Broken Arrows

[Phoenyx]

She smiles at the compliment, and nods. "I can see that logic. But to to so brazenly deceive everyone? It makes trust difficult." They were both there when Kaze tried to work through his feelings. He would know how that felt to her. "It is hard to tell if all Guardians take an "ends justifying menas" approach. I cannot agree with that motivation."

Phoenyx watches. "I suppose that is possible. Both Winter and I are dedicated to our Orders. You have taken a more... life-affirming approach. BUt whatever we choose, it seems we three at least do not take small motivations." She chose the words carefully. It wasn't wrong, just different. Kaze had to choose his path. "How are you finding your studies in Life and shapeshifting? It was a fascinating experience."

She blinks. "Unanimous consent can be difficult. I cannot tell your members how to operate but... it makes the approach more challenging." She leans back i the chair. "You lose nothing in the attempt. Should it fail, you're right back where you were. It is a... challenge." She smiles. Some parts of the Arrow ran deep. Even for those that left. "How is Jennifer?" She asks. "You two seemed to be enjoying your evening together." The comment is light, and the Arrow's expression passive.

[Kaze]

Kaze shrugs. "I am not an expert on the Guardians. I just feel like their motivation is the one thing I can trust, not their means. I mean, Arrows are basically about defending people...Guardians are defending something more...abstract, you know? Kind of, an ideal. It seems like there's a lot less black and white there, like it's pretty much all gray, and the one thing that stands out is, that their job is to do the things that no one should want to, so that we don't have to, you know? I mean, if they are supposed to lie and deceive and just plain eliminate or discredit sleeper witnesses all the time...well, you tend to use the tactics that you practices, I feel like." Kaze says thoughtfully. "I totally respect Guardians. I just wonder if maybe I respect them for how dangerous they are more than anything else."

Kaze smiles. "Aurora convinced me to put my practice with shapechanging on hold, at least until I can do it at a higher level of Mastery." He says. "It was fascinating though, for sure. I am definitely going to push it to the next level...eventually. I'm trying to focus on life balance a little right now though, you know? Not just on the magic world."

He sighs and grins ruefully. "Yeah. I mean, just speaking for myself, my whole interest in forming a Cabal is to slow down any kind of dynamic where someone gets buried in Council because they don't have influence. So, in the Cabal, the first priority I feel like is that no one in it gets forced to go along with something they don't agree with by you know, a vocal minority or even majority. It will make it harder to do things, but...I kind of feel like that's not a bad thing."

He shrugs. "I guess we'll see if the others feel the same way."

He lights up when Phoenyx asks about Jenna. "Oh yeah. I'm so glad you got to meet each other. I really like her. We're taking it super slow though. No expectations, just enjoying getting to know each other and having fun together."

"So...have you been seeing anybody special?" Kaze asks casually, smiling.

[Phoenyx]

The First Talon frowns. "Perhaps, but where does that end? I understand the need to preserve the Veil, but 'at any cost' seems extreme. I suppose they are dangerous, but it is the deceit I find unpleasent."

She nods. "Balancing these things is important. What are you working on instead?"

There is a thoughtful moment. "But that is how diplomacy works. We cannot all agree they same - sometimes we have to go along with the majority. I understand wanting to make sure people have a voice. I have been trying to make sure people who do not have a councilor have that. But sometimes we have to accept decisions we do not agree with."

She shakes her head. "No. I don't want to deceive someone into pretending I am someone I am not. It would mean pretending I am not a mage..." She shakes her head. "I could not do that. I know it makes me somewhat isolated from regular people, but I cannot go back to seeing the world like that... does that make sense?" There is a small smile. "I'm glad you are getting on, but do you not worry about that? You can't keep that from her forever."

[Kaze]

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies, Kaze thinks all of a sudden. That's a quote from something, isn't it? He wonders.

"Well, yeah. 'Ends justifies the means' is pretty extreme." He agrees.

"And I know...deceit is a thing...a big deal, between us, actually." Kaze ventures. "I feel like we might have to agree to disagree on what it is and how bad it is on the scale of things. I mean, it's not as black and white to me. Like, not telling someone everything isn't the same to me as telling them things that aren't true, and even then, the motive matters, at least to me." He says. "If someone is trying to hurt me by telling me or not telling me something, that matters more to me."


"I'm not trying to convince you to see it the same way though." He concedes. The fact that he held back information from her during their relationship about what he felt, even as he was figuring it out for himself had been a sore point, he knew, with her having accused him of basically just lying to her. It was how it felt to her, he acknowledged.

Kaze grins, "Acting. Well, actually I've been working on establishing a rock solid new identity, that I can use to sign contracts and cash paychecks and whatever. Cause that's coming up, I'll be going to film, and sign stuff." He says. "I've been just using made up names with nothing to back it up until now. Actually, I guess it feels like in the big picture, my life other than as a Mage has been on hold ever since my Awakening. I mean, my shadow name has been the closest thing to to a real name I gave anyone. So, yeah, getting a solid I.D. that can be in the system and everything...it feels like it's kind of learning to be a human again, or at least reclaiming a life in the human world."

Kaze nods when Phoenyx says she can't imagine a meaningful relationship with a Sleeper, because they can never know the whole truth. He reflects that, ironically, he can't share the whole truth about Jenna with Phoenyx.

"Sure. She knows there are things I don't talk about, and I know there are things she doesn't talk about too. So...it doesn't feel like lying, to us at least. It feels like...taking things slowly, and building trust based on spending time together and learning what we're each really like as a person, more than on building up, like, a dossier on each other, you know? We haven't established that expectation, that we'll ever tell each other everything about ourselves. We're both okay with forming our own impressions of each other and going based on that, you know, carefully."

Kaze smiles. "Like, does she know me better if she knows I can use magic to call lightning out of the sky, or if she knows how I treat the serving staff at a restaurant when I'm just being myself and not trying to impress her?" He asks thoughtfully.

"I feel like, it's up to me. The more my whole identity is about the world of magic, than the more I can't have a real relationship with anyone outside of it. But I have a choice about what I base my identity on, about who I am. If my identity is about, say 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, and love your neighbor as yourself', than it matters more whether someone can know that about me and want to be with me than whether they know I am Awakened."

Kaze pauses. "She knows that I am committed to my faith, that I am celibate outside of marriage, that I hope to have kids someday with the right person..." Kaze says. "I know that her family is the most important thing to her, and that she doesn't know about having kids, ever, and that she's open to my beliefs, but they aren't her main thing, like they are for me. I feel like that's a lot."

[Phoenyx]

Phoenyx watches Kaze for a moment, and sighs. "We may have to. I think I understand what you mean, but having that kind of relationship sounds too difficult. Being a mage is such a huge part of my life. It is a part of how I identify as a person. If I cared about the person I was in a relationship with I would not want to hide those things from them. It isn't about whether you are liked for your abilities. It is a whole part of your life that can effect her. What you discovered I had been... a drug dealer while we were dating?" She offers an apologetic smile. "I couldn't think of a good example. But you know what I mean."

She look at him curiously. "How do you mean? You have always been better at being human than I have. You can talk to people. You have hobbies outside of your work and magic that people find interesting. But it is up to you."

The First Talon sips her tea. "I am glad you are happy. You are my friend, and I want that for you. I hope it keeps going well."

"Have you been able to find much work?" She asks.

[Kaze]

Kaze smiles as if he's had a thought from something Phoenyx is saying. He listens to her, talking about her experience, her identity.

"Hey." Kaze says, smiling. "What if you're okay the way you are, just...you know, lonely?" He asks gently.

"When I got here, I had an idea of who and what I was, you know, Arrow, soldier...and then one of the first people I met here was Banshee, in the art supply shop. I had nothing in common with her, but...I felt a little less alone somehow."

Kaze shrugs, "Sorry, I have a point, I promise." He says, laughing.

"When I met Briar Rose, there was the same kind of...something. A connection I felt. I didn't know what it was, until I was trying all kinds of things out, you know, and I did this little part in a play at the college. Phoenyx, I felt like I belonged. Like...the whole 'Imposter Syndrome', that thing where I felt like something was wrong with me because I didn't really feel like I belonged with the soldiers and jocks and whatever...went away. So, yeah...even though they're Sleepers, I feel a connection with other 'creatives', you know? People who are trying to express what...I don't know, what's inside I guess? Like people that can't help it and care about that...creative expression more than, like, anything."

He looks at Phoenyx softly. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you, just...there's no other Arrows, and you feel like you can only open up to other Mages, and there just aren't any Mages that you have that much in common with." He says.

"I think you're lonely, not bad at socializing, really, just not around people who 'get' you. Honestly, I could totally see you hanging in a cop bar and feeling like you are with family, feeling so relaxed, because you would have so much in common"

Kaze grins, "It's not about having hobbies and being well rounded, it's about finding a community that you feel like you belong. I personally think you would find it super rewarding to do all the work to get into the Academy and be a cop. I mean, you'd be with people who trained seriously and had the same goals and outlook...and those kind of connections and skills would totally enhance your ability to do the job of the Arrows, not detract from it."

Kaze shrugs again. "I know; it's a crazy idea. I'm basically just doing with I do, coming up with a story. Whether it's your story or not is up to you."

[Phoenyx]

Lonely? An eyebrow arches as Phoenyx looks at Kaze.

She listens carefully, taking his thoughts apart. "There's you. And Aurora. We have things in common." At least, she thought they did. Had things changed so much?

She let him finish, trying to piece together his suggestion. There was just one problem.

"It just... isn't real, Kaze. It is serving a principle, this is true - but it is embedding myself further into the Lie. There is honor in doing those things, but what if I cannot protect the Awakened because I am off walking a beat somewhere or stuck behind a desk? Doing those things tie me into more obligations than I can serve." She shrugs. "Some things are bigger than I am. I see your point, but I don't feel lonely. I know who I can connect with. There just aren't very many. But on the other hand, it is peaceful."

She smiles a little. Hopefully he would get it. Or maybe not, if he was so socially driven.

[Kaze]

Kaze nods and shrugs when Phoenyx explains. They're just really different people
With him, he feels like it would be a worrisome trend if actual people and their concerns and well, lives didn't feel'real' just because they were Sleepers and didn't, couldn't know the Truth, but for Phoenyx, it's apparently just a natural part of her dedication and focus to feel that way.

"I can see that. I still think there's nothing wrong with you. Like Alastor always said, just you be you". Kaze says, smiling.

"I'm just still figuring out who I am."

[Phoenyx]

Eyes narrow at him slightly. "I never said there was anything wrong with me." A smile tugs at her lips. "It is one of the differences between us. I know who I am. You knew who you were made, but had not realised it as not who you wanted to be."

The First Talon looks at her cup. "It must have crossed your mind, that in forming a cabal you are making a form of political statement - even though you may not wish to do so. From my perspective, unopposed power destroys itself, but others outside the group may not take it as well as I do."

[Kaze]

Kaze pretends not to notice Phoenyx deciding whether or not to be offended, and then smiles when she smiles.

He shrugs when she tells him he should know the political implications of forming a Cabal.

"Well, if you are okay with it, I don't think Aurora will have a problem with it, or Eulogy...so I guess you are talking about Councilor Puck then?" Kaze asks for clarification. "What kind of political statement do you feel like forming a Cabal would be? There's been Cabals before without it being a big political thing...?"