At the Pharaoh

[Colonel Worm]

15 minutes east of downtown Sacramento on the 50 is Pharaoh Karaoke. The location is nothing special: it's a store-front in one of the many strip malls that line Folsom Boulevard. The interior itself is standard faire: a series of box-like rooms, each equipped with a large, flat-screen TV attached to a karaoke machine, some built-in couches for seating, a big table for drinks. And of course the obligatory black and laser lighting.

However, two things have quickly endeared this spot to Worm:

1) The size of the book: an almost pornographic selection of songs awaits the karaoke connoisseur (and the Colonel is a connoisseur's connoisseur when it comes to karaoke).

2) The don't-give-a-shit-staff: Really. They don't give a shit. Slip 'em an extra $20 and you can bring in your own booze. Make it $50 and they won't check up on you the whole time you're there. The Goblin's kind of people. Worm slips them the $50.

He'd told Gerrit 10pm. But had arrived at 9:30 himself, just to get tuned up. Singing-wise and otherwise. He shoots the Ogre a text once he's found their room:

We're in room 3. Tell the guy at the desk you're with CW. He knows I'm expecting one more. Already paid for a few hours and have supplies.

With that, he settles in. Setting down his back-pack, he extracts a six-pack of tall boys, a fifth of vodka (cheap), and 2 vapes (one tobacco, one weed).

He's wearing a full-on cowboy fit this evening, complete with the hat, the boots, and a leather duster. In one of his pockets is a vial of snow from the finest of slopes. He's already scooped a couple of keys for himself.

Cracking a beer, he cues up a song (Depeche Mode's 'Everything Counts') and happily sings to himself while he waits.

SING! 5 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-11-28 20:37:17	Colonel Worm rolls 5 to Pres + Express	10, 10, 8, 9, 8	5 successes

And knocks the damn thing out of the park. Hopefully he can keep this up once Gerrit arrives.

[Gerrit]

Frankly, Gerrit was more than a little apprehensive about painting the town with the Colonel. The Goblin seemed to be diametrically opposed to the Ogre: loud, reckless, and not afraid to lean into any kind of excess possible. He used to think that he had to silently enjoy the little things, that he had to stay alert in order to avoid becoming someone like his father. Surely an affinity to addiction must me hereditary, so Gerrit couldn't risk it at all.

But maybe he wasn't doing Colonel Worm justice: maybe this would turn out to become just a fun night out with a fun guy. Karaoke wasn't really Gerrit's thing, but he specifically asked the Summer because he wanted to get out of his comfort zone. The comfort zone got him where he was now, and he knew that spending time with his other friends would lend itself more to digging into stuff he'd rather not dig in right now.
And maybe he wanted to play with fire on some level. It wasn't like he had much to lose left.

He arrived a few minutes before the arranged time and waited outside, partly to get a feel for the surroundings and partly because he didn't want to risk making CW wait. The text confirmed that he didn't have to worry about the latter, so at 10 he entered and got shown the room. He spent one last moment in front of the door to bury the anxious feeling and steel his resolve and then entered.

To say that the Colonel's appearance didn't surprise Gerrit anymore would be a lie: the Wizened somehow always managed to dress in a way that was flamboyant yet strangely fitting. The cowboy get-up even seemed to belong in this karaoke bar setting and managed to make the Ogre feel weirdly underdressed in his plain jeans, black shirt and windbreaker.

"Uhm, hello." At first he just stood a bit awkwardly in the door, taking in the scene before him. Don't think too much. Try to enjoy yourself. Right. This evening wasn't to work through his baggage, it was to have fun. Gerrit pulled himself together and fully entered. He sat down on one of the couches and put his windbreaker next to him. "How are you?" He looked at the table and noticed the absence of non-alcoholic beverages. Probably par on course for the Goblin, but it seemed like he had to wait for someone to order water. His eyes found the song book, the karaoke machine and finally landed on CW. "So how does this work? You already paid? And other people can't hear us sing.. right?"

[Colonel Worm]

Worm's in the middle of an...interesting rendition of the 4 Non Blondes "What's up?" when Gerrit makes his appearance.

"Hey!" He shouts into the mic, which booms his voice into the room. "Dude, come in, come in. Shut the door." His performance seemingly forgotten.

Worm puffs on his Juul while Gerrit gets himself settled. In response to the Ogre's question, the Goblin strikes a dramatic pose. "Welcome to THE PHARAOH!" He announces, still using the mic for effect. The musical track for "What's up?" continues to play behind him as he speaks.

"So, this is how it works: we have this room for a few hours, all paid. More if we want--we just have to let them know. It's soundproof, so need to worry about eavesdroppers. You can sing your guts out and no one will hear a thing. Choose a song from the book," a nod to the book, "enter the number on the remote," a nod to the device on the table next to the book, "and grab the mic when it's your turn."

The song finally ends and they're plunged into (relative) quiet. Worm places the mic on the table and sits down next to Gerrit, speaking at a more appropriate: "I've got beer, booze, weed, snow...Gerrit's choice." A wink. "And if there's something else you want, we can call down the hall to the front desk and they will provide. My treat."

The Goblin reclines, crosses his legs. Picks up the weed pen and puffs on it before changing it out for the Juul. "Anyway, I've been good. Busy. Killed a giant frog on the other side recently. He was eating hikers. Not a good look. The real question is: how the hell are you??"

[Gerrit]

He couldn't help it: CW's mic-enhanced introduction made Gerrit think of the wonderful wizard of OZ. For better or worse. Add to that the song that just about summed up the Ogre's thoughts and the surreal feeling of vertigo was complete.
The Goblin's assurance that they were safe from eavesdroppers made Gerrit furrow his brows though. It was exactly situations like these where Lost would drop their guards and were taken away again. He would make sure to act like a stereotypical Winter tonight and monitor their language for tell-tale expressions. All it took was someone looking in at the wrong time.

But he should at least try to relax a bit. So he nodded along with the music and gave the Colonel a thumbs up.

The furrowed brows reappeared when his host counted off the things he had prepared for the occasion. Just as he thought: the Summer Courtier was down to party - was Gerrit? "Thanks, I'll pass for now. I need to properly arrive first." And why hadn't he just outright refused the substances? Was it because he didn't want to tell his life's story or did he want to keep his options for later? Gerrit cleared his throat to move away from those thoughts. "I think I'll have some water later, but I'm fine right now."

Yes, just as he thought - while there were more incriminating things to talk about than 'giant frogs on the other side' it was a bit too explicit for Gerrit's taste. "Uh, congratulations on that, I guess. Maybe you can give me the full story some other time. When we're a bit more private." A quick look around, followed by a shrug. "Even more private than we're here. And thank you for asking, I feel much better lately." Which technically was the truth. Was he the same man he had been half a year ago? No, but at least he didn't feel like he was being buried under a ton of sorrow, doubts, and contempt. He was the one who did the burying. "Baby steps, you know."
And that was that for the Onyx. To change the topic he reached for the intimidatingly large book and leaved through it. He wasn't exactly searching for anything, but after a few moments a song caught his attention. Gerrit put back the book and entered the number. Iggy Pop started coming out of the audio system and after missing his first cue the Ogre worked through 'The Passanger'.

failure

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-11-29 09:01:44	Gerrit rolls 1 to sing karaoke (Pre 1 - untrained Expression 1) (10 Again, Chance)	3	failure

It was a below-average karaoke performance. Probably even worse, because Gerrit didn't have the drunk bravado that made for those songs that were so badly performed that it circled back to 'good'. The fun of the activity eluded him and after he awkwardly stumbled over the fade-out in the end he sat down again. "You can expect a whole lot more of that where this came from." He almost pitied CW for paying up front.

[Colonel Worm]

While Gerrit's turning down his offer of various substances, Worm extracts the vial of coke from his pocket along with his house keys. Scoops out a nice little pile and with a quick sniff takes it right to the face. His mouth makes an 'O,' as if he's just been shocked. A quick shake of the head and the spasm has passed.

"Whatever floats you boat, my man," he says with a crooked grin. Not looking at all offended. "When you're ready, it's all here for the taking."

He leans back in his seat, grinning. Feels like there's an electrical current in his veins. Feels good. Sips his beer to cut the snow.

"Alright, alright. I get what you're putting down. I'll save my adventures in the garden for another time." Not that he'd said anything truly incriminating. "And I'm glad you're doing better." Looking truly happy for the Ogre. "I've been there, for sure. I definitely know the feeling." A drag off his Juul. "Have to say, I'm curious about all that. Like, how long had y'all been together? How'd it start?" Direct as always. For better or worse.

The song comes on and Worm bops his head along, vaping and drinking. At one point he picks up the controller for the Karaoke machine and queues up the next song. When Gerrit finishes, he stands up and claps wildly. Even whoops a few times.

"Oh shut the fuck up. That was rad. A solid song choice too. You'll be warmed up in no time."

The Colonel's turn. He picks up the mic and launches into a rousing version of Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend." Complete with lascivious hip gyrations.

Sing! 3 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-12-01 16:02:57	Colonel Worm rolls 5 to Pres + Express	8, 2, 9, 9, 4	3 successes

[Gerrit]

Gerrit watched with unveiled amazement as CW just flat-out did drugs out in public. Kind of. It brought up all kinds of bad memories, made the Ogre wait for the inevitable outburst of violence and insults.
Well, those didn't happen. The Colonel just kind of.. sped up. But Gerrit wasn't stupid: he knew how drugs worked, what to expect. Cocaine was one thing, but who knew whether the Goblin wasn't doing crack or meth when this one didn't satisfy him anymore? Who knew-

4 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-12-01 16:17:16	Gerrit rolls 5 to not spiral (Res 2 + Comp 3; curse)	10, 9, 8, 6, 10	4 successes

No. He was here to have fun and so far Colonel Worm had proven to be reliable. Maybe the Wizened had earned the benefit of the doubt. Besides, he was already pulled into another direction - a much more uncomfortable direction. "Uh, maybe we should get to singing."

So they both gave a performance (the Summer's praise and applause fell mostly on deaf ears) and while CW was killing yet another song - even the fact that this was obviously sung by a woman couldn't lessen the talent - Gerrit pondered. It felt different here than when he thought of talking to John or Cassandra, somewhat less.. important. As if CW not making a big deal out of this could help Gerrit to do the same.

When he finished, Gerrit also gave him a round of applause, shivers of pain surging up his arms with every clap. Maybe his thoughtful face didn't exactly match Worm's enthusiasm, but neither of the Lost was a miracle worker. After a moment the question just burst out of the Stonebones. "You said you've been there. What happened?" He felt almost like he could talk about the whole thing. Technically CW already knew almost the whole story and Gerrit somehow felt pretty composed tonight, but he didn't quite trust himself so he'd rather take baby steps.
He took the book of songs again and leaved through it, if only to do something while waiting for his host's answer.

[Colonel Worm]

Worm doesn't pursue the line of questioning. He can see the Ogre isn't ready to go there. Maybe later. Maybe not. Worm'll keep trying, of course. He's not that emotionally literate. But he knows when to beat a strategic retreat.

It feels good to sing. He's always liked singing. He's changed. A lot. But that hasn't.

Gerrit's applause draws a big, cheeky grin and an elaborate bow from the Goblin. He pops back up and almost bounces to his seat next to the Winter. Cracks another beer and pulls on his Juul. Watches the Big Guy flip through the book.

If his Karaoke Partner's question catches the Colonel off guard, it doesn't show. Indeed, he seems tickled by the Ogre's interest. He sits back, chuckling, vapor escaping between his red lips.

"Well, there've been two since I got back. Paloma and Alex. What can I say," he shrugs, "I'm not a player. I just crush a lot. And sometimes, it's more than a crush."

He pauses, looking thoughtful. Or as close to thoughtful as Worm gets.

"I mean, I don't know what it was like for you and Viv. I figure you'll tell me some day when you're ready," a wink. "But for me, it's always wild from the beginning. Both times, I knew it wasn't going to work day one. But I couldn't stop, right? Obviously, I like things that are bad for me." He waves his beer and his vape. "Doesn't mean I didn't love them. Or that it was any easier when it ended." His smiles shades toward bittersweet. But only for a beat.

"Paloma...she was right after I came home. I was fucked. Didn't know how to live." Not without hurting somebody. "Well, you can imagine how that went... And Alex. Alex was just... He was like this force of nature. It was easy to get swept up... Thing is, you ride the wave, but eventually the wave passes you by. Or it breaks."

Another drag off the Juul. Worm looks at Gerrit bold, unguarded. An unapologetically open book.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit listened to Worm's explanations in respectful silence. His picture of the Wizened changed every time he took the time to actually talk to him, and this time was no different. While he hadn't really thought a lot about CW's love life, he expected the Goblin to be 'a player' - much more so than being the poor sap at the wrong end of an unrequited love. He watched said sap until the wink caught him off guard and made him feel guilty. So much trust was extended to him and he played the stereotypical Winter. Gerrit looked at the book again without seeing anything. He listened.

Frankly, that Alex was a 'he' also took Gerrit by surprise. He had no problem with that but.. well, he was heterosexual man with his heteronormative assumptions. Did this color his view on the Colonel? The Ogre reflected for a moment and decided that: no. It wasn't like CW was making any moves on him, after all. "Uh so, did they leave you? Or did you- how did you get over them?" Because if the answer was 'self-destructive behaviour' then one could assume that he Summer still was hurting somehow. And that made Gerrit think that he was in for a much longer ride than he'd like.


After the Colonel has answered those questions Gerrit stayed silent for a while. He was clearly thinking, processing. The book was put down on the table again and instead of turning pages Gerrit's nervous hands picked at their scabs, broke the countless old wounds open. "We had a picnic at first." His voice was raspy and shaky, so he cleared his throat with a wet smacking sound before going on. His eyes were still firmly fixed on his hands. "I didn't think much of it, I just wanted to socialize a bit. But she called me beautiful and seemed to flirt with me. But I don't know - you can't really tell with Elementals sometimes, can you?" That was neither Mundie-safe phrasing nor very nice to say, but Gerrit didn't have the presence of mind to filter the things he wanted to say right now. "I didn't know if I wanted this. I didn't want to lead her on or abuse her naivety just to feel good myself but she was persistent." His mouth felt dry and he looked around the table. There was only alcohol. Gerrit hesitated for a moment, then pushed on without lubrication.

"Uh, she was pretty clear about what she wanted, but when I thought she was ready - when I though I was ready - she suddenly got up and left. And that's the last time I saw her." And it was abundantly clear that he still felt it was his fault. Suddenly he grabbed the book again, leaving bloody marks only visible to the Lost on the pages. "But uhm, maybe we should get back to singing right. This was supposed to be a fun evening."

[Colonel Worm]

"Fuck yes, they left me. Well, Paloma did. And good for fucking her, tell you what." Gerrit couldn't know what it was like. What Worm was like in his first years back. Raw, at times seemingly inhuman, but so desperate for human contact, for something beyond war war war.

Or maybe the Ogre could understand. Who knows. Either way, the Colonel's not getting into it. "Alex and I kind of...left each other?" He says, sounding unsure. "It was over. It blew up. It's like we both got thrown clear of the blast radius by the explosion." He puffs on his Juul thoughtfully. Not looking sad, just kind of puzzled. "I lived in Vegas two more years after we split." A chuckle, "You know, I never saw or heard from him again. For the best, trust me."

A pause, as he thinks about the second part of Gerrit's question: "I mean, I'm still not over them. Never will be. It's the scars that give us shape, G. I'll wear mine proudly." Another laugh, "Listen to me talking shit. Fuck. Real world? I fought a lot and drank a lot and smoked a lot and fucked a lot. That's how I got through. But that's me. My stuff." Another wink to the Winter, "Guess you gotta find your stuff. Anyway--and I can say this with absolute and total confidence--we've both been through fucking worse." Those last six words carry a weigh and a seriousness that Worm rarely exhibits. Because it's the truth. And it binds them together.

Now it's the Goblin's turn to listen. He sips and he vapes. And maybe he takes another bump. But it's clear he's listening.

It's hard on Gerrit. Telling him this stuff. The Colonel appreciates that. Feels for the guy. Truly. Still, he lets him spin out the yarn as long as he needs to. Doesn't interrupt, no matter how much he wants to slap the Ogre on the back and reassure him. Gotta get this shit out. The bit about elementals gets a chuckle out of Worm, but that's all he says during Gerrit's run-down of the relationship.

"No, for sure! For sure!" He says when Gerrit tries to steer things back to Karaoke. "You're up, punch in a number." He reaches over and hands him the remote.

"Let me just say this while you do that. What you two did was brave as fuck, whatever else it was. However it ended. We both know some folks who've gotten hitched and all. But that shit is rare. And I know you know why that is: because we're all fucked. No matter how long it's been. We're all always going to be dealing with shit. Real PTSD Hours. It sucks total ass, but it's not exactly surprising that she ran at the first possibility of real intimacy, right? That kind of exposure, after everything that's happened, shit is beyond scary..."

Goddamn coke makes you talk.

"What I'm saying is: that's not on you, right? It's not." He leans over and grabs the fifth, twists off the cap. "Anyway, sing your damn song, man--some of us are waiting over here!"

[Gerrit]

At least the intensity of emotion fit Gerrit's simplified view of the Colonel, even if everything else kind of failed to do him justice. For instance, there was a level of reflection that prompted the Ogre to ponder on the question if maybe his wife and Vivian were also better off without him. Not like those thoughts were exclusively post-Durance.

"In case you haven't noticed: scars are kind of my thing." Gerrit's attempt at dry humor could have been delivered better, but he made an attempt. "Are you.. have you considered therapy. I have been seeing someone.. before. I know it seems crazy to think that.. I don't know, to think that someone could understand the full extend of what we've been through. But to talk about the more mundane things that pull us down?" Yes, maybe he was also asking for an opinion for himself. It had helped him coping with his childhood, maybe it could help him finding that healthier mindset again.
Then again, maybe Colonel Worm wasn't really looking for another way to deal. "Or is the current way working for you. I mean.. all the drugs and the alcohol: are they actually helping?" He looked at whatever the Goblin has out in plain sight.


CW was right: he was up. Gerrit leaved back to one song that caught his eye. It was pretty ambitious, considering it was hard to be on the level of the singer under best circumstances (and considering he was far from being considered 'good circumstances') but the general direction of the topics made him choose it anyway. People said you couldn't not be happy while hearing it. That's what Lisa used to say on one of their first dates.

So he 'punched the number', got up and tried to match Freddy Mercury.

failure

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-12-06 15:09:03	Gerrit rolls 1 to sing karaoke (Pre 1 - untrained Expr 1) (10 Again, Chance)	7	failure

It wasn't even close. Still, Gerrit was tenacious and stuck it out despite missing most of the notes the song intended. Was it fun? Not really, but after his confession he needed all the help he could get to not tank this night out. And what they say was kind of true: it was hard to be super depressed when hearing it. After it was done he want back to sit down, already frowning again. "Uh, yes okay. Appreciated." He didn't quite believe CW, but he appreciated the intention. "I.. don't know if that makes me feel better. I mean, what does that mean in the long run? That we're doomed to stay alone with whatever damage we've suffered?" Was he really ready for that answer?
"You're up. And, uh. Thanks."