On the Big Screen

[Animus]

Eyes dart back and forth like a cornered animal. Walls, closing in. Everything seemed too small. "He was ... I've seen too many people catch a glimpse of what I am. And their empathy shuts down, and they judge. And every time, it just tears me up inside. To be on display like some moth with its wings pinned to an index card. He saw hints of the animal, and he attacked. Do you have any idea how painful that is?"

[Avis]

The desire to snap at him, to accuse him of giving into weakness, rose into her throat like bile, but she forced it down. It wouldn't help anything. It would just make him draw further into that weakness like an animal in its den, and that was the opposite of they needed to do. They needed to coax him out of his mock shelter and get him to stand firm while the winter wind licked the blood from his wounds. But, if harshness couldn't do it, and coddling just encouraged it, what would do it?

"Yeah, I do know, Animus," Avis replied, keeping her voice steady, just hovering above factual as a path materializing in her mind. It wasn't an easy one, and wasn't one she had ever really wanted to take, but hopefully it would be one that would help him.

"I mean, I can't say that I know what your pain tastes like, but you're not the only one who's been persecuted and judged. You talk about cages a lot, and I don't know if you've ever been in one, or how much time you spent there, but I do know I've lived in one. I spent half my life trying to escape from a fucking prison, just managing to get out only to get dragged back inside again. But, the thing is, it wasn't just a prison. People didn't think I was just a criminal. They thought I was insane. It was an Asylum, Animus, so I know what it's like to have people judge you. To have people persecute you and lock you away because they don't understand you, and don't care enough to listen." Her eyes flicked over to Asp, gaze bleak, struggling not to look harried, and then flew back to Animus.

"And I might be a fucking hypocrite, because I am still afraid of being judged, and that's why I've never told anyone before, not willingly, but I think I cope alright. Maybe not, I don't know. Maybe Asp'll tell me in just a second that I've been a lot worse than I think, but that's my issue. You, you've got to own up to the fact that this isn't working for you. That's why I did what I did in training. I was trying to help. I exploited you, I admit it, but I knew that if I didn't, that wound might go ignored."

[Animus]

Eyes flick towards Avis.

He'd wondered. He'd seen signs of ... something. But to listen ... he'd been chained, he'd been scrutinized. And always lost pieces of himself in the process. How had Avis remained whole?

And then Asp speaks, pulling his attention away. "I ... of course you're not an angel. Angels judge." A flickering glance toward the door, before he could quite stop himself. "I thought it was enough to let myself be broken. That if I could divert harm away from others, it wouldn't matter what happened to me." A helpless look, captured by the Obrimos' question. "When did that stop working?"

In truth, he thought he knew the answer. But to admit to it ... Was that something he could face?

[Avis]

"I don't know, Animus," Avis said with a shrug. "All I know is, we need you, but more importantly, you need you. Forget about other people for a while. Look at yourself. Look at what you want, what you believe in, and what you hate. That's the only thing I know to do."

The Supernal is the Self. Without that, there was nothing. That's what Avis believed. If she hadn't, she never would have made it here. When you're alone you have to stand for yourself or nothing will stop you from fall. When you're among a group, you have to stand for yourself and for everyone around you, because a group is nothing if no one is standing, including you.

[Animus]

A slow nod, closer to acquiescence than agreement. But at least it's a start, right?

Fine by me.

[Avis]

Avis nodded too, looking at the ground.

Her eyes flicked back up. "Look. I, uh, don't mean to run out on you, but I'm not really in the mood for a movie anymore. Let's reschedule for some other time, yeah?"

Best awkward-to-serious scene ever!