Picking up the pieces of Crystal?

[Kaze]

Kaze looks at Crystal and smiles, shrugging. "You know what? Yeah, it crushed me, totally. It was after that I got together with Phoenyx, and like a year later, I left the Arrows." He says. "But...honestly? I grew from it. It made me really start to understand the whole 'identity' thing, you know?" He asks vaguely.

Kaze refills his glass, and offers a refill, actually frowning when he realizes Crystal doesn't need one yet. He sets his glass down.

"So...you know, right? I am not trying to preach, to tell you how to live your life, and especially what to believe." Kaze says, looking at Crystal.

"This is me, just me." He sighs. "I was a son. Then a grandson. Then a football player. Then an orphan. Then a Mage. Then an Arrow." Kaze says. "Then a screw up who got three people, maybe innocent-sh people, definitely as innocent as I am anyway, dead, and made another Mage into a murderer."

"After that...when I started being able to be in the moment again, instead of, you know, stuck reliving and regretting what happened? I realized, I am me. Just me. And I didn't know what that meant. I had to quit the Arrows, not just because I didn't want that to happen again, but to figure out who I am without being an Arrow."

Kaze smiles again. "I quit trying to be an EMT too, partly to get away from temptation, using Magic to heal, but mostly because I realized, it wasn't 'me', you know? I mean, EMT's are awesome. But it's just not who I am to always be around people who are injured, physically, even if I could do something about it." He says frankly.

"I know, it sounds like my answer is to just run away from whatever I am afraid of or mess up at; that's not it though. I am just trying to find out who I am, you know?" He asks. "I broke up with Phoenyx too. And that wasn't running away from anything. That was me...basically realizing that part of who I am, is a Believer. I realized I couldn't live without it. And...harsh, I know, but I realized I could live without Phoenyx." Kaze stops smiling.

"I told her, that I didn't want to break up, but that I had to follow what I believed, that I knew it wasn't fair because what I believed...changed during the time we were together. Anyway, what we wanted after that was too different to stay together."

He looks at Crystal and says, "Okay, don't judge me for this, please. I am not telling you what to do, but I am telling you what I would probably do, if I were you. It sounds to me like...you basically partied hard and did something that you don't even totally remember, using magic, and someone is dead because of it. Trying to not be a Mage to keep it from happening again, sounds...okay, I'm just going to say it, and you can totally tell me I'm wrong and full of shit, okay? It sounds like it could have been anything, like you if you were driving home drunk and hit someone and killed them, and now out of guilt you don't drive anymore, but still drink."

Kaze shrugs. "I mean, was it the magic that influenced you, made you think something was okay or you could handle it when that wasn't true? If it was...okay, I'm just wrong." Kaze offers. "But, if it was the drinking or whatever, and you did something that you totally wouldn't do sober...than if it was me? I'd figure, 'this isn't really me' or maybe, 'I'm not really me when I am doing this or being in this, like, environment. That's what I'd quit, and that's what I'd be afraid of, not the Magic."

Kaze shrugs.

"For me, being a Mage...is part of me. Magic doesn't feel like something that isn't me. It feels...right. I feel like...I need to learn who I am, and be true to that, true to me, and Magic is part of that, but not all of that, you know? I am not afraid of the Magic, but it's not my whole life, either by going all gung ho on it, making my life all about it or by quitting it cold turkey, and just...like, trying to ignore it. all. the. time."

Kaze shrugs, "It feels like, either way makes it, like, the Big Thing, like the center of my life. I am not a Mage that does magic, and a person second, or a Mage that doesn't do magic, and a person second. I am a person...who can do magic, or not, no rule, my choice. That's all."

Kaze grins, "Man. I am talking, like, way too much." He says. "I guess, all I mean to say, is, I'm me, and you're you. You just need to be you. Anytime you want to tap out, I promise, I won't hassle you about magic or drinking or anything else."

"I just want to be a good friend, not a guru or anything. I'm not trying to like, fix you. I like you just fine right now."

[Crystal]

Crystal just sat and listened. Kaze had already shared a lot whenever they got together, but this time it felt even deeper, more personal. With all the Obrimos has been through, it was hard not to feel the utmost respect. More so because he apparently refused to just break under all the shit that has been thrown at him, but grow.

He wanted to interrupt Kaze and tell him that it wasn't directly his fault that the Guardian chose the messiest way to 'clean up' imaginable, but he kept his mouth shut. He would believe that just as much as Crystal believed that he didn't kill that guy and the Warlock didn't want to devalue his friend's emotions on what had happened. Instead he kept on actively listening.

Once Kaze moved to Crystal's lifestyle he looked down on his glass. That part was hard to listen to, because Kaze was right. But fuck it, life was so boring without the occasional pick-me-up. What was he supposed to do with his time? Walk children in nature? He felt frustration and defiance well up in him, but he realized those feelings and pushed them away lest he lashed out again. Kaze made a good point, and even Crystal wasn't ready to actually listen to that advice, he could still hear. At least he had his waterworks shut off again.

He took another moment to really compose himself after the Apostate was done talking and then he looked at Kaze again. "Hey, you are a good friend. Maybe you're the best friend I've ever had, as strange as that sounds with be being here for mere months. I.. I'll definitely have to think about a lot of things, but I appreciate the trust you put in me: by telling your story, by putting up with me, and by putting things a bit into perspective." He frowned and turned his glass around a few times to keep his hands busy. If he kept the control and got comfortable with Magic again - was he actually able to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone by accident? What did that mean in the long run? Not using his abilities for selfish shit? Only using it when absolutely necessary? There were some finer details to be explored, but for the first time in many months he actually felt a bit hopeful for this whole Awakened business.

He stopped his nervous fumbling with the glass and looked back at Kaze. He wanted to try something, something that potentially showed the Obrimos how grateful he was far beyond what words could say.

failure

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-06-11 10:22:50	Crystal rolls 1 to check for Paradox (Gnosis 1 - ***-Spell 1 + 1) (10 Again)	1	failure

Crystal looked for the connection to his Watchtower, felt his Soul reach out beyond the Abbys and was relieved to find it unresponsive to his call. He recalled the same Imago from before - a link between his and Kaze's mind, an overlap in the space or shared consciousness - and put his will into it. He didn't chant in High Speech (it was supposed to be a surprise, after all), but he focused all the more on bringing the Imago into reality.

2 successes

Date	Action	Roll	Result
2021-06-11 10:27:45	Crystal rolls 7 to cast Telepathy (Gn 1 + Mind 3 + WP) (10 Again, WillPower)	4, 6, 2, 10, 3, 3, 7, 9	2 successes

He felt it again, like a haptic feedback as he imposed his Mind onto the Lie. He sent Kaze a careful and polite thought, like someone clearing his throat after sneaking up to a friend. Last thing he wanted was to scare the Obrimos!

I am me and you are you. And you are an AwesomeGenerousWarmCaring person. I am lucky to call you my friend. Thank you.
There was a series of images and feelings when it came to describing Kaze, and a genuine smile spread over Crystal's face while he sent his thoughts.

When the spell faded he raised his glass and toasted at the host. "To being there for each other without trying to fix each other. To friendship." God, he was so gay.

[Kaze]

Kaze nods and smiles when Chrystal really listens and he notices when Crystal looks like he's going to interrupt or crack a joke or do or say something to keep things light and deflect, but doesn't.

He grins at the telepathic contact!

{{Yes! Dude. Thanks.}} Kaze allows Crystal to feel the anxious edge, the anticipating possible blow back from Crystal and poking at uncomfortable subjects or possibilities and the graditude that Crystal feels like Kaze is a good enough friend to let things get that deep and uncomfortable without shutting it down like a total threat.
{{I don't know Mind like at all, but this feels...like what it should feel like, like...Mind Magic is part of you, and like right now, you are being you, for real by using it.}} Kaze's last thought is warm even as the link is fading.

"Nice. You sure seem like a natural at Mind." Kaze says admiringly. "It's like me knowing Kung Fu. It just means I need to take a minute if I get mad or upset before you know, reacting on reflex. Trust myself enough to believe that if I slow it down, give myself the extra second I deserve, I'll get to the right headspace."

[Crystal]

It was reassuring hearing that from Kaze, even though he couldn't imagine the Obrimos saying anything less encouraging. Still, maybe he was right. "Eh, I guess the comparison has its flaws but you're right." Taking a minute to reflect on the potential consequences of his actions was the prudent thing to do. Shame Crystal was really more into instant gratification.

"I feel like I'm repeating myself here but you definitely give me more credit than I do myself. Maybe that's good enough. i.. look, maybe we can continue doing this in the future? Like, you being there when I get more comfortable with heavier lifting?" Because things weren't as easy as one day of prep talk - even though what Kaze said really made the Warlock think differently about things.

Shit, this whole thing had him kinda exhausted again. He wasn't used to this lack of stamina. Crystal downed his drink despite the conversation they just had and grimaced. "We also need to talk payment for all the charitable work you're doing here." His tone didn't really clarify whether he was joking or not, although there was a amused gleam in his eyes.

[Kaze]

Kaze grins when Crystal offers to negotiate. "Hey, you put up with me, 'insufferable', right? And...no pressure, but if you get your head in the right place, I still want your help mastering Space. You know, someday." He laughs!

Kaze holds out his hand like to shake, and pulls Crystal into a hug if he accepts. "Putting up with me, like a friend, is more than enough payment for me. Thank you, for putting up with me, and trusting me, Michael." Kaze says quietly, making sincere eye contact, like he is impressed and still touched at Crystal's trusting him that much.

[Crystal]

Crystal accepted the hug, albeit not without rolling his eyes for the sake of keeping his cool appearances. "Yeah I guess I won't get out of teaching you one day. Thank you for putting up with me, I guess." Man, any prospects for the Cabal will have a tough time not feeling like a third wheel, huh?

Considering how their last talks went, Crystal was admirably sober - it's like he was making big steps towards self improvement already. Of course, anything beyond that would be a tougher nut to crack, but it was all about those baby steps. For today he counted neither him nor Kaze going mad as a huge win. Fuck, maybe he could do this after all?

I'd be good with getting this into continuity sometime soon. Thank you for this amazing scene!

[Kaze]

Kaze grins. "Yeah, I guess we're stuck with each other." He says, laughing.

Then he looks a little more serious. "So, I feel like we are good on the whole magic thing, 'till next time...I'm going to feel out Guru on a Cabal, and you're doing Eulogy?" He asks.

He shrugs. "I'm ready if you are." He says.

Thank you for the fascinating and intense scene! I am good to close if you are!

[Crystal]

"Check, I'll bug him as soon as I get the chance." Or as soon as he felt like it. He had a lot to unpack - things weren't as easy as Kaze might have thought. Crystal wasn't 'done with the whole Magic thing' by a long shot, but some valuable groundwork has been done today.

"Guess I'll call me an Uber. No offense, but I'll have a lot to think about right now. Don't worry, I'm not going to run away from all of that." Something he needed to hear himself more than he needed to tell Kaze. "Thanks again and take care."

And with that (and maybe a last hug) the Mastigos was out, almost ready to become a real Mage once again.

[Kaze]

Kaze grins and nods. "It's cool with me. No rush. Just...you don't have to do it all alone, if you don't want to, okay?" He says warmly.

He nods when Crystal says he's going to call an Uber. He waves and smiles.

Thank you for the amazing scene!