The days following that night had been a blur. She had been exhausted, physically and mentally. But it had been the mental exhaustion that was taking its toll on her. The fact that she had opened the door to that part of her past weighed heavily on her.

There are things,
I have done.
There's a place,
I have gone.

But it was one of those things she fought hard to control. Smiling when needed, laughing when something was funny.

Though when she was alone, it was a different story. She had withdrawn inward, her mind working out the different ways to handle things. How she could keep avoiding it, pushing it aside, anything.

There were numerous breakdowns in the shower, a place to let the mask down, let the tears and fears be washed away. Although temporarily, she needed it, that release.

There are things,
I have done.
There's a place,
I have gone.
There's a beast,
And I let it run.
Now it's runnin' my way.

No more hiding from her past now. No matter how hard she tried, it was there. It was in her face and it wasn’t going anywhere. She had agreed to face it, to talk about it, but could she?

Staring at herself in the mirror, steam dripping down the smooth service, she saw the fear in her eyes. A fear she hadn’t seen in many, many years. A fear she had buried deep within herself, and now it was there. Front and center. Threatening to take away everything she had built. Tearing down defenses she spent years building. Now crumbling and coming apart at the seams.

There's a game,
That I played.
There are rules,
I had to break.
There's mistakes,
That are made.
But I made 'em my way.

The flooding of emotions she felt was almost too much to handle. Fear, relief, happiness, loneliness. Each one mixing with the others, each pulling her in different directions. And the face in the mirror laughed at the torment, the face warping to take on features of her ex and her Keeper. Each laughing for a different reason.

The shattering of the mirror brought her back to the here and now. Her hand shaking with anger as pieces of the mirror pierced the skin. But the laughing was gone. A deep sigh, this was going to be an issue.

I know I'm not forgiven,
But I hope that I'll be given
Some peace.


*Lyrics from 'This Night' by Black lab