Movies

[West]

The Accountant

Little under-the-radar movie I finally got around to watching. It's an interesting twist on the typical action thriller.

The premise is that Affleck is an Asperger's / math savant, who also grew up with with a hard-ass military dad who taught him self defense, etc as both a way to defend himself as well as occupy his OCD. The result is a math genius who is a criminal accounting troubleshooter with 007 training. Throw in Anna Kendrick as the cute 'n plucky sidekick / Reason To Get Involved Instead Of Just Running Away.

It's entertaining... and you can see glimpses of real promise in the movie. There are backstories galore that weave the movie together and it would probably make a goodt book... but as a movie, some things feel underdeveloped and some things are obvious because of time constraints (Chekov's Gun). The major 'twist' isn't nearly as fun as the final minor one, mostly because you see the former coming a mile away but have half forgotten about the latter when it arrives.

It's worth watching. There's some really fun stuff -- if you've got a home theater / speaker setup, you'll looooooove the BOOOOOOOOM of a Barret 82 going off... and then wince when he picks said rifle up and walks around with it shouldered and shooting. John Berenthal and JK Simmons have fun contributions and Kendrick is... well... Kendrick.

Not a must see, but if there's nothing else going on, it's worth seeing. Not sure the last time I've seen a movie so jam-packed with backstories for (almost) everyone.

[Origins]

B-movies! Good for a laugh, varying quality, and you can play a game with them! The game in question? Spot "younger version of Famous Actor X" in a minor role. CHUD had the likes of Daniel Stern and John Goodman in it. They gotta start somewhere.

It wasn't a stellar movie but it was amusing to watch for me at least. The sequel was...not so good. Plus it gets referenced constantly, like in the Simpsons and Archer. Might be good to know what the jokes are about.

[West]

A Thousand Kisses Deep

Eeesh. In my defense, I'm a sucker for time travel movies. This plays out a lot like Predestination / All You Zombies, where time travel slowly unfolds this absolutely dysfunctional story.

It starts out with a woman seeing an old woman commit suicide by jumping from her apartment. But Old Lady has a photo that belongs to Young Woman and we learn a few things. The first is that the Old Lady is the Young Woman. The second is there's a magical elevator that goes forward (up) and backwards (down) in time. The third is that there's a incredibly blase building maintenance man that'll let you into other people's apartments and give you rides on his magical elevator if you bribe him (or maybe are an attractive brunette). Lastly, we learn that none of this shit will be explained, at all. Just roll with it.

And so the story unfolds. Young Lady is recovering from an abusive relationship with a man who turns out to be her father/mother's former lover. (That's totally the short version). Dougray Scott turns in an absolutely wretched performance that's on par with every Dougray Scott performance as the irresistible cocksman.

This movie has only one redeeming quality. It's the same redeeming quality of any piece of shit Dougray Scott is in:

This guy was almost Wolverine.

True story. Mission Impossible filming ran over so he dropped the X-Men (he already had the part) and the part of Wolverine got bounced to Hugh Jackman. And so it serves a reminder of just how lucky we were. Shudder to think.

The House of M(arvel) would never have been built.

[West]

The Circle

The movie tempts you with the idea that it's going to be an exploration of themes like digital privacy, assimilation into online communities, and the agendas of corporate behemoths like Apple or Google.

The truth is, unless Emma Watson is your celeb crush* and you want to watch her cutely furrow her eyebrows for two hours, it's a waste of time.

It's a mixture of contrived, wooden, and confusing as much as it is a mixture of Disclosure, The Truman Show, and The Internship. The deus ex is the premise that Emma Watson randomly approaches solitary guys at parties just to say 'hi' who are secretly disgruntled co-founders of the company with unlimited access. Pretty much every other character relationship is as stilted and believable as that.

At times it's unbearably stupid, and constantly sending mixed messages as it meanders about trying to convince you that it's a piece about social commentary/conscience. Tom Hanks is great, though. As usual.

Avoid.

* Totally not judging. I've sat through terrible movies for my celeb crushes.

[West]

The Mummy

I heard an offhand reference to his movie as 'unintentionally funny' and didn't understand it.

...Now I do.

It took me a while to wonder how long it had been since I saw an A-list big production movie fail so hard. I eventually came up with Batman and Robin, the Schumacher disaster with ice skating and Bat Nipples. So, it's that bad.

The unintentionally funny part is that most of the attempts at horror/scary are just comically bad and made all the worse by them being played as straight/legit.
- There's a time-shift used on zombies... maybe to make them skip around like being supernaturally fast or creepy? But it ends up looking like... Claymation.
- The pan to character, pan away, pan back and there's suddenly something behind them is used constantly, and never to good effect.

There's this bizarre ongoing sequence of Ahmanet crooning 'come to me, submit' to Tom Cruise constantly that starts to feel like some bizarre sad Fifty Shades of Bad BDSM. Cruise of course spends the movie trying not to get stabbed by The Dagger(tm) before finally stabbing himself.

This was supposed to be the tentpole for the Dark Universe franchise and it's soooooo bad.

[Yumyumcrow]

It was okay...

For an action movie. But a horror it was not.

[Cayce]

The Void

So, unlike all the rest of you fancy people, I can't share an image cause of my phone, but I just saw this on netflix and was like:

Whaaaaaat...

This movie is cray-zay!

It's a pretty solid mix of Lovecraft and The Thing...though it's not really as subtle as either one. Still, it's a great way to get some inspiration for WoD.

Dem spirits, y'all!

[Cayce]

So! Fun fact: Charlize Theron lost two teeth for this movie. Not during filming, but during the training for the filming. And, honestly, I think that's a pretty good indicator for how hardcore this film is. Because, while it doesn't necessarily do anything new, it does what it does very, very well, and in a way that really shows the brutality of the Cold War. There are some awesome, very memorable fight scenes, some awesome monologues, some espionage, etc.

Much, much better than the trailers made the film out to be. Really, it was terrible marketing, in my opinion. I originally just wanted to see the film because it had Theron, who is awesome, and I was not disappointed. McAvoy had another stellar performance, Sofia Boutella had a speaking role for once, and did a great job, and Theron was good, though her performance was a lot more subdued due to her character.

All in all, I tremendously recommend it for anyone that enjoys action movies or spy movies.

P.S.
If you see it in theatres, don't lose your ticket. Regal are ticket nazis.

[Orianna]

IT

So I don't usually write my review in here...partly because I suck at putting my thoughts into words, and mostly because I mostly watch horror movies.

That being said, I just got home from seeing the new "IT" movie. And I have to say...it was phenomenal! Usually remakes suck...it's just how it goes. But they raised the bar with this. Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise blew my mind. He not only brought the childlike tendency's to the character, but the trick you see with his eye in the preview? Yeah, that's all Bill. He has a condition with his eye that allows him to do that! That aside, I believe he gave us the Pennywise from the book. Now, no one can beat Tim Curry, but trust me when I say his performance is outstanding!

So it doesn't follow the book exactly. Some things have been changed in the story, but that's to be expected. And if you've read the book, you'll know what I'm talking about.

But all in all...amazing remake. The kids were spot on in their acting, the fear seemed and felt real. And Bill Skarsgård will make you a little nervous about clowns. Now this is only chapter one...there will be a second movie. So if you see it and are all like...but they didn't to x y and z...just be patient...there is more

You will not be disappointed when you see this movie! Edge of you seat with some comedy mixed in.

[Benji]