a building because someone hadn’t outright said ‘don't smoke while you’re in my house.’

Another swig and she’d finished her tumbler. And she sure as hell needed more.



"Yeah."

He didn't mind hearing it. Because he already knew. But unlike Zoey, he could understand why and filter it. That in lots of ways, Avis thought like a kid. Acted like a kid. Without filters or impulse control or considering consequences. Just like a kid that had been locked away and never allowed to develop.

A kid that had discovered fucking was really fun.

“No, you’re right. I mean, I agree. With all of that. That neither of us is right, even, that it’s just… how I feel.” When she shifted for her drink, he let his head roll back against the couch. Eyes open. No one needs vertigo.

“I… know she can be a selfish… kid.” Which sounded vaguely… weird. He also knew it could be something beautiful and pure at times. And maybe, in some ways, they were all kids again the day they Awoke. But. “But she could always, or, would always… stop. And think, and honestly question herself? And that’s what started driving me nuts, when we were talking. I asked her, like, more than once, is this just, uh, fucking. And, oh my god, Zoey. Varyx. This chick she wanted… to, uh. Okay, just wanted. Anyway. I don’t, like, blame her. Didn’t, even. Fuck, I was, like, almost into it. Even if it had just been them? But Avis kept… she kept saying it was this communication thing. This, like, enlightenment deal, like I was keeping her from Wisdom. And it just, man. It was driving me nuts. You know? That she wouldn’t just say it. Say, hey, man, I wanna fuck this hottie. This isn’t anything but…”

He lurched to his feet. Started walking. Talking about fucking Varyx while cozied up to Zoey? That’s Just Not Working.

“You know, we didn’t Lie to each other. Maybe, maybe sometimes we had to take the long way to get there? If one of us was, like, messed up. So maybe accidentally, just not… not on purpose. But it was like, everything time she said it was this, this communication thing, it felt… it felt like… like she wanted to fuck someone else sooooo much, she was willing to Lie to me about it.”

He bent over for his glass and polished it off. There’s more.

“But. Here’s, uh, here’s where it gets weird, too? She’s saying this stuff, about experiences, and I’m starting to think, shit. She has missed out on a ton of stuff, but, like, now, now am I just not wanting her to do this in case she, uh.” Yep. Got some insecurities. And more whiskey. Insecurities and whiskey. He even poured Zoey more, and resumed pacing. “Like what if she, like, you know. Some Arrow Hercules, then is all like, 'Man, Star… sucks. This guy is awful. What am I doing?' Or what if it’s not even that? That she fell in love with her first boyfriend? That I’m not The One, I was just The First One? Then I’m starting to wonder, in the middle of all of this, if I’m just keeping her in this, this cage, of experiences that I’m afraid will make me look… like, whatever. Great. Look great instead of whatever I am. Instead of me.”

He’d shone a harsh light on plenty of people. Some? Couldn’t shine it on themselves. But most Guardians can. It’s how they figured out where they belonged.

“But… but I do, you know. Believe the other stuff. I mean, even if her past wasn’t her past… I’d still. I’d still want to be the only one. Just like I want her to be my only one.”

The pacing slowed, and he turned back. There really wasn’t a question in all of that, and maybe some of it just Needed To Be Said, but maybe there were things he just couldn’t see because of being too close.

Or because of being a Scared, Insecure Asshole.


“She’s not ready to commit, Star.” It was a quiet reiteration this time, soothing mom-voice was turned on, and her body language was relaxed and open. She was consoling someone with the hardest of Truths, and there was no real way to say what he needed to hear gently, but she was trying.

“Regardless of what she has or hasn’t been able to experience, we all sign up for a degree of self-sacrifice when we commit to someone. When you say, let’s be together, you and I… that means you and I. That means the people that have been discussed. Changing the parameters right in the middle of things is… not how things go. Not unless children are involved - but that’s really an entirely different creature.” She shook her head a little bit, sighing and trying to figure out how best to even help her former cabal-mate.

“Unfortunately, you’re at a painful crossroads. If you choose to stay with her and allow her to do her thing, you’re going to be stuck in a steady state of decaying self-esteem and happiness, if you two stay together and she doesn’t do her thing, you’re going to constantly wonder if you’re enough and whether or not you’ve held her back, and if you leave her, you’re obviously going to be in a lot of pain for that loss."

“As a fellow Guardian, I ought to be simply telling you to get the hell out of that relationship, much like I’d warned before. You’ve created a situation which does, in a very extreme way, compromise you and your ability to perform your duties; you’re attached to an Arrow. As your friend, I recognize that it isn’t that easy… and I want to see you, and even that insufferable little idiot, happy… so the only thing I can even think to suggest is… let her go, let her experience, and see if she comes back to you. If she does, then your concerns will be primarily quelled, she’ll have had her experiences, and both of you will be ready to commit to each other…”

For all her fury towards Avis, she didn’t hate the woman. Quite the opposite, in fact, as she had hoped so much to watch the woman grow and flourish, and still continued to be disappointed. Perhaps like her children. Perhaps like a little sister. It was hard to really say, but moreover it was hard to watch the woman continue to dig herself into her grave.



He couldn’t stop the snicker from escaping.

There it was. He’d been waiting. It was how he would know; know if she was being totally straight, not holding back. The I Told You So. If she’d filtered that out, he’d have to wonder what else was being filtered. But, nope.

Which totally sucked.

Because she’d reached the same conclusion he had, albeit with just a little more Illumination. It was his fault, too. He’d known who, what, Avis was, and Asked. Maybe asked before she could answer. Maybe even pressured her. But the simple Truth was, he’d asked before either one of them knew who Avis really was. Sooner or later? He'd have to figure out if he could do what needed to be done.

Maybe take the Long Way Home.

That bottle wasn’t going to finish itself. And now that he knew Avis wasn’t Right, but they were both Wrong? Be a shame to waste the visit on a Pity Party.

“Hey, remember when Autolycus threw that rock at your car…”