She hadn’t felt the same since that night. Since showing him some of her Dreams. Not all of them, oh no. But enough to not only help him understand, but open up. And it was taking its toll. She shouldn't have shown him. But the damage was done. He had seen them. He had seen her failures. He had seen her broken and bruised. Had seen how weak she was.

Everyday was spent waiting for the words. The words that she wasn’t good enough for him, that her past was too much for him handle. That she was too broken and damaged to be loved.

‘Mayday! Mayday!
The ship is slowly sinking
They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling
They're all around me,
Circling like vultures
They wanna break me and wash away my colors
Wash away my colors’

Over and over the thoughts would play. Sneaking and creeping at the edge of her thoughts, never ending. Getting louder and louder. Eating at her mind. eating at her heart. She was getting swallowed up whole.

‘I cannot stop this sickness taking over
It takes control and drags me into nowhere
I need your help, I can't fight this forever’

Every word that was spoken she analyzed. Looking for the lies, waiting for the truth to drop.
Every look was studied. Searching for the judgement that she was unworthy, seeking the pity and disgust at how she had once been.

But every time she looked? Nothing was there. The warmth was still in his voice, the love and joy dancing in his emerald eyes. Was he lying to her or himself? How could he look at her that way when she was so disgusting? So weak?

‘Take me high and I'll sing
Oh you make everything okay, okay, okay
'Kay, Okay, Okay
We are one in the same
Oh you take all of the pain away, away, away
'Way, away, away
Save me if I become
My demons’

And yet still, that voice lingered. Whispering that it was all an elaborate lie. One conceived to make her feeling things she never felt before, lure her into a sense of belonging and acceptance. Waiting for the perfect time to cut the delicate threads that held her sanity together. And laugh as she fell.

When would that day come? When would be able to let go of her past and her inner demons?

‘Take me over the walls below
Fly forever
Don't let me go
I need a savior to heal my pain
When I become my worst enemy
The enemy’

Starset: My Demons