Roommates No More

[Ram]

Ram didn't have a lot of time. Ashley and the kids weren't gone all day and he had to be back at his new home before they were. Worse, he hadn't been able to let Gerrit know ahead of time what was going on (he only had Michael's phone and no pin to unlock it), though he assumed the Stonebones knew.

With the new life came a new house and living arrangements. While he couldn't suddenly bring all his stuff into the open, he could start slowly introducing it over time. The garage was enough of a mess that Ram was confident a couple new boxes could be hidden, so that he could have easy access for the time being.

However, that meant packing up... and moving out of the apartment that Gerrit and he had shared for a year.

The Render looked around at all his things, sighed, and started collecting things into a box he'd brought with him. Hoping he wouldn't have to leave a note on a pizza box for Gerrit explaining things. Ram was still a bit worried about his friend after everything that happened.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit knew that this would happen sooner or later. When he offered his fellow Ogre to live with him it was an act of kindness, a way to connect in this new city, his new life. Over time he had grown accustomed to Ram, even though their schedules didn't really allow for lots of time spent together. Ram had his back and Gerrit in turn had the Render's.

And now.. now that they'd found and killed Ram's Fetch Gerrit wasn't needed anymore. Yes, this didn't mean that Ram wasn't his friend anymore, or that he would completely disappear from Gerrit's life.
It just meant that the Onyx Courtier could finally do Winter's rules justice: by living alone he could prepare his good-byes so much easier, there was nobody to tie him down at this particular apartment. He wouldn't have to hide his Sorrow anymore, wouldn't have to act as if the ever growing coat of ice and snow wasn't really there.
In a way it was better like this.

So Gerrit heeded Ram's invite - he had one of his part time workers take over the shop today and made some time to let Ram say his good-bye. He collected himself one last time before entering the apartment and once inside he acted as if he didn't really notice the boxes and other lose things around. "Hello Ram. So.. how are you?" Gerrit hadn't really visited the Render while he was recovering from their messy operation. Part of it was guilt, another part was envy. Ram was the lucky one: he fought to get his life and his family back, and it seemed to work. His mantle flared up in a flash of cold, a sudden and quick harshening of contrasts around him as Gerrit tried to turn his sour expression into a look of worry.

1 success

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-10-07 07:42:12	Gerrit rolls 6 to play nice (Man 2 + Subter 2 + Mantle 1 + Specialty 1) (10 Again)	3, 8, 7, 1, 4, 4	1 success

"How are things with- with your family? Are you making progress?" It didn't sound as easy as he would have liked, but it was definitely an elephant in the room and on some level he did care about the well-being of his friend.

[Ram]

Ram heard the door open and felt the cold of morning enter the apartment. And gave a quick smile that faded a little when he saw Gerrit’s expression. The other Ogre tried to hide the guilt and envy, but Ram knew Gerrit well enough to tell when and what he was hiding (at least half the time in any case).

2 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-10-07 08:11:03	Ram rolls 5 to Wits+Empathy (10 Again)	3, 8, 2, 9, 1	2 successes

“Hey Gerrit, still hurting,” he said holding a hand over his ax wound “Got a couple weeks off of work to recover. Really wishing I could get some more spring magic or hedge fruit but miracle recovery would just raise questions,” he said with a light chuckle before turning more concerned. “How are about you? How are you handling… everything?” He wasn’t sure if Gerrit would appreciate Ram asking more questions now, or if lies would be all he got in return but he had to try. Let Gerrit know the Render still cared.

“It doesn’t exactly feel real yet,” Ram admitted with his tone saying it was almost a question if that was normal. If any of this could be considered normal “Been spending most of my time in bed while they’re home, and looking around the house to try and find stuff out when they’re out at work or school.” He placed his computer into a box. “Need to go to a circuit city or have Circe hack his phone and other stuff because I don’t have the password. And I need to get CPR certified on the downlow before I start work at the station. And learn how to drive a fire engine.” Ram paused his packing to scratch his horns. “Lot of stuff I need to get good at really quick,” he finished, setting down the box for now. He almost hoped Gerrit would tell him he couldn't do it, or shouldn't. Give him a challenge to get angry at and overcome. Or maybe... give him a reason to stop packing and stay.

[Gerrit]

The worried look remained on Gerrit's face, solidifying like stone as Ram talked about his lengthy recovery. Nothing comes easy or free. And if it does you should be cautious. But Ram knew that, just as much as Gerrit had known what the best possible outcome would be when he decided to help his friend with this. His friend. "That sounds.. rough. But it seems like you're on the right track."
He had to consciously fight the Winter in his heart when the Render asked about him - Hide your Love and Hate - since it was Ram he turned to when things went south with.. everything. He did trust his fellow Ogre, even though this trust had to compete with the heavy baggage of insecurities and other ghosts of his past. He huffed out a sigh and looked Ram straight in the eyes. "I'm doing better, thank you." Which wasn't a lie. He might have changed, he might not be the man that arrived here a year ago - but he had been feeling better ever since he worked on not trying to please everyone else all the time, since he buried his hopes and that naive optimism beneath Winter's cold.

"I think I'm.. coping. A lot has happened." He was preaching to the choir, of course. Still, Ram had been unconscious when Gerrit took that axe and brought it down onto the helpless Fetch. Did he regret it? No, not particularly. Seemed like the lessons his Keeper had been trying to teach him finally took hold.

Gerrit folded his hands together as he listened to his soon-not-to-ne-roommate's trials and tribulations. He didn't want to scratch and pick at them, he didn't want to seem nervous or agitated. Of course Ram approached the problem intelligently and methodically and a big part of Gerrit was glad that things seemed to be working out. The small part that didn't, that wanted him to slip up?
He did his best not to listen to it.
"Sounds like you're doing well. Are you still going with amnesia and are they believing you? I.."

failure

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-10-08 00:58:16	Gerrit rolls 6 to keep cool (Man 2 + Subt 2 + Mantle 1 + Specialty 1) (10 Again)	7, 5, 3, 4, 6, 3	failure

He drifted off, broke eye contact and took a deep breath. A wave of sadness and and frustration hit him so suddenly that he had to sort his thoughts again. He knew that Ram could probably read him like a book right now, but if Gerrit was friend enough to finish that sentence (and mean it), the Render could be friend enough to forgive him for his feelings. The Stonebones cleared his throat and continued. "I could give you a few pointers on CPR and what to look out for on fire engines. Granted, I almost never drove one but you can't help picking up a thing or two over time." He couldn't help it, his sore fingers found a scab and tore it off in a mild zing of pain. The Onyx knew better than to try and dissuade Ram from taking back what was his.

[Ram]

Better wasn’t great. Still… “It’s something,” he acknowledged and even laughed a bit at the truth of Gerrit’s next statement before sighing “Yeah, a lot.”

He shook his head when asked about his strategy “Not total. Titania fixed my head trauma, so I don’t want to say anything that will get me put in an MRI machine, since there would be nothing to find.” He shrugged “But I’ve been saying I have a hard time remembering the attack and trouble recalling other stuff. Not as much as I actually do. So far I think they’re giving me the benefit of the doubt what with recovery.” He gave a big sigh, feeling good to actually say something, rather than keep it all secret while in bed in a strange house with strangers. “But I feel like things will spin up fast once I’m well enough to walk around. Or at least when the doctors say I am.” He was already up and around. He just wasn’t supposed to be.

“I’ll need to go to the CPR course no matter what to know what they’re like but pointers would be helpful. CPR, fire engines, fire science, what a normal work day is like.”

The flash of emotion made Ram tilt his head. He wasn’t sure what was going on in Gerrit’s head but he could see there was still hurt. And that he was trying to hide it. After accepting the offer of the Stonebones teaching things about what being a firefighter was like. What it would be like for Ram and what it had been like for Gerrit.

“Shit,” I’m an idiot “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think…,” Envy. “You were a firefighter… before.” Dumb stupid Ogre. You break everything around you. Even friends.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit looked at Ram when the Render started laughing - he wasn't aware that he had made a joke, but thinking about it a bit more he could see the humor in the statement. 'A lot' was apparently putting it mildly. That got a chuckle out of the Stonebones.

It was good to hear that Ram had thought of pretty much everything - Gerrit wasn't one to underestimate the Summer, but this once again proved that one shouldn't judge that book by his clumsy cover. "Sounds like you've got your rear end covered. Good job." He even put some more heart into that, trying to show Ram that he did care, despite everything. "I bet you will be able to roll with the punches and figure things out even if they will happen faster and faster."

Just as suspected - some things he simply couldn't hide from the Ogre that has shared the apartment with him for roughly a year. A few months ago Gerrit would have apologized for his outburst, would have tried to downplay his feelings or their validity. Instead, he took another deep breath and forced himself to look at his friend. "Nothing to be sorry about. That's apparently just the way the Wyrd works." Him coming to Sacramento to help someone else reclaim their life had a strange poetic justice to it. A stupid, unnecessary and cruel justice - but still. "Yes, I was a firefighter. But that is now in the past, partly due to my choices and partly due to circumstances out of my control." Luckily, the part of him that wanted to put others before him worked just fine - Gerrit pushed those feelings away as well as he could and focused on the things he could teach Ram.

I just hope he'll return the favour - the favours - some day. That was also a petty thought, but he couldn't help it. So far Gerrit hadn't asked for much, but he wondered who would stand by his side should he really need it.
Not now. The Onyx shook his head and changed the topic. "Sure, I can give you some pointers. Maybe they'll let you stay at home some more, so I guess we'll have enough time to get you up to speed." Being this optimistic and selfless irked the cynical part of him. But he had to deal with that some other time.

[Ram]

Ram wished he could give Gerrit the life he'd claimed. It had been to help the family and honestly Gerrit could probably do a better job of it with the skill set of his past life. Really though... he couldn't. Not without powerful or intricate magics. More than even Ram was having to learn to replicate scars of a dead man. And Ram also knew the danger of wishing for something too hard. So, he sighed and nodded.

"The Wyrd's a sick fuck," But that's why you kept fighting. Not allowing Them to play their games and laugh. Ram felt the familiar spark of anger grow brighter in his chest at the thought. He wasn't going to let Them win. The Kindly Ones had made an innocent man who wanted a family for Ram to kill. He wasn't going to let the family suffer. They'd made a firefighter's life to steal, but not for the friend that needed it. Ram wasn't going to let him suffer either.

"I could help you get a job, once I start working there. Recommend you. Or get your credentials in the system?" He also knew the folks of Circe's that helped with his ID but he stopped, remembering this wasn't nessacarily something Gerrit wanted help with. "If you want," he finished kindly.

He let Gerrit think on it.

"So... pointers?" he offered a way past the uncomfortable part of the conversation in case Gerrit needed it.

[Gerrit]

A gurgled grunt was the only response Ram would get to his denouncing of the Wyrd. On the one hand, the Render was right. But on the other hand Gerrit wasn't really sure how attentively it was listening and how it would react to insults like that. People tell the scariest stories about the tempers of Fae offended - with how things were going right now he didn't want to push his luck.

He listened to Rams suggestion and actually considered it for a moment, his face stony and neutral. He had to hold his cards closer to his chest. After a while, he slowly shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, but if I wanted to take up that line of work again I think I might manage that on my own. The past is the past, you can either reclaim it fully or you build up something new. There's no half-arsing it. I am glad that you managed the former.. and I'll attempt the latter."

failure

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-10-12 10:48:32	Gerrit rolls 6 to keep his tone even (Man 2 + Subter 2 + Mantle 1 + Spec 1) (10 Again)	2, 7, 6, 1, 7, 6	failure

He really didn't want Ram to feel guilty, but even this attempt at a level-headed acceptance sounded somewhat bitter. At least it didn't sound as if he begrudged Ram's fortune. Hopefully.

The change of topics was a welcome one. Gerrit always found it easier to tackle a defined problem - he could distract all the emotions and thoughts running wild in his head by focusing on a problem at hand. He methodically went through a list of things a firefighter would know about their trucks and some other details that seemed worth knowing. "Some of those last things might differ from station to station, but it should give you a general idea." As always, working on a solution helped him calm down, made him push all the problems he had no answers for to the back of his mind. He frowned and looked straight at Ram. "So, when are you definitely moving out? Will you.. I don't know, drop by now and then?"

You got me there! Had to keep any work-related details vague (for a total lack of insight therein).

[Ram]

Gerrit's didn't follow Gerrit's logic on why firefighting was no longer an option for him. Probably because it was less logical and more how the man felt.

"I don't think it's possible to reclaim it fully." Even with him in his fetche's life it wasn't 'his' life. Yet. "But to me, even little bits, whether reclaimed or built, are important." Small victories in the war agaisnt what the Good neighbors did to them. Small pieces of hope to cling to when the Wyrd fucked with them. Although, while Ram disagreed, but it was the Stonebone's life. He couldn't fight this particular battle for Gerrit without Gerrit wanting him to help. Just make the offer. And keep making more offers till Gerrit got those small victories for himself.

"I'm, uh, thinking of going by Tobias in the future... among the Lost," he said awkwardly. The talk of reclaiming the past brought the idea up in his mind. "I've been thinking about it since the dream recon mission. It feels like something I want to do." He rubbed the back of his neck hoping it didn't make Gerrit feel worse but the Render couldn't think of anyone better to bring up his desire first (and that included Springs). He wouldn't have gotten this far on his journey without his fellow Ogre.

Ram listened to the advise. Most was pretty generic but it was still a leg up on firefighter culture and training that would help in the critical first days back on the job.

"Thanks," he said in gratitude, he hoped his next words wouldn't lessen it "As soon as possible. Today if I think I can pack everything and hide it in the garage before Ashley gets home." He knew it was sudden but he didn't want to be vulnerable in his new home.

"But yeah," he said with a crack of a smile "I'll visit when I can. Maybe even let the family know I've made a 'new' friend and you can visit for dinner." He wasn't willing to cut Gerrit out of his life because of his new living arrangement.

[Gerrit]

"You're right. I think that's why most of us don't give up the reclaiming and rebuilding." What about him? Had he given up? Or had his construction project just taken a totally different direction than initially expected when he had moved here? Maybe everything gets shaken up again once I feel comfortable in being the Ogre everyone expects me to be. What a sad thought.

Tobias, Andrew - Gerrit noticed that he hadn't spent much time with Ram in a context where it was necessary to use a cover name. Was that a good thing? Or wait, did he mean Tobias instead of Ram? "So, you're not Ram anymore? I..hm. I guess it makes sense. I'll make sure to remember that." A beat of stony silence. "I think it suits you." Because ultimately they didn't have to be defined by what they had become.


It didn't surprise him that this conversation was held shortly before they would part ways. Made for less opportunities to run into each other awkwardly. Gerrit got that. "Do you need help moving your stuff?" Ram probably could hear that it took Gerrit some willpower but the offer was genuine. And then came Ram's last offer. The Stonebone's chest tightened painfully (He means well) and seeing how badly he hid his other feelings on the matter he rather wanted to say the first thing that came to his mind, not try to downplay it. "No. At least.. not for a while. I appreciate the offer, but I don't think me being there would make things easier. For either of us." He didn't want to suggest to discuss this further down the road - for all he knew he would never fully get there to be fine with watching Ram live the life Gerrit couldn't have.