Desire Counseling

[Coco]

"Ah, but I did not say with the internet, now, did I?" Coco replied with a knowing wink.

"Sacramento happens to have a rather popular paper, the Bee, but it's a daily periodical. I haven't noticed a good weekly one in all my time in the city, so that itself could be your opening. Eschew subscription, use advertising and donations for your revenue. And, instead of working in hidden messages, simply keep your eyes and ears open. As you said, the DJ does a good enough job, but his information is only gained through contributions. Having someone in the field, as it were, would be most useful. What do you say? If you had help with funding, would that better suit your desire for a fulfilling profession?"

[Swami M]

Alex nods. "Independent local papers are a thing. But they come and go all the time. Turning a profit on something like that will be hard. We'd need office space, staff, printing and delivery service... It's a big investment, and you may never see a return. You might end up operating at a loss..."

[Coco]

"The proverbial 'you', I do hope you mean," Coco returned, pausing only when their food arrived. "I have no interest in running such a paper. It's helping you realize your desires that I care about. If a periodical doesn't interest you, very well, please just consider me as having played devil's advocate, alongside with being the verdant one."

A piece of meat was speared by her fork and brought between glossed lips, disappearing to be ground between white teeth.

"Anyways," she continued, after the morsel had been swallowed, "really, the power of the Ardent Path lies in understanding where our Desires stem from, and what they mean for us now that we have them. You sound like you have a decent grasp of that in terms of your career, it's just details that is needful for you now. However, you also mentioned finding companionship, and that is certainly a desire that many of us feel. For a surprisingly diverse number of reasons, I find. Perhaps you'd care to expound a bit more on that?"

[Swami M]

"Simple friendship won't be a problem. I can already see that there are some truly good people here. And sex... just sex for its own sake... won't be an issue. Not with the way I look now. But a true partner... That's something that takes time even under normal circumstances. Hooking up with normals is one thing... making an outsider a real part of my life would be something else entirely. So... finding the love of my life when the pool of available talent consists of only a few dozen people, with a handful at best being gay males... that's where the line between desire and fantasy gets blurry."

[Coco]

"Your odds are not as poor as you believe them to be," Coco replied, lettuce crunching beneath the points of her fork, the myriad of green skin parting around steel. "When I first arrived in town, it was on the eve of Spring's crowning, and my court was hosting what was supposedly an Orgy of all things. In truth, nothing deserving of the name orgy actually happened, which is actually rather fortunate, for I was the only lesbian in the room. Months later, however, another woman arrived in the Freehold that held the same desires as I do. That match wasn't to be, but some months hence and, well, now I've met another."

The wasp placed the fork between her teeth and slid the impaled salad free, settling into a happy crunching.

"Things are not always as stagnant as they appear to be," she added around her bite of food, a napkin rising to ensure that no little bits of green escaped. "Though, that said, what is your definition of love, anyways? For most, love is a fairy tale to begin with."

[Swami M]

She wants a definition of love? That's like trying to explain the taste of chocolate or what the first cool morning of autumn feels like...

"Well, love is when you can trust someone completely. When you can share anything and everything with someone, with no fear of being judged. When someone will keep your deepest secrets and risk anything to keep you safe. And they know that they can expect the same from you. I had that once, Before. But it was already slipping away when They got me..."

[Coco]

"Not all share your same definition of love," Coco replied, setting her fork aside for the moment, "but I must admit, it doesn't strike me as an uncommon one. Safety, comfort, trust, support: all of these things are definitely something that I can understand you desiring, particularly in a relationship with another person. However, all of those things are not just something you find, but something you have to forge for yourself, as well. So, though perhaps your options are limited by geography, your prospects are not as limited as you make them. Perhaps there is a man out there who would forge that love with you. Perhaps that man has yet to arrive in town. However, if you do not look, and strive to do more than hope, then it might never be."

[Swami M]

"I know. It's not something that's technically impossible. But the odds are long, and it's going to take time. If and when I find what I'm looking for... I'm not ever going to take it for granted again."

Alex waits for whatever comes next. He's explained his desires. He's still not sure what Coco and the other Springs intend to do about it...

[Coco]

"Excellent!" the Wasp brightly replied, clapping her hands together in a display of excitement. "Now that we've discussed the Desires you hold towards your profession, and the designs that you hold towards love, the next step for you is to see what those Desires say about you. So why don't you tell me, Alex, what kind of person are you? And don't just give me the usual spiel, think of your answer in terms of what you've just told me. Use that as your context."

[Swami M]

Alex struggles to keep a straight face. How is he supposed to answer that question?

"Well... I'm honest. I think helping others is important. There was a quote that came up during the Muhammad Ali commemoration a few days ago... 'Service to others is the rent you pay for your place in this world.' I don't enjoy conflict or harming others, as odd as that sounds from someone in my Court. Of course fighting may be necessary in our special circumstances, but I see that as a job that needs to be done and a job that I'm now well suited for. It's work, not something to be enjoyed or pursued for its own sake. I'm reasonably smart and have some knowledge of the world and how it works... even if I learned too much of that by the mistakes that I made."