After all the basic things settled, Kaze has some peace and quiet to think. For months, the sentencing and then the sentence has hung over him, and he has had real trouble focusing on anything beyond it. That's on him. Focus. Now though, he's in a cell. Like a monk, though he isn't; he's a prisoner, but still, monks are in cells; the biology term comes from the physical layout of the small, identical rooms monks stayed in, because they practically invented the modern science of biology.


Focus.


He sits on the floor without any covering; he deliberately doesn't use any equipment--like a yoga mat or music or anything--because he wants to do this anytime anywhere, focus through the distractions, like a hard, fairly uncomfortable floor.


Music comes into his mind, as it often does when he is relaxed. A song from Sunday morning, the last time he was in church.


I put off all my heaviness and
I put on this garment of praise
You turned my mourning into dancing
And You turned my night into day





Kaze can feel himself relaxing, even apart from the effects of the Life Spell he's started casting on himself for a month at a time, Body Control, cutting in fourths how much he needs to eat, sleep, breath...quadrupling his rate of healing, heightening his reaction time significantly, even allowing him to stop his heart at will for up to four minutes. But this is different. His mind is focused and drifting free at the same time. Thoughts come without resistance or fear or shame. He remembers the pastor saying that every situation, every time is an opportunity, either for us to try to take control or for us to let God be in control and actively synch up with what He is doing in that moment. Treating time like it isn't ours to waste, or worse, kill it just to get it over with.


So. Letting go of all the ideas he had about what he could do during this time. Letting the time work on him, instead of trying to work on it, manipulate it. Just...experiencing it instead....


Thoughts float by, without his trying to restrain or control them. He has so many things he wants to do, it's like he can see them, feel them from outside himself like they're objective objects instead of decisions on what path to take to learn, to improve in: Mundane western scientific medicine, as a paramedic to start; Really honing his martial arts and seeing where that can go; Chinese healing medicine, well Chinese first; Parkour, well basic athletic skills first (he'd gotten by way too much on natural talent, and then got hurt and missed the opportunity to really take his skills to the next level in college; He still regrets that); Pursuing the changes he's been feeling since his Life has expanded, like he can not only heal himself now, but without the magic, he can just take more damage before it affects him. Life. Yeah, somehow, in this state where stress and worrying about disappointing people or impressing people or being selfish instead of helping people seems distant and powerless without urgency...Life burns bright like a fire, or like wind, like...flying free.


Kaze opens his eyes. He feels incredibly relaxed still.


Meditation



Life. That's the direction of his next step. Not necessarily more than that; he's letting go of having to know what comes next, more than one step ahead.