Kaze texts Jenna

[Kaze]

LOL! Going to the beach surfing isn't like normal people going to the beach. For the waves and to beat the crowds, it's usually at o dark thirty and super cold. And dark like before sunset or after sometimes and sharks can be a thing at least in the dark you tend to feel like they are more of a thing! LOL!

yeah i don't think sunshine and rainbows are really an option there. i kind of feel like that might be kind of a thing tho. that she's trying to force the sunshine and rainbow thing and its not what the weather inside is really like. but i don't know. i have to remember that i don't really know. just my feeling the vibe i get from her. she talks a lot about feelings but i just get a vibe like she's talking about it like it's not personal. describing feelings not letting herself really feel them.

LOL! Okay, funny. I get a vibe now, 'blow out' like a hair blow out, like you know when you don't have time or money for a professional or just don't feel like being judged so you use a blow dryer and brush and fake it to kind of maintain? yeah, this person and me i think both have major abandoment issues and should probably both get therapy and the christmas thing or anything that is supposed to be happy family friend feeling not alone and abandoned time is just not really fun. so us hanging out is kind of like we both know we're not doing that and don't have that and aren't happy about it so we don't have to try to explain it to anyone or try to fake it so people don't ty to cheer us up so yeah the deal is we can just be ourself and not be alone and not talk about it but know someone is there who gets it. not the professional help we probably should get but enough to maintain. blow out. LOL!

So sorry all about me. how about you? plans? warm fire and a good book?

[Jennifer Hazelton]

After dark is my jam. I could come over those times... I get what you're saying. She does talk a lot, and made a romantic gesture that was very sweet. I appreciated the gesture, yet I was wary. I don't want to hurt her with my concerns that we aren't compatible.

Ha, no, I don't. Salons and beauty regiment are not my thing. I do love the explanation, though. It is good to be genuine and not have to act a way just to tell others that you're okay. You both shouldn't have to do that. I hope that you both get what you need

I asked about you, Chase. I'm genuinely interested in how you are. My holiday tends to be just another day as I don't have people out here. I definitely am looking forward to some me time to recharge..a good book, a quiet night in, a glass of red

[Kaze]

Okay you're making me look bad, not afraid of the dark when I am and telling me I spend more time getting my hair done than you do! LOL! Srsly though, I have been doing more stuff like that since I talked to some people and have been working on getting some good head shots for trying to get parts. I figured it was too soon, but they said if you want it, you shouldn't wait until you're 'ready'. So yeah, spending time and money learning about looking good. At least in front of a camera.

I don't know aboout Skye. Just that she seems pretty sure, so I am not going to try to talk her out of anything.

Hey, thanks for that. I don't mean to be evasive. I miss my family, and miss having a family and I still have hope of having one of my own someday, but feel like it's one of those things I need to let go of, and if it comes, it comes. Not something I would be able to force or should think about all the time. Holidays are tough though. People ask things, and it's just not fun. Not that I mind you asking; it's different when people kind of just assume, and ask and aren't really up for a real answer that doesn't fit in with what they expect. The worst is when they try to argue with you about what you are feeling or what you should do about it when it's obvious they can't relate at all.

How about you? I remember you said you are planning on a warm drink and a good book. You also said something about family in town? Are you going to make an appearance? Do you get a lot of questions or expectations that make it less fun? Like you have to kind of keep your guard up and can't relax? I hear people talk about getting together with family for holidays being like that. Honestly it's hard tho, cause I'd give my arm easy for my mom to be here giving me hard time about dropping out of college or not having a girlfriend.

[Kaze]

Whoops! I will start a new text.