Heartaches by the Number

Aug 19th, 2019 04:36 PM

True to his word, Shodan makes a point of leaving his sanctum even more rarely than usual - just in case Kaze decides to drop by. And just like he promised, there's a bottle of strong (and expensive) alcohol at the ready, frozen to the point of burning your fingers with frost. The Arrow's message sounded like he had more than a casual visit in mind, and that called for special measures.

It's a quiet evening, but that doesn't mean Shodan is idle. With thoughts racing around his brain (like "What's really up?" and "What kind of desperate are you to turn to me for life advice?"), he elects to occupy his hands and mind with work. When he appears, Kaze will find the front door unlocked and the ones nearby, leading to the sanctum's workspace, slightly ajar with light in the room.

Inside, the Libertine gutted an arcade game machine, trying to get it to work. And he does. Kind of.

"I AM SINISTAR!" The synthetic voice roars as the Talon enters the Temple's premises "RUN! RUN! RUN!"

**Kaze** · Aug 19th, 2019 05:41 PM

Kaze enters quietly, moving smoothly without any obvious attempt at stealth.

”Hey. Thanks for seeing me. I moved out, and I am getting a hotel room from here.” he says in an apparent non-sequitar.

”Can I put these in a refrigerator?” he asks, holding up a box with 24 cans of cherry coke sodas.

Kaze sits down. “So. Sorry to be mysterious. I’m just a little self conscious about any kind of electronic communication for security.” he says, “I will cut to the chase. I resigned from the Adamantine Arrow today. It’s been a long time coming, not anything I have against the Order, just accepting that it’s really never been the right fit for me.”

He pauses and then says, “Phoenyx is pretty upset, understandably. We’re ‘on a break ‘.” he smiles ruefully. “I don’t think we really ever went public about being a couple, so that’s not really the main thing I wanted to tell you. I mean, I’m not looking to complain about anything or anyone. I just...honestly I felt like I needed to let someone know officially, and it’s basically you or Winter. I’ll let Phoenyx tell Winter if she wants to.”

Aug 19th, 2019 06:42 PM

Wait, what?

It's almost too much to handle. It's one thing that Kaze info dumps him like that, but to be honest the Libertine struggles to remember the young Arrow being this talkative about... anything, really. On autopilot, he leads the man to what passes for a living room - but is nothing more than a small space with a dining table, some chairs and basic appliances. After most Think Tank members moved on, there's little need to maintain the sanctum in any glamorous state.

"Sure" He answers absent-mindedly, still stupefied. A moment passes after Kaze puts the cokes in the refridgerator "Actually, forget it" He takes them out, a bit to the side so as not to catch the seating area in the radius, and a couple High Speech formulas later the soft drinks are nice and cold. Soon, the table is populated with leftover pizza slices, two glasses, cherry coke and a fancy bottle. Shodan fixes himself a drink.

3 successes

"Okay, repeat that for me, but slowly" says the Libertine, trying to stay composed in the face of this news "I mean, I kind of suspected you and Phoenyx are a thing. You left a nice trail of breadcrumbs" He smiles "But what I would have never, ever seen coming is you leaving the Arrows. I mean, you are practically an Arrow poster child, my man!" A head is shaken "You're dutiful, buffed as fuck, you seem big on protecting people... even what you told me about your background matches this image of a Talon I have in my head!" Seriously, what the hell!?

"I have two questions: first, what brought this change? And second: do you know where you go from here?"

Shodan tries to imagine Phoenyx right now. She's barely become the boss and now everyone she cares about is gone. Her cabal is, presumably, also nonexistent. For someone who self-identifies mostly in relation to a group, the end of that group must be hell.

"Oh, and by the way: you can crash here, if you want. Plenty of vacant rooms for the taking" A hand grips the glass, ready to direct it to the mouth. He'll probably need that drink soon.

**Kaze** · Aug 19th, 2019 07:42 PM

Kaze sighs, and gratefully accepts a chilled coke. "Man. I really don't want to say it again slowly, but yeah, sure. First off, it's not really a change for me. I know, I get it that I fit the visual. The thing is, I'm not a soldier. I never have been. I like to move, athletically, and stay in shape. I do care about people and want to help, protect if it comes to that but just generally help, you know? I don't really have the killer edge, or maybe I could and have, but don't want it." he says. "And yeah, I don't need to be the leader. I don't think I know better than everyone else, like that being a follower is some kind of waste of my potential."

Kaze pauses to sip his cherry coke and contemplate. "I guess, you know that whole certainty thing, that commitment, the belief that the ends justifies the means because the Cause is totally worth it? I know it's weird coming from an Obrimos, but that's just not me. Never has been. I just really hate to disappoint people. That's basically what's carried me the last eight years or so."

He sighs again and says, "I've been keeping my mouth shut trying not to do or say anything that would ruin the image, and now...I'm just finally ready to start being me, and figuring out what that is and stop putting all my effort into being the person that people think I'm supposed to be. Or that I thought I was supposed to be. I really didn't want to let Phoenyx down most of all, but I couldn't keep up what felt like an act, even for her. I do hope that she comes around and forgives me eventually, gets to know me for real."

Kaze smiles, "Hey, you better be careful. I appreciate the offer, and I admit, I don't really feel like living alone, but I gotta warn you, if you offered two more times, I'd l take you up on it. I got a truck full of healthy house plants and workout equipment, mats and stuff. I don't know if you could handle that in here." he looks around speculatively. "For one thing, there would definitely be open windows with fresh air and sunlight streaming in if I were staying with you." he chuckles. "And I am not looking for a new Order to join. I am planning on staying unaligned for the forseeable future."

Aug 20th, 2019 04:21 AM

"Wow" Shodan says simply to Kaze's revelations and leans back in his chair "You know, I kind of wanted to give you shit for abandoning Phoenyx like that and... well, probably ruining her self-esteem forever, but now I don't know anymore. Maybe there was just no putting it gently? Maybe you did the right thing by cutting it clean off?" It was typical for the Obrimoi to put themselves first, as Shodan knew all too well. But maybe this time it was justified?

"But riddle me this: what triggered it? I get that years of playing pretend can be taxing, but there must've been something that made you say 'fuck it, I'm done'" The straw that broke the camel's back, or so the saying goes.

"I won't be repeating myself twice, but the offer stands. Like I said, there's plenty of room for pretty much anything, I just sealed it off because no one is using it" Meaning he has entire colonies of spiders and other insects for flatmates, like some mage Dracula "I don't mind the sun. Or the air. First time we met outside the Circle was on a hiking trail, remember?" In retrospect, even then there were signs of the Arrows' mutual attraction. To think it's now on life support... "And I'm not trying to recruit you. Get that out of your head. Right. Now" The Obrimos shakes his head and downs a shot "Even if you wanted a shiny Libertine badge, I'd still say you need to take a break. First, because Phoenyx would rip my spine out if she thought I stole you from her" He winces at the thought "Second, because I'd need to know your heart is in it, and it's not just some knee-jerk reaction to being out in the cold" In reality, that last point should have sounded much more cynical. Something along the lines of 'I don't want you to walk out on me one day like you did on your previous boss'.

Around that time, Shodan's cat Gremlin walks by and disappears swiftly, paying no mind to the silly human duandaries discussed at the table.

**Kaze** · Aug 20th, 2019 07:16 AM

Kaze nods somberly. “My timing in relationships sucks. I have always been horrible at that.” he agrees. “Phoenyx is amazing, and strong. She’s come a long way with relating to people personally not just professionally. I think she’ll be okay, and this will actually help her in the long run, but no it’s totally on me. I just couldn’t do the Arrow thing anymore, and I didn’t want to quit on a mission or something.”

Kaze sighs, “My first mission, when I got here I was straight out of training, about a year ago. I was gung ho, on a surveillance invisible and heard something from the three people that I was watching. I believed I had to act and went after them with a sword. Two were mages and one was a shape shifter. I ended up not really hurting anyone too badly myself, but it unnecessarily escalated the situation, and two of them died. Winter did it, basically to clean up my mess. I ended up being right about them being seers, but it was only intuition on my part and premature, and it really drove home to me how much I valued life over the mission. In the mission though, I hadn’t thought about the consequences of my decisions on the targets as people. I hadn’t really thought of them as people at all. I realized I really didn’t want to go down that path. But then me and Phoenyx happened, and I fooled myself into thinking I could have both by being my own kind of Arrow, with my own philosophy. I was basically blinded by my attraction and admiration for her.”

Kaze sighs again. “I already had known that my heart wasn’t really in the philosophy, ‘Life is war...’ but that was when I realized how bad it could be, eventually would be if I kept on as an Arrow without being fully committed.”

Kaze ponders. “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind , Shodan? I have to be honest, I can afford a place of my own.”

He pauses to watch the cat in appreciation. “Nice. What’s the cat’s name?”

Kaze sips his coke again, still on his first. “I really don’t like being alone, and you...the way you question things without worrying about disagreeing; I think it’s a good balance for my tendency to want to agree and focus on commonality and consensus. I would like to stay with you, and could get comfortable enough that I wouldn’t be in a hurry to move out. If you’re up for it, how would it be if I moved in for a month, paid you a deposit of say, a thousand, plus rent for a thousand for the month, and we reassess after a month to honestly say if it is good and what adjustments are needed and consider ending it with me moving out is on the table with only good feelings and gratitude on my end if either of us says it needs to end at that point?”

Aug 20th, 2019 06:46 PM

"Help her?" He scoffs, then shrugs "I dunno, maybe. Like when a fire makes the forest stronger eventually?" He feels it's a metaphor Galatea would appreciate. Although it's weird she popped into his mind like that, uninvited and unannounced.

The Libertine listens to Kaze recounting his assignment. Shapeshifters. He's heard of them being in Sactown. Or has he? It's hard to tell anymore, with new threats every other week "I don't get it" He confesses "You haven't seen these people as... well, people. Fair. I assume detachment like that was part of your Arrow training. But you said yourself that Phoenyx has made progress in - let's call it empathy. That implies either that she doesn't understand the Arrow philosophy and hasn't yet realized it requires you to be a sociopath" All missions, targets, objectives. Terrifying as fuck "Or the Arrow philosophy doesn't make you a sociopath, but your master thought it should. And you internalized that. Meaning, now you are projecting personal experience on a millenia-old body of teaching" It sounds a lot like Shodan is trying to talk him out of leaving, but that's not really the case. The Prime Mover is simply trying to ensure an informed choice happens here.

"Gremlin" Shodan replies, eyeing the patch of darkness where his feline friend has gone "He's not magical or anything. I picked him up from a shelter... I guess because living with a creature that acts like it's your superior in everything is a good way to take a look on how other Paths see the Obrimoi sometimes" Independent and prideful, with a strong hint of cooler-than-thou? Yup, the Golden Key ladies and gentlemen.

"I don't want your money" He says flatly "This is not a hotel. You can stay here because you are a cool dude and you need a hand" Of course, if Phoenyx was here she'd be quick to remind him that the act is not entirely charitable - Arrow or no Arrow, Kaze was still a warrior, while Shodan... wasn't "As long as you buy your own food and look out for Gremlin sometimes when I need to run errands, you're good" The rise in upkeep cost of the sanctum would be negligibly low, anyway "Plus, I consider this a temporary thing. I'm sure you'll be back... wherever the Aegis was bunking in no time. After you win Phoenyx's heart back. Which is gonna hurt"

Wink wink.

"A lot. Until then, get your truck here and unpack. I'll give you the keys later"

**Kaze** · Aug 20th, 2019 09:19 PM

Kaze nods, "Fair enough, and that's exactly why I thought I decided to stay at first, that I just had to let go of the wrong perspective of the Arrows and align myself with the right perspective of the orders teaching, and everything would be fine. Only it wasn't, not for me. Obviously it isn't a binary where either it's right for everyone or wrong for everyone. I just realized that the fact that it was wrong for me was a bigger deal than the fact that acting on the fact would disappoint and hurt people that cared for me. That took me a while to accept." Kaze says.

He nods at Shodan's refusal of a formal, more long term living arrangement. "Okay. Sure. It's your place after all. Thank you, Shodan. I appreciate it. Either way, I won't plan on it being more than a few days to a week."

Kaze starts making trips to and from the pick up truck with a dissembled futon frame, a folded up memory foam mattress, a few boxes of books, some free weights, an exercise may, and seven potted 'Snakeplant' house plants.

Thank you for the scene! Good to close or continue?

Aug 21st, 2019 07:54 AM

"Whatever you say. If you're not an Arrow anymore, then you're not. I guess we'll see if Phoenyx saw you as something more than a cute soldier to have sex with" He deeded to say something cynical like that. All this 'heart on the sleeve' thing was making him uncomfortable.

"Stay as long as you need or want to" He shrugs. Honestly, he could use some casual human company, too "But I'm not done with you yet - there's still plenty of Anestasia in that bottle and neither of us is going to be sober after this"

Shodan watches with interest, as Kaze's life unfolds from the truck. Maybe he even lends a hand with some of the less heavy items. One can't help but wonder when - or in fact if - it'll ever go back to where it was.

I'll close the Scene now. Thank you, it was very fun!

Date		Action		Roll		Result
2019-08-19 18:14:54		Shodan rolls 9 to Control Heat (Gno 3 + Forces 4 + HS 2) (10 Again)		3, 10, 5, 2, 9, 8, 3, 1, 1, 5		3 successes

Heartaches by the Number

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