Fire and Earth

[Aurora]

One of the people she needs to talk to was Phoenyx. Who had been there that day. Who had seen what she did.

But the Arrow also had an even head on her shoulders and wouldn’t bullshit. The Shaman knew she would get no nonsense advice from her. No feelings would be spared, the truth would be told, and she needed that.

Would it stop the screams? Stop the flashbacks? She didn’t know. But she had to try. Plus, she felt like she owed it to her to explain where’d she been.

Arriving at the Circle, she was casual in gray leggings, black boots and baggy sweater. The sound of her heels probably announced her arrival at the Circle. Sure, she could just walk into the Arrow’s wing, but that was just fucking rude. And one doesn’t typically want to rude to the Arrow’s.
Phoenyx Xadun

[Phoenyx]

There had been a lot of feelings bubbling through Phoenyx's chest. Anger. Frustration. Where had Aurora gone? Why had she left without saying goodbye? The Arrow trusted her and she disappeared. There was no Aurora to keep her from spiralling when her and Kaze were falling apart. October had filled that hole, and now she was gone. Was it her? Was she driving these people away with her stupid relationship issues?

Tai Chi had always helped her center herself, and though it was definitely getting harder (all those background feelings sticking to her soul), it was also working.

In.... and out.....

Working through the last few movements, the sound of heels on stone cut through the air. Quietly, the Obrimos moved from the quad to the corridor and behind the new entrant.

"Hello Aurora," She said quietly, announcing her presence.

The Arrow looked strained and tired, with bags under her eyes and her hair is slightly messy. She was wearing the same scarlet tank-top she usually does - the girl must have a dozen of them - and loose black training pants. Currently barefoot, she walks up to the Thyrsus, forcing herself to look up and into her blue eyes. The Arrow's dark eyes dart about the blonde mage, assessing. "How have you been?" The tone is formal, and a little weary.

[Aurora]

Turning, there was a small smile, “Hey Phoenyx.” Comes the response.

She takes a moment to take in the Arrow. Who didn’t look like herself, and that was concerning. Had something happened?

“I’ve been better.” The concern moving into her voice, “And you? I have to be honest; you don’t look good. You ok? Is this a bad time?”

[Phoenyx]

"I'm..." the Arrow falters. She was going to say "fine", but that would be a lie. Dark eyes meet her blue ones. "....not.... good," she finishes weakly and reproachfully. "It seems to be my new normal. Some days it's fine. Many it's like this." She turns towards the Arrow Wing and motions for Aurora to follow. "I don't see it getting better any time soon, so may as well be now. We did agree today, after all."

She leads the way in and goes into the office, putting on the kettle. She watches the Thyrsus carefully. "Why did you leave?" She asks, her voice wavering slightly. The Arrow clears her throat and sets her jaw, trying to look more controlled.

[Aurora]

That was unexpected.

Eyes blink a few times, studying the Arrow, “I’m sorry. Is there something I can help with?” she asks, not really sure what to say. Emotions were not her strong suit. The Shaman follows, “But if it’s not a good day and you’d prefer to be alone, we can reschedule.” She didn’t want to put her out.

And there it was. No beating around the bush. One thing she liked about the Arrow.

“Can I sit down?” she asks, if she could, she would, and seems to be composing herself. “This isn’t easy. And I didn’t want to leave, but I felt it was best at the time. Though it turns out I was wrong.” She admitted. A deep breath was taken her eyes looking down at her hands, which were nervously working a lose string, “Have you ever killed anyone?” she asks softly, pain in her voice. Blue eyes finally look to the Arrow, a mixture of emotions swirling in them, the dark circles a little noticeable under the makeup.

[Phoenyx]

Phoenyx looks at the Mysterium mage, and frowns. She watches Aurora for a long moment. "I... don't think so. I don't think there's anything anyone can do." Dark eyes blink and she holds soulders in her palms. There's a few seconds hesitation before she tentatively adds, very quietly, "Kaze and I broke up."

The Obrimos nods, gestures for Aurora to sit, and cocks her head slightly. Killed someone? That was not what Phoenyx had expected; she blinks slowly. It was something serious then Aurora looked.... sad? Scared? Ashamed? Phoenyx was so bad at reading people. It was hard to work out where Aurora was going with this. So, gather more information. "Yes," she says simply. "Why?"

[Aurora]

It took a few seconds for the words to register. Mouth drops open slightly before she says anything, “I’m so sorry. Are you ok?” if there was anyone, she thought were destined to make it, it was those two. And while she wants to ask what happened, she wasn’t sure if she should. “Did you want to talk about it?” if the answer was no, it would be dropped.

Was she expecting the answer to be yes? Kind of. Phoenyx was an Arrow after all.

The thread was worked on again, “How did you,” she begins, then stops, seeming to think, “uh,” another pause, “how did you handle it?” she finally gets the words out. “I never have, well, before the Seer’s.” and them becoming fish. “And, well, I’m not handling it well. That’s why I left. I felt horrible, I wasn’t sleeping, I keep hearing the screams.” The thread was forgotten as her hands move to her ears. “I didn’t know how I was being judge by everyone, and I didn’t know if I was welcome anymore.” As she said it, her voice cracked ever so slightly. But there it was. “Do they stop?” she asks.

[Phoenyx]

Am I ok? Phoenyx spreads her arms, gesturing to herself. "As okay as I look." It's not said harshly, but tiredly. "It hurts. Like an ache that never goes away. I tried to make it work, to talk to him. I even asked for help. But he changed. And lied about it. He lied about what he wanted, and wanting me." Suddenly the words are tumbling out. "No-one else knows how hard this all was for me to understand! It was so hard to realise that I liked him and figure out what to do and then Alastor left and Kaze left the Arrows anyway after I told him it was dumb and we tried to make it work and then he hid what he wanted from our relationship and it tore my fucking heart out and... and...." Phoenyx screws up her eyes and looks down, fighting bad tears. There are a few uneven breaths, and slowly she looks back up with dark, damp eyes. "It's done. I... I don't want to talk about it. I just want to stop feeling this way. Stop feeling altogether. Until then I just have to live with it," her voice croaks.

She listens to the confession passively. "Why would we judge you? If you hadn't done what you did, they would have killed all of us. You, me and Alastor. Dead. It is that simple." It was blunt, even for the Arrow's usual demeanour - an unwavering surety that the Seers would have killed them. Phoenyx's ragged edges were clearly still there. "Without you I would be dead on the floor of that Sanctum. It is the act that made me trust you." She looks at Aurora carefully. "I would not know. I never heard any screams. Those I have killed were trying to kill me in turn. If I let them act, they would end my life. I will not feel guilt for acting that I would continue to exist." There's a second's pause. "And neither should you."

[Aurora]

She wanted to tell the Arrow she understood, but she didn’t. Pain from a breakup isn’t a pain she knew. And she wasn’t about to bullshit about it. “If I could take away any of that pain, I would. And I’m sorry he changed.” And the words kept coming. Learning Alastor left, then Kaze leaving the Arrows?! Not something she would have seen coming. “If he hid what he wanted from you, then this is on him, and not on you. It doesn’t diminish the pain, but it sounds like he brought on the end to the relationship, and nothing you could have done would have changed that.” Then an about face, she doesn’t want to talk about. Ok. “Then we won’t talk about it.” If Phoenyx wanted to talk more, she would. If not? Aurora was not the one to push it.

A single shoulder shrugged, “I honestly don’t know. It was this thought that kept replaying over and over in my head. And at some point, you start believing it.” Overthinking, it was a thing. “But it’s not that simple.” Blue eyes look to the Arrow, “Not for me. I don’t know why I did that. I wasn’t thinking clearly. It was this rage in me at what the Seer’s had done not only to me, but Sacramento. How can I wield this ability without thinking clearly?” she killed three people in the blink of an eye. She then blinks, “Doing that made you trust me? Inflicting such a painful death on three people made you trust me?” there was disbelief on her face.

Her eyes look down again, “I heard them. I still hear them, awake or trying to sleep, I hear them.” And who knows how long she would. “I’m torn. I know they were Seer’s and it would have been us or them. And I would not allow my friends to parish if I can help it. But, it’s hard, I’ve never been put in that situation before. And how easy it was to do, without a second thought.” A small tremble in her voice, “It was terrifying.”

[Phoenyx]

"I didn't want it to end... I..." Loved him? She couldn't bring herself to say it any more, though apparently she wasn't done talking. The Obrimos wraps her arms back around herself. "Everything else I did by will just works. But I couldn't make this work." She finally sits, toying idly with a pencil.

Dark eyes glance up. "With Will. With discipline," she says simply, then frowns. "Not that. You saved my life against the Golems. I would have died if you hadn't been watching over me." Obviously. "People who fight together have to trust each other to have their back. I trust you for that. Just... I didn't like it when you left. I... missed... you." The stiff monotone of Phoenyx admitting feelings and the awkward look away. It was that or ambush sex. Telling people you liked them was hard.

Phoenyx finally looks up. "Yes, it is," she says bluntly. We follow Wisdom, or seek to. Just because we can do things does not always mean we should. Some believe that fosters the lie, but I think it helps protect us." She stands and begins opening cupboards for tea. A look is offered across the table, followed by a nod. "Most are not ready. Some never are ready. I had trained for this. You had not." Hot water is added to the pot and finely decorated cups are placed on the table. "We use discipline to keep calm. To focus. To control how we direct our power. I could... show you, if you like." The offer is a little reluctant, but there.