Sitting down on her couch and staring at the table, there was this scary white bottle there that had been haunting her all day.

Her eyes staring intently at it as if it would come to life or were in fact alive to begin with. Nevertheless nothing happened as she stared at it, slowly reaching out her hand to grab the bottle only to feel her heart racing and sweat beads gathering on her forehead, slowly pulling back her hand only to repeat the process with the same results over and over again.

Was she weak for being ready to rely on medication? Was it the same as admitting that she couldn't handle this herself? Would it affect her in ways she couldn't foretell?
Also even if she just got the desired effect who was she without that part of herself? She was still quite young when she was taken away and not that she wasn't still quite young but she had completely reinvented herself after coming back at least.
Her charms and sex drive had been most of her social face since coming back, true she had her thieving and planning for her next theft as well but that was things she tried to no longer get involved with or perform.

To have lost that side of herself and struggle to keep that desire at bay so what else was left of her besides this? True it was not something she liked or even wanted to have but then again it as still all that she knew about herself, even if she didn't like it so was it still a reason to just be herself what would she be without it and would she even be able to handle herself if that changed?

Grabbing the bottle and attempting to open it only to have her arms freeze up and then start to shiver, ahh why was this damn thing so freaking hard.

Standing up and walking around arguing with herself in her mind that she did want this but then again what would she find if she did this? Would she be able to stand herself to begin with and if this worked would it be a start of really trying to gain roots and some form of steady permanence in her life? What was permanency even like?
Nothing had ever been permanent in her life, the one constant she had always been able to rely upon was that things would soon change and that she would be discarded in one way or another in that sense her durance was probably the most stable part of her existence thus far but even then so had she been tossed away and ranked down once her keeper had grown tired of the initial things that drew him to her at least she thinks it was something like that, her memories not really all to clear but it felt like that was what had happened at least.

Ahh damn she would have given anything to have someone to talk to right now but there was no one she could think of that would actually want to listen or that could even begin to understand.
Well whatever she could start at any time she liked now at least to wait for one more day wouldn't harm, yeah to sleep on it would probably do her some good besides it was far to hot outside today to take it yeah sure that was it or well not but it was as good or bad as an excuse as anything else.

Putting the bottle down on her nightstand, realizing that she had just gone through a staring contest followed by a mental struggle against a freaking little bottle and lost.