Fit for an Onyx Court

[Gerrit]

Gerrit dug his scarred hands deeper into the pockets of his windbreaker. The sky was grey and cold, and a slight drizzle completed the picture of misery and sorrow.
It was a perfect day to establish a hollow they could claim for their Court.

They decided to meet in the Sacramento Historic City Cemetery and go from there. Sure, it was almost too clich้d - to have the Winter Court hide their Hollow in an old graveyard - but sometimes it was best to hide in plain sight.

The barren tree under which the Ogre waited offered little protection from the elements, but he bore it stoically. His bloodied eyes scanned the area, mostly for anyone that could suspect or hinder their plans. On that front they seemed to be in the clear - the weather dissuaded any mourners to chose that day to pay their respect to lost loved ones. He also was on the lookout for Cassandra. When they set the time to meet, he told John to come half an hour later than Cassandra.
It was also a perfect day to talk about what happened at the Winter Coronation.

It would be very unwise to wander around the Hedge looking for a Hollow while there was so much pent up emotion between Cassandra and John, so he had to check in on the Fairest.
And so he waited.

@Cassandra Reeding James Turner

[Cassandra Reeding]

Cassandra arrives to the graveyard in a calf-lengthed, black dress with flowy short sleeves. Her hair is down in loose curls which haven't quite begun to straighten. By the end of the night, her long, scarlet hair will likely be pin-straight again. She'd felt a bit conflicted over the past couple of days, wrestling with what she wants to do, what she should do, and what she will do.

Walking through the graveyard, she feels a sense of anxiety. Talking to Gerrit will be comforting, but... she knows what the outcome of it all needs to be. At least, she keeps telling herself she knows. Even though it flip flops every 5 minutes.

She finds Gerrit leaning against a barren tree and she finds herself putting on that mask of confidence over the anxious one. As natural as breathing. Will that help or harm her? She isn't sure.

"Hello, Gerrit. Great evening for Hollow hunting, yes?" She smiles, her shifting Polychromatic colors making her difficult to read.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit took a long look at Cassandra before answering. It wasn't lacking warmth but he made a point to really see her, his mantle sharpening the blurred contours and obscurity caused by the drizzle.
"Hello Cassandra, how are you?" No small-talk, an honest question. Every now and then (pretty often, if he was being honest with himself) he thought back to the confusion and the hurt she had chosen to share with him during the ball.

Then, after a second, he smiled reassuringly. This wasn't an interrogation after all.

[Cassandra Reeding]

Cassandra pauses. She hadn't expected the straight forward approach. None of it was straight forward, so why would she have expected this to be any different? Slowly, she walks over to stand next to Gerrit, leaning against the tree.

There is another moment of silence before she says, "Confused. Very, very confused." Should she just get it all out there? The way Gerrit was looking at her made her feel like she had to.

"I feel like a confused teenager and I don't know how to deal with it." Well, that's a vague start. "I feel something, whether just lonely projected feelings or something more legitimate, and I can't decide what I need to do about it.

"It is like, the moment I am with him, I lose whatever guards I originally put up. I'm flirty. I'm vulnerable. And the moment I realize it, I panic. Because I'm not supposed to feel like this. I'm not supposed to be ready to have feelings like this. I mean, I'm not in love with him, but I'm warm and bubbly and my head is full of idiotic fantasies. I hate it. I also don't want it to stop."

She looks down at her shoes, trying to just will it all out. "Part of me says I should get rejected and just try to move on. Another part is panicking, wanting to just lock it away. One part thinks I should wait and see what happens, let it die naturally, and a bolder part of me thinks I should stop fighting and lean into it.

"The thing is, I know he isn't interested in me and I know he wouldn't be ready for... any of it. Maybe I'm just touch starved. I don't know. I'm not- I'm not used to being alone anymore. I haven't been alone in years. Is it projection? Is it real? Is it both?"

She sighs, her eyes a little watery, but she refuses to let any tears escape. "When I danced with him, it was like being somewhere else. Somewhere I'm allowed to be that giddy, flirtatious person trying to sate their desires. But I had to see exactly what I looked like in the process, not have any idea what he could possibly be thinking. Then Rhodes came up and shattered it and it all just hit me. And then I ran."

"What the hell is going on with me?" She finally looks up at him and she looks exhausted from having to get all of that out.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit listened to Cassandra's confession, trying not to show how much her pain affected him. She obviously was confused and hurt, looking for answer he could not possibly give. The tired look she gave him made the Ogre just want to take her into his arms, to give her warmth and protection - at least from the world outside. What she needs more than that is advice though. Probably. The time to cry and console would come, but ideally they were able to at least work out how she could behave in John's presence for now before the King of Sorrow arrived.

He gave the Fairest a sad smile and slowly started speaking. "Well, as far as I'm concerned there are a few issues here to address. First and foremost - your feelings are your feelings, and there's no question they're legitimate. It's okay to feel lonely or to long for someone" Oh boy, that he knew "and you can not think those feelings away."

He let that sink in for a moment - she possibly wouldn't hear anything else that followed if she didn't respect her feelings or took them seriously. "Now in order to untangle whether it's really about him or a general want: listen to yourself and try to honestly answer the question: does anybody else make you feel this way? Forget any reasons why it wouldn't work or how he feels - this is about trying to realize how you feel first."

He paused for the moment - there were lots of things to talk about, what he wanted to give her the chance to answer before bombarding her with further questions.

[Cassandra Reeding]

"You're talking to someone who on occasion has had to fake emotion so hard that even the side I'd worked for at that moment had to question how I actually felt. That I'd forgotten how I felt until debriefing. Skirt the truth so hard that even if you could tell, you had no difinitive proof." There is a sad amusement to her tone, "I'm masking again. Stop." Clearly talking to herself with that 'stop'. She shakes her head and looks up at the tree branches, closing her eyes.

She lets out a slow breaths, opening her eyes as she thinks, trying to sort it all out in her head. "To answer your question. No. No one else makes me feel like that. Not since my ex and... maybe that's part of why it feels so wrong." She wipes at her eyes, preemptively wiping away whatever might be threatening to escape.

[Gerrit]

Gerrit could hardly imagine Cassandra being fake and manipulative - had she left that life behind completely or was there still remnants of the 'old' Cassandra hidden? He didn't want to dwell on that. "Do you think you could use your.. expertise in faking these feelings or your experience with the.. debriefing to gauge the extend of your own emotions now?" That question seemed almost cruel, but they didn't have the luxury of time at the moment. If you planned all of this to pressure her into a decision, are you really the nice guy here? The Ogre shook his head, barely noticeable.

"Okay. So how would you feel about looking for someone who makes you feel that way?" Her reply to that could answer the question whether she was simply lonely. "Why does it feel wrong? There is no right amount of time you need to let pass before you can catch feelings for someone else." Yes, he would like to believe that.

[Cassandra Reeding]

She ponders on that a moment before saying, "Would I do whatever it took, including risk of life, to keep his secrets safe? No. Would I feel an incredible aversion to sharing anything that might be anything sensitive or secretive? Yes. Would I give up that intel even semi-willingly? No. Would I skirt the truth as much as possible to avoid giving real information about him? Yes." She pauses, "I did not fabricate these feelings, no." She sighs a bit. She didn't want to go there in the slightest. Those questions were the tame ones, but the most pertinent.

"I've never looked for someone to make me feel anything. It's always just hit me out of nowhere. I never went out on those random dates or picked up people at a bar. This has happened to me exactly two times in my life, not counting him." She lets out another sigh. "And I really don't want to put that on anyone. I don't really want to look for it. Feelings are, and always have been, dangerous for people like us."

She looks back at Gerrit, her lips pressed together in a line, "It feels like betrayal, even though I know it isn't. He also... Has similar features, at least in mask. They couldn't be any more different though."

[Gerrit]

Well, as much as this complicated things going forward, it definitely showed a way to proceed. There was only the slightest hint of a wince showing in Gerrit's face. "Okay, so for now let's assume that your feelings are real, as in: a real crush, and that you're currently not considering looking elsewhere to distract yourself or find some comfort for your loneliness. If we don't have to question those facts, we can maybe break this up into smaller pieces and deal with them separately." He sighed himself, looking up to the winter sky for a second, then back at Cassandra. "Starting with your last statement, since it kind of ties in with what I've just said: don't let the fact that they look similarly confuse you. Everybody's got a type - and you said you also like John as a person, for his inside values."

He stopped for a moment. One stray thought went through his head, wondering whether he was helping Cassandra or setting her up. No, he really told her what he thought was sound logic when it came to crushes. Of course, he himself only ever had one crush in his life so there wasn't exactly a huge sample size to draw from. This isn't about you.

"Sorry, spaced out for a moment." How long have they been talking? He had to move along. "So with those questions hopefully out of the way: what to do about it? I think John wouldn't be the kind of guy to make the first move, so you can't count on that." Apart from the fact that she apparently knew much more about him than Gerrit did - but he could only work with what he's been given. "So unfortunately this is completely your decision. It really boils down to what causes you the least sorrow: getting possibly rejected or torturing yourself with 'what if's and 'maybe's." Of course, it always boiled down to sorrow.

He made a conscious effort to soften his facial features, to look as comforting and open as possible while he waited for Cassandra to process and reply.

[Cassandra Reeding]

I certainly do have a type... She considers on what she vaguely remembered of seeing her Keeper in her dream and it gives her a shiver down her spine. Even her skin goes a little bit pale at the thought before settling back into her normal coloring. She barely notices him spacing as she takes her own moment to gather her thoughts. What is the logical thing to do once you have gotten to this point?

She sighs and it almost comes out as a laugh, "He'd never make the first move, you are correct about that. I doubt, even if by some miraculous chance, he did harbor some hint of affection in there, he'd even know about it consciously. I've made a muck of being secretive and holding back emotions as of late. The fact that he hasn't noticed means he is absolutely oblivious to it. Or he is actively ignoring it, but he doesn't seem the type... or maybe he is. I don't know."

She closes her eyes again. So, what are we doing? This is uncharted territory. Phillip was the type to go after and get exactly what he wanted. He didn't even ask me out, it just happened. How am I supposed to...? I'm not going to go all middle school, cry, and confess in the middle of a hallway and run away like Beth did that one time to Aaron. Just... Just what? Walk up and say 'Hey. You, me. Date?' She laughs out loud suddenly at the thought and that's when she realizes she's been silent for a good minute.

"So, I'm stuck with 'ask him out' and see what happens or just go eat a tub of ice cream and cry about it. Might end up eating a tub of ice cream and crying about it anyway depending on what would happen anyway..." She groans a little. "I feel like a middle school girl. You know, I didn't even have crushes growing up. I was so absorbed in playing my instrument that I just didn't even have time for people. No wonder I'm so dysfunctional." She sighs again. "You know, I'm nearly positive I'm going to end up terrifying and confusing him if I do this."