Catching Up With Coco

[Changeling ST]

Violet enjoyed tea time at the Rose Garden. There were boxed teas, those that were dried and shipped all over the world and then there were the teas that the gardens fulfilled. A beautiful spread of winter fruits filled a small try. Strawberries, golden gooseberries, blackberries, orange slices, grapefruits, pears, dates, kiwi, and bananas; ready to eat with hors d'oeuvre forks.

The Verdant Queen sat awaiting the arrival of Coco that afternoon. The back room with French doors and curtains had been reserved for a ‘private party’. Her blouse was black with bright large flowers spread widely over the fabric. It was a winter floral piece she hadn’t worn in some time.

The Rose Garden had the sense of impatiently waiting for the arrival of spring. It was around the corner, yet, it still didn't seem like it was near enough yet. Like a child on the holiday morning, longing to open the beautiful gifts that were dying to burst out of their packaging.

[Coco]

The Wasp was prompt in her arrival, though it was self interest rather than grace that prodded her towards the meeting which Violet had deigned to grant her. Not that Coco truly suspected her request for an audience would be denied, but the possibility had arisen in her mind. She had no way of knowing, after all, what rumors had reached the Queen's ears. Rumors that, unfortunately, likely held shreds of undeniable truth...

But, alas, there was no point in wondering, and so the Wasp strode into the meeting room, looking shabbier than ever in tennis shoes, jeans, and a cloth and denim jacket, not to mention the drug store scrunchy keeping her hair bound up fast at the back of her head. Still, that didn't stop the Wasp from dropping into an elegant, cane accompanied curtsy once she'd closed the doors behind her.

"My Queen," she offered in greeting as she rose and closed the distance to the table. "I'm glad to see you," she added, falling into the chair across from Leblanc. "I've not had an easy year, and I need your counsel. I feel as though I've lost sight of the ardent rule and from all I've seen, I'm convinced everyone else in the Freehold has, too. Perhaps we're still safe, as you wear the crown, but I worry what might happen if Spring truly does wither."

[Changeling ST]

The Queen nodded in acknowledgement of the Skittersulk’s curtsy. Her hand gestured to the fruit and tea that was there for consumption.

“Excellent to see you as well, Coco.” A warm inviting grin as she watched the Claviger take her seat. Violet’s own Mantle of florals overpowering that of the Dancer’s soft grass as only hints in the background.

“Why do you feel as if you’ve lost sight of this?” Shaking her head slowly, a gentle expression on her face. “I don’t think the whole Freehold is more lost than usual.” Leaving the conversation open to what she presumed was to be a great description. If they were, then several weren't doing their duties.

[Coco]

"Because I've found no solace in the pursuit of my desires. I've just found anger, hatred and pain, both inside my heart and in that of others," the Wasp replied, her expression growing dark, the shadowed recollections of the months past flickering through her mind.

"I feel as though I've been beguiled by too many fantasties, by too many false desires, and I've begun to see every whim through the tinge of doubt. Because I have chased desire. I have strove for their pursuit, but every time I failed. Instead of becoming a hero, I became a murderer. Instead of finding a lover, I found myself jilted, and instead of becoming a part of the community, I've felt myself rebuked by it. I don't see how I can keep following the Rule when its treated me so," she complained with a bitter sigh.

"And, as for the 'Hold, I've not seen desire's pursuit blossom in another. I just see sheep wandering around, hoping for a brighter future, and bleating at anything that doesn't wish to conform."

[Changeling ST]

Violet watched the expression on the face of the Skittersulk, she took a long sip of tea and listened to her concerns. The Flowering's perspective on the matters at hand were those of Coco's viewpoint. Everyone had their own, so asking the simplest of questions first would let the other answers hopefully unravel.

"Before I ask a few more questions. In your view, what does the Ardent Rule mean?" Lifting a few pieces of fruit from the tray and placing them on the small plate before her.

[Coco]

The Wasp pondered the question, reading through definition after definition within the archives of her memory, though she stuttered upon one, it's words warning her that, just as thorns adorned the stem of a rose, a rebuke might light beneath the petals of Violet's question.

"Do you ask to remind me of one of its tenants?" Coco challenged, regarding her Queen warily. "Is it because you believe that I've been remiss in judging the other Courtiers in the Freehold? That I have not respected their desires as I've respected my own?"

The Wasp held the Queen's gaze searching for confirmation of her fears.

"Well, I might be," she supplied, "but, that's not what you asked, and who am I to deny the Queen?" A bitter smile spread on the Wasp like a bruise.

"The Ardent Rule: Your Desires Are Your Own. Words that to me mean that Desire is unique to each of us, and something which no one but ourselves can possess. Thus it is our greatest defense, and our greatest treasure, because without it we would not be who we are, we would not be ourselves. Which...is why it is important to acknowledge our desire, and the desire of others, and to treasure both. That's what the words tell me they mean, but..."

Coco trailed off, the churlish smile wilting as if before a killing frost.

[Changeling ST]

Violet didn’t cringe at what was essentially the general answer for the Ardent Rule, but it was painful to hear that her view had been rendered asunder.

“Your Desires are your own is a little more complex than that.” The Flowering took a small sip of tea, speaking casually to the Spring Courtier. “There are facets that don’t always make themselves apparent, especially in the beginning.”

“To begin, part of it means that you don’t interfere with others. Only your desires are your own. It is not someone else’s place to criticize your passions, yet it isn’t your place to criticize another’s.”

Looking to the Fairest, her face empathetic for she wasn’t always Queen and learned in the same manner; trial and error. “How to go about retrieving that desire?” Shrugging gently. “That is your responsibility and your ambitions. Yet, despite this, you cannot be lead by solipsism. It’s often why healing falls within the tomes of Spring, to help others find their own desires by letting them continue forward.”

[Coco]

At first, the Wasp just sat there stunned, unbelieving that her Queen had merely rephrased back to her what she'd already said. After all, if one acknowledged and treasured something, was that not the same as respecting it? And more than that, had she not expressly used that very same word, 'respected', when she'd challenged the Queen's motive behind her question?

"So you do feel as though I've been remiss," the Wasp stated flatly, eyeing the Queen far more warily now. "That is why you merely rephrased what I already acknowledged, yes? To re-illustrate it's importance? To pound it through my solipsistic skull, perhaps?"

The Wasp's cheeks grew hot, and she felt her pulse beating against the walls of her neck.

"Very well. I will respect that. I think I've made progress towards that, in the pledge I took for Milo and Morgan's behalf, and the flag of truce I presented to the Steward. I've also paid for one of the new arrival's room at Edna's so that she could, as you say, continue on towards her desires. Do these actions not illustrate my efforts to actively respect the desires of others?

"I assume that they do. What I do not understand, however," the Wasp continued, a hand rising to brush down her face, "is where this leaves me. Am I supposed to find contentment merely through fulfilling the desires of others and taking responsibility for my own failure to fulfill mine? Am I just supposed to just wait until another decides to help me with my desires? Or am I supposed to desire less than I do, so that I can actual experience something besides frustration and failure? Please, tell me, Queen Leblanc. Please, give me advice so that I can find my way back to our Court."

[Changeling ST]

Violet didn’t change her demeanor despite that the other Fairest was appearing frustrated. The Queen skipped over what seemed to be rhetorical and moved on to the other items that Coco covered.

“If you made a truce with them, then yes, those efforts do respect their desires. Sometimes we have to learn these lessons the hard way, no matter how much it pains us. Keep in mind that often this is the path to your own fulfillment. Desire has curves and twists and sometimes bumps in the road, but to take stock in these mishaps will make you a better Spring. And sometimes, when these mistakes happen, if they are our own doing, being the first to apologize is the easiest way to alleviate the frustration.” The Flowering spoke to her from the heart; it was clear in her eyes. She too was not perfect or without fault, but to go on about her own experiences would not aid in council to the Skittersulk.

“What one in our court should ask themselves is ‘what do I desire’? Sometimes its easier to start with small things to slowly tackle larger ambitions.”

“Let me ask you something, Coco.” She smiled and softly leaned forward. “Have you ever done something for another without the expectation of anything in return?”

[Coco]

The Wasp hung her head, the reply of "no" springing immediately to her lips, yet shame stalling her tongue. Yet, before she could convince herself to force the word out, another thought came to her and her head canted to the side, then rose once again.

"Is it truly possible to do something for another without expecting anything in return?" Coco queried, curiosity staining her voice. "Even if one gives charity out of the goodness of their heart, does that remove the pleasure they might get from helping another, or the satisfaction that would come from doing what they thought was right? Doesn't every action we perform happen with the expectation of a return? Of a change, of an effect upon us? Honestly, I don't think it to be possible. I don't think that someone can truly be selfless.

"Which," she continued, a smile that was cousin to a sneer appearing, "is probably enough of an answer to your question, my Queen, but allow me to elaborate a little further. When I decided to offer Mhairi Anka with funds for rent, I didn't demand any sort of recompense, yet I did present that offer with the thought that it would encourage others to think favorably of me. And when I stuck a sword through a false dragon's heart, I did so because it allowed me to fulfill my role in our community. So, no, even in my moments of sacrifice, it was all still done because of me."