The bus had stopped moving and people were filing out. Tam stood in the cramped closet they called a restroom. She gazed at herself in the mirror, hair pulled back with a leather strap, considering if she should add lipstick. With a shrug and a smile, she made her decision, and applied a soft red.
When she was satisfied with her appearances, Tam leaned forward, hands on either side of the sink, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She started to speak, letting an ancient language slip from her lips. She imagined herself wearing glittering silver chainmail, then imagined rain shining down upon her as she pushed a bit of mana into the spell, locking it in place for the day. Holding the image of dripping chainmail in her mind, she wrapped the armor in an imaginary cloak, pushing more mana to hide the spell from prying eyes.
Tam tensed her whole body, inhaling deeply, then relaxed again, sighing, cleansing the mental palate. In her mind, she formed another image, coloring it with words from Atlantis, moving her hands with precision into gestures not of her own creation, creating a shield of pure magic. Before she was finished, she squinted her eyes and imagined pulling a cloak over the shield, pushing mana into the spell to hold the spell and hide it from prying eyes. The spell went so smoothly, Tam felt a little buzz of pride and couldn't hold back a big grin.
The rote worked well, thought Tam, but it wasn't as pretty.
Tam shook her hands and rolled her head. She felt that last spell casting was a sign that today would be a good day. She imagine her aura as ordinary, tame, sleeping in a world of ignorance. She pushed mana into it, projecting the camouflage, but a smirk slipped across her face at the irony of hiding her awakened nature as she murmured words of power. The smirk disappeared instantly, as she realized she just ruined the spell. She rolled her eyes at her reflection. Wasted mana, and nothing to show for it.
"Okay, lesson learned," said said aloud. She thought about trying again, but realized that she was hoping to get noticed by some mages today, so maybe cloaking her aura wasn't the best idea. With a shrug, she grabbed her backpack off the floor and opened the door.
Tam squatted to touch the bark of the tree spirit, and run her fingers along the edges of the deep wound. Her fingers became sticky with sap.
“I think I can help,”said Tam.
A sigh much like wind through leaves came from the tree, but there was no wind. In fact, the world seemed to be hushed.
“Heal my wound, and I will hide you from the predators,”the tree whispered. When Tam hesitated in confusion, the tree hissed,“Quickly!”
Tam looked around and saw nothing in the spiritual forest, but she returned her attention to the tree and focused. She closed her eyes and imagined the bark under her fingertips as whole and healthy. Her skin tingled as the reality of the spirit realm shifted, matching her Imago. She opened her eyes and saw the world as she wanted it, not as it was. The tree spirit sighed, content.
There was a rustling among the brush and Tam turned to see what was coming, but the tree spirit lowered some branches, hiding Tam from sight, but also hiding the forest from Tam.
“Let me see,”she whispered.
The tree spirit let a couple leaves fall, opening up a spy hole in its protective screen. Three wolves and one woman walked through the undergrowth. They looked intent on tracking something, sniffing the ground and trees, while the woman searched with her eyes, looking around, using her height to its advantage. They continued on, but one wolf stopped and turned to stare in the direction of Tam and her tree friend. The others nearly left the wolf behind as it stared hard, but then a growl from one of the others brought it back to the pack. Tam hears some low growls and huffing as they receded into the distance.
“You should leave,”sighed the tree spirit.“They will return to follow your scent. They do not like your kind here in this Realm.”
“Who was that woman?”asked Tam.
“They are the Uratha, both human and wolf,”whispered the tree spirit.“For a tithing of essence, I will teach you what I know.”
“Werewolves?”asked Tam.“I thought they were just Hollywood creatures.”
“No wood created these creatures. They are beasts of the moon. Even the most powerful of Holly bushes could not create them, nor would any of the Holly even try.”
“I will meet you at dawn with a tithing for your teaching,”said Tam. Her heart was racing at the thought of such knowledge. Surely the Mysterium knew about these creatures. Why hadn’t she been told?
“One warning to you, before you leave.”The tree spirits voice sounded like dry leaves, agitated scrapes and crackles. “They hunt on both sides of the Gauntlet, so do not let your guard down. One of them has your scent.”
Tam’s heart skipped a beat. She was stepping into a world she really knew so little about, and it frightened her more that she wasn’t hesitating to move forward.
As Tam wandered the woods near her house, walking familiar ground, a new path appeared, one that never existed, could never exist. Yet, she marched ahead without a second thought.
For the first time in her life, fear gripped her. There were things in the forest just off the path, that hunted, killed, mated, and lived. Soon, the path ended, but she kept going, pushing through the underbrush, moving forward, high on the adrenaline of fear and excitement. Then, something was on her trail. She knew it in her heart, as if she could feel her path behind her like a long train of a wedding dress. She was bent on marrying herself to this realm, and nothing, not even a hungry beast could stop her from saying, “I do!”
When she bumped into the black stone wall covered in vines, she did not stop. She went up, climbing hard and fast. When she was half way up, she noticed the hunter was no longer on her trail. She looked down and saw only shadows moving under the canopy of trees. No eyes watched her anymore.
The rest of the climb was agonizing. The fear had left her weakened, and the upwards journey seemed to go on forever. She couldn’t see the top of the Tower until she was there, hanging on the edge, struggling to pull her legs over the top.
As she caught her breath, she saw the world around her writhed with life and energy, and she was in the eye of the storm. The trees didn’t sleep. They moved with their own rhythm. Animals lived with passion and vigor. The air itself seemed to be alive with scent and motion. Everything had life on it, except for one spot on the Tower, a space big enough for her hands. It seemed empty, almost void, so she filled it with the only thing she truly owned – her name.
Tam scratched out a whole paragraph of notes, then rewrote the paragraph for the fifth time, but this fifth time was good. She almost wished she could endure one more 'tickle' from her new friend, rather than write this report. Prymoria could probably do the same, but she would still expect proper spelling.
Fortunately, each paragraph seemed to get easier, and by the time she finished the report, the conclusion practically wrote itself. It wasn't that she couldn't write, but she prefered poetry, or field notes, or something, anything, other than a dry, factual Mysterium report. She had a headache when she was done, and rubbing her temples didn't help. She could feel the stress of conformity tightening every part of her body. She understood the rules of spirit behavior, the form and function and the motivations, but people and their rules made her grind her teeth.
Tam looked at the paper and read it through one more time. Summary, Body, Conclusion, all spelled and punctuated according to language protocols. It gave a detailed account of her experience, though, she glossed over the difficulty peering through the Gauntlet. Something was seriously wrong with the Shadow Realm.
Memories of the pain spirit tickled her brain. The experience was one she hoped never to undergo ever again, but it was worth doing once, now that it was over. She wondered if she would have as much fun inflicting pain as the spirit did, but that was a dark road to travel. She pushed such thoughts away.
Her thoughts of dropping off the report at the Museum mingled with thoughts of how to inflict pain without injury. Every time she pushed the thoughts away, they slowly leaked back into ther train of thought.
The words echoed in Tam’s mind, bubbling up from recent memory. The words just made things worse.
She stared at the empty chair across the solid oak table. The study hall was deserted, but then, even Tam wasn’t supposed to be here at midnight. Chris had showed her how to sneak in, and together they would study late, and reward themselves with simple pleasures, before sneaking away in the pre-dawn light.
But that wouldn’t be happening anymore.
“I thought we had something, Tabitha, but then you had to go sleep with my brother.”
“I didn’t mean it,”she had said.
“You didn’t mean to take my brother into your bed? The same bed you shared with me? Or you didn’t mean it with me, the love making, the passion? Do you ever mean it? Can you ever mean it?”
Tam had been silent during the scolding. She deserved it and she knew it, but she didn’t have any answers she was willing to admit to herself.
Why am I here?
She looked at the books she had brought. She wasn’t studying. She never studied.
She got up and snuck out, never returning to the study hall, even during regular open hours.
Tam stared into the mirror, giving a critical eye to the make-up on her face. Subtle, merely a hint, enough to attract, but not a declaration or mask.
Well, that took ten times as long as it should have.
It wasn't really that much longer, but it was her third attempt to get it right. She rarely wore make-up, so she didn't have the practice.
Have to look good for the first day on the job.
The butterflies in her stomach didn't just flutter, they danced and sang in a damn chorus line. She was now an official chef's assistant at Michael's Steakhouse. Well, Chef's Assistant in Training was her official station, but she was confident she would impress her manager.
All those months lingering in the back kitchen of that greasy diner.
She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she actually enjoyed the greasy diner. The customers were just as shady as the employees, but it was real honest work. In the end, though, it was the cooking that was the only honest thing in the joint, and she could do that just about anywhere. However, the 'anywhere' she was headed to this morning paid significantly more.
Would I have looked for another job if I hadn't met up with Orphan?
The idea that hooking up with Orphan was changing her life in more than just love made her pause. The depth of impact he was having on her life, the direction and motivation, all seemed too much. But it was happening.
And her 'you are going to be late' alarm went off by the door. She glanced once more at the pretty face in the mirror, her hair pulled back into a knot, and she winked.
Good luck, kid.
She whorled about, gathered her training manual, some papers and pencils, and her backpack. She forgot to turn off the alarm clock by the door. The poor thing buzzed all day.
Tam lay quiet in the darkness, listening to Orphan's breathing. They had been sleeping only a few hours, but Tam woke from a pleasant dream of canoeing across a sea of tall grass. She didn't understand the dream, but the content feelings of the dream mirrored her feelings while awake.
He fits into my life so well. she thought. Maybe there is something to that Fate thing he keeps talking about. I'll have to take a closer study into that arcana.
As sneaky as a cat, she got out of bed to urinate. When she returned, Orphan was still solidly asleep.
I bet he a light sleeper, normally. He has that whole warrior alertness thing. She smiled at her own stealth. Of course, he could be faking.
Tam didn't try to test his sleep. She just snuck back under the covers and returned to sleep in the warm spot she had just left.
Tam sat on her mattress, watching Orphan sleep. Normally, she would have just snuggled up next to him, felt the warmth of his body, the tone of his muscles, the morning stubble of his chin.
But there was something wrong.
She couldn't put her finger on it, but something didn't seem right with this. When she thought about it in depth, it wasn't just this, it was everything, but it started with this, as if they weren't meant to be together, as if they weren't really together to begin with.
She felt a gap between them, the kind of distance one feels for a coworker or even a person seen regularly on the bus. They are familiar enough, but quite unknown.
No, she thought, quite adamantly. I know you, Orphan. I don't know what your Fates show you, but I know you, and you know me.
Later, in one of her occasional reflective moments, she would be surprised at the defiance in her thoughts, but now, caught up in the wave of emotions, she knew a few things to be certain.
It doesn't matter if we were meant to be together. We ARE together, two broken people finding a way to fix ourselves with each other.
The feeling of isolation and wrongness subsided, fading into the background, yet coloring everything.
This is the rightest thing I have done. How can it feel so wrong?
Tam looked around the room, seeing the growing collection of potted plants taking over the window area of her room. Even they felt like they didn't belong.
It isn't just Orphan. It isn't that my relationship is wrong. The world it wrong. Maybe I am just not used to things being this good. Maybe it is all psychological. Whatever it is, I am going to fight it. Life is good.
But she didn't move. She didn't snuggle up next to her love. She didn't even lay back down to be by his side.
Sitting in the quiet Mysterium study room, Tam rubbed her eyes, then blinked at the books in front of her. Some, most were dry texts telling of histories and theories of ley lines, but there was the occasional gem, a journal entry or creative treatise, from someone who spent too much time in the field.
Tam finished the water in her bottle, then picked up an old publish copy of some obscure journal. The author didn't really have much new to say about the topic, just field observations, but reading his style of writing was almost as fun as actually being in the field.
[i] Why can't all reports be written this well? [i]
She put the journal down and flipped through her notebook. There were pages and pages of notes, though not very well organized, and quite possibly a bit of redundancy hidden between the pages.
It's been a long night, girl. Give it a rest for now.
She stacked the books in an orderly fashion, but instead of standing, she grabbed the journal again, leaned back, and started reading again.
It would have been interesting to work with this man, she thought, but I don't suppose he is still alive after all these years.
Tam sat on a rubber mat laid out on the concrete floor. Her back was to the tree growing through the concrete, but before her were three potted plants. One, a fern, the second an aloe, and the third, a patch of grass.
She pulls a familiar Imago to mind, looking deep into the patterns of the three plants. She reached out and put her hand on the aloe, a healing plant, and felt the vibrations of life eminating from it.
She looks at the fern, and places a hand on it, thinking it reminded her of a living fractile pattern. It normally doesn't have healing properties, but with some concentration, feeling the flow of energy within her and between the plants, she guides herself along echoes of her awakening, when she felt a world, not just full of life, but alive itself.
Plants are not just bystanders, she thought.
She saw the pattern of the fern in her minds eye, then she overlaid part of the aloe's pattern, the healing energy, the sap within. It didn't fit at first, but with some coaxing, the 'feel' of the combination made more sense. Then, when she felt her Imago was solid, she pushed it out into the world, making it real.
Tam felt her confidence grow as her efforts became success ... kind of.
The Imago wasn't perfect. With a deft twist of her hand, she snapped the stem of the fern and brought it to her nose. It almost smelled like aloe, and the sap within that leaked out looked like the aloe sap. She was fairly certain it would do what the aloe sap would do, but, looking at the fern's pattern, she realized that it wouldn't live very long.
Something in the new chemistry, she thought. But, that is just a problem with how I visualized it. It works. I did it.
It was really a minor development in her path with the Life Arcanum, but it was still a step forward.
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