The Chris Farley Memorial Comedy Center: bright lights, vivid colors--the place could double as a day care sponsored by Crayola. Maybe that's their intention for the atmosphere, somewhere idyllic and carefree, conducive to laughter, where patrons can leave their worries at the door. Of course, no day care has bars stocked with colorful bottles of exotic booze, staff dressed as their favorite funny characters. The man who takes your ticket is fat, bald, and painted yellow. "Doh!" is your statement of admission. The one who takes your coat is done up in black and white--from the suit with gray overcoat to the grayscale of his make-up to the little black moustache beneath his nose. He seems incapable of speech as he ushers in.
You enter a dim-lit hallway with quotations painted on the wall: "Who's on first?"; "I live in a van down by the river!"; "Mama says alligators are ornery because they got all them tooth and no toothbrush,"; "Nuk, Nuk, nuk!"; the list goes on.
The hallway ends in a round reception room where the city's elite in fashion's finery order drinks from the central island-bar. There's the Comptroller with a woman who isn't his wife, staring up at a sports screen. There's the starting Quarterback for the Raiders smoking a cigar with the pitcher from the Dodgers. There's a mural on the wall that separates the reception area from the auditorium. It's titled, "The Many Deaths of Kenny." The South Park cartoon character is depicted as dead all across its massive surface in painful plethora: decapitated, electrocuted, hit by a bus, drowned, eaten by pirahana, lost in space, choking on pizza, and so forth.
The walkways on either side of the mural are roped off. A woman dressed as Jessica Rabbit--maybe she is Jessica Rabbit--asks for your seating ticket. She sees you staring, winks: "I'm just drawn this way." She directs you to your table.
As you take your seat, you see that your table is named for some comedian, that that comedian's face features on the table cloth in a black-and-white vignette: Micth Hedberg, Dave Chapelle, Tina Fey . . .
There's a program and donation envelope in front of you.
The waitress takes your drink order.
The lights dim . . .
Abigene Farlery appears on stage, the little known cousin slash secret lover of Chris Farley--the resemblance is uncanny.
She calls for silence, and then applause, and then silence again. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen . . . and lawyers . . . and politicians. Is that you, Senator? The Sexaholic Supermodel Club meets here next week." Laughter. "We've got a great line up for you this evening: some familiar faces, some up-and-comers, some premature ejaculators--all people who like to laugh, but not at AIDs or World Hunger . . . in public. If you're given to impulsive drinking decisions, we say have a round on us, and then break out your checkbook. Bottoms up, there are sober children in India!" She warms the crowd up, tastefully poking fun at frequent givers before reading off a roster of the pre-registered competitors. "Please note the nearest exit. In the event of an emergency, run screaming, trample your enemies, and cop a feel if you can." She cedes the stage to the sound of uproarious applause.
A spotlit podium awaits the competitors. As per the program, they're to introduce themselves and their chosen charity, warm up a bit if they like.
Characters may attend even if they're not competing--to cheer, mingle, or show their support. Rules: Single elimination. Separate threads will be created for each competing pair. Roll initiative in your introduction to see who gets first insult. (WITS + COMP + Init) Each thread goes ten posts, five for each insulter. The winner is decided by the number of likes across all their posts in that thread one day after the last post. If a player fails to post on their turn for 48 hrs, they are disqualified. I will start threads for pairs every few entrants. Have fun! PM me with questions or suggestions. I'll be donating my personal experience if you win.
West @Star @Cayce Josepine @Whisper @Allison Black @Ermac @ErlangShen
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