It was the first time Sarah had invited Alice over to her place, which was a big moment for her. While she had shared a great deal of her personal thoughts and emotions with her lover, her girlfriend, Sarah always considered herself a bit of a sentimentalist and part of that meant that the objects which held memories were almost a part of her soul. Well at least that's what she told herself as she placed the paper on the field easel in the living room of the trendy loft apartment before making sure the comfortable and good looking black leather couch was in the right position. She looked around the rest of the living room, at the flat screen TV and entertainment center on one wall, the desk with laptop against the opposite wall and the pictures that hung around the room.
Noticing that she was beginning to pace, the Daeva flopped down on the black leather loveseat in a rather unlady like manner. Sitting back she made herself comfortable waiting for Alice to arrive at the trendy and sexy loft.
Alice was quite excited this evening. She would see Sarah's loft and she would actually function as a model again! The few times she had done that before were for her Sire, it was a part of her memories that was good to recall. She looked forward to it to do it again. Because she didn't know what Sarah expected she had a trolley with her, filled with clothes. Not that there was something wrong with what she was wearing now, but maybe there was a theme... or no clothes at all.
With a big smile on her face Alice knocks on the door of the loft.
Sarah was a bit nervous when she heard the knock at her door. Part of her was worried about the impression her place would make on the other Daeva, it was nice and Martha had loved it but well the Shadow could find something good about almost anything, Alice was a different matter completely. Still the petite blond Daeva made her way to the door and opened it with a genuine smile ... and an outfit that was sure to make even Alice's dead heart flutter with excitement. "Why good evening Miss Brown, please come in." She closes the door after Alice. "Welcome to my playground." The Succubi remarked with a teasing tone.
To the right of the entrance is a small kitchen, to the left a very well stocked bathroom with a deep old fashioned tub perfect for soaking and a number of different types of scented oils and bubble bath products. In front of them is the large living room Sarah had been preparing moments before with the entertainment system, the leather couch and loveseat, the field easel and computer desk. To the left of the living room is an open door which reveals a bedroom with a pair of dressers, a pair of bookshelves, a walk in closet and a king sized bed with inviting looking satin sheets and covers.
On the walls are number of sketches and paintings, many of them landscapes or cityscapes, a few of which are easy to recognize as Sacramento. The two most prominent are both done from a perspective looking east into downtown Sacramento with the river in the foreground, the Capitol and Capitol park captured well and the first lines of the rising sun in the background. One is of modern Sacramento, while the other is missing a number of familiar landmarks that have been added in the last forty years and there is enough of a variance in style to suggest that a different artist did each. Another painting is of Old Town San Diego with that city's famous harbor in the background. The other landscapes or cityscapes are of a different city with a style that screams New Orleans, should one be familiar with that city.
Sarah waits breathlessly, well it was easy when you were dead, but still she wondered what Alice thought of her place.
If Alice's smile hadn't been so big already it would have widened even more. 'Oh dear my... Sarah!' Her grip on the trolley loosened and Alice hugged Sarah. 'Is that your artistic outfit? Love it.' And she kissed her fellow Daeva deeply.
Not wanting to stay in the entrance too long, she almost danced inside, giving a short pull to the trolley only to let go again and to make a pirouette in the middle of the loft. After the dance, which gave a short view of the whole room, she dropped herself on the loveseat. Her eyes looked at every sketch, moving slowly. 'Why didn't you show me this before? This is fantastic. Although I hope I'm not going to end up like a building.' With a chuckle she rose again and placed herself in front of Sarah. 'Now girl, tell me what you want me to do! Elegant? Charming? Wedding? Half Naked? Sports commercial... bunny...'
Sarah returned Alice's kiss with a passion, breaking it after a minute with a teasing smile that promised many things to the other Daeva, most of the naughty. "Well I like to be comfortable when I do a portrait and it also helps to put the subject at ease." She walks into the living room and laughs as Alice comments on the pictures along the walls, smiling as she looks at the collection and sketches. "Only a couple of them are mine" the Succubi points to a detailed sketch of the smoky interior of what seemed to be a Jazz bar and one of a French Quarter mansion "the rest were done by admirers or friends." Her voice dipped slightly on the last word.
"Well now ... so many choices ... so many outfits ..." Sarah smiled at Alice and winked "... might be too tough to choice just one outfit."
'Hmm, okay, otherwise we should organize an exposition, of the soon to be famous Sarah LaFleur! Certainly with me as model.' Alice winked at her friend. She opened the trolley, took a sexy dress out and considered it a moment. 'I have all night, and many nights thereafter, so maybe we should just start somewhere? How about....'
Another moment she thought as her voice trailed off. She meanwhile walked to the bed. One hand gently pushed it, as if Alice wanted to check how soft it was. 'Something classic, that means few clothes of course.' She sits on the bed. 'And a few wine grapes as an attribute of the Bacchante. An ode to my bloodline?' With a questioning expression she looks at Sarah. She was the artist so she should be okay with it. But many factors would also fit the playfulness of a Daeva, the sexy nudity of two lovers and a deeper thought of her as mythological half goddess.
Sarah ponders the idea for a moment, the dress was nice and Alice's idea was interesting. "I have a couple of bottles of red wine in the kitchen, might have some grapes in the fridge." She looks at Alice and shrugs. "Need to keep up appearances and sometimes I have people over, I'd hate to be thought a bad host." The petite blond makes her way into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of merlot before opening the fridge and discovering that yes she still had some fresh grapes from her last get together. Taking both of the items back into the living room, Sarah smiles as she watches Alice check out her bed.
"Over here on the leather couch, the bed's for later." She remarks with a hint of teasing and more than a bit of naughtiness in her voice, waiting until Alice is back in the living room to show off the items she had found. "Will these props satisfy you my dear Alice?"
Alice chuckled when Sarah began about the 'yet to come' bed scene. She had imagined herself laying on a bed of grapes, but that would involve imagination rather than modeling. So she nodded and walked to the couch. 'They're perfect. Then I'll quickly change my outfit.' And within a few seconds her clothes fell on the floor to be replaced by something quite different.
'You just place me the way you want me, if possible a little comfortable.' Alice winks. As a vampire she wouldn't need all that much comfort, but being in some awkward yoga position for several hours wouldn't do any good either.
Sarah smiled at Alice's new outfit, clearly enjoying the way it looked on the woman. Okay clearly enjoying the way it showed off Alice's perfect body. Yes that was a much more fitting description on her feelings towards that specific outfit. The petite blond took Alice gently by the hand and guided her over to the black leather couch and helps her into modeling position. Of course her hands "slip" a couple of times, each little "accident" accompanied by a playful wink.
When Alice was in position on the very comfortable couch, Sarah placed the bottle of wine and the grapes near her fellow Daeva before touching Alice's face with her gentle fingers and with great care, as if Alice were a perfect work of art, guided it until it was in the right position. Everything ready, Sarah leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend on the forehead tenderly before moving her mouth to Alice's ear, her voice emerging in a low whisper. "I know how hard this is for you and for giving me one night, I owe you one night. Whatever you desire."
Alice's whole body was relaxed, making it possible for Sarah to work. Except for her mouth, she couldn't relax her laughing muscles since there was a playful smile on her face. As soon she was placed in the perfect composition she doesn't move anymore, making her deadness do it's job. 'Hmmm...' She thought about it, and yes, she thought about a couple of nice things to do.
'Ah well, this is a very good way to stroke my ego anyway. Though people owing me things is always good.' Alice chuckled shortly before she remembered why she's here. She sent Sarah a short nod and then froze.
The first touches of pencil to paper were always the most difficult in any sketch. Once the first lines were done, the rest of the drawing would fall into place around them but until then there was a subject and a blank canvas. It was easy to second guess yourself when seeking to make the first establishing marks and especially when trying to capture such an engaging subject. Still Sarah focuses completely on the task at hand for a good ten minutes, setting the stage for the rest of the work. Still the most difficult part, for the petite Daeva at least, was done and she felt more comfortable and at ease in the situation.
The Succubi works quietly, looking up every few moments to glance at Alice again and when she notices the beautiful model begin to shift, Sarah speaks up softly. "How are you holding up?"
The first minutes went quite well for the Bacchante. She was proud to be here, to be modeling. But her natural boredom came sooner than expected. She tried to sit still, but wanted to move. She was silent but wanted to talk, or better, she needed to talk. Sarah's voice made her happy though. 'Well, we've barely started so I'll just say I'm doing fine.' She chuckled shortly.
'Can you talk while you draw? Or at least listen... there are quite some things I need to tell you.' Alice inclines her head to Sarah one time before returning to her pose.
Sarah continues to work on the sketch, however when Alice replies, the petite blond Daeva nods. "Being the wonderfully talented woman that I am, I can usually do one or the other even when working with the most difficult models." She smiles and waits for Alice to go on, since well the Whip had things she needed to say.
Alice laughs shortly. 'Excellent! A very talented woman indeed... but I'm not that difficult am I?' Her laugh becomes a less-charming snort before she falls into silence again. It actually takes a while before she comes to the point, as if she needed to mentally prepare for it.
When she almost reaches to point where she tells about Martha, she starts to doubt if she shouldn't start about Dillon and their coterie first. It is all so complicated because Martha is a friend of Sarah. But when it finally comes out, it comes out with a sigh of relief. 'Do you know that Martha, your other friend, tried to read my mind, and thus broke our friendship by offending me? Did you also know she tried to find out what she also could have asked me? Do you realize that she also could be doing that to you?' Alice's voice sounds very fragile. She tries to sit still though, hoping that if she pretended like it didn't mean anything, it actually wouldn't mean anything.
Sarah pauses for a second, considering Alice's words. While Martha had confessed to her and explained what had happened, the woman's sadness had not completely wiped away Sarah's concerns. There was a difference between being willing to forgive a friend, even helping make amends to the person they'd wronged, and accepting the action. She'd made her decision based on Martha's seemingly sincere regret, not because she thought that what Martha had done was okay in any way. The notion that even one of the best examples of their kind would invade the mind of a friend was not a ringing endorsement of the Kindred condition, something that was made all the worse by the fact that if the case ever became known, nothing would be done. Martha was the Keeper and Herald, maybe Alice's Covenant and relationship with the Prince would buy her a fair hearing, but if it had happened to another Kindred, well no one would care. The whole sick society would probably just gave a good laugh.
The petite Daeva begins to sketch again, drawing a few lines to calm herself before speaking again. "She confessed to me, in fact she was so distraught over what happened that she cried and not even a good pair of heels could salvage her mood." Sarah's pencil touches the paper again and for a moment is the only sound in the apartment. "She wishes to make amends and I believe that you should speak with her. The decision to forgive her is up to you but I believe that you should hear her out and make your decision based on if you feel she is honestly seeking your forgiveness." It takes her a second to steady herself. "What she did to you was disgusting and I know that you're hurt and wish to hate Martha. It is an acceptable reaction and frankly if I had not seen the pain in her eyes when she explained what she had done I would probably wish that she were a pile of ash."
Her voice is softer now and betrays a certain thoughtfulness. "Our existence rips apart our souls, shredding them until there is nothing left. Some of our kind willingly give into their darker natures, shedding everything that made them who they were and calling themselves "predators", basking in it, wallowing in it like a pig in filth." She looks at Alice. "We're not predators, we're parasites. Our religion is based around the bastardization of human beliefs, our politics stolen from the Kine in almost the same manner as we take their life's blood. The only form of creation we're capable of is a mockery that ends a life." Dead lungs force a sigh.
"The only thing we have is that soul and we need to hold on to it. Alice, your decision to speak with Martha, to hear her out, to be willing to forgive her, is about you. It is a referendum on if you wish to hang on to the things that make you truly beautiful or slide down further into the pit that seeks to consume those qualities."
After the first part of the answer Alice remains silent. She was interested in what else Sarah had to say, and she wasn't really in the mood to say anything yet. Nevertheless, she could still be surprised, or more so amazed by her cousin's answer. Alice always called herself a predator, and still saw herself that way.
That is, a social predator as only a Daeva can be.
'She told you but... you didn't tell me....' Not what she wants to say, but the first that comes out as soon as she opens her mouth. Was it strange to be offended by that? Alice shrugs. 'Though I'm glad you thought about it so well. And you know, you're right. The only problem is that I felt that Martha needed to be punished, while no one could punish her except for me. Staying angry is really the only way... but I can't do that. Even if I wanted to I just couldn't.' She still doesn't look at Sarah but stays the way she was modeled 'I want to keep my soul... I really do. That is despite the fact I'm actually losing it.. Those last words were heavier than those before, and Alice meets Sarah's beautiful eyes. 'I will speak to her soon, but I first wanted to know how you thought about it.'
After a sigh she continues on an easier topic: 'By the way, I can't really agree with your theory.' Between the sadness a chuckle is heard. 'I don't believe we are parasites in the human society. Yes, facets of our society are based on the mortal society but that's only because we once were human. Now we've grown in something eternally beautiful. Something so beautiful that it doesn't need creation. We can't die, so why create something new?' In a proud manner she slightly raises her head. Alice had never felt cursed.
"I only learned the other night and this is the first time we've spoken since then." Sarah frowns, leaving certain things unsaid. "I am glad that you will speak to her."
She takes a minute to consider the second part of Alice's statement, the musing on the loss of a soul and disagreement of their shared condition. "Alice, we take their blood and sometimes even their very lives. We use their religions to justify our existence, use their terms to form our society and play with them like puppets for our amusement." She looks down at the page, almost resigned to the fact that Alice wouldn't understand. "Why do we exist?" Her voice gets lower. "I asked Christian, my Sire, that question once. He couldn't give me an answer that didn't sound like an excuse." The petite blond woman looks away at the window. "We kill to create and are banished from the Sun, we cannot walk into a room with another of our kind without our darker nature screaming in protest."
Sarah finally looks Alice in the eyes again. "I believe that I love you, Alice Brown, not your titles, not your beast, not your blood, but you." And some night Alice Brown might be gone, replaced by a monster that simply has her appearance.
After a nod and a smile Alice is actually confused when she realizes the "Martha" topic was over so soon. Not strange, their existence was slightly more interesting of course. 'What you do wrong here is to look at our existence from a mortal point of view. Which makes no sense since were something completely different now.' Her voice is matter-of-factly. Her theory was simple. 'We use their terms for our society, why shouldn't we? We can't walk in the sun... who cares? We don't need the sun to live, see that as a gift. Plants, animals, humans and even water needs sunlight. It might be inconvenient that it burns us, but all I have to do for solace is look at Priscus Twist. An example of elegance and beauty, centuries old without the need of sunlight.'
She pauses to accept the compliment with an air kiss. 'I love you too Sarah, and that is the reason of our existence. Be happy, love and be loved.' She smiles playfully, trying to cheer up the one that had her real love. 'My own argument against that is, when the other doesn't exist you have no reason to exist as well. Okay, great. Existence has no meaning. Why do humans exist? Why does the earth exist? Why does existence exist? If it all disappears there would be no one to miss it. Realizing that, you see that existence doesn't really mean anything. When nothing means a thing, you can do whatever you want.'
'Welcome to my Requiem my dear.'
A minute passes. Then another. Then a third. Sarah had tried to make Alice see that there were more important things involved in the woman's decision to hate or be willing to forgive, things that would impact on her own hold on her humanity. A fourth minute passes. The discussion had sprawled, the question of the petite Herald left in the dust as Sarah now considered Alice's viewpoint, a philosophy of existence that was almost completely opposite her own. "It's not a mortal point of view, it's something that keeps us connected with our better nature, something that keeps us from losing ourselves and giving in completely to the beast inside of us." She frowns. "You wish to save your soul and I believe that you fail to realize that there might be a price needed to be paid for such a thing." She looks at Alice again. "Think of the most vile, most beastial Kindred you can and remember one think: at some point they were like you."
She pauses for effect, allowing her words to properly sink in. "They made their decisions and they fell, they gave themselves over to their Beast for their own reasons and they were lost. Alice when difference between us and them is a few seemingly small decisions over the decades, how can everything be meaningless?"
When Sarah doesn't say anything Alice returns to her pose. But as soon as her cousin has spoken she replies directly, 'I see what you mean Sarah, yet I feel different about it. There is no good or bad nature, there is only what you want there to be. Not everything is meaningless, because you give meaning to it. You decide what's good and bad. Because at first you are the only one you exist for. If you choose to share your existence with someone else, than that is your choice.' All seriousness fades for a seconds when she chuckles with a sincere smile. 'Which I greatly appreciate of course.'
'But where you choose that, others have chosen to "lose" themselves to their Beasts. Those seemingly small decisions are just as well big as they are really small, because everyone gives their own meaning to it, for themselves only.' A moment Alice pauses, coming to new insights herself while she was talking. 'The only way to lose yourself is when you have faith in something bigger which only exists in your mind. You lose yourself when you fail to give meaning to those things you should give meaning to. Creating a God or a greater purpose only makes room for excuses for your own failure.'
Sarah frowns again, her blue eyes examining Alice with a thousand different questions. "Alice let me ask you a question, if you were to kidnap a child, torture them for a few nights and then murder them in cold blood would you be losing a part of yourself that helps you hold out against the Beast?"
'Well partially, but with a slightly different wording.' The simple smile stays on Alice's face. 'First I wouldn't say I'm losing myself to my Beast. I choose to become more like a beast, that is because I have given meaning to the child, because the one I love,' she inclines her head towards Sarah, meaning she was that 'one', 'has given meaning to the child. Because I have chosen it to be wrong, I would feel terrible if I did it, which gives me a chance to stay closer to sanity. That is another reason than what you say, that we're adapting human values. A human would give... for example, Anton Flores a trial. I would kidnap him, torture him for a few nights and then murder him in the warm sun. His existence doesn't mean anything to me. Yes I admit I would then choose to feed my Beast a little, but the person I am doesn't change thereafter.'
"Choosing the Beast is giving up part of yourself no matter how you try and justify it. You commit an act and some part of you is gone, a piece of your soul lost forever." Sarah frowns. "Stagnation. We might be 'forever beautiful' but we can never replace those parts of ourselves when they're gone." She goes back to the sketch for a few minutes, memories of her youth coming back to her and the frustrations of decades spent pondering the same questions beginning to catch up.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate." She looks at Alice again. "Martin Luther King junior said that. It's something that has stuck with me from when I was alive." Sarah touches the pencil to paper again. "If you were to kidnap Flores, torture him and then kill him, he would never truly die, he would exist in your actions, in your hatred, until one night the only difference between the two of you would be the shell that contained the monster inside."
Alice runs a hand through her hair, something now comparable with sighing, a thing she wouldn't do anymore. She doesn't reply, maybe they just couldn't share an opinion on this topic. I mean, it doesn't have to be a descending spiral. Even Kindred can do good. Anton Flores never dying was a fair point, but that was all.
After a long moment Alice suddenly stretches one leg and looks at Sarah. Her tone was cheerful again, although not 100% sincere. 'And? How's it going?'
Sarah returns Alice's smile, understanding that Alice just couldn't understand her and feeling completely and utterly alone and isolated. Her smile is fake and when she replies her tone is not sincere. "Fine." She realized that the isolation might be self imposed and also that the differences between them meant that neither was right or wrong. She just could not give in to Alice's way of dealing with the Requiem the same she could not accept her Sire's will so many years ago. She remains quiet, focusing her attention on the drawing, as if the Sketch were a talisman that would make everything okay. As if the creation of something, even a simple picture, could make it all worthwhile, could stand alone as the proof that she wasn't a monster, wasn't like those who she despised.
That there was a reason for her to exist.
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